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Original poster

Husband insist on naming our baby a name that means something else in my native language

175 replies

Lolacoupa · 04/09/2019 18:27

Long time reader but first time poster... I am facing a dilemma and I could do with some advice. Am I being insensitive ?

So hubby and I know we are having a girl ! He told me ( out of nowhere , never discussed it before) that he always wanted to call his daughter Sylvia. The issue is that in my native language , Sylvia resembles the word for "Vagina". I told him that , and he doesn't care. He says " We're in England not Africa". Technically he's right , but I'd feel awful calling my baby vagina , everytime I say her name.

Then he told his mother , and this morning she sent a long text telling me how I decided to marry an English man , how this baby will be born here , and that it's not a big deal. His son is in love with the name so if I love him I should her call that.

I am so sad , my husband won't talk to me , or would say hurtful things. For example during dinner last night " Pass me the water please. Can I still use the word please or does it mean something in your language that is rude ?"

What do you think ? I've been crying all day. I tried to tell him that we could look at names we both like. But NO he wants Sylvia. I cannot begin to imagine my family reaction to calling my daughter vagina... even if she never lives in my home country , the thought of saying " I love you vagina..
Come here vagina etc..." horrifies me.

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avocadoincident · 04/09/2019 19:26

All the posts on here are nice and I agree with everything. But it's all our opinions. Does anyone know what happens in these scenarios? What rights does each parent have and who gets a final say?

Geneve · 04/09/2019 19:28

I have a baby Sylvia (in response to the pp who thinks nobody ever used the name because of Sylvia Plath!?!) If anyone from an African country gives me a funny look I'll know why Wink

Dyrne · 04/09/2019 19:30

@avocadoincident Well in that case you carry on until you find a name you can both compromise on.

If you start foot stomping and refuse to budge over a name, then you are in a world of trouble when it comes to parenting decisions such as discipline, religion, schooling etc.

Let alone the horrifying sneery dismissal of the OP’s entire culture which the DH has displayed here.

BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail · 04/09/2019 19:33

He doesn’t get to decide. You decide jointly. He can veto names and you can veto names. Of course you shouldn’t call your baby a name you hate.

AverageMummy · 04/09/2019 19:33

@avocadoincident you just work together & agree together....like anything as part of a couple surely?!

powershowerforanhour · 04/09/2019 19:48

For example during dinner last night " Pass me the water please. Can I still use the word please or does it mean something in your language that is rude ?"

Oh dear. This was so rude- I thought the English were supposed to be well mannered! Think I would have been tempted to unleash a torrent of abuse, or at least a few scornful remarks, in my native language.
If you have taken his surname point that out - you changed your name for him, your daughter will have his surname not your maiden name- you were willing to do that for him; ask him to imagine giving up his own surname and taking yours so he understands the sacrifice...but you draw the line at calling your daughter "vagina" for him. Seems reasonable.

AdobeWanKenobi · 04/09/2019 19:50

Gosh, what language is this?

crustycrab · 04/09/2019 20:04

Horrible. Tell him you like dick for a boy and fanny for a girl

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 04/09/2019 20:07

I don't think just telling the OP that her husband is an arse is very helpful at this point.

What about a similar name OP like:

Sylvie
Sarah
Seraphina
Sylvana
Serena
Delphina
Amelia
Elvira
Elisa
Eliza

Maybe he will like something else?
🤷🏾‍♀️

Nonnymum · 04/09/2019 20:11

He can't bully you to chose a name you don't like. Both parents need to agree to a name they both like. He is being very, very unreasonable. He is always this controlling? If so you need to think carefully about whether you want to stay with him.

lunar1 · 04/09/2019 20:12

Glad he's shown his true colours now rather than when he's saying this about your heritage when your dd is old enough to understand.

I'd be out the door and he wouldn't find out about the birth until after she is registered. This is about so much more than a name.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 04/09/2019 20:15

Regardless of what the name means you both have to be happy with the name. He sounds like a twat throwing his toys out the pram and bulling you OP

ReasonedCamper · 04/09/2019 20:22

I would start addressing MIL as Sylvia. In honour of your H’s love of the name....

Seriously, Big issues here:
1That he took your disagreement to his Mum

  1. That she saw fit to gang up on you and interfere...
  2. ...Using emotional blackmail..
  3. ...And Xenophobic Twattery
  4. That he believes he has a right to name your baby without consensus
  5. That he dismisses your cultural issues, without respect or sensitivity
  6. And then sulks and makes stupid passive aggressive comments.

He and his Mum have no regard for equality (racial / cultural ) in your relationship. It’s really dodgy.

Have you got family or close friends you can talk to?

And as for the PP suggestion that you use Sylvia as a middle name...NO! Fine if it was ‘just ‘ a name, but would you honestly give your child Semen as a middle name because your Russian husband loved this very popular Russian name?

ThatCurlyGirl · 04/09/2019 20:27

Fucking hell he sounds like a treat! Maybe he can change his name to the word for Dickhead in your native language seeing as he thinks it doesn't matter?

Poor you, as if you need extra stress at the moment! If you don't feel able to stand firm on insisting on a name you both like then it's a bit worrying, you are equals surely?

MrsGrindah · 04/09/2019 20:27

Why not say he’s an arse? He is. People are also suggesting how the OP can deal with it

ReasonedCamper · 04/09/2019 20:27

They're married. I think he can just go and name the child on her birth certificate

Only if he has the card issued by the hospital.

Jesse70 · 04/09/2019 20:29

Why is Sylvia so important to him?

tabbiemoo · 04/09/2019 20:43

He doesn’t get to name the child just because he’s always wanted a daughter called “Sylvia”. It doesn’t really matter why you don’t want the name, you both get to decide the name not one of you!

If I were you I would stop trying to talk to him about your reasons and just focus on the fact you don’t like/want to use that name and that is final. He can sulk and get his mum involved all he likes but he needs to realise naming a child is the decision of BOTH parents. You have to find a name you both like.

CandyLeBonBon · 04/09/2019 20:59

I'd go with princess Consuela Bananahammock. And Crap Bag for a boy.

Sparklypurpleunicornsaremyfav · 04/09/2019 21:09

I completely get why you wouldn't want to call your daughter this and I think it is completely wrong of his mum to butt in, nowt to do with her. Do you think you could possibly compromise and use it as a middle name?

BeautifulWintersMorning · 04/09/2019 21:15

Would you like Vagina as a middle name?

newtlover · 04/09/2019 21:21

are there other issues in your relationship?
is he generally respectful, considerate and loving? does he honour your heritage?

Unihorn · 04/09/2019 21:21

I'm interested to find out what language this is... Hmm

CassianAndor · 04/09/2019 21:25

What’s the Hmm face for, Unihorn? Are you familiar with all the languages of Africa?

cacklingmags · 04/09/2019 21:28

Hi is bullying you and you are pregnant and his mum is joining in. Stand your ground OP or this pair will keep disrespecting you and your heritage and crash through your boundaries as they are trying to do now. If they succeed it will set a precedent that will be painful to live with. Try to get some support if you can. It is very hard when it is two against one and your family are not around. Have to say this man sounds like an arsehole, his mum is a twat, and you sound so nice. Look after yourself.