My mum's campaign against girl's name

[batteriesgoing]

Name change as outing. Wasn't sure if I should post here or aibu but I'm currently 32 weeks pregnant. Dh and I have really struggled to choose a name we both like and finally came up with one we can agree on.I'm very close to my mother and she has helped me a lot over the years but she seems to think this means she gets a big input into naming the baby. I didn't want to tell her the name we have picked as I knew she wouldn't like it as it was my second choice when I was pregnant last time and she vetoed it then. I told her I didn't want to talk about it and she went into a mood for about a week, being short with me on the phone and saying how hurt she was that she wasn't being included but she knew dh had mentioned Ed it to his parents ( his parents are not as interested so not so much of a big deal). Anyway, I eventually gave in and told her the name and since then she had waged a campaign against his name. Ridiculing it and basically saying it's horrible. Telling my dd to tell me how horrible it is. I've been ignoring and changing the subject but then this morning I feel she's gone too far. She is getting a dog and said she's going to call the dog the name so I can't use it. Wtf? I actually believe she will do this. Honestly I'm angry with her at this point. It's not a weird name or anything like that and I don't think it deserves all this hate. My sister had also joined in with this and had started making fun of it in every conversation we have. Anyone else experiencing high pressure from extended family about names?

Ask if she hopes to spend January seeing you, DH and Baby , or walking a dog round the park in the rain.

I'd think of something absolutely ridiculous and say you were going for that instead, just to piss her off.

Go with what you & your DH want, it really is none of her fecking business!

[quote batteriesgoing]@Soozikinzii it's really not a modern or even really old fashioned name. It's just a pretty feminine name. Not outlandish or weird. Not in the top 100 though I've looked up threads on here with the same name and it's pretty well liked. [/quote]
Call your baby whatever you choose and if your mum names her dog the same, so what?

For what it's worth, my mums Dog has the same name as my son. Yes it's weird. Yes my son was born first. Does everyone who knows us both think my mum is petty? Yes.

No one owns a name and you can still use it even if she really does get a dog and call it that. Just call her bluff and say how lovely it would be, how close the will be growing up together etc.

This is not about the name, it's about a power struggle. Your mother is manipulative

Tell her and your sister that they're being immature and hurtful and that if they continue to ridicule your DD's name then the only solution will be for them not to see her when she arrives, as you won't have your newborn being bullied.

Go on then. What’s this horrible baby name that must be hated?

@Soubriquet lol if I say and everyone suddenly goes 'she has a point' I'll feel bad.

She sounds horrible! Really sorry you're going through this. If you can be strong and don't phone her for a while and try not to be emotional about it - she sounds very much like a narcissistic mother (like mine) and they LOVE the guilt trip they give their daughters! What a horrible thing to do to you!

Even if you say a name that many of us don't like, we wouldn't act as badly as your mum is

I bet it isn’t as bad as she thinks

Unless it’s something like Lucifer, Corona or Satanelle

@Soubriquet

Go on then. What’s this horrible baby name that must be hated?

From the first post I assumed it was Ed or Edward.

You say

mum/sis this is absolutely nothing to do with you. It’s mine and dhs decision. It’s up to you to accept it or don’t accept it. If you don’t I won’t have you filling dds head with dislike for it and we won’t be seeing you as much as usual (at all). If you do we will just agree to forget this ever happened. It’s not negotiable it will be a shame if your not in the children’s lives as much as you could be but that will be your choice.

Leave/put the phone down and don’t engage .

Ed/Edward isn’t to my preferred taste but it isn’t a horrible name.

It’s quite classic really

Sorry, see it's a girl so something Ed could be short for.Edwina, Edna?

Edith maybe? Which I love

I thought Ed was a typo rather than the chosen name.

I suspect she's been massively overinvolved with you and your DC for a long time and this is the fallout. You owe her nothing. I wouldn't call this a close relationship, I'd call it dysfunctional which will only get worse as she ages.
How often do you see her? Halve it.

As long as OP and her DH like it what does it matter. I've found in the past that when friends have chosen a name I didn't like it grew on me, perhaps because after a while you lose track of the 'name' and see the child.

@notso

I thought Ed was a typo rather than the chosen name.

Could well be

I love Martha and Emily.

Your dm needs to back off. Without knowing the name i can’t say whether I agree with her or not but if I were you I’d be telling her she’s had her turn at naming babies, not it’s yours and your dh’s turn

Ed is a typo in the OP

Have you actually ASKED her what it is she dislikes about the name? When I was expecting my first DD I chose as a name one I had loved for years. I named my first dog that name. (Dog was now deceased so no confusion!) My mother Hated the name. Turns out the name I chose was the name of my DF's previous girlfriend, first fiancee, and a thorn in my DM's side during the first year of their marriage.
I used the name anyway but with a different nickname. After awhile, my DM forgot all about the Ex and thinks she chose her DGD's name.

Oh OP, I really feel for you.

I can only agree with PPs you need to stand firm, and if the next time you speak to either of them they still insist on this nasty, petty and childish behaviour put out the phone down, ask them to leave, walk out of the room whatever just remove yourself or them from the situation. Then don't talk to them. Ignore there calls and texts!!

I honestly think if you don't do something like this they will just carry on.

They do not deserve to be in your life until they realise that they've crossed a line here, by miles, and apologise and learn to RESPECT YOU, because right now they don't.

I am curious about what this name is I bet it's a lovely name tho! but you know it doesn't matter because if you and your DH love it then nobody else's opinion matters! My parents hated my nieces name when my sister told us what she was thinking of naming her, it's really out there and unheard of.... however nobody said a word to her and we adore my niece because she's an amazing little girl and her name suits her now anyway because it's her name 🤷🏼‍♀️! They'll be exactly the same when yours is born and names whatever name you choose xx

As a PP suggested I think you should tell her you've changed your mind and are considering calling your DD something else.....a name she's already suggested
(or possibly act as if you are undecided between a few names she approves of in case she tries to get you a personalised gift or something!)

And then when baby arrives - announce her name to the world.

I'd start backing away from her a bit and not rely on her too much, both her and your sister sound toxic!