Talk : Antenatal support thread for women who have chosen to terminate V

[treedelivery]

Welcome to the 5th thread.

An amazing day to begin a new journey together. The thread babies are arriving and we take this as a positive nod from the great karma controller - whoever and whatever that may be.

Good luck to our thread, to the souls who read, those who post, those who drop in to learn and hold hands.

Our cyber bench is a supportive place, we sit outside hospitals as strong but scared women go to ride their wave. We huddle in our cottage when the weather is bleak, stormy or biting cold.

When the sun shines on us we share stories of real life, gain strength and giggle together in times of warm weather.

Hi Mish
Just checking in honey to see how you are all doing? Pic of Bella you mailed me shows a shock of dark, dark hair and a strong face. She going to be fine, fine, fine.
How are you doing today? Remind me how many hours ahead or behind you are?
Here, all fine. Teenager off to a club with bunch of girls, boyf not pleased and I do feel for him. I will be heartbroken if they split up - he is a charmer.
Middle boy at swim gala and smaller one is here; have just told him about you and Bella and he said 'awww, say hi from me'. So 'hi' from my youngest who is immersed in writing about his imaginary land - Georgieland. Guess it is a bit like mumsnet to him.
Hope everyone doing okay on this dark, drizzly wintery day.
And hoping dear Lins is safely home with Mr Franklin, DD and hubbie.
Ps, was it my imagination or was there a man on our thread!?! A man ladies, a real, live man. Let's fight over him!
Bee xxxxx

Mishta, good that she is looking comfy. And hope you are asleep now... and wake to an improved oxygen level...

Bee, your girl going to a club surely doesn't mean they have to break up? Isn't it normal teen behaviour? Having said that, it is unlikely - possible, but unlikely - that they will be together forever having got together at this tender age. Does she look suitably terrifying tonight? Round here girls go clubbing almost naked. Even in the snow...

As for where we all belong - my instinct says here, Mishta. We all terminated and we have become friends and support each other. Bella is part of our thread family now and we want to hear about her. That's how I feel, anyway. But I appreciate that I am pregnant and may feel differently from people who are not and I respect their feelings too. Anyway keep posting about Bella here please!

Lins, hope you and Franklin are home. That's a cool name. I've never met a Franklin before. Dying to hear more.

Hi just quickly wanted to let you all know it was a very good day for Bella today. She was taken off antibiotics, breathing bit easier - doing everything right. Nearly got to have my first hold - not quite though; tomorrow they say. Just packing up cause staying at Ronald Mcdonald House tonight with family, just for the night. It is on the hospital grounds so can still wander over to see Bella.

Bee give your boy a big kiss from me, he sounds like a sweetie.

Probably won't check in til tomorrow now - expecting to have good sleep tonight without 'noisy neighbour' Yay!

Take care all xxxx

Oh that's brilliant, Mishtabel. And I love your new name. Well done little Bella - she's such a little fighter.

Good plan for the sleep tonight as well. It will be good for you to be with DH and your big girls.

Looking forward to hearing about your first cuddle.xx

Hi dearies
Bee here.
Dearest Mishta - so, so glad to hear that you may get to cuddle the lovely Bella. Wish I could sneak a quick one too. Can remember so clearly the unique smell of a newborn baby. Tonight sounds like an adventure for you all - staying in a hotel and you will not be far from her if you feel the urge to go check.
Cantdo- did not give whole picture re teenager! What is interesting to me is the confident attitude she has - feminism has turned things on their head somewhat. Maybe feminism, partly her own personality, partly being let down by her father. At her age, I confess, I was desperate to be loved at her age, convinced was not and a genuine cling-on. She is ballsy, it is him who clings, him who needs affection and reassurance, her who chooses to come home early and leave him in the pub.
A strength and self confidence I have never had. And I guess I identify with the boyfriend a bit; he is a charming boy, and would be more upset than she if they split up. Which of course they will! Do not think they planning on marriage just yet. I think I can not deal with any loss at the moment, no matter how insignificant it may seem. I have over stimulated my loss antennae and they zoom in on any perceived loss and react accordingly.
Mishta, I think you should stay on the thread honey. You are a friend and now we are all full of concern with Bella, as we should be, it plucks at our heartstrings. We want her to be strong and with you. But, as time passes, we will all need to talk about our losses as we always have done. If there are new women who need us then please do reach out - we are here, we have been where you are, it hurts. But this thread is testimony to the gentle, bumpy recovery that is possible. And Bella and Franklin are evidence that joy is possible.
Big hugs to all
Hope you are okay Treetops - not like you to be quiet.
kisses
Bee xxxx

