Talk : Antenatal support thread for women who have chosen to terminate V

[treedelivery]

Welcome to the 5th thread.

An amazing day to begin a new journey together. The thread babies are arriving and we take this as a positive nod from the great karma controller - whoever and whatever that may be.

Good luck to our thread, to the souls who read, those who post, those who drop in to learn and hold hands.

Our cyber bench is a supportive place, we sit outside hospitals as strong but scared women go to ride their wave. We huddle in our cottage when the weather is bleak, stormy or biting cold.

When the sun shines on us we share stories of real life, gain strength and giggle together in times of warm weather.

Oooooooh. Hormone flood in my house.

The greatest news.

Oooooh - how lovely Mishtabel, so glad you've had your cuddles ; not surprised you need to bawl, think anyone would after the anxious time you've had. Now it's safe to let go.

Oh that is such lovely news. Thank you Mishtabel for telling us. And well done baby Bella for being so strong.

I echo Bezzy - you've been really strong and yet continued to think about us. It's a shame you do live so far away. If you were nearer I would be hotfooting it to meet little Bella!

You will need a crash eventually. Hope you soon get some privacy to go through it.

Mishtabel - Bee sent me a pic..WOW, you both look soooo gorgeous!!! Ahhhhh. Really glad how Bella is doing. And hope you get that bawl, I know all about the need for emotional release. You've been so strong, but do need to let it all out. lots of love. xxxxx

Hello everyone
Mishta - to see a picture of Bella without all that medical intervention is so precious. What a contrast between now and a few days ago. But yes, i know the feeling of needing to release the pent-up managed emotion. Maybe in the car on the way home, maybe at home. It matters not. It will come when it is ready honey. And you have shown such enormous strength of character; you truly have. I have loved sharing this wee moment of the journey with you and feel that am a true thread auntie now!
Take it easy darling lady.
Lins- a wink and a hug to you and Franklin.
And to all of you here - am very tired (what's new) and so am off to read to middle boy - The boy in the Striped Pyjamas - anyone read it? - bathe and watch the fourth series of Skins.Anyone interested in the life of teens watch it- this is my daughter's life. Very unlike my own!
Bee xxxxxx

She's a hottie!

Haven't read boy in striped pyjamas, but have seen the movie.

Stock up on tissues Bee

BK x

PS Skins is filmed in Bristol

Oops...probably should also have written...

Hope you don't mind Mishtabel, but Bee forwarded me your lovely pics

Mishtabellamama did say I could forward pics honest!
And yes have seen the film and read the book before - he has been utterly transfixed by the book - very unusual for a sporty 12 year old boy - and now have no idea what to read with him next.
He would like to go from reading Boy in Striped PJs to watching Skins - but after watching tonight's episode (boy oh boy- the shenanigans) not sure he quite ready yet.
Not sure I am to be honest.
Bee xx

Hi everyone, all still going good. Have spent last 24 either trying to establish breastfeeding or sleeping )both of us).

Yes what a difference a few days make indeed. Doctors are so happy with progress that they have cleared her to go back to local hospital today (!), just trying to organise transport.

As for the release of feelings, knew you would all understand. Looking forward to it in a way. When my sister got back to Melbourne, she texted mr to say she finally broke, as soon as she got in the door. I don't think I let anyone feel they could break down. If I so much as sensed a tear welling in an eye, I would say 'We are being positive' - more as instructions rather than an observation.

And, hehe; hottie, gorgeous, babe - I love you girls! How funny. If only you could see my not so gorgeous swollen feet and ankles! However after lengthy consults with Dr Google I believe this can happen after caeser and that it will resolve. It had better.

And of course I don't mind Bee sending my pics. I was wanting to put them up on my profile, but as I have only got my phone to post, I can't. Will when I get home though.

Snow in jacuzzi sounds fabulous Eulalia . And come any time ;) No actually, I think we should all meet somewhere central, a lovely island in the Mediteranian (? Sp)?

