DH's names driving me to tears

[BFPDec21]

I'm probably hormonal but has anyone ever had an argument with their partner over baby names? I've had a little cry because I can't see us ever agreeing.

DH keeps suggesting names like Ozymandias and Balthazar. Mine are more traditional like James, Isaac, etc. I'm open to more unique names but he won't stop with these bloody out there names.

For context, we live in the UK and there's no interesting heritage to warrant names he's choosing. I asked him for a 'normal' name and those were his normal names.

Henning is great i grew up in Scandinavia where its not uncommon and I've never met a bad one.

I have a really unusual name (I have never seen it brought up as a suggestion on this board and I've been here 20 years) I have always liked the unusual aspect never minded spelling it out to people. I HATE its unisex and in the UK mostly used for males as it has given me issues over the years when I had people insist I had to be a MR as the computer said so.

I have given my children names that are unusual but not unheard off apart from dd1 whose name sky rocketed after she was born and is in the top 50 now. However they were names dh and I came.to after lengthy discussions to cover both our likes and wishes.

Your compromise names are all lovely! Glad he's starting to listen to you! I've never come across a Henning before but it's great! Unusual but not out there.

Love Balthazar, really don't like Jaylen or similar at all, so common now. I had Peter picked for a boy before t really wanted Zachariah exh vetoed it, we had a girl so was irrelevant in the end

Wondering if he is making a big song and dance about this becuase he feels on safer ground here but is maybe less confident about nappy changing, bathing, comforting the crying baby. Maybe it's a "see how involved I am" so he can take a little back step on the practicalities. Just a thought.

And weirdly these people never seem to want to honour their favourite fandoms with names like Steven, Samuel, Dean, William, John etc. Always the big name that will be obvious, in your face, and embarrassing.... Obviously if you call your child William because you love Shakespeare or Anthony because you love the MCU that’s lovely and a nice connection for you. If you call them Titus Andronicus or Loki I’d think you were embarrassing or a bit pretentious
But you're assuming that the person who chooses Castiel over Dean is desperate for people to know they're a Supernatural Fan and desperate to stand out and have everyone see how special they are but if someone tells you they named their child Dean they're some how a better person. Which is the ridiculous point of your posts. DH likes the name. It isn't our favourite character and most people have no idea where it came from. His brother is Xavier, lots of people assumed an X Men connection hut I don't like it, didn't associate it and chose it because I liked it. My choice doesn't somehow make me less awful than DH because I just liked it and he lines it from hearing it in a snow we watch. And it really won't stand out amongst Romalo and Ezriel and Lucien and Raven and Sapphire and Obie

Mine was really keen on a name that is one letter different to his own name. Both 5 letters, different first letter. The egotist.

We settled on one that is 5 letters, two of which are different to his name 🙄. It’s a nice name though.

He also insisted he only likes unusual names. Except his two older children have names that have sat in the top 5 most popular names for the last decade. The one he chose is so commonplace it’s positively dull. So I concluded he was just being difficult with me.

@CasZekey

And weirdly these people never seem to want to honour their favourite fandoms with names like Steven, Samuel, Dean, William, John etc. Always the big name that will be obvious, in your face, and embarrassing.... Obviously if you call your child William because you love Shakespeare or Anthony because you love the MCU that’s lovely and a nice connection for you. If you call them Titus Andronicus or Loki I’d think you were embarrassing or a bit pretentious But you're assuming that the person who chooses Castiel over Dean is desperate for people to know they're a Supernatural Fan and desperate to stand out and have everyone see how special they are but if someone tells you they named their child Dean they're some how a better person. Which is the ridiculous point of your posts. DH likes the name. It isn't our favourite character and most people have no idea where it came from. His brother is Xavier, lots of people assumed an X Men connection hut I don't like it, didn't associate it and chose it because I liked it. My choice doesn't somehow make me less awful than DH because I just liked it and he lines it from hearing it in a snow we watch. And it really won't stand out amongst Romalo and Ezriel and Lucien and Raven and Sapphire and Obie

It’s not ridiculous, it’s my opinion. I wouldn’t choose a name like that. Obviously it works for you. And I’m not presuming people want everyone to know they’re a super fan, I’m saying I would presume (as would most people) if child had a name strongly tied to a fandom that their parents were super fans. Great if you just like the name but unfortunately a child named Khaleesi is going to hear ‘oh so your mum liked game of thrones’ a lot. A child named Sherlock will give me the idea that the mum is a Benedict Cumberbatch super fan.

Great if people apparently never associate Castiel with Supernatural - personally I’d associate it very strongly as to my awareness there are basically no other associations. That’s why I personally wouldn’t choose it and would go with something that isn’t so strongly tied to one particular television programme.

Oh - and just to add to the pot, watch the initials - my DH's family all have the same first initial (like a 1970s, Northern version of the Kardashians ) which made getting the right post to the right person a nightmare...

@ilovesushi

Wondering if he is making a big song and dance about this becuase he feels on safer ground here but is maybe less confident about nappy changing, bathing, comforting the crying baby. Maybe it's a "see how involved I am" so he can take a little back step on the practicalities. Just a thought.

No, he's always been very hands on with DD so definitely not that.

He's bending a bit with being open to my name list. Unfortunately, however much I go on Kinder, I just can't find myself swiping anything he's quite obviously liked. Constantine is the new one and it just reminds me of Killing Eve!

The big thing is he is now asking for us to include MIL's maiden name because there will be no more children with that surname in the family. He wants DS to have her maiden name then my maiden name and his surname. Apparently I can sack off my maiden name if it's too many names. I hope he's having a laugh! I love MIL but it's unlikely to carry on past our son if we did it anyway.