Helloooooo!! Sorry to be away so long, have been in party planning mode. Small tea party for 8 children sort of developed in to full on afternoon tea for about 20 of us. So naturally I had to decorate the house from door to roof, and deep clean, and bake, and make 60 sandwiches, and so on and so on.

Just dropping to hear news before spot cleaning the stains off the sofas.

This is great news of Bella - I have read but not posted as I couldn't not know what was going on! Thank you so much for the pics, and OMG what are you doing looking so fresh and funky? You look amazing! Thank you Bee, you are a star, as always.

Lins - tears at the news. Welcome to Franklin.

Hope to all the lurkers and posters. Our thread babies.

Hi ladies, hoping someone might be able to help. I was just wondering how long it took for your periods to come back following a termination? My consultant that performed my operation said 4 -5 weeks, been nearly 6 and worried my hormones and body is very messed up. Thanks

Helenlouisey, after all the support I've had recently from everyone here, i would love to be able to help, or try to anyway. I was told 4-6 weeks is about average for first period following termination, though have read 2-3 months can also be considered normal. Mine took 6 weeks. I think the long and the short of it is that it can vary so much. I wouldn't be worried yet if I were you - easy for me to say, I know. It's such early days for you. In my befuddled baby brain, I can't remember if you have shared your story on here or not? Wishing you all the best

Tree, so good to hear from you. Sounds like you had a busy weekend. And thanks for the compliments! I can just see my kids roll their eyes when I tell them I was described as "fresh & funky". The weekend has gone so slow, feels like ages since we have heard from you and many of the others. Have to remind myself it's only been two days.

Still waiting to hear all about Franklin. I love the name too - very cute.

Shangrila, you must be getting impatient - I know we
are! Labor vibes to you

If I get to have cuddle today , will give Bella extra kiss and cuddle from you Bee, and Cant, and all you other lovely ladies who have supported me so much. Bella had first tube feed of expressed breast milk last night, so very happy with that. About to go and express some more

take care everyone xxx
PS: Time now is 11:00 am, so we'll see what time it says I have sent the post, as not quite sure of time difference myself

And thanks Bezz, for name suggestion - I like

Awwww Mishtabel. I likey new name

Still in a state of near collapse following party.
I should be back to my normal posting self soon, just the decorations to take down. Am doing that tomorrow though. There is a fair amount of bunting to deal with, and about 100 metres of paper chains. Mainly teddy bear and star shaped, odd strawberry shaped too.

Am rambling . Typical that I woul dbe busy on a mammoth thread weekend.

Congratulations on the first breast milk breast feed too. These are all huge leaps, you should feel proud.

Bee - you must be very proud and pleased with the Haiti funds you raised. Good stuff.

Helen - I have no personal experience, but I know that a 2 week margin on anything remotey to do with women and their hormones is totally fine. I'd say 2 months tbh. There is so so much variation between women. That can be multiplied by a zillion when it comes to our reproduction. Give it another few weeks anyway, if it isn't making you too anxious. If it is niggling though, I'm sure if your GP can't help] a call through to your consultants secretary would get you some info. They are often happy to have a chat on the telephone. x

Mishtabel so glad to hear little Bella is doing lots better - super news! Do they have an idea how long she will be in hospital yet? Perhaps too early to say just now.

