Am I stepping over a line using a name for my baby that my sister in law has asked me not to ?!

[fayemumtofive]

Evening all,
I'm looking for some advise; I'm heavily pregnant and my sister in law (who isn't trying to get pregnant & isn't really 100% if she even wants to/ will have any children in the future)..
has asked me not to use a name, as it is the name of her new (18months) partner's dead parent :-| And they've discussed that they would use it if they ever had a child of this sex in the future.

However its the only name my partner and i both agree that we like!
It has been on our name list since we first started having children 10 years ago, but haven't had the opportunity to use it until now.

She does live in the same town as us, though i wouldn't be phased if she then used the same name at a later date..
Am i being unreasonable?? And if you do think i could go ahead and use it should i forewarn her before the birth announcement ? I am concerned if i do she may try and persuade my partner not to use it and then we'd be back to having no name we can agree on despite it being a long standing favourite of ours :-/
Thanks in advance ! :)

What about something like Lincoln? XxX

Leo is a lovely name. Leonard however...

I also never understand people who call their baby x, but never use it and say they want the baby called y from the get go when y is a name in its own right. Just call the baby what you want it to be called ffs.

I imagine the SIL was just trying to protect jer partner's feelings.
I don't think it's unreasonable to name a child after a family member and especially a deceased parent.
Glad you were able to talk to the DP and good luck with your pregnancy.

We have three Davids and two Christophers in our extended family. It's certainly not a rule that you can't have the same name as another family member. In fact some people deliberately choose one because of the family association. In fact a lot of my name ideas came from grandparents' names and other relatives.

Tricky one.
I wouldn't use it, if I'd been specifically asked not to. Seems a bit mean
But if you told her straight away that it had been on your list for 10 yrs then why not.

What about Theo? sounds very similar to Leo.

It's a really hard one. Totally understand because we are having baby boy in two weeks and we struggled for a name for the best part of 7 months. We are now using DH's brothers name has it's the only one we love - had he said no, please don't use it, we would have felt a bit deflated as it is he feels honoured. Your situation is a bit different and I think it might not be worth the stress, because will this be the thing that they always hold against you forever more. She has gone to a lot of trouble to 'mark' that name as hers (despite the fact it's not). Regardless as to if she ever has a boy they clearly care enough about this to make a point of asking you to leave that name alone. Seriously though... Theo - so close to Leo?!! Are you sure there is nothing else that would work?

I wouldn't use it, unless it was my absolute favourite name and had been for a long time.

My best friend (who doesn't even have a boyfriend, let alone is planning on having kids soon) and I were chatting about baby names we liked. She told me about a couple of girls names she really loved, that had family significance etc, and even though they were on my list I wouldn't use them now just because I know they're special to her. On the other hand, if she'd mentioned the one boys name that DH and I have had our heart set on for years, I would have been honest with her that that was the name we were planning on using.

There are thousands of names out there. If the name means more to her than it does to you then I wouldn't use it. And at 18 months DH and I were close to being engaged, I wouldn't consider that a "new" relationship.

Maybe wait until your son is born, I had a name ready for my youngest but it just didn't suite him, he didn't look like an Oliver. It really helped having him in front of us when consider names.

I wonder if you b/inlaw has mentioned your intentions to your s/inlaw yet?

She can't really ask you not to use the name. You can call your baby whatever you want. OTH the name has no emotional meaning for you. It does for your SIL and her partner. I would chat with her about how she feels about cousins having the same name on the future, especially as it sounds like there will be a massive age gap, if ever.

When I told my best friend the name we were using for our new born daughter she was quite put out as it was her mother's middle name and she'd planned on using it if she had a daughter (I didn't know either of these facts).My DD was already named .
Fortunately she had a boy three years later ...
If she'd said previously I might have changed my mind. On the other hand I was extremely fond of her mother (her first name was not one you'd be likely to give a child born in the 20thC )
And now she quite likes the fact that my DD has her mother's name

Hugo is lovely

thanks for the comments all :)
We are seriously considering Hugo as an alternative, though im not sure if it flows as well with our other children's names and our youngest is called Margot, not sure if im going to feel like im calling a couple of corgi dogs in the park as opposed to my children with the names that matchy and pretentious !!

If you have a thing for -o names, perhaps you'll like Arlo or Ivo?

I'll also throw Eli into the mix because it's been vetoed for me but I still love it!