DH's names driving me to tears

[BFPDec21]

I'm probably hormonal but has anyone ever had an argument with their partner over baby names? I've had a little cry because I can't see us ever agreeing.

DH keeps suggesting names like Ozymandias and Balthazar. Mine are more traditional like James, Isaac, etc. I'm open to more unique names but he won't stop with these bloody out there names.

For context, we live in the UK and there's no interesting heritage to warrant names he's choosing. I asked him for a 'normal' name and those were his normal names.

Dh and I had a similar issue. The solution was to look for what I calll unusual but not weird names
Ds is called Conrad

We also looked at
Hector
Basil (well I did dh hated it)
Søren
Bastian
Eli
Reginald

For what its worth I LOVE Balthazar as a name

How about Maximilian? Unusual but not too out there, and could be shortened to good solid Max or the slightly more bohemian Maxim(e).

I'm sorry, but I think he is winding you up, and if I were you I would ask him why he is doing this.

Ask him if there is some problem in the relationship could he please address it openly with you and not do it in this dishonest way where the actual problem is avoided and he is instead driving a wedge between you.

Is he bored with the relationship?
Is he frustrated by fatherhood and the way it takes up time, cramps his style?
Does having a second child mean he thinks he is getting old and settled?
Is he asking 'Is this it for me?', 'Is this all my life is going to be?'

The level of vehemence to his response to your names, and the way he blew right past your crying in frustration suggests an undercurrent of hostility on his part. Or resentment. He needs to start talking to you.

Balthazar isn't bad. It's a bit out there but not egregiously so.
Ozymandias is bloody awful. The toppled statue in the desert, the ridiculous symbol of cruel time?

What else has he suggested?

Once you've had your talk, I suggest each writing lists of 30 names. You get to veto 15 each, and you're left with 30. If you can't agree, then you choose the first name since he chose the winning name for DD, and he gets to choose the middle name.

He refuses you naming him alone?? Tough shit. You’re the one carrying and birthing this baby so ultimately you get the final say

You spend 9 months growing a baby for the guy to have dibs on the name. BALLS TO THAT!

Basil.

Vaughn

More of his suggestions are Zephyrus, Vercingetorix, Theseus, Obadiah, Tiberius, Taliesin.

He's back in the room and says he wants DS to have a nice strong name to build his character and nothing like some of the unique names similar to Kaiden, Jaylen, etc. I've not suggested those kind of names so not sure where that's coming from!

I think we will have to draw names at this rate. I also recall a website for the names which did it for you but can't remember the name.

Odysseus

Gregor
Hector
Wyatt
Angus
Garrett
Saxon

Ozymandias is a classic named after the Shelley poem

He'd be called Ozzy anyway. Go on...

Alaric

Can't see why he thinks giving DS a weird name will make him strong. It might make him the butt of jokes or bullying but that won't make him strong. There's an outside chance it might make him violent but that's not the same thing.

I agree with pp - you've been carrying the baby and you'll be the one doing the hard work of delivering him so you get the final say. Let DH choose the middle name if you can't agree.

I feel you pain. We didn’t know DD was a girl and the only names he suggested were Einar and Odin. He didn’t vaguely suggest Sapphire if DD was a girl and was offended when I said it sounded like a stripper name!

DD ended up with a normal name just outside the top 50.

I got pregnant with DS and as soon as I found out the sex he suggested Einar and Odin again! All my names were ‘weird’ and baby wasn’t named until 2 weeks after he was born!

Have you tried sitting him down with the ONS baby name list?

Is there any way you ask his parents what names they like? Then when they mention something vaguely normal you can say to them you like it and DH will be the odd one out. Then DH will suggest his names and his parents will tell him he’s bonkers?

Taliesin is one of my favourite names!

I totally understand this op my dp was looking at really out there names for DD we finally found a name we both love it's not out there but not a top 50 name

Oh gosh. His taste is interesting isn't it? I couldn't give any of his chosen names to a child. Would he compromise on being able to choose a strange middle name if you can give your DC a standard first name.

DH is purposely going for names not on lists of common names.

Not sure if asking the PIL will help, one teaches and sees a lot of names so it could backfire!

I think in fairness to me would probably be to give him my list and let him choose from that.

After I had my kids but a friend said that there's a tinder style baby name website or app. You both swipe names and it only tells you matches. Maybe you could use that and refuse to discuss anything not on the match list.

@secondaryquandries I would love to know what it's called. Please do update me if you find out.

Suggest he goes by the moniker of choice himself for the rest of the pregnancy and see how he gets on. I rather suspect that introducing himself as Balthazar will soon get old.

Or alternatively suggest he does his research into how "out there" names will affect your sons life in the long term. A quick google has just shown that there is a lot of studies out there that show that a "unique" name will cause potential employers to make massive assumptions that can prevent him getting certain jobs.

Oh and you may want to remind him that naming a child FOR LIFE is not some fun thing for him to show his education or his wacky sense of humour or his need to show his kid as a Twitter handle but a real responsibility that, if he gets it wrong, his kid will hate him for.

@secondaryquandries

After I had my kids but a friend said that there's a tinder style baby name website or app. You both swipe names and it only tells you matches. Maybe you could use that and refuse to discuss anything not on the match list.

Kinder I think. We used it. My twins are Azekiel and Castiel tho, I adore Balthazar (baby Zar!), and Obidiah is awesome. So I'm a bit on his side name wise. But he needs to see if he's making you cry, he's being a dick

Taliesin isn’t so bad, would be Taliesyn here in Wales (Welsh mythical folklore name) Tal for short. Any Welsh connections?