Helenlouisey - my period took exactly 7 weeks to return post termination and like you i was getting concerned, i just really wanted my body back to normal. Apparently anything up to 8 weeks is normal though and even a bit longer that that is not uncommon. Frustrating though isn't it! xxx

Quick update: no cuddles yet. They want me to wait until at least 1 chest drain is removed, which may be tomorrow. Here's hoping. Good news though is that Bella is off CPAP and is now receiving oxygen simply thru nasal prongs. Big step in right direction.

Tree, your decorations sound lovely. I bet it looked divine

X-post with you Katiecubs - good to hear from you. All going well, may be transferred back to local hospital by weekend

Morning all xx

Congratulations Lins and MrLins - what lovely news to log in to on a grey Monday morning. I bet he's a real smasher.

And Mishtabel (love the new name!), I'm really glad to hear that Bella is coming on in leaps and bounds.

Helenlouisey - my period arrived exactly one month and one day after the termination, but like Katie says, I was told it could take anything up to eight weeks to return. I think I must be reasonably regular on that front, as when I previously had my missed miscarriage, it arrived exactly a month to the day after the D&C.

Hope everyone else is well. I spent a lovely weekend visiting one of my old friends in Cardiff who has a nearly 5 month old little boy - I discovered I was pregnant with Gracie the week he was born, so it was another poignant reminder of what should have been. However, it was really lovely to spend time with them all - he's a gorgeous thing.

xx

Morning all!

What a weekend! I've had a mammoth time involved guests, minibez having a chest infection, and a night out, but am back.

I've skimmed read and HURRAH!

Congrats Lins, I'm LOVING the name, and what a size! So thrilled for you! (did enjoy the guest 'man' on the thread too

Mishtabel - am v honoured you took my name suggestion and am thrilled that Bella is slowly making a recovery. You've been so brave. What a Mum. Hope you get to have an Australia Day cuddle??

Not sure if there's news from Shangrila? I did only skim, will go and read properly, and be back later.

I also didn't wish Treelette happy birthday. Hope you had a fabulous (though busy) weekend Tree.

Thoughts for Justa

Love to everyone, congrats on your fundraising Bee. V remarkable.

BK xx

Repeat after me, 'must not spend whole day on mumsnet, must not spend whole day on mumsnet'.
Morning all - what a pestilent and foul day it is here in Blighty. (Pelting it down, cloud-filled sky, generally pretty miserable Mishtabel).
Delighted to hear she on the road to recovery - wee poppet and that she is receiving breast milk - that has got to speed thing along. Well done Mishta - what a few days you have had.
Am hoping Lins is snuggled in bed with baby Franklin (or should that be Franklinspins?)
and being waited on hand and foot. I hope too Lins that you are not suffering too many feelings of loss about your precious girls darling.
Tree- you should start a new career as party organiser - bunting? paper chains? Lordy be.
Helenlouisey - I remember well how desperate i was for my period to arrive - just wanted to know that i could start trying again. The waiting game. So gruelling.
Kittens - are you okay honey - I know you are in the middle of the most dreadful part of the waiting fiasco right now?
Hello to my Bezzy!! Hello, hello, hello. You are another entertainer extraordinaire indeed.
Mrs BG- all quiet on the Brighton front - how you diddling?
I have busy day of working from home/checking on you guys- so if there any lurking sorrows, well I feel this may be a good day to give them a good thrashing and airing.
Justa - big wave to you darling - I have told her our news by email and she sends enormous Justahugs.
Cantdo - you are one of the next women in line now for babyness - after Shangrila.
Yikes
Bee xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ps - did anyone read the article in the Observer magazine?
I am kind of cross about it.
Such inflammatory and unhelpful language to use.
So black and white as ever.

Mishtabel - one step closer, fantastic news

Helen - my period came only 3 weeks after, had only just got finished with the bleeding when it started again, it was a hard couple of months.