Tell him to stop getting so tied up in ridiculous knots over naming the baby and to grow up.

He reminded me that he wanted MIL's maiden name included for our DD and I said no. I've told him that's a good reason for DS not to have it then if DD doesn't. SIL obviously wasn't concerned enough to do it so I'm not sure what he's thinking of, except potentially now trying to make a joke out of somehow. The joke is on him as I think I've decided by myself and feel pretty stubborn about it as it goes!

Constantine is the new one and it just reminds me of Killing Eve! I mean surely that's the reason to go for it 😂

I'm quite partial to Constantin.

Btw OP, the Sun have picked up this thread.

I’d sack off his last name before my maiden name if it was to make space for milsmaiden name. I’d just stop talking about it and say it’s really upsetting how disrespectful you’re being about my role in this baby’s life. I’m going to the registry office on my own, and I’m not going to talk about it with you anymore, since you don’t care how I feel. When you and mil adopt together you can sack off my name and just have your names, this is my baby too. I’m going to the registry office on my own, and I’m not going to talk about it with you anymore, since you don’t care how I feel.

Ha edit fail

Are you my DH, @SleepingStandingUp? 😂

It's not completely awful really but I just can't imagine myself calling after my son with that name in a local park.

What shits the journalists for The Sun are! I've told DH who has found it and he's not bothered. At least not enough to drop taking about his mum's maiden name, apparently it's reeeeally important this time, moreso because it's the last boy. I'm quite shocked and pretty miffed with him talking to me now.

We had a fair system. One of us went through an extensive names list printed off and crossed off what they didn't like (we agreed to agree so anything one didn't like was off the table) and the other then crossed off what they didn't like from what was left. Then we each scored that list 1,2 & 3. 1s and 2s were crossed off and we then scored the remainder 1,2 &3 etc until the name was pretty obvious.

Christ op, just start writing out your full name suggestions and leave his last name off. He’s really taking the piss.
I never changed my last name so my Dh understands that our babies having his last name is a generous move on my part and I have complete veto over the first and middle baby names, because he’s not a complete dick about this kind of thing.

His names sound a bit Matrix

What about Victor
Thaddeus
Marius
Gaius
Malachy

As suggested upthread, Ezequiel sounds his style but isn't too much. Well it is too much but for him it's toned down

There must be some overlap between his crazy names and unusual but not crazy names.

@BFPDec21

Are you my DH, *@SleepingStandingUp*? 😂

It's not completely awful really but I just can't imagine myself calling after my son with that name in a local park.

What shits the journalists for The Sun are! I've told DH who has found it and he's not bothered. At least not enough to drop taking about his mum's maiden name, apparently it's reeeeally important this time, moreso because it's the last boy. I'm quite shocked and pretty miffed with him talking to me now.

So can I just check? He wants your baby’s name to be

His choice of first name
His choice of second name - his mothers name
Your surname
His surname

Is that right ? So 3 of 4 names are his choice , including the first and last names which are the only ones used 99% of the time.

He sounds completely selfish and self centred TBH.

@timeisnotaline

Christ op, just start writing out your full name suggestions and leave his last name off. He’s really taking the piss. I never changed my last name so my Dh understands that our babies having his last name is a generous move on my part and I have complete veto over the first and middle baby names, because he’s not a complete dick about this kind of thing.

Yup, me too. I've never changed my last name, so I got veto on the rest of the names AND all 3 have my surname as their middle name. He's being a dick.

*So can I just check? He wants your baby’s name to be

His choice of first name
His choice of second name - his mothers name
Your surname
His surname

Is that right ? So 3 of 4 names are his choice , including the first and last names which are the only ones used 99% of the time.*

It's changed to 3 of...wait for it...5! This is what he proposed last night:

1. First name - he has said he now doesn't mind my names for the first name so he will stop being difficult with them but wants me to be open to his too. I'm not sure when they're popping up on Kinder but I haven't matched with anything else of his so far.

1. Middle name - He wants to choose a name from the region he's from as a middle name.

1. Second middle name - He wanted his mother's maiden name

1. Third middle name - My maiden name

5 - Surname - His surname

I have told him to not bring up MIL's maiden name again as it's not happening. She is lovely, I respect her and her family but it isn't our fault that no one is carrying on her maiden name. There is no one carrying on my mother's one either.

I never wanted to change my surname when I got married, despite DH being offended. I avoided it for 2 years and only eventually did as I didn't want my children to have a different surname to me. I like his surname but it's funny how your name feels like part of your identity.

@BFPDec21

Are you my DH, *@SleepingStandingUp*? 😂

It's not completely awful really but I just can't imagine myself calling after my son with that name in a local park.

What shits the journalists for The Sun are! I've told DH who has found it and he's not bothered. At least not enough to drop taking about his mum's maiden name, apparently it's reeeeally important this time, moreso because it's the last boy. I'm quite shocked and pretty miffed with him talking to me now.

The mother’s maiden name thing is ridiculous. If it’s so important, he can add it to his own name by deed poll.

Your husband really sounds like a dick to be honest. I know you’ve said he isn’t but he sounds like one. As if he wants to time travel back to a period where women just pushed the baby out then the father named it to please himself and the woman was irrelevant.

Why can’t you just tell him ‘haha well as you named dd without any of my input this is my turn! You know that’s fair. So I’ll be naming our son.’

If it was that important to carry on MIL’s maiden name she would have kept it herself.

Seems reasonable to do :

First name - your choice, agreed by both
Second name from DH home land
Both of your last names (or your maiden name if you changed your name on marriage)