And Bezz, I take it you're from Bristol? I am slowly working you all out

til later, take care xxx

Morning Mishta
Still raining here.
Still grey and still Januaryish.
But over where you are, the sun is shining down on little Bella. Hard to leave the security of the neo-natal hospital but it means you are on the way to ... home.
I often feel like that when my son and I have been in hospital with an asthma attack - glad he has recovered but somehow clingy to the nurses and ward. A feeling that I will not manage without them.
But all will be normalised soon.
Middle son home sick today, so not getting much done. He is crabby; boy is he crabby. Headache, tummy ache but not sleepy.
Hello to all.
Hello Bristol.
Hello Kent
Hello Scotland!
Hello Wales - that's for you Shangrilala.
Hello the North.
Hello Brighton
Hello Scarborough
And hello Wakefield - sending gentle thoughts to you Justa
Bee xxxxx
Bee xx

Yes, thoughts to Justa. Sorry, didn't get a chance to read all the posts after the weekend - it was a busy weekend on here! I hope the funeral went well and that you're holding up ok.

This is just a little post for my dear friend Justa- as I know you are no longer posting on your chat thread.
I guess the rational brain and the unconscious brain have much hard work to do to accept that your dad is no longer here. I am not sure how one does it; I really am not.
But from reading your thread it sounds truly that you and your family, your dad especially, lead a connected meaningful, loving life. In the end, in the very end, what more is there to ask, to expect, to cherish?
You have somehow brought him to life on the other thread- at a time when he is no longer present. Death can do that can't it?
And what you wrote, what you wrote about only being able to cry in Mr Justabout's arms - so poignant. It struck such a chord with me Justa. I have had many moments like that in the last year - have seemed strong, stoical, amazing to all. Yet when with him, my raw self, the middle of me has spilled out. It also happens on this thread to me.
I am trying to imagine you now, locate you, think of how in the name of God one navigates oneself without one's parent. I have no idea how. But I think it is part of maturing and growing up. And here you are, being a mummy too. And to a new life.
You must be very worn out Justa. Take care and thank you for sharing the letting go of your dad with us all.
With much love as ever
Bee xxxxxxx

OH golly - when I say, when I was with him I obviously do not mean when I was with Mr Justa! I mean that would be too odd. I mean when I am with my own version of Mr Justa, when I am with Man Bee.
Just wanted to clarify.

Hello, I am here at last.

And now the puter power pack has sizzled and is no more, and the battery bar is running down so quickly. SO if I take a mn sabbatical it is because a new power pack is on it's way. I'll be back!

Have spent all day arguing with dh [and I can argue, I can be one hurtfull cutting bitch] so perhaps not best placed to help anyone at this time.

Ignore me while I lie under a blanket [cashmere] in the armchair in the corner by the door.

Much love to Justa and Bee, who have the same safe harbour in their menfolk. Bonds, roots and history formed through loss, pain and trauma. Deep indeed. I don't know if the bonds formed through joy and success are as strong actually. I dunno about that one. Might have to ponder it - maybe this is why my relationships with people never seem to reach these symbiotic depths. They have [as yet] never had the growth medium of deep personal pain. My time will come of course, I hope my relationships can take it.

Tonight I really wish I drank.

And Mishtabel, you can have your out pouring anytime. A storm to clear the air and mark a new begining.

Btw, am away for the weekend, without children. Imagine. Back Sunday late - then sort computer power pack out Monday. That is marked down as urgent!!

OHmygosh Treetops - wherefore art thou off to?
Am pleased if you getting a true break.
Do not fret re the squabbling - most of the intelligent women I know (for intelligent read 'neurotice') are very good at being screaming harpies. We cannot cope and be strong infinitely. Now and again we must break.
Will send you little texty wexty.
Bee xxxx

Thinking of you too Justa. Did some catching up on your thread the other day, but didn't get around to actually posting. I'm sure your heart has been warmed by the show of support from fellow mumnetters. Thanks for sharing.