Tree - bunting? Goodness me you've done well, I usually just blow a few balloons up for birthdays. dd is geting the age to do her own decorations now though although they look very scrappy. Hope you got lots of good photos.

Bee - how lovely to have such an imaginative little boy, please remind me how old he is? I understand about the BF but any chance even if they did split they'd stay friends?

Hope the weather improves as we are due to go away this weekend, please keep away snow!

Must go, loads of washing to catch up on.

Hope all is well with you Shangrila, and mini Bez is better soon,

And love to everyone.xxxxx

Ooh Bee, no - we have got yesterday's Observer at home but I haven't yet looked through the magazine. Will do so tonight... x

Hi all!
I am home now and gradually finding my feet(literally!)
My,... friday was a long day.

First up though - Mishtabel - SO glad Bella doing a little better, am willing her to keep going so her Mummy can have a cuddle. Big love to you and her.

Have skim read, but somewhat sleep deprived so will just let you all know how things went.

Got to hosp at 8 am ish, and was shown to room (why are they so souless?). Reminded me a little of sad times at the same hospital, although huge wiggling bump kept me focussed.
Got rigged up to monitors to see how baby was doing before they put some of that gel stuff up...urgh, won't go in to details, but it's bloody horrible.
It takes about 6 hours to see whether it's working/made a difference, but in that 6 hours I got quite strong contraction-like pains. Except you are not officially in labour because it's all artificially induced. Very painful though so I was given paracetamol and eventually I put my TENS machine on. (ahhhhh, love those things).
At 4pm I was re-examined and was a little more dilated, enough for them to say they would break my waters rather than give more gel.
So, another moment of indignity when that was done.
Once the waters were broken, the contractions immediately got WAY stronger, and Franklin got a bit distressed (well, anyone would I reckon, being squished like that!!) so I was moved to a different room. Do wish they wouldn't make you walk about when having contractions!!
I kept asking for gas and air, but they said 'do you want to wait until you really need it?'....which was funny cos I NEED IT NOW.
Things started to move really fast...lots of gas and air, lots of breathing, and soon I really needed to push. OMG had almost forgotten how much this next bit hurts. Absolute and complete agony, like nothing you can describe...
Franklin almost didn't want to come out, but 2 really good midwives gave me very clear and direct commands on what to do, when to push when to pant etc, and out he came at 6.15pm.
He was put straight on me for skin to skin time, and I just lay, exhausted and let this huge, warm baby snuggle.
I could tell he was heavy, and the midwives said they were a bit shocked to see how big his head was...and when he got weighed - 9lb 15oz - almost 10lbs! How did something so big come out of me? (I am tall but fairly slim...or I was before).
I had a second degree tear but the general opinion was it might heal without stitches, which at the time I was glad of cos didn't want any more activity 'down there'.

Afterwards I was so tired it was all a blur. I have never felt so dazed by exhaustion. Franklin fed a bit..I was made (kindly) to have a shower.. Dh dressed Franklin and by 9pm ish we were up on the ward. Tea, toast.
Dh left about 10, when the husbands get kicked out. I then got NO SLEEP, as it was so busy and noisy with new mums arriving with new babies all night. Plus the after-pains of stuff contracting was fairly horrendous and I needed lots of pain killers. I didn't know this, but these pains get worse with each pregnancy/labour, so as this is my 4th, it really hurts.

Franklin not great at feeding, especially from one side, so Saturday was taken up with midwives and nurses man-handling my boobs to help. Franklin was very sleepy though and not really bothered - still isn't, so we are working on the feeding...

Came home sat evening - needed sleep so much. Got a little. Luckily Dd was staying at cousins still so Dh and I took it in turns to cuddle franklin who won't sleep unless being held.

Sunday, another day of blur. Various family came to visit. More feeding difficulties, I'm very sore on one side and he won't feed on other!

But in amongst all this: I realized I really love him.

This is a big step for me as I didn't want a boy and it's taken lots of counselling for me to work through my feelings about losing 2 girls, only ever being preg before with girls, wanting a sister for my Dd...etc.

