Husband insist on naming our baby a name that means something else in my native language

[Lolacoupa]

Long time reader but first time poster... I am facing a dilemma and I could do with some advice. Am I being insensitive ?

So hubby and I know we are having a girl ! He told me ( out of nowhere , never discussed it before) that he always wanted to call his daughter Sylvia. The issue is that in my native language , Sylvia resembles the word for "Vagina". I told him that , and he doesn't care. He says " We're in England not Africa". Technically he's right , but I'd feel awful calling my baby vagina , everytime I say her name.

Then he told his mother , and this morning she sent a long text telling me how I decided to marry an English man , how this baby will be born here , and that it's not a big deal. His son is in love with the name so if I love him I should her call that.

I am so sad , my husband won't talk to me , or would say hurtful things. For example during dinner last night " Pass me the water please. Can I still use the word please or does it mean something in your language that is rude ?"

What do you think ? I've been crying all day. I tried to tell him that we could look at names we both like. But NO he wants Sylvia. I cannot begin to imagine my family reaction to calling my daughter vagina... even if she never lives in my home country , the thought of saying " I love you vagina..
Come here vagina etc..." horrifies me.

We all make mistakes (marrying the wrong person) it doesn’t mean we have to resign ourselves to a life of abuse. Typically he’s ramping it up now she’s pregnant, it’ll only get worse, much worse

YES. THIS ^^

Please reach out for help.

You are being abused.

You poor darling of course you are not insensitive it is him. And he should not enlist his mother to bully you. If they are like this now imagine how much worse it would get when you have a baby.

Will the baby have his name also? It is a privilege not a right for the father to name his child. YOU carried her YOU are giving birth to her. If anything happens with your relationship the most likely person to care for your baby is you. At the very least you should have an equal say.

I am so sorry you are going through this at what should be a special time. I am not from the same culture as my husband and we have had disagreements but we respect each other's viewpoints. As it should be.

Also don't let your husband and his mother rob your child of her cultural heritage. It is important for her to learn her mother's language if possible. It would only enrich her life and help her learn about where she comes from. It's a gift and your husband should not be so disrespectful about your background.

OP any updates?

Would you stay in the U.K. if you weren’t married to him? Perhaps you need to go home and have the baby there and see if you can sort your marital issues out. Maybe he needs to come to live with you there so you can escape if it doesn’t work out. He sounds horrible and a bully. I assume you have no family support here whereas the people, who welcomed you are not safe to be around and are treating you as an inferior foreigner. Don’t get stuck here if you don’t want to.

Are you ok OP? Is he this controlling generally?

Hey I am the OP. I had issues with log in. So I created a new account. Thanks all for your kind words

@ 44CassianAndor We used to live in another city , and we moved back to his home town 1 year ago. His mum lives 10 mins away. We used to visit her once a month , and she seemed like a gentle , charming woman :'(... I noticed the issues when I found her in my kitchen drinking a cup of coffee... he gave her a spare key to our house !!!

I went back to my mum's , then found out I was pregnant. He came to my mum's , apologised and told me he gave her the keys in case something happens ,if he loses his keys (wth ?)

@ 48thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter

He's very proud of his heritage ; but never mocked me like this before. We went to my home country 8 times ! We have been together for 7 years , married 2. But the past days , since his Sylvia obsession. He continues to be rude " at least it's not Lakisha or Quanisha".

@00QueenEnid

I tried to propose that. Sylvia as a middle name. I LOVED the name Helena , but his mum hates it. So he told me nope. He lied to me at first to why he hated it. I found out when his mum talked about it during his bday.

Everything is so bad since I am pregnant.

THERE ARE NO SYLVIA in his family. Nobody , zero , nada. He does not talk to me , sleeps on the sofa , he even bins the food I left on the table for him. So I stopped cooking for him. The only time he talks to me is to say is how I shouldn't ruin his mum his first joy of having her first grand-daughter.

His mum has had her kids and I’m sure she got to name them herself. Why should she ruin your motherhood experience?

Tell him that her ‘granny experience’ will be even more ruined when you pack up and leave.

Did I miss where his family is from?

@12Mummyoflittledragon

Yes I would. My mum and dad live here.
But I regret moving to his town. I don't want my daughter to be fatherless. I think I am just gonna have to accept Sylvia as her name. Since I am pregnant If things to go his way , he gets horrible. Small example : I bought the wrong crisps ; he throw them out of the window and ignores me. He's never been a talker , but how can I know what I have done wrong if he doesn't tell me.

You really don’t have to accept anything. He sounds quite unpleasant.

48LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD

He is English as I mentioned before. I am not originally English , but my parents and I live here. His mum live in a small town , far away from the city where we used to live.

Don't go*

Simple, he gets to suggest names, so do you and then you agree on one.
You're an equal partnership.

Itsmeagain. - from your description he really doesn't sound like a nice person, not the sort of man I would want my daughter to be with. He treats you and your opinions, your culture with such disrespect, this is not a good relationship.

His mother will always be there, interfering in your relationship and your parenting. You husband cares more for her feelings than for yours.

If you were my daughter I would be jubilant if you left him. Quite frankly he sounds like an arse.

Move back to your parents, much easier to move before the baby is born as he can't stop you moving. Name the child and decide from there how much say you give him in your child's life. He needs to earn your respect back.

Oh OP this is not fair and is disrespectful. If he cannot respect you and your child's heritage then he should not have married you.

What if as she grows up she learns what her name means? How do your parents wishes come in to it?

This is not a marriage, you are an unpaid servant to a mummy's boy.

Sending you hugs x

Tell your midwife about his behaviour. They are trained to help women who are being abused and will help you. This is getting worse and you need to take action now, for yourself and your daughter.
If you give in one this, I do not for one moment believe that this behaviour will end. It is likely to continue or get worse. This isn't something I would usually say to a pregnant woman, but I think you should go back to your mum's house while you can. If you stay, you are livestock, for breeding purposes only.

I’ve never heard anything like this. One parent gunning for a name they other doesn’t like is one thing - but a name that means something like that in the other parents native tongue is horrible.

I’m not usually one to call it... but it sounds racist to me.

I’m quite stroppy so would be announcing to anyone who would listen ‘yes, it’s a girl. DH insists on the name Sylvia but that sounds very like Vagina in my mother tongue. Weird huh? Even his mummy insisted we call the baby that... no I didn’t have a say’ BUT he sounds like an unpleasant character who wouldn’t take it well at all.

Who has brought you up to make you feel this is all you are worth?

Get out and get out fast. Before the baby is born. Believe me she will be better off without a dad than one who abuses her mum.

He continues to be rude " at least it's not Lakisha or Quanisha".

What the actual fuck?! OP he sounds so fucking nasty. A proper bully.

Is there not any way at all you'd consider leaving before baby arrives? It will only get harder to do so and abusive men tend to show their true colours during a partner's pregnancy and continue to escalate with a newborn in the house.

You poor thing being bullied in your own home while pregnant, I'm so sorry it's horrible

Oh love,

This isn’t right. You are very isolated, stuck between him and his mother, and away from your family.

He will get worse.

How is your relationship with your Mum and Dad? Your baby will be so much happier growing up with a happy, relaxed Mum and loving grandparents.

His Mum will just use your baby as a pawn in her game of power.

You left before, you are even more vulnerable now than then.

This is not about the name. Give in, call your child a name your own parents will not be able to say without it sticking in their throats. And you know what? He will still be treating you like dirt, throwing crisps out the window, ganging up with his Mum and withholding affection.