Mum doesn’t like our new baby’s name and it has really upset me

[sillysausage999]

So baby is six days old and we are still in hospital because of complications for me. We didn’t tell anyone our shortlist of names before the birth and have been spending a few days with our little girl before we decided on one. Yesterday we told my mum our decision when she was visiting in hospital, and she looked disappointed. Today I called her after my operation to tell her it had gone well, and the conversation turned into this:
”so you’ve definitely chosen <name> have you?”
”yes”
”I have to say I was a bit surprised”
”right”
”I thought you would choose something more like Matilda”
”ok”
”you like <name> do you?”
”well yes, but you clearly don’t”
”it’s ok, but I really don’t love it”
She then proceeded to tell me the “horrible nickname” that she could be called at school, and that she didn’t think it had a nice shortened form for a baby. She also told me everyone in history/tv who’s ever had the name (she’s been frantically researching overnight and seems to think I’ve not done any myself). It’s a two syllable name in the top 100, so nothing weird! She also said she’d been looking in the baby name book on our coffee table (she has been round feeding the cats whilst we’ve been in hospital) and found our shortlist on a piece of paper inside - this is super annoying as I would never have shown it to her (or anyone really).
I am really upset because we spent ages choosing the name and this is our first baby. Clearly we wouldn’t have picked it if it wasn’t our favourite. I am worried that now whenever I use/hear our daughter’s name I will have these negative associations 😔 I am also annoyed that she thought it was an appropriate thing to say and I feel like it has ruined our relationship. Can anyone sympathise or give advice?

Ignore her OP and focus on your lovely baby and your recovery. Which is what your mum should be doing!

My mum hated my nephews name .... called him Daniel for the first six months of his life as she preferred it! 🙄

Congratulations!
My mum did exactly the same with our DDs name but we made the mistake of telling her before she was born.
She told us that she hated it etc but would learn to like it for our sake. We went with the name anyway and now she claims to love the name and says it suits DD. We’ve had so many compliments on her name from other people and we still love it.
Just ignore her, it’s not her choice.

If I were in your shoes, I would be equally upset.
You had complications and instead of happiness over your recovery, your mum doubts you.
I think it would be best to talk to your mum and explain her how you feel. Maybe she isn't aware of her actions? And yes, I would ask for apology.

really inappropriate especially since youve had complications is the most importnat thing that youre both healthy

I know lots of people don't like to share names until a baby has been born because they don't want to hear negative reactions, but in my mind, this is precisely why one should share a name!

What does it matter what other people think though? It's impossible to choose a name that everyone will like, so just choose something you like, besides OP said it is a perfectly normal name not something particularly unusual.

I can sympathise. We couldn’t decide between four names. The (very popular) name we first liked the best my MIL insisted on mis-pronouncing even after being (gently) corrected, on multiple occasions. So we scrapped that one and asked the midwife to choose; she picked the one she liked best and which she thought suited DD. Unlike the other three names we’d shortlisted it’s uncommon, we’ve yet to meet another - though my parents’ elderly neighbours knew a lady with the same name and got quite nostalgic about it - but it’s also simple to say and not ‘made-up.’ MIL’s reaction was virtually identical to what your DM said, ‘ohhhh….do you like that do you? Does DH like it? Oh… I don’t know…I suppose she can always go by her middle name.’ 😬

Some people need their filters checked!! MIL got used to it very quickly and retracted her comments 🤣Hopefully your DM will grow to love the name, as it becomes synonymous with her granddaughter rather than some random celebrity, but if she doesn’t, well, tough! You’re probably not in the most robust headspace for dealing with upset six days PP with everything else that’s going on but don’t take it to heart. Congratulations on your baby - and her name!

I accidentally let slip my DS(4) name when pregnant (dh and I chose at about 6 month and I managed right till about 8 months not to slip up!). She didn't like it at first. It's a name that's never been in the top 100 in the UK and though unusual is recognisably a name. However she has since said about how, though she wasn't sure at first, she can now see it suits him perfectly and she does like it.

Hopefully your dm will come to associate your DD name with her not the other people she has highlighted and that will change her mind. And if not, tough luck for her really. I think she was quite mean in the way she's said it but unless she has form assume she was ignorant as to how she came across.

Congratulations op

I think this is such a bizarre reaction from your mum. Really, what's it to her what the baby is called. She should just be thrilled to have a new baby in the family.

If she raised it again I would be telling her that she's upset you at what should be a happy time and you won't discuss it again. Stamp it out before she does this with every decision you make about your baby.

