DH's names driving me to tears

[BFPDec21]

I'm probably hormonal but has anyone ever had an argument with their partner over baby names? I've had a little cry because I can't see us ever agreeing.

DH keeps suggesting names like Ozymandias and Balthazar. Mine are more traditional like James, Isaac, etc. I'm open to more unique names but he won't stop with these bloody out there names.

For context, we live in the UK and there's no interesting heritage to warrant names he's choosing. I asked him for a 'normal' name and those were his normal names.

From the names your DH has suggested I would immediately assume your son had lower middle class Hyacinth Bucket parents, desperately trying to sound literary and clever.

I experienced a similar revelation about my DH's taste in names. Caractacus, Mungo, Bartholomew... but we never argued, it just felt more of a puzzle how to find a name one of us wouldn't veto.

I wish I kept his list cos I can't remember them all now and DC love to hear about the near miss. Including "I'd like to be called Caractacus". You can only say that safe in the knowledge that you're not!

Keep going. there was in the end 1 normal name we both liked. I also narrowed it down to a 4 name due-date this is real now shortlist for him. 3 of which were names from my list and 1 the name we both liked. (it wasn't as obvious a choice as it sounds because in combo with the surname there was an issue to consider)

he wants DS to have a nice strong name to build his character

Your DS needs to be called Sue.

Vercingetorix? Hells teeth! Does he nor know what happened to Vercingetorix? Why would you want to associate your lovely wee son with humiliation, betrayal and being strangled in a pit?

My DH had a habit of fucking up every name I loved with a song or a poem until I hated it and by baby #3 I was in tears too. He named DD1, and agreed I would name the next. Dd2 I was set on Harriet but even though he loved it, he wouldn't stop repeating the beat poem from 'So I Married an Axe Murderer' until I thought I may become the axe murderer myself. She is now Beatrice. I did not chose it.

For our son he would over compensate the name. Levi? Loved it until the exuberant insistance it be Leviticus, Max became Maximilian, Leo became Leonidas etc. I asked him to stop as he was ruining all the names I liked but it genuinely wasn't out of malice, just idiocy. I settled on Zachary and the second 'we should call him Zachariah' started I suggested a divorce and he packed it the fuck in.

I dont have any suggestions other than the ones already suggested, but I offer my wholehearted sympathy.

Just agree to whatever shite he comes up with and then go and register the baby yourself, then tell him he can take you to court to be put on the birth certificate. He's being an awkward dick so you be one right back.

Genuine LOL at Vercingetorix. Does he know what happened to Vercingetorix?

What a nit.

@Namaste6 You’re welcome 😂

These are unusual but usable:

Merlin
Gawain
Lancelot
Horatio
Gulliver
Florian
Osric
Archibald

I quite like Balthasar. It is one of the names of the three wise men. The others were Caspar and Melchior. Our ds was born on Christmas Day and has one if these for his third name.

It sounds like he is being quite cruel. He needs to rein it in. It all sounds a bit old testament so what about Micheal, Joseph? Remind him that you are choosing a name for an adult.

Apparently my DF chose my name after my DM suggested all quite reasonable if unusual names for the time. He chose the most unusual one!

I chose my DSs names.

@MrsMop1964

Haha, we’re aware of it, and it is repeatedly veto’d by DP because of the show Rick & Morty as my suggested shortening for Mordecai was Morty. DP is part Ashkenazi (non-practicing and atheist), hence some of the jewish inclusions on the list.

Taliesin used to be on my list, it's a very old name from Welsh mythology but the kind of name you'd assume the child's family were Welsh.

Aneurin, Osian, Macsen and Idris are similar names which are a bit more familiar.

There's a huge range of names outside the top 100 which aren't Ozymadias or Balthazar. Edmund, for example. Well known but not overused.

I would go through the top 1000 names or even the full ONS list separately and both make a list.

Both parents have to agree.

Do you like your DD's name?

Rowan/Rohin
Rhys/Reese
CYrus/Caspian
Cassian/ Koby
Rory? ( Spell it Ruairdhi if that will make him happy - there are other variations too)

Oh just ignore him he's winding you up. I could never agree on names with my husband, he had really bizarre reasons for rejecting names for example he wouldn't have George because of George out of rainbow etc etc. He wanted traditional names like me but he said no to all my suggestions but didn't bring any other suggestions to the table. It took us a few days to name each of our children, we did eventually agree. We never found out the sex so it meant we needed to think about boy and girl names.

The OP has said she doesn’t like ‘out there’ names so I don’t think it’s very helpful to throw names like Montague at her.

OP it’s a common problem. That website someone mentioned sounds clever. Or just keep making lists of names to swap with each other. What you need to avoid is the situation where you suggest 100s of names, he vetoes them all then suggests only a few and finally you give in to something you don’t much like.

Every time he says “But what is wrong with calling him Voldemort?” Say “What is wrong is that I hate it.”

Bottom line is you’re carrying the baby, you take the damage to your body, if he can’t find a compromise that you both like then it simply is your decision not his. But hopefully it won’t come to that.

What redeeming features does your DH have?
Because from what you've said so far he comes across as a boorish, ignorant, bully. It is not OK to make a pregnant woman (or any woman) cry through his bullishness.
It's also concerning that he wants a son with a strong character, he doesn't get to choose yoursons character, they come with their own little personalities.
I'd read up a bit on coercive control OP, then if his knobbishness progresses you will be forewarned.

@RosesAndHellebores

These are unusual but usable:

Merlin
Gawain
Lancelot
Horatio
Gulliver
Florian
Osric
Archibald

I quite like Balthasar. It is one of the names of the three wise men. The others were Caspar and Melchior. Our ds was born on Christmas Day and has one if these for his third name.

Wtf these are all awful and most would lead to bullying.

Gulliver 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@TracyMosby

Op, he sounds like a bully. He chose your dd’s name which you sobbed over. Then said you cannot choose the ds’s name without his approval?

I thought the same. He can’t let go of control of this. Classic controlling/bullying to say the Kayden/Jayden thing to you to belittle your name choices. Is he like this in other areas of your life?

A character buiklding name?

Maybe this will help you tell your DH where to step off and to start thinking sensibly

Are you extremely wealthy? If yes, you can probably get away with some of those weird names. If not, you might have to go for something more normal.

I love Taliesin, but a) we never had a boy, and b) likely to have to explain pronunciation to non-Welsh speakers.

How about Perseus (Percy), Emrys or Apollo?

I like a more unusual name, but there seems to be a big gap between the names that you like and that your husband likes. I think he needs to compromise a bit!

The App mentioned in PP is Kinder.

I feel your pain OP, my DH suggested the name Rhona for my DD who was born last year...awful at anytime never mind during a pandemic when rona is short for coronavirus.

@StScholastica oh dont be ridiculous. Liking different names is not bullying and crying about it can only be explained by an excess of pregnancy hormones. You find yourself crying over all sorts of non-event in late pregnancy.

Tell him they are fantastic names and he can call any family pet those names but he is about to become a father and to grow the fuck up on the child names, it is no longer funny and if he keeps upsetting you you will be reconsidering why you ever chose to have a child with him.

Hide the birth registration card you get at the hospital and make sure you register the birth.