My mum's campaign against girl's name

[batteriesgoing]

Name change as outing. Wasn't sure if I should post here or aibu but I'm currently 32 weeks pregnant. Dh and I have really struggled to choose a name we both like and finally came up with one we can agree on.I'm very close to my mother and she has helped me a lot over the years but she seems to think this means she gets a big input into naming the baby. I didn't want to tell her the name we have picked as I knew she wouldn't like it as it was my second choice when I was pregnant last time and she vetoed it then. I told her I didn't want to talk about it and she went into a mood for about a week, being short with me on the phone and saying how hurt she was that she wasn't being included but she knew dh had mentioned Ed it to his parents ( his parents are not as interested so not so much of a big deal). Anyway, I eventually gave in and told her the name and since then she had waged a campaign against his name. Ridiculing it and basically saying it's horrible. Telling my dd to tell me how horrible it is. I've been ignoring and changing the subject but then this morning I feel she's gone too far. She is getting a dog and said she's going to call the dog the name so I can't use it. Wtf? I actually believe she will do this. Honestly I'm angry with her at this point. It's not a weird name or anything like that and I don't think it deserves all this hate. My sister had also joined in with this and had started making fun of it in every conversation we have. Anyone else experiencing high pressure from extended family about names?

Well done OP.

Confusing in someone doesn’t mean you owe them any control over you, but you might consider that your mum cannot be trusted with your confidences because she is capable of behaving like a controlling hysterical bully.

Your sister follows in that slipstream.

Think about power. Asking your mum to stop, explaining the difficulties in finding a name you both like is begging for her to use her power to support you.

Your baby, your decision, keep the power. Tell her it is non negotiable and while he is welcome to her own opinions if she makes one more comment to your older child she will find she loses visiting rights. Really shocking that she involved your other child. Seriously: one more strike and she’s out.

Can you imagine your youngest being 3 and older sister saying ‘Grandma said she hates your name” ?

Because if she carries on it will get worse.

Please don't do what some have suggested and pretend you will call your dd something else. That's game playing and she will likely play you back. Much better to see this as laying the foundations for how you got on. Do the broken record thing "Her name is Verity" with as big a smile as you can muster, whatever she says.

Verity! - such a beautiful name. I wanted this for one of our clutch of DDs but OH wanted something else - which we had. But it is such a pretty name.

I think that it is time that you AND your DH got a bit firm with your Mum. She needs to know you are an adult now with a strong partnership. There needs to be a relationship shift.

This all only goes to show that not consulting parents about your children's names is the way to go.

I've had this as well. I'm due my third in Dec and have told everyone a false name because I can't be bothered with the unsolicited opinions.

The naming of your DD is no one's business but yours and DH.

Please name your DD "Verity". It's a beautiful name and you will regret not choosing if you go with something else due to your mum's childish behaviour!

If your mum wants to go ahead and get a dog and call the dog "Verity", let her get on with it. It will make her look absolutely ridiculous and unreasonable when people ask why the dog has the same name as your DD and you go on to explain what your mother did.

If I were in your shoes, anytime my mother or sister made any kind of critical comment about the name, I would end the conversation, ignore them and refuse to engage. It I were on the phone, I'd hang up. If I were visiting them, I'd leave. If they were visiting me, I'd ask them to leave. They might then realise just how much it is upsetting you and how it is driving a wedge between you.

My DS is due in March. DP and I have really struggled to decide on names. We've come up with two.. Zachary and Jacob. Zachary is mine and DPs favourite. However, DPs mother does not like it at all and is pushing for Jacob. Who knows, we may end up changing our minds and going with Jacob anyway, but if we do, it will be our choice and not because we have allowed DPs mother to influence our decision. For now, we're settled on Zachary and no matter how much DPs mother screws her face up or shakes her head when she hears it.. tough! The name sticks unless DP and I decide otherwise.

That's why you don't tell anyone the name until you've had the baby!

Your m is being ridiculous, stick to your guns and keep the name you want for your child.

Verity is a beautiful name.

