DD hates her name and surname

[9thFloorNightmare]

She is 15 now.

The pregnancy was so good, the only issue was finding a name!
I could not choose. It was agony.

One day, just before her birth, I woke up from a lovely afternoon nap, the TV was on and 1st thing I heard / saw was an ad of a product with a human and - the image of a lovely young girl (I didn't know the baby's sex). Right at that time I decided if she was a girl she would have that name.

It is an international (could be pretty much from a lot of different countries and cultures) short, simple, easy to spell, sounds good (to my ears) name. In hindsight I could have choses a middle name, but I jus't couldn't ;(

She hates it. Hates her surname too which is a traditional surname in the UK.

Any one dealing with the same at home?

Riley is an Anglo name, OP says it sounds international across cultures, maybe something like Ana, Anya, etc?

Do I understand that it is a product name? Like Flora?

Tena?

Does she know what she'd change it to? I hated my name, I picked a nickname at about 6 years old and have stuck with it ever since.

I have an unusual surname and disliked it as a teenager. As an adult, one day I realised that was no longer true and now I love it.

If she dislikes her surname due to issues with her dad then I'd consider letting her change it but otherwise wait to see if she grows out of it she can legally change by deed poll at 18 if she wants

If you are now divorced, and she hates the surname, an option is for you both to change your surname together. Perhaps to your previous surname, or another surname from your side of the family.
At the same time you could add a middle name for her of her own choosing. That gives her the option of using that if she continues hating her first name.

All 3 of mine have changed either their first, last, or both names.
I changed my last name when I was 30 after years of wanting to.
It matters to us individually.

My 16yo doesn't like her first name for a couple of reasons and I've told her there is no obligation to keep it. She thinks she might make the change when she heads off to university, which is sensible. She is quite happy to still be known as her name at home and with people who knew her before the name-change, but would like to adopt something a bit less unusual for the rest of her life. I can't imagine wanting her to keep a name she doesn't like.

I hate my name and have always hated my name. Firstly, my father misrememberd his late mother's name and landed me with a name that was similar. I mean there were only four letters so how hard could it be. It's a very old-fashioned name and really belonged to a generation or two earlier but not in a "cool" Victorian way like Florence, for example. People find it difficult to spell or mishear it because it is a rare name these days. People seem to spell the male version of the name quite a lot. Sometimes people seem to think from correspondence that I am a man.

I do wish I'd changed it when I was younger. It would have been a few days embarassment and then I'd be rid of it. I could have actually changed it to the quite attractive name my grandmother actually had. I have a professional reputation now with the name and it's really too late to change it. If your daughter really hates it then I'd let her change it and add a middle name to give her options. You woke up[ and heard a name on television is not really a compelling reason to keep the name.

Have you told her about how you came to choose her name? If so I wonder whether that’s been a factor in her not liking it.

It sounds to me as if this might just be a 15yo thing- she’s at an age when she questions everything about herself. The fact she doesn’t like her surname either supports this.

In your shoes I wouldn’t react to much. Mention that she can change it from 18 if she wants. If she asks to be called a nickname , do so. But I wouldn’t spend hours worrying about it. It might be a phase. If it isn’t, she can fix it herself.

I named my eldest DD inspired by watching a Channel 4 programme on how the Greenpeace Rainbow Warrior was sunk. It was a crew member. Because I’m deaf, I read and rely on subtitles. I hadn’t realised the correct pronunciation until corrected by a Danish couple when she was about 3 years. She kept my mispronounced way of saying it but I really wish I hadn’t used the subtitles. I know I’m going off topic here.
I hate my given first name and changed it to a shortened version when I reached 17.

Many years ago I knew a woman called Sally who had always hated her name, so she took advantage of two years living in London to introduce herself to everyone with a new name. However she told me that she found herself becoming more bitchy with the new name, so when she moved back home she reverted to Sally, a nice wholesome name.

No I wouldn’t suggest that at all. I hate my name and when I was younger I wanted to change it but got zero support. Roll on forty years I still hate my name (but now use a diminutive which I can just about stand). I would have liked support to change it instead of a huffy mother taking offence.