That was a lovely post to Justa, Bee. You sure have a way with words - oh besides the 'with him' thing! That was v. funny. Thankfully that has been clarified and Justa can now rest assured

Tree, I think we all have the potential to be little 'B's' at times. I feel I have utilised that potential well throughout my pregnancy. I have used my cranky voice so much over the past 7 or so months, I am very suprised that Bella recognized my 'nice' voice at all. Hope you are having a lively weekend.

Lins, how things with baby Franklin, keeping you busy I expect.

Shangrila, mind if I take over pom pom shaking in Trees abscence?

Bella is still going well, though she now has to stay in NICU over the weekend, simply because the weekend doctor in charge feels he does not know her well enough to make any changes to her care (ie. take her off monitor). I'm not complaining though as unbelievably, this time last week I was contemplating the thought of losing her (however much I denied this to myself and those around me). Will be nice to go home though. DH and girls are on their way down to see us. Kids are just as excited to be staying in Ronald McDonald house (it's fantastic) again as they are to see their little sister I think.

Hope everyone else is going well and enjoying your weekend xxxx

My turn to clarify: I meant lovely weekend Tree, not lively. However, you may also wish it to be lively, and if that's the case, I hope it's that too

Oh Mishta darling - that has brought a tear to my eye; your words about the fear of losing Bella. I think none of us here ever allowed that thought in; I for one felt she was strong and in good hands. That she did not have a fatal condition but a temporary hiccup; but I can see that given your terrible loss of Sheridan, well how could you think otherwise? But here she is now, gorgeous and strong and yours.

It sounds as if the consultant is playing it safe which can only be a good thing. And what an adventure for your big girls to stay at a motel!
Today in London we have bright blue sky! Yay! Although there is a tiny floop of snow on the ground oddly. LM and I are doing something we have never done before in an effort to beat the January blues - we are going on an organised walk from St Paul's catherdral to Covent Garden - the kind of thing a tourist might do. It is a free annual event - wish you were all coming too!
Love to all -enjoy your family this weekend
Bee xxxxxxxxxxx

Tree, you just lie under the blanket for a bit. January is a horrid month and makes us all tetchy with it's greyness and drab cold. Have a metaphorical rest in the cottage then you'll have the energy to sort things out with Mr Tree. xxx

Justa, sending you love too. xxx

Shangrila, thinking of you lots and hoping you are cocooning yourself gently. xxx

Bee, hope the walk was fun and you got a buzz from the sunshine, of which we haven't seen enough recently. xxx

Franklin keeping me very busy - I look after him, Dh looks after me, Dd and Franklin! Let give a cheer for supportive men!!
Breast feeding has been pretty hellish so far, but with the use of nipple shields and hand pump I think the damage is beginning to heal. Yurgh.

Franklin is amazing, he's just sooooo beautiful. I will get some pics up, I promise.

Mishtabel, send us some Aussie warmth, it's freezing here. Hope you are managing lots more cuddles and bonding time with your precious bundle. xxxx

Hi everyone,

Bee, hope you enjoyed your walk. Would have been lovely to join you, especially with sun shining - or even better if it was snowing. Hope the weathers been kind to Eulalia for her weekend away. And Tree, whatever she may be doing

It has been overcast and raining on & off here, though very warm and humid. Will try to send warmth your way, without the humidity - no one wants that

