DD hates her name and surname

[9thFloorNightmare]

She is 15 now.

The pregnancy was so good, the only issue was finding a name!
I could not choose. It was agony.

One day, just before her birth, I woke up from a lovely afternoon nap, the TV was on and 1st thing I heard / saw was an ad of a product with a human and - the image of a lovely young girl (I didn't know the baby's sex). Right at that time I decided if she was a girl she would have that name.

It is an international (could be pretty much from a lot of different countries and cultures) short, simple, easy to spell, sounds good (to my ears) name. In hindsight I could have choses a middle name, but I jus't couldn't ;(

She hates it. Hates her surname too which is a traditional surname in the UK.

Any one dealing with the same at home?

I hated my name as a teen, my mum chose one you hardly ever heard in my home country (or here in the UK) and was easily mixed up with a different one if the writing wasn't clear.

I personally grew out of it, still get post with Mr. as people don't know the name and somehow it sounds more male.

DD (15) has a name, bit old fashion, perfectly normal but you don't hear it a lot, I think we only encountered one other girl since she is born.
Two years ago she decided she wanted to be called something else, first only in her friendship group. Then she asked us to call her with her new name and after a year also begged to get the school to change it.

We decided to do it, in school all her official paperwork is in her legal name, otherwise she is known differently. Only her grandparents and one club are unaware (her choice).

I don't own her, I can't make her like a name just because we liked it when she was born. We only asked her to wait a bit until changing it officially and explained about being serious and the consequences. At the moment she thinks of doing it before uni graduation.

Amusingly, the name she chose is even more old fashion in my opinion but a name doesn't define a person for me.

thanks

but funnily enough the name is not linked to my culture and even more rare in my home country

but anyone in any culture / language can pronounce the name easily - there is no way to make a mistake

Then let her pick a new (first) one to use.

She can legally change her name when she's 18, but you could make her feel better by not insisting on calling her by a name she detests.

My neice hated her flowery name. She changed it at 12, parents acknowledged that she hated the name, didn't relate to it and it wasn't just a passing phase.
Friend of mine also changed her name at 21. Her birth name was Grace. She is tall, well built and as she says clumsy. She never ever related to her name.

The great thing about being a woman in the UK is that you can change your name whenever you want, to whatever you want.

Rather than waiting until a man decides to bestow his magical marriage gift of a surname

I didn’t ask anyone to guess and I will not reveal

Your name is a fundamental part of your identity, yet one that convention and tradition gives you no say in. If you don't like it, there's a overbearing pressure from parents and family to stick with it.

I've said this in other threads, but I think it would be better if birth names were viewed as childhood names. Once you're 16 there should be a celebration of approaching adulthood and the choice of retaining or changing the name you were given.

If your daughter really, really dislikes her name, what would be your problem if she chose to change it? Would you be offended that she rejected your choice? - why? have you never made a bad decision?

I never really liked my name, but it sounds a lot better in the accent of my home country than it does in an English accent, and ever since moving as a teenager to England. I've hated it more and more. Went by a nickname for a while but now in my 30s I want to change it. Feels a bit daft as I'm already so far into my life, but who knows.

It's not a reflection on you. I'd let her just be called what she likes, and she can change it legally when she's 18.

I don't understand why OP doesn't just agree and say 'Yes it's Maya' or whatever, just to shut us all up! 😁

The name is perfectly acceptable only not too common

and I swear that nobody associates with the product on the ad
it was not a wildly famous product and the product and it may be still sold - I will check - but it was launched at that time when she was born I guess and like it happens in that industry - they come with new products all the time - the product borrowed a human name btw

I bet 100% if I tell the name - no one would have thougt of the product and vice versa

Why on earth did you take his name and give it to your daughter?

Why not your name?

No. Sorry you have this experience but no, its not the case for most people.

It would be an interesting poll.

I hate my name because it seems far too aristocratic. Doesn't fit for me at all.

Papa!

Nicole!

One of mine was like that, used to talk about the name they'd change to at 18, then it was awkward off to uni so was going to change after graduation. In their 30s now with no name change, never mentions it so not sure if they have just come to terms with it or can't be bothered.

I never really liked my name.. first name very common and there was always one or more in every class so I was known as ‘name last-initial’ throughout the whole of school life. There was always another one or two at every club etc as well! Even when I got older my first serious boyfriend’s ex was called the same name which didn’t feel great.

Then to contrast had a completely unusual surname, very ‘ugly’ sounding to me, nobody could spell or pronounce it. One of the best things about getting married in my 20s was getting rid of it!

So I get it.

I do know 2 older teens who don’t go by their birth name. Interestingly they both have feminine flowery names (I suppose those were very popular at the time) they don’t feel suits them at all and have chosen very un-frilly alternatives.

Blimey!

That takes me back . . . 😂

My OH hated his surname growing up so changed it when he turned 18. That's an option for her, though understandable if it would upset you. Does she have a middle name she prefers? If so could go by that until she is old enough to change her name herself. Or then a nickname.

I actually do know someone named Nicole because of those ads!

My DD decided they didn't like their name.

For about 14 years no one ever used their actual name at home or in the family or their friends group as their older cousin gave them a quote sweet nickname that stuck. Even teachers used to be confused because they assumed their nickname was their actual name.

Then they decided to go by a shortened version of their actual name and now use that, however lots of people still use the nickname which they're fine with.

Teens are all about breaking boundaries, a discussion on name is tame so I would suggest they go by an alternative it if makes them happy. DD has a mate who has actually had their name changed by deed poll with their mum's backing. They hadn't chosen the name and after their divorce from the kids dad was gutted they hadn't spoken up. They never told their child they didn't like it but child sat them down and said they hated the name too so they spent a few months working out an alternative and changed it

Perhaps if she hates it so much you should suggest she changes her name by Deed Poll, it’s relatively easy to do, and if it sets her up for her adult life feeling happier and more confident I can’t see why not.
A friend of mine changed her name years ago and it was soon accepted. it would be much easier to do it now before she starts opening her own bank accounts etc.
Seems like a simple solution to me.

Is it Apple? Is that you Gwyneth?

It's obviously a sore point for you, but there are many worse ways for a teenager to rebel these days. I'd allow it to pain you for a while and let her know she can change it when she reaches 18...by then she may not care.