My mum won't call my son by his name

[Tilpop]

Hi there

I wonder if I could get some advice please. I'm due my baby boy 16th July. He is my first. I've been undergoing IVF for four years and he is our little success story. Anyway I initially thought we were having a girl and I was adamant on calling "her" Emily. Then we found out he was a baby boy. Just as pleased I had always said I would call my boy Daniel.

Anyway..... DH and I were talking and the name Harry popped out. We both really liked it and after much discussion decided on Harry James. We have since found out my DH great grandfather was called Harry and my great grandfathers middle name was James. So thats it name chosen......However.......

I have the most controlling mother in the world and she has refused to call him Harry.
We initially called him Haribo as he was our little jelly baby. She is now calling him Beau and said she will not call him Harry because he may turn out "ginger and be called Harry"
(I'm a red head). This has upset me because we have waited so long for him I thought she wouldn't care what he was called. She has text me today calling him BJ (Beau James)...... WTF????

His name is Harry!!!

She says "he is not a royal" ...... i know that!!!!! He's my son (my DH sisters little boy is called George and my mum has said "that will please MIL because she thinks she's royalty as it is" (jealous)

She says every little boy is called Harry and what's wrong with Daniel James or DJ.

I have tried to tell her his name is Harry and thats that. She has said "well I wont be calling him Harry"

I'm a little afraid of my mum because she can make my life horrendous she is so controlling and abusive (when drunk) I don't want to upset her but i have decided on my sons name and I want to stick to it. DH has said if I change my mind he will be really upset.
Do I stick with Harry?

@goldopals
I'm not a HP fan no

I don't think the HP link is an issue. Nobody uses middle names in everyday life, I don't know many people's middle names.

You have a family link to both names so use them.

I'm so sorry that your mum is being so cruel. Grey work is the best thing to do, just shut her down and leave it at that. If you feel strong say, "BJ? You do know what that means don't you? People will accuse you of something if you start calling a baby blow job.". Shes had her turn to name children, time for her to respect your wishes.
And the Harry Potter thing isn't a big deal, it's a lovely name and wont make everyone immediately think about the book character.

Grey rock* even

The baby is not born yet. Say nothing. When he is born call him what you like. She will get over it. Its only having discussions before the baby is born causes this. Once the child is here and registeed there can be no arguement

I love the name Harry. It was on our list if DD had been a boy.

You keep the name of you and you DP like it. Nobody has any right to tell you otherwise.

To be honest, your mom sounds like a compete nutter so I would be cutting her out of your life before the baby arrives as she will only get worse once he is here. Do what is best for your family and son. If that means no contact with her for the sake of your happiness and mental health, then so be it.

Don't tell anyone the name of your baby before it's born. It just gives them the chance to express an opinion you don't need.

This is probably a useful way to learn that you're going to need to develop a different relationship with your mum, op. She's going to be like this when the baby comes and you need a strategy to deal with it.

You are an adult now, too, OP. You simply do not have to put up with your mum’s behaviour. Does the relationship make you happy, or is it ongoing just because she’s your mum?
We have a Harry. It’s an ace name.

I think your mother is being ridiculous, what on earth is wrong with a child being called, 'Harry'? I've known loads of little Harry/Henrys, it has been a popular name on and off over the years and it's fairly classic.

She is also being very inconsiderate to you by making such an issue out of the name!!! Blimey, what would she do if you called your baby Jayden or Wayne (or worse)?

Nasty to go on about 'ginger', so what if a child has red or reddish hair. Some people have nothing to moan about so invent things.

Tell her straight!!! Show her this thread if necessary.

Your mum is a nut job.

My mum is opinionated dont get me wrong... i wanted to call this baby 'Fletcher' and she was very quick to say she hated it.... however, would never go as far as refusing to call him it when he is born.

My mum and i are very close and its important to me to pick a name that i know she like ( not her choice, but i feel like ones she hates are kinda tainted)

I would treat your mum like the child she is being and ignore her when she uses another name ect.