She s out of order my db and sil invented a name for their son and it means little flower. Still we all kept our opinion for ourselves

My ds2 has a name which is a lot more common now (just outside top 100) the year I had him there were only 14..
I deliberately only told my best friend what I had chosen as my sister was persuaded to change her choice of name for her daughter.
I was in the delivery room being stitched up after my having ds2 when I rang my mum... I told her I'd had a boy and she said lovely what was his name?.. I told her and the phone went absolutely silent... I kept saying "Mum.... Mum..?" I told DH I thought we'd been cut off... I then heard some stammering and Mum then said she'd have to get used to the name.. I swiftly replied that yes she would... Never any more discussion about it since!!

Ignore her. Her opinion is irrelevant.

Congratulations on ya baba. Ignore ya mam. Hope you're okay soon x

People weren’t happy with what I named my ds because I have a cousin I never see with the same name.

My dh picked the name. It was one he really liked and wanted. I was happy to use it.

When he was first born, and people I knew saw me and asked for his name and I said xxx, they would say “xxx? But what about other xxx”.

They gave up on the end.

My ds is nearly 8 and guess what? He’s never met my cousin I haven’t seen him in 20 years

My mum used to tell me the story of her best friend - they were pregnant at the same time in the mid 70s and both gave birth to baby girls.

When my mum's friend told her mother the name chosen, her mother told her it was an awful, really old fashioned, horrible old lady name and she would NEVER get used to it. The name she picked was Emma 😁

I found it hard to pick a name for my daughter because I had bad associations with girls I'd known who'd had that name or it just had bad associations for me. My husband was the same about boys names. It's a shame people feel they have to be so secretive about baby names - it would have been much more useful if your mum had had a chance to say, 'oh please don't choose that one - I was called that at school by a really nasty bully and I can't bear it. It just brings back horrible memories.' How much easier then to take your mum's feelings in to account. I don't feel either of you are wrong, to be honest. I can understand your mum's pov and I can understand you being set on a name that you like. Maybe give your mum a chance to create new memories with the name or let her find a happy wee nickname she can call the child. It's just a name in the end. Your daughter might not even like it and want to call herself by her middle name or something. Good to give a kid a choice.

DH family hated the name for our eldest ds, FIL said that it was too effeminate and not manly enough ( what the actual fuck?@). I shut that down really quickly. I'm certain that they hate younger DD's name too. I couldn't give a shit. What I will say is that once you start using their name, and as you get to know each other you'll be amazed by how right for them it will start to be xx

😂😂 this!!!

Congratulations on your baby girl, OP. I hope you're recovering well after what sounds like a bit of a difficult time! X

I wish people had done not been supportive with my name, apparently my aunties thought it was weird at the time but never said anything. I git teased so much, I've accepted it now but still wish I had been called something else

Not just me then. My parents gave me a ridiculous first name then proceeded always to call me by my middle name. It’s taken 60 years for my first name to come back into fashion. My school days were a fucking nightmare.

@sillysausage999 I don't get why if this name is in the top 100 (& thereby quite common) that you're unwilling to share it!? Your daughter clearly is far from the only one with the name

How can we comment if we don't know the name !

well lots of other people seem to have managed

Congratulations on your lovely baby! And also: fuck her! The first few weeks after birth are hard enough without people who should know better (she's a mum herself) saying things that will be emotionally tricky for you to hear.
You get to be the big grown up here though. First of all remember this is NOT her decision. You and your DP have decided and it's your baby. Do not be put off, I'm certain it's a lovely name. If it's too 100 it's not even that weird!
Second, contact her tomorrow (maybe by text) and say you realise it's obviously surprised her a little but you've made your decision witb your DP and you're both happy with it and you don't want to discuss it again.
If she brings it up again directly ask her why she's actively trying to upset her own daughter when she's postnatal and vulnerable (and tell her to go and get some professional help for that().
You and your lovely baby will be home very soon! Pretty soon nobody will be able to imagine them ever being called anythingt else

I have disliked two of my five dgc names, loathed one, loved one and been ok with the fifth. Now i can't imagine any of them named anything but their names and am totally not bothered what the next one will get as I'll love it in the end. Oh and I've said how lovely every time. Unless you're calling a little girl Myra or a little boy Adolf smile and carry on.

when my DD told us the name of her first child, I was ever so surprised, and thought they go for something completely different. It took me ages to get used to it. BUT I never said a word about my feelings to her, only that I absolutely loved her name! Grandchild is 2 now and I’ve grown to live the name because I love my granddaughter.

Your mum should have kept her feelings to herself, she really is being unsupportive. Ignore her and keep your baby name.