Not necessarily. I’ve hated my name since I was about three (it’s actually my earliest sentient memory). I’m now several decades on and still hate it (for me). It’s never sat right with me and I’ve never felt connected to it but my mum got very stroppy about the fact I didn’t like it and made it about herself and her hurt feelings. I use a short version of it nowadays which I can just about tolerate. I would have loved a name I felt happy with (didn’t even have a middle name to choose from).

That's how I interpreted the OP and my initial thought was Ariel

This could be me. I know to some people it must seem silly to hate your name so much but it can affect you, especially when you get no support to change it. I didn’t change it because it seemed so complicated to tell everyone (largish extended family), friends, work colleagues, it was too overwhelming. I’ve met lots of people with my name and none of them seem to have hated it for themselves but I hate it with a passion for myself and always felt it shouldn’t have been my name. I recently found out it wasn’t meant to be my name it was meant to be my sisters middle name but for some reason that didn’t happen and I got saddled with it instead! Like you, I found my name ugly and it made me feel ugly as a child and even as an adult. I envied those with pretty names, mine is harsh with no softness. If my kids wanted to change their name I’d be supportive of it and wouldn’t make it about me and my feelings.

I have a DD who wanted to change her name at 12, she had been mentioning it for a couple of years and gradually got more insistent. We said we’d call her whatever she wanted so she chose a new name and we started using it (with many mistakes!), she told her friends and they called her it too.

I figured we didn’t have to do anything “official”, she could just try it out and by the time it became important for something like exams that will follow her for the rest of her life, she’d be a lot more certain and we could do the paperwork to make it official if she wanted.

She started at the start of the summer holidays (not in the UK, it’s 11 weeks here), by the time she was back in school she’d changed back and is currently quite happy with the name we gave her.

I’m not trying to say that your DD is just going through a phase, I wasn’t at all sure DD wouldn’t stick with it. Just telling you our strategy.

She's 15, she's going to hate lots of things if she still hates it in a years time she can change it

I've hated my name for as long as I can remember, it's a very old name more associated with someone aged around 70+ ( I'm in my 30s). I was picked on throughout school because of it and still hate introducing myself.
I haven't changed it as I was named after a family member who died young and I'd feel too guilty towards my mum.
Telling your DD basically that it's tough and to get on with it is terrible advice and if she were mine I'd support her in changing it if that's what she decided to do.

Tell her she can change it when she's 18 and you'd be happy to use a preferred name if she found one she wanted to switch to before she can legally change.
I bet just the engagement with how she feels will put an end to this.

It's not uncommon for people to dislike their names, but generally they just put up with it. My surname was a nightmare, but while I changed in when I got married I wouldn't say I hated it. It was my name so I dealt with it. Hopefully she will come to terms with it when she is a bit older - lots of teens don't like their names.

Actually, I have just realised that I changed my name! Not the pronounciation of it, just the spelling, and that was only because everyone pronounced it incorrectly, so it wasn't my actual name I didn't like. It worked, and most people now have no idea that it used to be spelt differently.

It’s a phase for teenagers, part of their rebellion against you, the people who gave them said name, they get over it!

Does she have a name she'd prefer to be called? I would humour this. It's not really a battle worth fighting and it may be rebellion or totally genuine - either way it's not a massive deal. I know 2 adults who changed name, one in their thirties and one in their forties. It was hard for a while but I got used to it. My DD doesn't like her name either. It's also a bit unusual and she's very very different to me - quite traditional, does not like draw attention to herself. I think she would much rather be an Isabella but she's not got a far as changing it. If she did, I'd be fine with that, in fact I think I'd be sure proud she was taking control of her identity.

Completely understand this....

I think as a child you somehow 'become' that name (you only have to listen to teaching staff saying 'all Joshes/darrens/Tarquins are:...'

Pal in her 40s named Sheila... She loathes it with a passion... She feels its an old person's name (... The only sheilas I've met would have been born before 1950!).

She didn't feel she could easily change it - as her parents were so appalled when she broached it.

At one point she tried a classic name-Sarah

She says it has blighted her entire life, teasing in school, and having a very okd fashioned namenin University - extreme perhaps but she maintains that people have a very definite prejudice about her. And that is her experience...

Names do matter!