And yes Bee, you are spot on, my feelings when Bella was ill were very much tied up in my loss of Sheridan. Just so hard not to assume the worst. And yet you can't possibly bear to think the worst. Littlepoot was describing the same sort if feeling on the other thread. Gees I would just love to be one of those people who take having healthy babies for granted!! Who buys baby clothes (and take the price tags off same without fear of maybe having to return items) throughout their pregnancy without fear of jinxing things. Even now I only have triple 0 clothes for Bella. I tell the kids (and myself) I don't want to buy anything for when she's older because I don't know how big she'll be for each season. I know though, that I'm scared of tempting fate. My next safe milestone for Bella will be when she is 12 weeks and 2 days old (the age Sheridan reached). Sorry to sound like such a downer, just feeling a big sooky and scared of leaving the safety of the NICU, which will probably be tomorrow. Though at same time can't wait to get my baby home. I know I am going to sob, probably uncontrollably, when attempting to thank NICU staff, and I desperately don't want to. Alright, enough - getting myself worked up already!

Lins, is so beautiful to hear you so obviously in love with your little boy. Give him a cuddle from me. Can't wait for pics.

Quick whinge: a lady across from me, pregnant with twin boys was just on the phone to someone, loudly saying how grateful she was that she was having boys, as she 'couldn't stand to have a girl', how 'horrible' girls can be, and that she just doesn't have the patience to put up with girls. Meanwhile, my beautiful flowers with a balloon attached exclaiming 'It's a girl!' sits next to me, in her full view. I just don't understand how someone can talk like that, and so loudly. Insensitive cow, I felt like slapping her on behalf of each and every one of my beautiful daughters. Whinge over..

I'll stop my moaning now. And for what it's worth, feel much better getting it off my chest.
Have a lovely day everyone, and may the sun shine for you all xxx

Oops, nearly forgot : pom pom shake for Shangrila xx

Oh my goodness Mishtabel - I can't believe that woman! I'm sure being just about to have twins must preoccupy your mind and fill you with hormones somewhat, but that is no excuse. I guess she's stressed and nervous and using loud-mouthed unpleasantness to try and make herself feel better. And let's face it, if her girls grew up to be as rude as she is, maybe its better if she sticks to boys! Just make sure you keep your Bella away from her boys in 16 years time.....xxx

I can't believe Bella is nearly ready to go home. How emotional and exciting... the beginning of a completely new home life. I can only imagine how hard it is to go through this having already lost Sheridan - you must have lost all the taking-for-granted we all do with a newborn. I am so happy Bella is ready to go home.

Lins, you sound really happy too. And dying to see pics of Franklin. I was consulting my out-there baby names book today - a mistake-buy, several pregnancies ago, it has all the weirdest names under the sun in it, and endless pointless lists - anyway I spotted Franklin in a list of 'names most likely to have power and influence'. I thought that was pretty cool. Hope his feeding is less painful soon - or less frequent. I used Avent nipple shields for a week or so after my milk came in with DD as she couldnt latch (I was too engorged) and then I ditched them with no problem. How is DD liking her baby brother?

Bee, hope the walk helped clear your head. I am always impressed by people going on walks. My idea of a walk is a trek round a shopping centre...

Hi to everyone else...

We've had a tricky weekend - snow here AGAIN, and had a car crash yesterday as the car skidded on black ice. Car is pretty badly damaged - thankfully we were going v slowly so we were all okay but v shaken.

I think that Observer article from last week has struck some kind of chord in my head, and not a good one. The portrayal of that doctor - as some kind of emotionless, cold, unfeeling man - and the fact of people's hatred against those who they think 'kill' babies - well I've never seen myself as a baby killer. But I guess I am, in some people's eyes. I had a scan last week and have been trailing one of the photos everywhere with me (not showing people! just hidden in my handbag) and when I see my baby's face I keep remembering Stella's face when she was born, and thinking, how could I have done it? Rationally I would do the same thing again - she had no chance of survival at all; there is no chance of survival for a baby with no kidneys/lungs - but I have to face up to the fact that I still actively shortened her fetal life. It doesnt make me a killer - in any case she was going to die anyway - it doesnt even mean I did something wrong - but it does mean I did something I could never have imagined doing.

On a positive note, I am now 29 weeks. And I feel very lucky to have got this far...