My mum's campaign against girl's name

[batteriesgoing]

Name change as outing. Wasn't sure if I should post here or aibu but I'm currently 32 weeks pregnant. Dh and I have really struggled to choose a name we both like and finally came up with one we can agree on.I'm very close to my mother and she has helped me a lot over the years but she seems to think this means she gets a big input into naming the baby. I didn't want to tell her the name we have picked as I knew she wouldn't like it as it was my second choice when I was pregnant last time and she vetoed it then. I told her I didn't want to talk about it and she went into a mood for about a week, being short with me on the phone and saying how hurt she was that she wasn't being included but she knew dh had mentioned Ed it to his parents ( his parents are not as interested so not so much of a big deal). Anyway, I eventually gave in and told her the name and since then she had waged a campaign against his name. Ridiculing it and basically saying it's horrible. Telling my dd to tell me how horrible it is. I've been ignoring and changing the subject but then this morning I feel she's gone too far. She is getting a dog and said she's going to call the dog the name so I can't use it. Wtf? I actually believe she will do this. Honestly I'm angry with her at this point. It's not a weird name or anything like that and I don't think it deserves all this hate. My sister had also joined in with this and had started making fun of it in every conversation we have. Anyone else experiencing high pressure from extended family about names?

@Abigboydiditandranaway

Please go to the stately homes thread on relationships

This

@ProfMcGonigle I do have my eyes open. I know it's prob not the healthiest of relationships. My dad was terribly abusive and we all held tight to my mum and she to us. It's a hard cycle to break. I probably over confide in her. Talk to her most days and my dc FaceTimes with her. I guess part of me feels like I'm in the wrong because I want it all ways. I want to confide in her and I've had lots of help with dc over the years but I also want to make my own decisions. So yes it's down to what I've created really. She's a very good person and I think she's sad that she's not going to be a part of of this baby's life to the extent she was when dc was tiny and even though it's childish this is why she's kicking off so much over the name. I think a lot of her self worth is tied up with being needed and relied upon. She goes above and beyond for everyone and anyone but then gets very hurt if she's sees herself as slighted in some way or unappreciated. I've said to her lots of times when friends have hurt her feelings

It’s a beautiful name. Fairly uncommon but without being outlandish.

Beautiful beautiful beautiful name. I know a Verity and I think it's gorgeous.

My first daughter has an unusual name. Everyone raised an eyebrow when we told them (even if they don't think we noticed). They love it now and have even said that they can't believe they had reservations.

That aside, your mother is behaving like a petulant child. It is absolutely NOT her decision.

I love the name Verity.

Love the name Verity. It was on my list for my daughter and if I have another girl, you can almost guarantee that'll be her name. It's a gorgeous name.

I have been teaching for 10 years and have never taught a Verity but knew one when I was young. It is an absolutely ridiculous name for a dog though. I liked molly for my dd but her dad said it was a dog’s name. Not just any dog but specifically a black Labrador. So that was a no! But his input was necessary. Your mum’s isn’t.

Glad to hear you'll be using the name anyway. Your mother is way too interfering.

OP I love the name Verity. So cute, I always struggled to find a girls name (partly because up until now I didn't want a girl, but we're currently trying) but I had the same issue with my eldests name, Lincoln. My family hated it and thought it was stupid but I stuck to my guns and now all of them say "we couldn't imagine him being named anything different". I know its hard but ignore her and anyone else, its your baby and as long as you and your husband love it thats all that matters. I for one love the name you've chosen. As you can tell I love unique names, my other son is also named after an American president, and I've never heard either of my sons names used around here and i also looked at the top 100 list, one was 79th and the other wasn't on it. Stick to it :) xXx

Shes well out of order. I'd tell her if she brings this up one more time you wont see or talk to her until the baby is born and named.

That's a good name. I'd tell her that if she carries on with this then you won't be able to see her anymore.

I like Verity and it was on my list of baby names but we didn’t use it.

Verity is lovely. Your relationship with your mother sounds very unhealthy.

Verity is a great name. I would stop contacting her till she stops this.

It’s a lovely name.

My mum tried to do this with my sons name. My DH put her firmly in her place after she ignored me doing so.

My cousin is a Verity. She was never called Ferrity growing up, she got called Vee occasionally but that was it. Stupid name for a dog, lovely name for a baby girl. Stick with it.

Dosent matter what the name is, your baby means it's your turn to choose the name, the rules, the lot. Including just how involved your mum is in your lives. She sounds suffocating and I would be massively pulling back. Pack the daily calls and FaceTime in for a start. Any bullying in messages I'd shut down and if she was trying to get your kids in on it I would be going fucking psycho on her ass. How dare anyone try to undermine you and get your kids in on it. Very manipulative she sounds

Ferret. It honestly exactly sounds like something my mum would say.

I am also very close to my mum and with both my daughters names she wrinkled her nose. Your mum is behaving very childishly, but I guess you know that.

Everybody will think your mum has named their dog after their granddaughter, so in the long run she will look slightly bizarre. But that will be on her.

You could maybe try talking to your sister about how ridiculous the situation is, it’s just a level of pettiness you don’t need.

I went to a uni with a Verity. It’s a lovely name. We never called her anything ferret related. And even if it wasn’t a lovely name, your mum won’t care when she meets her, she will probably just feel a bit foolish if she really does have a Verity dog. xxx

My dm was a nightmare with all 3 dc names so I feel your pain.
Ds1 was too old fashioned. It's not.
Dd1, even though it included her name, was old fashioned and ridiculous. It is not.
Dd2 was unpronoucable ( it's not) and she called her a totally different horrible name for 3 weeks until I went nc for a while.
Just do your own thing. What can she actually do about it?
If she insists on being so nasty, nc is the only way to go.

Say your going to use a different name like "emily" or "alice" something that is classic and they can't ridicule then when the baby is born use the name you want ,in fact don't call her until you want to see her after the baby is born then announce the original name .. It's absolutely awful and cruel unless your naming your child gobshite shitface then no one has a right to comment .. My youngest is called Max (maxwell) my mum said it's a dogs name was awful about it , this time I'm going to make up a name to tell her (I'm thinking Oscar and pheobe) and keep it secret until the baby is born (I 'm 12 weeks with my 4th) to avoid any unpleasantness x

Thanks for all the votes of confidence in the name choice. I will definitely be standing firm no worries there. She has also got the dog and named her something else thank goodness. I'm actually hoping the new pet will distract her. Her dog did die last year and I know she's really missed the company so hopefully this new one will keep her busy!

Verity is a lovely name. Ferret/y did not come to my mind at all when I read your name choice. Your DM is being ridiculous.

I thought that it was going to be an awful name, but Verity is beautiful!! Your mother's behaviour is awful. Tell her that your baby will be called that and if she then continues to mock her granddaughter when she is born, you will question her suitability to help raise her. Also explain to her that she is spoiling a very special time in your life and making you feel unsupported and sad.

Many names rhyme with something. Hopefully she'll step back now she's got her dog.

My friends MIL objected to her choice of baby name. It is a really lovely uncontroversial traditional name. Her MIL posted a birth announcement in the paper featuring a photo of her baby but with a different name!