Annoyed that my sister named her baby after my father

[Maxinemumof2]

Hello everyone. I have already posted on reddit and people were in majority saying that I was an assh*le. So I thought my not ask mothers/future mothers or fathers what they think rather than a bunch of adolescents.

I am pregnant, due July the 14 with a little girl that I was planning on naming him after my father. My sister was also pregnant and gave birth on the 4th of April to a gorgeous girl she named after my father ( Think Daniel/Danielle , Alexander/Alexandra). I am happy for her but I am so annoyed.

He is not her father, but mine. Our mum met my dad when my sister was 2 , they got married and had me 8 years later.
She has a father, he didn't abandon her. She is in good terms with her and our mother and even goes play golf with my father.

So why name your baby after my father? It is his first grandchild. I wanted it to be special for him.

Should I say something or just move on?

Op I understand your frustration, I wouldn’t say you have to grow up or that you’re immature for thinking that way. I think I’d possibly be the same if my sister did have a good relationship with her dad but chose to honour my dad, I get no one owns a name but I also couldn’t pick the same name ! I think you e been given a hard time on this thread, could you even use the name as a middle name ?

Are you happy to say what your father’s name is? Could there be more than one feminine form

eg Charles - Charlotte - Carla

Francis - Frances-Francesca (Cesca)-François’s

Oliver - Olivia - Livvy

Alexander - Alexandra- Alexa - Lexi-Sandy

Or a name with a similar meaning, but without obvious derivation

e.g. David means Beloved. So does Amy and Cara

Alexander means warrior/defender - Eloise/Louisa means famous warrior

Edward means wealth/prosperity. Names such as Ottilie, Gretchen, Edith, Florence have similar themes.

I actually think that that might be a nicer way to pay tribute to your Dad - to have thoughtfully considered the meaning of his name, whilst at the same time giving your daughter lots of space to ‘own’ her name and identity.

Then ignore her. If you want to honour him by naming his first grandchild after him then do so.

I absolutely agree with Reddit

Yes so she has TWO fathers. Her bio dad doesn't erase her step dad.

I don’t doubt he was, but that doesn’t make being snubbed for a step parent any less hurtful when the bio parent did their best and shared custody.

OP posted her dad apologized to bio dad for the child being named after him, so I think the snub is obvious to everyone.

I think it’s off that she never told you she was using your dad and her step-dads name. She must have realised it was a name worth mentioning to her pregnant sister?! Even if she sat down and had a conversation with you to express why she wanted to name her child this.

I also think it’s actually really weird that she would name her children after both parents. That seems really odd. I’m whine if everyone did that? It just doesn’t make sense.

There are loads of harsh comments on here OP but I think you have a right to be annoyed.

Just use it as a middle name, he won’t know.

Was your father close to his mother? If so, name the baby after her & he will love it.

She has one father. Her stepfather is not a parent in any legal sense, doesn’t consider her to be his daughter, and doesn’t consider her daughter to be his grandchild.

I'm the same as your sister - my mum moved in with my stepdad when I was 2, my bio dad has always been around too. My mum and stepdad went on to have my 2 'half' brothers.

Id be really upset if they spoke about me how you're speaking about your DSis. I've never felt 'different' to my siblings; my stepdad has always treat me as his own - in fact, I probably get on with him better than he does with my 'half' siblings, and I have a better relationship with him than I do with my bio dad.

My kids were my parents first DGC - had I named one of them after my DSF and my brothers said 'he's not your dad though!' I'd be really devastated. It doesn't even enter my mind that we're not 'blood' related - he's in every way a dad and has brought me up. I'd be upset but also really pissed off that they felt they had any say in how I should see my DSF - I didn't choose to have him as my stepdad, but he chose to have me as his stepdaughter - nobody else gets to define the relationship I have with him.

Your sisters relationship with her 'step'dad has nothing to do with you!

Her father is a very nice man, paid for her entire wedding. They went on fancy holidays in South America, I remember looking at the pictures she was showing me and feeling a little envious.