She's acting so immature. I can understand her annoyance at your inlaws knowing the name but not her, but the way she acted after that totally justified you withholding it.

Weirdly I read a similar story to this on another forum where, again the gran bought a cat and named it after their chosen name.

Personally I wouldn't let this influence you. It's your decision with your partner.. Who cares if there's a dog with the same name? You get pets with human names. Sorry you have this going on.

Her behaviour is absolutely appalling. I'm shocked by her immaturity and nastiness. It was bad enough before but the dog name has to be the last straw. I would probably cease contact with her for the moment including access to your DD. I wouldn't want someone like that around my child. If she really does decide to call the dog that name I would be terribly disappointed for you but I would still use the name for your baby. Not to spite her, it's your baby for goodness sake not a 'thing', but because you like the name and you need to do what you want.
I feel quite angry for you though. She is terribly childish. My mother has form for this sort of behaviour, but I've drawn a line in the sand many times and she has slowly seen what I will and won't tolerate. They have an unshakable belief that they know what is best in all aspects of life.

Sort of a flip story but when we were expecting our first my FIL was adamant that we call him
Jack -after his father. Jack was quite a popular name amongst people we know so I wasn't keen. My FIL was incredulous until I strongly pointed out that he had no less than THREE sons himself, none of which he named Jack, so he had his chance.

Parents sometimes have a weird sense of ownership over their grandchildren imo. It's no harm to remind them that they are not, in fact, in charge.

I also personally think the name Verity is lovely x

And would be a terribly stupid dogs name.

Omg I'd be so angry. That's too far. My mum has she doesnt like certain names but she also said she will get used to it, my sister keeps trying to make me change my mind on my girls name but it's honestly a bit on an ongoing joke as she hated DDs name but now loves it. My mum initially went mad when I told her what we were thinking of calling her. Then the next day she came around and apologised and she felt awful about it, saying that someone said the same when she named my sister and she felt like such a hypocrite. Sometimes I understand as a parent you want an input, but there is a line and I think your mum crossed it. Trying to talk to your DC about it?! And the dog omg I'd loose it. It was so difficult for us to land on the name we liked too, I'd be raging. Still call your DC the name, screw her and her dog Haha

Omg! Just read further, my sisters name is Verity! That's the name my mum got kick back for and it made her so mad. Growing up I was always so jealous of my sisters name, its gorgeous and different. It was always so surprising when we met another one! It's such a lovely name, what is her issue?!?

I think Verity is a lovely name and honestly your mum sounds like a nightmare you don't need that when you're pregnant or anytime really - also your sister seems harsh to be joining in very disrespectful from both of them

Verity has got stylish written all over it.

Verity is one classy name!

(If the op's mum is going to call a dog Verity, make sure she buys a sensitive pedigree with an aristocratic bearing)

Love Verity.

Verity is so pretty.
Just tell your Mum you've changed your mind & are thinking of Edna or Hilda instead.

Verity is lovely. I do think it would be amusing to tell your mum you are calling the baby Jane instead, then call her Verity when she's born, if you have the guts.

Your mother sounds very emotionally immature.

Tell her you are now dead set on Melania or Ivanka

Verity is a really beautiful name.

Just wanted to come on and say thanks to everyone for the advice and compliments on the name choice. It actually has really helped and I feel excited about naming her now as I'd started feeling really negative about it all. Mum seems to have backed off for now!

As she should! You have chosen a timeless classic for a name and your daughter will be glad.

Verity is a beautiful name and the name I was going to name my child that I never got round to having.

Also if you are into Poldark, Verity Poldark is the best character - runs away from her dysfunctional family, settles down and has a happy life.

Tbh it sounds like you need to put in place some solid boundaries to show your mum what is her business and what is not.

Noone in our families knew our babies name until she was born for this exact reason! It's something that should be private between you and hubby.

Regardless even if you choose to share, your family should respect its your decision to make and frankly absolutely none of their business! I am very close with my parents and would be considering going NC if they treated me on this way

I love that name!