But I do really love him. He's warm and snuggly and beautiful, and has lots of dark hair, and smells nice, and is all soft and velvety. I am so relieved to have him out safe and well. Feeling a bit emotional as I write this last bit. Had a big sob after he was born, and the midwives said to Dh 'it's just the effect of the gas and air' but it was a letting go....

Must go now and wipe nose.

Thank you all so much for your messages, your support, your love the whole way.

Will post pics when can work out how.

Lots of love to you all.

Lins xxxx

Have you a link to it Bee?

Well I almost forgot about Burns Night. Got my haggis 'truffles' out of the freezer and dh will have some whisky later (I hate the stuff). Just been looking at poems and there's hundreds of poemsn & songs. Here's a wee snippet:

Wee, sleekit, cow'rin, tim'rous beastie,
O, what a panic's in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty,
Wi' bickering brattle!
I wad be laith to rin an' chase thee,
Wi' murd'ring pattle!

That wee bit heap o' leaves an' stibble,
Has cost thee mony a weary nibble!
Now thou's turn'd out, for a' thy trouble,
But house or hald,
To thole the winter's sleety dribble,
An' cranreuch cauld!

Actually we love William McGonagall from Dundee, known famously as Britain's worst ever poet. Some of them are hilarious, again a taster:

Monikie is as bonnie a place as ye could wish to see,
And about eleven or twelve miles from bonnie Dundee;
It's the only place I know of to enjoy a holiday,
Because there's a hall of shelter there to keep the rain away.

Then there's a large park, a very suitable place,
For the old and the young, if they wish to try a race;
It's there they can enjoy themselves during the live-long summer day,
Near to the little purling burn, meandering on its way,
And emptying itself into the pond of Monikie,
Which supplies the people with water belonging to Dundee

Oh Lins, what a lovely story (tearing and agony aside) I'm now having a little weep for your. So so happy that you're bonding well with 'little' Franklin.

BK xx

Oh Lins, I cross posted, what a time for you with the new life in your arms, and as you say letting go, such a mix of emotions.... Thanks for the birth story, am sitting with my legs crossed!

Hi Lins good to hear from you and thanks for sharing Franklins birth story (terrifying as it is for someone who has never gone through labour before ). Franklin sounds just gorgeous am so glad you are enjoying some special time together xxx

Oh darling Linsy
big sobby cuddle from me to you and your warm, bundley boy. You love him. Of course you do. This is all that matters.
I have had two whoppers too - middle boy was 10lbs 1oz and next one 9lb 14. I am also fairly tall and slim so not sure where they come from really! But darling am so so happy for you. I really just knew he would be gorgeous.
Re the boobing - have you got a book called Breast is Best? I think I got it from La Leche League when i had problems with second one. He will feed when hungry - it sounds as if he has some pretty good reserves!
Honey - thank you for posting to us all.
Big big gentle cuddle to that boy
Bee xxxxxxxxxx

Oh Lins - tear in my eye as I read about how you love little Franklin, and I'm SOO glad you know it now! Sounds like you had an exhausting time, I hope you are getting more rest now you're home. Is your DH off work for a bit to help out? (Waves 'hi' to MrLins after his very welcome update the other day). Look forward to those pics...

and Mishtabel, so good to hear that Bella is improving day by day . Hopefully you will be a step closer to those cuddles tomorrow (aaaahh).

All quiet from Shangrila: I hope that's a good quiet...?

Tree - hope you have a quiet week, sounds like you need it! Bunting sounds fun

Helenlouisey - I can't remember when I had my period but I remember the bleeding after delivery took ages to stop, so I guess your body needs to get itself back in gear afterwards. Hope you're feeling more reassured after the replies from others.

As for me, well I hadn't even taken in that it was Burns night; you can tell I'm not a REAL Scot. We've got pasta on the menu... but I'm not sure that toddlers would eat Haggis

Hi to everyone else... xx