Mum doesn’t like our new baby’s name and it has really upset me

[sillysausage999]

So baby is six days old and we are still in hospital because of complications for me. We didn’t tell anyone our shortlist of names before the birth and have been spending a few days with our little girl before we decided on one. Yesterday we told my mum our decision when she was visiting in hospital, and she looked disappointed. Today I called her after my operation to tell her it had gone well, and the conversation turned into this:
”so you’ve definitely chosen <name> have you?”
”yes”
”I have to say I was a bit surprised”
”right”
”I thought you would choose something more like Matilda”
”ok”
”you like <name> do you?”
”well yes, but you clearly don’t”
”it’s ok, but I really don’t love it”
She then proceeded to tell me the “horrible nickname” that she could be called at school, and that she didn’t think it had a nice shortened form for a baby. She also told me everyone in history/tv who’s ever had the name (she’s been frantically researching overnight and seems to think I’ve not done any myself). It’s a two syllable name in the top 100, so nothing weird! She also said she’d been looking in the baby name book on our coffee table (she has been round feeding the cats whilst we’ve been in hospital) and found our shortlist on a piece of paper inside - this is super annoying as I would never have shown it to her (or anyone really).
I am really upset because we spent ages choosing the name and this is our first baby. Clearly we wouldn’t have picked it if it wasn’t our favourite. I am worried that now whenever I use/hear our daughter’s name I will have these negative associations 😔 I am also annoyed that she thought it was an appropriate thing to say and I feel like it has ruined our relationship. Can anyone sympathise or give advice?

she got to chose yours you get to chose your baby's and presumably she will get to chose your grandchild.

Awful behaviour. When Dh rang to tell my parents their first grandchild had been born they misheard the name and basically thought we had called her a slightly rough (sorry) boys name. They still arrived full of praise at how lovely this name was (albeit a total lie) but we’re pleased when they realised it was a miscommunication! That’s how nice people behave.

I completely agree that the name is irrelevant. What matters is that you've thought about the name and chosen one you like. Best wishes for a speedy recovery, SillySausage999 and congratulations on the birth of your baby.

Congratulations 💐When my daughter first told me her baby’s name I wasn’t massively keen but I certainly didn’t tell her that …I fell in love with the baby and absolutely adore her name .Cannot imagine her having any other name .X

Ha! Really and truly, ignore her. Her feelings will pass and this will become a funny family story. And don't worry - it hasn't ruined your relationship with her, it might just prompt some redefining of personal boundaries (e.g. the 'finding' of your shortlist).

I have personal experience of this. My Mum LOATHED the name we game to baby number 4 and refused to call him by any of his (three) given names. His first name is a little unusual, but not wildly so. His two middle names are utterly standard (Edward and Allan). She threw her toys out of her pram and called him Max for the first few months of his life, but she quickly got bored of that - mainly cos no-one else responded to her. It must be said that it probably helped that we only see her once in blue moon so she isn't really hugely in our lives. Any-hoo.... it didn't and doesn't matter. He's OUR son, we love his name - He's an adult now and he LOVES his name (it is pretty cool).

Trust your instincts and go with your heart, this is YOUR little human to love, raise and yes, to name. I'll bet your chosen name it utterly lovely. Stay strong and keep faith with yours and your partner's choice. 😘🤗💪

You're a lot more polite than me OP. My M was quite disparaging over DDs name. I told her that she got to choose mine and my siblings names and frankly, they are terrible.

Congratulations on your new LO and hope you recover quickly

Goodness, I would have told your dm to stay away. So rude.

My mil never said she didn’t like dd’s name but referred to her as ‘the little one’ for a few months. I could take that but my dp’s threatening to use her middle name instead enraged me and they got short shrift.

It’s so odd for a mother to be giving any thought to their GC’s name when their daughter has just had an operation.

Because my mum was notoriously difficult, we didn’t tell anyone our baby’s names until after they were born. My mum was underwhelmed with the choice of name for DD1. We named her after my paternal GM (mum’s MIL) so I guess that might have always been an issue. Our next pregnancy was B/G twins. Mum wasn’t overly interested in the girl (predictable - she was like that with my brother and I) and was obsessed with the boy. She kept announcing to all and sundry that she had had a dream that we had named him “Jamie” (yeuch with our last name!). We assured her that we had a name picked and it absolutely wasn’t that one. Next thing, she’s giving us an expensive set of blue bath towels and face washers, etc, with “Jamie” embroidered all over them. Sigh…. A few months later when I had had the babies and recovered from my haemorrhage, and he had been returned from the NICU, we rang to let my parents know that they were born and everyone was well. We told them their weights and names and the first response was “WHAT ABOUT THE TOWELS???”
I gave them to a charity shop, assuming some Jamie somewhere would be very grateful.

Very good post from @EyesOnThePies I agree with all this. Be direct and tell her to mind her own beeswax. You'll have to get used to standing up for your parental choices so might as well start now!

And since you said "It’s a two syllable name in the top 100, so nothing weird!"
in your OP, I reckon she needs to calm down!

can I ask why you regret it? is your mum still going on about it? or did society turn out to be as judgemental as she said it would be? or have you just gone off the name

Congratulations OP. And try not to let this cloud your love of the name. Names are very much to taste and also follow fashion trends. And I do find that older generations have different associations to names.
so where I think things like Audrey and Clara are fashionable and trendy my mum things they are old lady names. Where as someone in their teens might think Sue and David are old lady and man names…

For what it’s worth my mum absolutely hated my baby names and told me how much they’d be bullied in school etc. that might have been true for her generation but things are different now with a wider range of names. Anyway she’s got used to them now ☺️

That's very rude. My sister gave her son a name that could cause silliness in the playground. Along the lines of Mike Hunt, but not that.

I've never said a single word to her about it. I'm sure she knows. It's a beautiful name anyway and it's unique and suits him very well.

Congratulations on your baby x

Congratulations on your baby and I hope you're on the mend soon.
My mom said nearly same thing to me. I said it's my choice and I felt more adamant I wasn't changing it just to prove that it was my child and my choice. Otherwise where would it end?!

Yes, she has definitely got her priorities wrong here.

That's awful, what does she expect you to do, use your choice of name??? It's not her baby! I'm sure you've spent hours lovingly deliberating over the name so don't let her take that from you.

If your mother wants to name something, she can either get shot up with all the hormones in the land and give birth again herself, or she can buy a hamster.

Nothing to worry about OP (unless the name is Balonz).

When I told my Granny my DC1's name, she said "oh dear, poor thing".

I laughed.

I wouldn't worry about what anyone else in your family thinks, unless it's an obviously awful name (eg surname as first name type thing). But if it were genuinely awful, then your mum should just say so, not beat about the bush.

“Mum, this isn’t about you. You don’t have any say at all, I’m afraid. Why can’t you just be happy that she’s here and we’re all ok? I won’t be roaming about this further with you. Drop it.”

Roaming? Discussing.

She sounds like she has some boundary issues.

OK fine she looked at a baby name book on the coffee table - that's ok. To have happened upon the shortlist, well I'm sure a curious granny would have looked. But then to start yapping to you that she found it and read it and has thoughts to give on it is just too much. Especially as you are in hospital.

The majority of the top 100 are completely fine.

Well I wouldn't have chosen the name my mother named me; it's ok but I don't love it and it was very common at the time.
Point that out to her, it's personal taste. She named her baby and you get to name yours.

Your mum will get used to the name. My MIL is a teacher and we had almost all names commented on because she'd taught a naughty boy/girl with the same name! Best bet with parenting in general is to smile and do your own thing anyway.