DD hates her name and surname

[9thFloorNightmare]

She is 15 now.

The pregnancy was so good, the only issue was finding a name!
I could not choose. It was agony.

One day, just before her birth, I woke up from a lovely afternoon nap, the TV was on and 1st thing I heard / saw was an ad of a product with a human and - the image of a lovely young girl (I didn't know the baby's sex). Right at that time I decided if she was a girl she would have that name.

It is an international (could be pretty much from a lot of different countries and cultures) short, simple, easy to spell, sounds good (to my ears) name. In hindsight I could have choses a middle name, but I jus't couldn't ;(

She hates it. Hates her surname too which is a traditional surname in the UK.

Any one dealing with the same at home?

Is it unusual & she'd rather have something like "everyone else".

I've got a name that is "of it's time" & "dated".

Although it seemed unusual to me as I have only ever known 2 others with the same name & I felt that I "stood out".

That was what I hated the most!

Bodyform?

If it’s, as a pp suggested, like Maya Smith...

The OP said it was very like that.

Let her change it. She doesn't even have to change it to something similar.

The OP said it was very like that.

Yes - but she’s the one who chose it in the first place and is therefore unlikely to be objective about it! And we think we’re talking about some sort of product here. She might think Ariel (I’ve heard it a few times on French colleagues) is “similar to Maya”, but to any British person, it’s a brand of washing powder and that’s what her DD may hate about it.

This is the reason why parents need to consider the name they choose for their baby. There was a poster on another thread wanting to call her baby Halo Raye which sounded like a gaming character. Or the other poster who wanted to call her dd Fallon, they forget their babies grow up to be adults. They don't stay babies forever so the name needs to suit an adult as well.

I hated my name then and now. It's a really ugly name. I'm resigned to it but even in my mid 40s I'm partly convinced I would have had a better life if it had been different. I don't like seeing it written down and I hate introducing myself! Lots of ugly syllables. Ugh. Sigh.

This seems like a great strategy to me.

I'm undecided tbh.

I hated my name at 15 - both my first name and my surname. My first name was a bit weird (for the time, a bit more common now) and my surname was too basic and masculine sounding.

At 42 I still have the same name and have no bad feeling towards it at all. It's just a name.

If she hates it so much she can change it when she is an adult, which is just a few years away.

fwiw I like the strategy of agreeing to use a selected first name, unofficially for now. See how she finds it.

I totally changed my name as a teenager, although first names, not surname. What's the problem? Why not let her change it?

Surname is more difficult and requires Deed Poll, why not explain to her the surname is currently her family name and she can change that when she's older (by marriage or otherwise as she wishes). But you could support her changing her first name. Ask what she'd prefer, support her going through name lists (you can get whole books of names, or online) - she might want a middle name too.

If she wants to do it officially she can go to a solicitor who will draw up a Statutory Change of Name document, showing the original forename and the new one(s) and signatures. With an official document she can get all sorts of things changed, including the school register and legally ask to be called her new chosen names.

I still use the names I chose for myself in my teens, and I'm now 63 years old. Never regretted it.

It doesn’t matter what the name is. What matters are the daughter’s feelings about it and how to deal with them. Unpicking whether it’s normal teenage rebellion / a phase / a symptom of unhappiness at some or many aspects of herself / a lasting objection to a name that just doesn’t feel “her”. It could be Mary, Matylda-Maree or Moonlight…it doesn’t matter.

OP, I think the suggestion that she decides what she’d prefer to be called with a view to “test driving” it ahead of any legal change at 18 sounds the most sensible, and the most likely to establish whether she’s set on changing or going through a standard phase of rejecting anything her parents chose for her.

I’ve never gone for that ‘it’s just a name’ way of seeing it, although of course it can be very helpful in not caring what your name is. But if it’s ‘just’ a name then why not just call your child Bucket or Duchess Doolittle.

DD1 hated her surname, it was her dads name, my exH, who contributed nothing towards the wonderful young woman she grew up in to. So she changed it by deed poll to my maiden name when she turned 18. She did it legally as she didnt want that name on her degree certificates etc

DS, age 15 hates his first name, so for around a year he has been known by his middle name. No plans to change by deed poll at present. You can be known by any name you want day to day.

Once you get used to the idea it's no big deal. It's a big part of someone's identity and should be respected.

Zara is a lovely name.

I think we all go through this. I did - not hating my unusual surname as such other than racial bullying, but sick of my first name cos everyone just seemed to keep saying it, lol!

I think she just needs a year or so and she'll be over this.

Don't worry. If she still hates it at 18 she can change it via a deed poll.

I hated my name as a teenager. My first name is double barrelled and I didn't like my surname either, partly because I was teased for it by other kids and partly because I didn't get on with my parents.

Couldn't do much about my surname but I remember making all my friends call me by the 2nd half of my first name (think Anne, but not actually Anne) and as I got older that grew into Annie (but not Annie) for some people. A couple of my oldest friends call me Annie still as a nn.

I'm 30 now. I don't have any love for my name, my surname has changed because I got married and took my DH name. My first name is on every certificate and qualification I've ever achieved and that makes me proud. The association has changed because now I look at my name and it feels professional.

For now I'd suggest calling her by a nickname until she very likely grows out of it, or explore options for changing via deed poll.

I hated my name at that age. On reflection I didn't hate my name it was who that name represented because I was being bullied and I didn't want to be that person anymore. I'm fine with it now.

I hate my name. Too many associations with my abusive narc of a mother. I go by a diminutive/Nick name, which is much nicer; often gets suggested on hers

I always detested my surname growing up, I was bullied about it but I knew if I’d changed it my parents - especially my dad - would be really upset. So I ended up taking my husbands name when I got married, which is against my feminist principles but I liked his name and it was a good excuse to get rid of the millstone name I’d hated for so long without upsetting family.

conversely I liked my first name as a child, but I don’t now (in mid 40s). Now, I think it’s an old lady name 😂

Perhaps it just her age, call her by a nickname of her choice, and let her make a decision later when she’s 18. You might well find she is ok with her name by then.

Not Mia or Eva or Eve but something like that

I changed my name by deed poll when I was in my forties, and my father never forgave me (he was a very difficult man!). My original first name was wildly old-fashioned even before I was out of my teens (and is not one of those that has come back into fashion) and my surname sounded like a slang word for something very unpleasant, so caused sniggers and unpleasant remarks whenever it was mentioned.

Took me about five years to fully embrace my new name, but it's very much 'me' now.

@9thFloorNightmare

Don’t be pressured into revealing the name. It’s really not relevant in the context of this thread.

no;)

she’s been through many phases and her name suits all of them

she was such a tomboy when young and the name was a contrast because it is a very sweet, delicate name and I thiught it was very interesting and quirky that name and personality didn’t match as such

but now she is very girly and the name suits perfectly - in my opinion

Not sure why some people are responding to this thread as if OP picked some crazy name. She's explained that it's a perfectly normal name.

There was someone on here the other day whose daughter hated her name, Elizabeth, and was desperate to be called Emily, or possibly she hated her name Emily and was desperate to be called Elizabeth. You don't have to call your child an unusual name for them to want to change it. OP, in your shoes I'd just wait and see how thing play out. If she wants to try out a new name for now, ok. If she wants to change it at 18, fine. If it's just a phase and by 18 she's happy with her original name, also fine. I don't think it's anything to do with how you chose the name or anything to blame yourself for.