My own father was caught off guard when he learnt the news. Nobody was expecting it.

The fact of the matter is people are allowed to be upset the other way around, as well.

They could as easily say it upsets them to hear their parents talk about their stepchild in the same way they talk about them, especially when they didn't live with them full time and haven't raised them as their own.

There are lots of different potential feelings for different people in the situation and they're all worthy of consideration.

I’m imagining your mum and dad to be called Claire and Paul and she’s got these two poor kids called Claire and Paula. 🤣 What a nutter!🤣

I think you can take comfort in the fact that everyone who knows the family will find it rather odd/amusing! I can see why you’re upset, actually - and usually I’m very much of the “no one owns a name” perspective. Given you are pregnant (and her child has your mum’s name), it would’ve been nice of her to mention it to you at least.

I do agree with a pp about it being nice for children to have their “own” name. I wanted to call DD after my aunt; my DH didn’t (on the grounds that her name should be “hers”), so we compromised on the middle name. And, with the benefit of hindsight, I’m glad - he was right. My aunt was thrilled with the middle name - and we found something that worked better with our surname and was undoubtedly my DD’s.

Various options, though - if we’re calling your dad Alexander:

• Use a different variant- Alexia, Alexis, Lexie, Sasha…
• Use it, but use the middle name day to day (eg Alexandra Rose, known as Rose)
• Use it as a middle name

…… or constantly make the point that you firmly believe that children should have their own names and not be named after anyone else - and go for something completely different!

Is my father allowed to define his relationship with her or only my sister can define their relationship/her relationship with her?

*Her father is a very nice man, paid for her entire wedding. They went on fancy holidays in South America, I remember looking at the pictures she was showing me and feeling a little envious.

My own father was caught off guard when he learnt the news. Nobody was expecting it.*

Maybe she just likes the name?

My friend gave her son his grandads (IL) name but she wasn't naming him after his grandad - she just likes the name.

But the feelings of the stepchild aren’t the only ones that matter, or are worthy of acknowledgement. The biological children of the stepparent are also going to have theirs, and they don’t have to be the same as that of their half sibling.

They may very well be upset that they’re not considered ‘special’ to their actual parent. Is it a nice thing for people to consider when they have an idealized notion that blood doesn’t matter, and that blended families should operate in the same manner as nuclear ones? No, but that doesn’t change the reality of a situation, which can be significantly more complex than allowed for.

in this case OP’s father doesn’t consider her half sister to be his daughter, or her child his grandchild.

His name is Nicholas

Is my father allowed to define his relationship with her or only my sister can define their relationship/her relationship with her?

He made his choice when he became her stepdad!

This is sounding less about the name though OP and more about your relationship with you sister - meh, sulk all you want, it's her stepdad, her baby, her choice.

“There are loads of harsh comments on here OP but I think you have a right to be annoyed.”

I think the harsh comments stem from the first post saying “he’s not her father, he’s mine” and “this is his first grandchild” - biologically this is true but given how long he was in her life, it’s not too surprising that the bond is strong.

Had the post been more “I get their bond but I’m really sad about it” or whatever then responses would have been more sympathetic

His name is Nicholas

If she's gone Nicole, for example, you could use something like Holly. It resembles the middle of his name without being obvious or anything like your sisters baby name.

No, he made a choice to marry her mother. He became a stepfather because of that, but didn’t marry her mother because he wanted to be her father. It’s a title, it doesn’t in fact make him her parent in any legal sense.

Just wondering, why is it relevant that she has her own Dad and he was involved in her life? Why does this mean she can’t name her child after someone who clearly played a really important role to her? Maybe she doesn’t like her Dad’s name so much. Like others have said, it’s just a name, get over it.

If the woman's stepfather was George and the biological father was Brian, I can see how that decision to make the child George might come about.

(Sorry, Brians).

Hahahaha

Ok. So if tomorrow he stopped talking to her, what exactly would prevent him from doing that? Trying to understand the logic. She isn't 2 anymore, but is a grown woman.