Sister has used my baby name

[Giraffe2706]

I know nobody owns a name but this was my absolute favourite boys name and I was going to call my baby due in 4 weeks this name.

We're not the closet of sisters and don't see each other often (she's a lot younger than me and we didn't grow up together) but being pregnant at the same time everytime we did see each other we would talk baby talk and she definitely knew this was my favourite baby name and I was planning on using it for my ds.

She gave birth yesterday to a lovely little boy and this morning she did a facebook announcement introducing 'Dylan James' DJ for short.... I'm really upset and shocked that she would do this, why why why?

Yes suggestions would be great!
I guess I'm just so upset because dp and I had agreed on Dylan a while ago so when we talk about the baby or even to the baby we call him Dylan and I'm only 4 weeks from my due date.
I know some people name their babies the same as family members but it's normally a tribute to a grandfather or uncle etc... Not cousins born 4 weeks apart! Never heard of anyone doing that, even friends let alone sisters.

Or say 'weird! I've been using Dylan as our decoy name so we don't have to tell everyone what we are calling our baby'

I think that was bloody awful of your sister OP...yanbu.
What the fuck was she thinking? Have you asked her?
"Any particular reason you gave him the specific name you know I had chosen for my baby? Seems an odd thing to do."

Or...think of a better one and never tell her how it made you feel.

I had the same as you OP. A close family member who I had told what we had planned to name a girl, used the same name when she had her DC2 10 months later. Even though she had mentioned 2 completely different names they would have considered at the time.

I was angry, hurt and confused and if I'm honest, things are not likely to be quite the same between us again. Not so much because of the name itself, but because of the disregard it showed for our relationship. I trusted her with something very personal and important to me, and it felt like she didn't give a shit, because she went ahead and used it anyway, to please herself. It was made particularly hard as we were in the midst of a difficult 8 months ttc, and I didn't really feel like seeing the name I had chosen, for a child I didn't know if I would ever be able to have, plastered all over FB, and mentioned every other day.

Yes, nobody owns a name. But in my opinion, anyone with a bit of consideration for someone's feelings, would at least have a moments pause, or maybe a discussion with others involved if you suddenly decide to use a name a family member or close friend has their heart set on?

Good luck with the birth of your baby OP

You are right, it was a family name in our case and nearly a decade apart.

Could you use Dylan as a middle name and use it if DJ is indeed always known as DJ?

Milo
Corin
Jay
Robin
Mica
Rohan
Theo
Rudi
Oscar
Soren

I think it was really awful of her.
Get a new name then if anyone asks you you can say, 'Well, we thought that Dylan wasn't really that nice and had heard it was actually a bit chavvy.' (or some other unpleasant comment)

Also, if you have another baby, don't tell anyone the name. Then people who do weird things like your sister has won't get the opportunity to do so.

I just don't understand why she would do this? Like I said we're not the closest of sisters but that's because we live 2 and a half hours apart and she's 13 years younger than me, we have the same father but we didn't grow up in the same household so we never really had a chance to have a close sister bond, I'm sure if we lived closer to each other we'd see more of each other, we text quite a bit, talk on the phone etc, there's never been a fall out or a reason for her to hold a grudge against me. I thought she was planning on calling her baby Max as that's what she said at her baby shower so when I saw the fb announcement this morning it floored me, I had to read it over and over before it sunk in and to be honest I called my dp in tears to tell him.. Am I being a drama queen?

How about Rex? I fancied that for ds2 but dh vetoed it.

Pictish a few of those names are nice thank you
Milo and oscar could be contenders

You're pregnant, it's entirely reasonable to react that way!

Don't try and understand why she did it. Even if she told you and could actually explain it herself, it won't make any sense or be reasonable.

If you really aren't that close, use the name Dylan as you've been using it already. Perhaps hide her posts on Facebook too.

You aren't being a drama queen. She's done something odd and selfish and to make matters worse, let you find out through Facebook rather than telling you directly. I know the 'nobody owns a name' argument but to be honest, between siblings who are both pregnant, actually yes you did own the name.

I have an Oscar. I love it. It's gentle but masculine...like Dylan.

A few names my dp suggested in early pregnancy before we agreed on Dylan were
Henry
Grayson
Bobby

No you're not being a drama queen, that was a horrible thing for your sister to do. What does your dh say?

I've found just the page for you: other options.

Honestly don't think you are being a drama queen OP!

If you'd given birth prematurely and named your child Dylan she may well have still used the same name. And you live so far away and aren't close so the cousins might never know each other? Dylan is a really popular name now so there would likely be another in his year or even class every year at school. So bear all that in mind - you can still can still call your child Dylan.

But personally I wouldn't as this has left such a bitter taste for you. You have time to find another name.

I have two cousins called David. Absolutely no drama between my aunts who used the name.

Just an anecdata point (both aunts are batshit on every other count though)

I would be very upset by this actually, it would be bad enough for a cousin or even a friend to deliberately choose a baby name you had told them you were using, but for a sister to do it is incredibly hurtful.
Concentrate on choosing a new name that you love even more and be very careful what you tell her in future.

that was pretty shitty of her, I can imagine in late pregnancy being very upset by this!

If it's any help my 2 favourite boys' names at the mo are Ezra and Keir.

Dp is annoyed, we were all set on welcoming a Dylan very soon, we both call him Dylan when we talk about the baby so yeah he's not best pleased. Good job I didn't get anything for the baby like blankets, clothes, bibs with Dylan embroided into it like I see a lot of people do!

YANBU, that's very unfair of her.

Not sure if this helps at all, but I really liked the name Dylan until DH pointed out that other kids may turn it into an unfortunate nickname. He said it would be shortened to 'Dyl' and then teenage boys would definitely call him 'dildo' - this hadn't even occured to me (it's likely that DH has the same questionable sense of humour as a teenage boy) but it did make me change my mind!

Could you have Dylan as a middle name?

• embroidered