My mum's campaign against girl's name

[batteriesgoing]

Name change as outing. Wasn't sure if I should post here or aibu but I'm currently 32 weeks pregnant. Dh and I have really struggled to choose a name we both like and finally came up with one we can agree on.I'm very close to my mother and she has helped me a lot over the years but she seems to think this means she gets a big input into naming the baby. I didn't want to tell her the name we have picked as I knew she wouldn't like it as it was my second choice when I was pregnant last time and she vetoed it then. I told her I didn't want to talk about it and she went into a mood for about a week, being short with me on the phone and saying how hurt she was that she wasn't being included but she knew dh had mentioned Ed it to his parents ( his parents are not as interested so not so much of a big deal). Anyway, I eventually gave in and told her the name and since then she had waged a campaign against his name. Ridiculing it and basically saying it's horrible. Telling my dd to tell me how horrible it is. I've been ignoring and changing the subject but then this morning I feel she's gone too far. She is getting a dog and said she's going to call the dog the name so I can't use it. Wtf? I actually believe she will do this. Honestly I'm angry with her at this point. It's not a weird name or anything like that and I don't think it deserves all this hate. My sister had also joined in with this and had started making fun of it in every conversation we have. Anyone else experiencing high pressure from extended family about names?

It's the manipulatipn of dc1 that gets me most about this. Nasty.

She is a nasty woman. You seriously need to think about what good she brings to your lives.

Ignoring and changing the subject isn't working. So stand up or yourself!

@notso

My friend had this so she said to her Mum "well it's either that or DH wants to use MIL's name and use the other name as a middle name" Her Mum soon changed her mind.

That is a great idea!

I do agree that you have to stand up for yourself though as .i suspect the baby name won't be/isn't the end of it.

My friend got a rescue dog called Sam, which is also her husband's nameso it's not impossible. I don't think your mum would call her dog that anyway if she doesn't like the name, she's just trying to manipulate you

My son has the same name as one of our cats. Son still, 30 years later, isn't convinced he wasn't named after the cat as opposed to it being a nice, but uncommon boys name.

My mum helped me out loads same with a lot of Grandparents. She didn’t have any say in what name I gave my child, though.
Choosing a name is hard enough with out having to please every Tom Dick and Harry in the process. Your mum has had her day naming her own kids.

She sounds horrible. Let her think you’ve changed your mind and then call the baby whatever you’ve chosen when it’s here.

I feel your pain! OMG I had similar.
My DD's name is the same as a beloved family dog. It's a gorgeous name. Not in top 1000 but she knows three close in age (childhood film star).
If your mum is hung up on names, but is otherwise kind, could you try putting it like "you name us, did your mum try to take over naming? My child, my decision: love me, respect my choices".

It does sadden me that many posters on here have very narrow views on what is okay as a name, and this situation is a consequence of that.

Hugs

She is being completely and utterly out of order. I like the previous poster’s advice to try saying something like “Mum, you’re really hurting my feelings” and see what she says.

Anyway, I eventually gave in and told her the name and since then she had waged a campaign against his name. Ridiculing it and basically saying it's horrible. Telling my dd to tell me how horrible it is.

She needs to be told to back off!
Utterly ridiculous and interfering. Involving your dd in it too?!
No.
Chance.

I wouldn't be telling her anything else from now on!

She sounds like a total narcissist

I think you need to tell her you've changed your mind, and that you're now undecided but considering a couple of different names. Then when you've had her just give her the name you want.

I never told anyone the name I had fully decided on until after I had the baby. Whenever anybody in my family asked I just said I didn't know yet and gave them a list of names that I liked and had considered, but wasn't choosing. I just didn't want any negative opinions being given before the baby was born.

Even if she does call the dog the name, don't let it put you off. My sister is about to give birth and is planning to call the baby the same name as my dog. It's not a big deal. The dog won't be around forever but the baby will hopefully live, and use that name for 80+ years.

I don't think people realise the effect these comments can have. My family and some friends were really horrible about the girls name I wanted, I ended up having a boy but I'm pregnant again now. It's still the most beautiful name IMO but they've ruined it for me. If I do use it I'll be nervous telling people as if I've been cruel (there are plenty of people with this name!).

There are lots of names I don't like but just think 'not for me' and keep my opinion to myself. Not sure why other people think their own opinion of names is superior. You have my sympathy, and you need to take a step back for your DMs behaviour.

My parents and my husbands parents really disliked our name for our first dd, but now she has been around for 14 years no one bats an eyelid at it because they love the child x

It’s time to lay down the law. This is your and your husbands baby, she has absolutely no say in it. Explain if she names the dog the same name you will feel extremely betrayed. She is being mean and spiteful here and it needs to be stopped dead. She has given her opinion, you disagree and now it’s time to move on. If she doesn’t stop go nc for a while and when you do speak to her tell her you will go nc again if she doesn’t stop, you don’t need the added pressure while pregnant and a pandemic and everything else, you need support.

That's hurtful and disrespectful. I'd tell her that.

Well DM has a choice, she can crow about how much she hated your choice of name, do all sorts of wierd PA naming of dogs and abuse your DD1 in the hope her abusive behaviour wears you down or apologize.

Really what an arse. I would back so far off after this she'd need a telescope to see her grandchildren.

She’s bullying a pregnant women. That’s just disgraceful. Block her till she apologises. You wouldn’t let anyone treat your daughter like this so don’t accept it for yourself.

Look up Engulfed Mother syndrome.

Wow, she's abusive isn't she?

Pulls back when you don't do as you're told, telling your daughter that the name is horrible?

You don't owe her-why would you think that?

She helped as much as she could/wanted & that should have been unconditional.

Take a big step back & call your baby what you want to.

This is absolutely none of her business and she should not be putting pressure on you to ‘conform’ with her wishes. However, if you want to keep the peace for now then tell her you’ll think about changing the name. Then just announce the name to everyone once DC arrives. If she doesn’t like it, so what? It’s your decision not hers. If she’s already given that name to her dog then so be it, but I doubt she’ll give her dog a name she doesn’t like!

Next time either Dm orDs day something ask them if it makes them feel good by being mean to you? Tbh it’s the dragging your dd into this I would be most angry with, and personally would tell her if she mentioned it one more time I’d not be seeing her for a long while.

You can tell your DD when she is older that DGM liked her name so much she named her dog after it !!

Anyone else experiencing high pressure from extended family about names?

No, because they would be told to pack it in at the first instance, or they won’t be seeing me until the baby is born and named. End of.

Your DM and DSis are bonkers. And your DM telling your DC to tell you the name is horrible is downright vindictive. Just for that alone, I’d be giving her her marching orders.