My mum won't call my son by his name

[Tilpop]

Hi there

I wonder if I could get some advice please. I'm due my baby boy 16th July. He is my first. I've been undergoing IVF for four years and he is our little success story. Anyway I initially thought we were having a girl and I was adamant on calling "her" Emily. Then we found out he was a baby boy. Just as pleased I had always said I would call my boy Daniel.

Anyway..... DH and I were talking and the name Harry popped out. We both really liked it and after much discussion decided on Harry James. We have since found out my DH great grandfather was called Harry and my great grandfathers middle name was James. So thats it name chosen......However.......

I have the most controlling mother in the world and she has refused to call him Harry.
We initially called him Haribo as he was our little jelly baby. She is now calling him Beau and said she will not call him Harry because he may turn out "ginger and be called Harry"
(I'm a red head). This has upset me because we have waited so long for him I thought she wouldn't care what he was called. She has text me today calling him BJ (Beau James)...... WTF????

His name is Harry!!!

She says "he is not a royal" ...... i know that!!!!! He's my son (my DH sisters little boy is called George and my mum has said "that will please MIL because she thinks she's royalty as it is" (jealous)

She says every little boy is called Harry and what's wrong with Daniel James or DJ.

I have tried to tell her his name is Harry and thats that. She has said "well I wont be calling him Harry"

I'm a little afraid of my mum because she can make my life horrendous she is so controlling and abusive (when drunk) I don't want to upset her but i have decided on my sons name and I want to stick to it. DH has said if I change my mind he will be really upset.
Do I stick with Harry?

She's marking her territory.

She sees your baby as her property and she expects to call all the shots over his life (as well as over your life). She thinks she is The Boss and it's her job to keep you in her place.

Time to bin off PsychoGranny. The more you let her into your life, the unhappier you will be (and she will make your child unhappy, too).

Sorry, but I have met people like this before and they are always very damaging to the people around them. You do need to keep her out of your life. I suspect she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Sorry - "her job to keep you in your place"!

Harry james is a beautiful name! My son is called harrison. We use haribo as a nickname no reason for it, it just stuck. I think you need to put your foot down now otherwise where will it stop. Stick with harry

I would really abruptly say “BJ? as in Blow job?!” Surely that would embarrass her enough to stop!

You need to nip that BJ shit in the bud for a start because he won’t thank her for that!!

Start calling her by a name of you choice (preferably one she doesn't like) see how she likes it. Childish but she'd get sick of it quick enough.

I’m so sorry OP, that sounds really stressful. Harry James is a beautiful name, and it’s none of her business whether your mother likes it or not. Definitely stick with the name you have chosen. If she persists in refusing to use it she will only look more and more ridiculous as time goes on until your little boy is old enough to ask himself why she doesn’t call him the right name. I bet she wouldn’t have an answer to that!

I'm so sorry that your Mum is taking away your experience of finally enjoying being pregnant and starting your family.

I have a few reactions to it all and didn't know which to choose, so I will say them all

• It sounds like your Mum would be the one losing out if your relationship ended, not you. Tell her to f** off :)
• This is YOUR baby, not hers and you are going to be a Mum. I truly believe this may help you find the inner strength to distance yourself from the drama.
• Harry is a lovely name.
• Next time she calls him BJ, call her AH or your equivalent insult.
• Ask how if she's ok with your son calling her horrible grandma.

Strongly recommend point 2! X

I have literally just signed up after reading this made me so annoyed.
I would tell her it’s Harry And if she wants to see him, she WILL call him Harry. He is YOUR child. It’s disgusting and controlling. Who does she think she is. Good luck

Well, I told my mother the name I picked on the condition she would make no comment, even if she didn't like the name.

Her reaction was : "it's not my cup of tea but he's your son."

See, that's how grown up normal people behave.

She did come back a couple of hours later to suggest "Stanislas" instead which I lol'ed at and said no thanks, and she dropped it. As she should.

(nothing against Stanislas, it's just not a name I love and it was kind of a random suggestion).

Anyway, this is your son, keep the name you like (though people will probably make a Harry Potter connection, but that isn't necessarily an issue).

Have you considered going low contact with her?

@Windyatthebeach

A* come back 😂👍

I’m not a violent person but if anyone insisted on calling my new baby, “BJ”...

The first rule of parenthood, is to tell everyone to just fuck the hell off when they try and tell you what to do. It's madness.

If you ask for advice, that's different. And asking for help, is NOT asking for advice.

Otherwise! Just tell you mother to buckle up and back the fuck off!

"Mother, we have made OUR choice and his name is Harry. Nothing else is acceptable. If you call him anything else we will be upset and your grandchild will be confused unnecessarily."

My fil was really hurtful and rude about our name choice but he doesn't mention it now.