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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Husband insist on naming our baby a name that means something else in my native language

175 replies

Lolacoupa · 04/09/2019 18:27

Long time reader but first time poster... I am facing a dilemma and I could do with some advice. Am I being insensitive ?

So hubby and I know we are having a girl ! He told me ( out of nowhere , never discussed it before) that he always wanted to call his daughter Sylvia. The issue is that in my native language , Sylvia resembles the word for "Vagina". I told him that , and he doesn't care. He says " We're in England not Africa". Technically he's right , but I'd feel awful calling my baby vagina , everytime I say her name.

Then he told his mother , and this morning she sent a long text telling me how I decided to marry an English man , how this baby will be born here , and that it's not a big deal. His son is in love with the name so if I love him I should her call that.

I am so sad , my husband won't talk to me , or would say hurtful things. For example during dinner last night " Pass me the water please. Can I still use the word please or does it mean something in your language that is rude ?"

What do you think ? I've been crying all day. I tried to tell him that we could look at names we both like. But NO he wants Sylvia. I cannot begin to imagine my family reaction to calling my daughter vagina... even if she never lives in my home country , the thought of saying " I love you vagina..
Come here vagina etc..." horrifies me.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

SpaceTreasure · 04/09/2019 18:30

What on earth? If you don't want to call your own daughter any name for any reason then you don't call her that name. Simple.

SpaceTreasure · 04/09/2019 18:31

Also don't discuss baby names with family or anyone else. It never ends well.

LizzieSiddal · 04/09/2019 18:32

No one gets to “insist” on a name- both parents have to agree.

Is he like this in other aspects of your relationship?

Roozy123 · 04/09/2019 18:35

Firstly, He's not the person the names your child.
You both created this child that you're carrying and You have just as much if not more right IMO to name the baby what you want.
You don't agree with the name (and for good reason!!!) That should be it dropped.. You should both move on to the next name and find one you both love or can compramise on.

He is being insensitive and beyond selfish also his mother should have 0 involvement in what name YOU like or don't like!?

My advice- stand your ground and let him be immature and act that way!
You're right in the way you feel and I think most people would understand why the fact your husband and his mother don't is just selfish of them.

Ignore and don't name your baby anything you don't want to.
He cannot just go and name the child so let him have his tantrum.

welliesarefuntowear · 04/09/2019 18:35

He needs to respect your native language and you!

AlunWynsKnee · 04/09/2019 18:37

They're married. I think he can just go and name the child on her birth certificate.

TheVanguardSix · 04/09/2019 18:41

Ugh. He’s being a total child about this! Stand your ground OP and do NOT call your baby Sylvia. YOU matter. Your culture matters. Your language matters. And his mother gives me the rage on your behalf.
I’m American. I’ve had yeeeears of this ‘we’re in Britain dahling’ malarkey from my DH. Don’t allow such disrespect to live inside your marriage. He MUST honour who your are, where you are from, and the culture you are of. This isn’t an option he can mull over. This is a must!

Hoppinggreen · 04/09/2019 18:41

What the name means in your own language is irrelevant.
Both parents should agree on what to call their child ( without anyone’s mother butting in). If he is being horrible to you about this it doesn’t bode well for other decisions you will need to make about schools etc

Disfordarkchocolate · 04/09/2019 18:41

Ask if he'd happy to call a son Dick?

IncrediblySadToo · 04/09/2019 18:41

He sounds like an arse. I’d be registering her birth on my own with my surname (maiden name if you’ve changed it) but I’d have left him before the birth.

He can go live with his bloody mother if her opinion is more important!

Disfordarkchocolate · 04/09/2019 18:42

Or John Thomas - I'm sure there are more.

MashedSpud · 04/09/2019 18:42

He’s being selfish and rude, so is his mother. Can’t you come to a compromise on her first name and then maybe use Sylvie or Syl as a middle name.

Surely family in Africa will ask what you named the child. Can’t he see how awkward this would be for you and what if she visits Africa in the future?

Dyrne · 04/09/2019 18:42

Agree that the baby name is the least of your worries - how can you stand to be with a man who treats you so badly? Is he like this with other decisions you make?

GooodMythicalMorning · 04/09/2019 18:43

I wouldn't be happy with that. you've both got to love the name, he sounds very immature and selfish.

Roozy123 · 04/09/2019 18:43

@IncrediblySadToo

*He sounds like an arse. I’d be registering her birth on my own with my surname (maiden name if you’ve changed it) but I’d have left him before the birth.

He can go live with his bloody mother if her opinion is more important!*

Same! Lol.

Span1elsRock · 04/09/2019 18:44

He's a bully.

You don't have to name your baby ANYTHING that you don't like. Tell him that you don't like the name and he needs to move on.

And he's got no right to involve others in this.

CassianAndor · 04/09/2019 18:44

Good lord, what a nasty piece of work. Even if Sylvia didn’t have that connotation in your language, not liking it is a good enough reason for it to be off the cards.

As for his mum getting involved.... is she overly involved in your life?

BogglesGoggles · 04/09/2019 18:44

I thought no one in England used that name after what happened to Sylvia Plath. Not a pleasant association.

YANBU to not want to call her a name that sounds like vagina. YANBU to expect a veto over potential names you don’t like.

Roozy123 · 04/09/2019 18:45

@AlunWynsKnee

They're married. I think he can just go and name the child on her birth certificate.

Jesus, you're right he can... well just make a run for it OP lol.

RandomMess · 04/09/2019 18:46

He sounds utterly awful!!!

peoplearepeople · 04/09/2019 18:46

I agree with the other responses. Do not let him or his family dismiss your culture. It is important and a huge part of both you and your future daughter.
I would think very very hard about having a relationship with someone who clearly does not respect me or my feelings like this.

Raphael34 · 04/09/2019 18:46

You don’t have to name your baby anything you don’t want, whether it’s got a rude meaning in your language or not. Choose your own name and register the baby without him if he’s treating you like this

timeisnotaline · 04/09/2019 18:47

I’d suggest he can go live with his mother and it sounds like they will agree perfectly on names for their babies (eewww)

NeedAUsernameGenerator · 04/09/2019 18:48

The bottom line is you both have to like the name. It doesn't even matter why you don't like Sylvia, you don't so that's it.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 04/09/2019 18:48

For example during dinner last night " Pass me the water please. Can I still use the word please or does it mean something in your language that is rude ?"

Is he usually this dismissive of your opinion and your heritage? He's a disrespectful prick at best.

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