I too am really wary of being set on a name before baby arrives as some just DONT suit their chosen name. I know someone who was adamant on Callum for years and years... her son is called Joel..

If this were the case and you decide against Harry at the last minute she will always secretly think its because SHE persuaded you off it.

Just tell her you are gonna wait for the baby to arrive to name him and you dont wanna discuss in the mean time.

PLUS Harry is actually called HENRY... amd is technically emancipated from the Royals now... so ya mum can sod off.

Also agree with the other posters saying not to discuss baby's name with anybody other than your DH until baby arrives. Well apart from the MN baby name section

Frankly op that’s disgusting behaviour from your mother. Harry is a lovely name, and she should respect your decision.

I’d seriously consider having a relationship with the woman if I were you.

Your mum has had her go at naming children! She sounds awful

Also Harry is a lovely name!

Congratulations OP!!. I like Harry.

You have all the power. You can not be doing with this stress right now. Minimise contact and concentrate on looking forward to Harry's arrival. I wish you all well.

I would also avoid mentioning due dates, OP... that’s going to open another can of worms when it comes to birthing partners, etc. Just keep your birth plans to yourself, keep parenting ideas to yourself, etc. If she asks when you’re due, maybe extend the date by an extra couple of weeks and “have the baby early.” She won’t be waiting at the hospital when you arrive.

This is a really sad post. You chose a perfectly nice and respectable name that you love for your longed for baby. That is all that matters. I'm yet another person appalled at her horrible treatment of you.

As long as your last name isn't Potter you'll be fine! I admit I did think of it but that's only because I'm a fan. My mother or my OH wouldn't make the connection, it's not as if they're unusual names and they go together really nicely.

As for your mother... I'd go for the 'wondering why mum is always talking about blow jobs' method

@Tilpop
ive got the perfect solution that will suit you both
call him HAZZER as a nick name
not at all royal but short for your beloved choice of harry
and the james as middle name
everyones happy
good luck
let me know hoe it goes

I didnt make the royal connection, the first thing that popped into my head to my head was Harry Potter as his middle name is also James. I think it's a lovely name. Good, strong, sensible. And the family ties are a lovely touch. More importantly you and your husband both love it, which is frankly the hardest and most important part. Stick with it, don't engage in name discussions with her - theres nothing to discuss, and bluntly correct her any time she uses a different name.

Nobody will associate Harry James with Harry Potter though.

Honestly, this is the first of many battles you are now going to have, so go in guns blazing - or draft your DH to do it for you.

What your bully of a mum is doing is trying to make sure she puts her stamp on the 'new order' (ie you being the mum, you guys having a family of your own). She's trying to flex her muscles because she wants to let you know she's still top dog. You may have a baby, but hey, she's gonna boss you and your baby and she will still be the one calling the shots.

You might as well fall out now tbh - she will pull ever more shit like this so just go for it, get it over with, and hopefully she will learn her lesson and get the message that no, when it comes to YOUR baby she calls no shots - she follows what YOU say or - quite simple - you hang up on her and you don't answer the door and she does not get to see your baby.

She has no power here.

She knows it, too - which is why she's trying to intimidate you, HARD, right now - in the hope you give her the power.

Don't.

'You will call him by the name we give him, if you won't, you won't be seeing any of us. Don't push me on this. I don't want to fall out with you, but I absolutely will when it comes to my baby.'

Go in hard.

She WILL back down if she thinks you mean it. And after that, life will get easier.

I think Harry James is a lovely name. I also like hp but didn't know that, so don't worry about it too much

BJ

Just ignore her

Oh sorry just read the thread a bit more thoroughly, she doesn't seem like someone you can just ignore.

Sounds a crappy situation, I'm sorry

My mum didn't refer to my daughter by her name for a year and a half.

Fuck your ML, its your baby, not hers, call him what you want!

Oh and congrats, and I love Harry James, great name!