support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities

[katiecubs]

Hi girls - i hope this becomes a useful area

Lyn - I do hope all gets sorted out with your bleeding soon, and that you find out why they are saying no to TTC (though with the bleeding that won't be on your mind, I guess...). CVS showed our loss was definitely chromosomal but as it was T13 they didn't do any tests on me or DH (I think they put T13 and T18 down to random bad luck). I hope you get some answers soon.

Crazycat - you may be right with MMR, I think the reaction to it is more delayed. Did you do a trip to A&E anyway, just in case? I hope your DD is better soon.

Allstars - I wrote on here just a couple of weeks ago about my shame over crying at the emotional moments of Cars. Not 'The Cars' (as in 80s classic song used during Live Aid) but Cars (the not-very-classic film by Pixar). So please put it down to hormones. And although I don't think my DS registers 'bump attention' (tbh I don't think I get any bump attention from anyone anyway) I do think his behaviour is linked. And I'm nervous about how it will pan out. But in the meantime, I wouldn't worry about a Happy Meal (or in our case Colin Caterpillar, or watching a film on DVD when I need to rest/put my feet up). If it helps you get through the day, it's just that - a help. It's not the beginning of the end! And I think the aim is to be a 'good enough' parent, balancing your need to keep sane with the need to do right by your child. At least that's what I tell myself; it's always easy enough to find something to be guilty about if you look hard enough.

Coffee - I'd echo Crazycat, step away from Google! and get reading all those books instead

Strange as it may seem, I also forget that I am pregnant - and I've only a week (or 2 or 3) to go. Is that denial? It's only when I move that I remember. I don't even register the baby moving very much, so I get anxious until I realise I've just not registered the movements. Shangrila recommended drinking cold drinks, so sometimes I do that or prod poor baby to get a response .

Anyway, suppose I'd better go brew some raspberry leaf tea so that when push comes to shove I'm more effective... xx

Numpty I remember drinking iced orange juice to get DD to jump about. The cold and the sugar rush made her go wild!

We didn't do A&E in the end, the thought of dragging her out of bed and sitting there for 3 hours was just too much - so we rang the Seldoc emergency doctor and talked through her symptoms then took her to see her GP this morning who gave her a thorough examination. He reckoned MMR reaction combined with some serious canine teething action... She really perked up this afternoon, fever gone and she's had some food. So I think it must have been just the one hairband she swallowed after all!

Enjoy the raspberry leaf tea. I seem to remember it being quite tasty...

Hey Numpty, the old cold, fizzy drink trick never fails does it? Orange Tango is superb if you're having a major panic. Although it's possibly not right up there in the health food stakes. You are so close now, it's amazing. I got really uptight (now there's a surprise) about movement in the last few weeks and I continued on in this way until the very last moment of delivery. Our maternity unit doesn't admit until you reach 5-6 cm and I found that particular phase torturous. You however, are my embodiment of a calm, collected pregnancy and I just know you will navigate these last few weeks (days?) with your usual poise. And if it gets a bit too much, then come and have a rant here. I went to ground in my last week or so and now know I would have done better to talk through my fears.

Hugs to lovely Kittens, if you're lurking.

And a big hi to eveyone else, particularly Lins, Mishta and Can't and their delicious little ones. Babies are growing big, aren't they? We are 5 months next week. Where does the time go? I am failing at trying my best to introduce 'solids' at the moment. Mango and pumpkin purée anyone? Makes for very interesting nappies!

Love to all x

Crazycat - yes, I don't mind drinking raspberry leaf tea whereas I hate fruit teas. I think it's because the smell of a fruit tea promises so much more than it delivers in taste. Really glad to hear your DD is better now - it's such a worry when they are sick/vomiting and have a fever.

Shangrila - can't believe your DS is 5 months old already! Is he enjoying the new experience of food? With DS we didn't do purees, started with BLW then reverted into giving mashed versions of our own food, but mango and pumpkin puree actually sounds quite nice. You could freeze it in this weather to make smoothie ices...

Cant - if you're reading, how old is Babycant now? I'm losing track.

I am fairly relaxed just now, I've a week til my due date but I doubt v much that anything will happen for at least 1.5wks. In fact, just now, I think I'm going to be pregnant forever. Did I mention that I might be in denial?

Actually my main concern now is low amniotic fluid, given that was the stressful bit when DS was born - however visit to mw on Weds was v reassuring. She said that so long as bump was firm and bouncy (perhaps not her actual words) that all was fine. I'm just really hoping I get a spontaneous labour this time and don't end up going to hospital to get induced and having to spend the night without DH.

The other benefit of staying pregnant forever is that DS won't have to adjust to baby being here; he's quite accepting of the baby in mummy's tummy, I think. Also I've read some not very reassuring threads about how hard it is to adjust to having 2DC which has made me rather nervous. I'd been thinking I'd take it in my stride because I'd have already experienced various things - but so many people were saying how much harder it was than with their first... and I struggled with DS when he was a baby, so not sure how I'll cope if I'm struggling with 2! [now-I'm-REALLY-worried emoticon]

Suspect I need to step away from those threads on MN and just see how it goes in my own life...

Big hugs to Kittens if you're lurking... xx

Morning everyone. Numpty, I hate fruit tea as well. I have no useful advice to give about having a second child. All I know is one of my friend's experience, who had a 2 year old dd when her ds was born. The dd went very quiet for a day after they came home with the baby, and refused to go to bed in her room so spent the first night sleeping in the parents' bed. The following day she got close to the baby and "inspected" him, and then she got used very quickly to having him around and declared she loved him very much. My friend involved her in feeding and changing the little one and explained what she was doing every time, and from then on it's all been fine. And she made sure she was getting a cuddle as well every time her brother was getting one. She's very protective of her little brother now.

I was wondering, reading about your worries about the amniotic fluid, is there are chance you get another scan, just to put your mind at rest? They should understand you are anxious. Anyway, only a matter of days until the little one is here, it will be another happy day for our thread.

Crazycat, glad to hear your dd is much better. You are in London, aren't you? I'm down south... It looks like we'll have another hot week-end, I don't mind

Last night I got very teary. I think that it's starting to hit me, every now and then, especially when there aren't enough distractions around. I remembered how heartbreaking losing Silvia was, and I just thought that if I am to lose this one as well, I'd rather it happened early, before I feel movements, before I see a bean at the scan. And then I thought:how awful to think about your pregnancy like this, how awful to try not to get involved and just think about loss and brace yourself up for the worst!

Anyway, time to stop now and get ready for the day. Have a lovely week-end in the sunshine ladies, and Kittens, as everyone said, thinking of you xxxx

Oh Coffee, it's such a shame but sadly very normal to feel pessimistic about pregnancy after a loss such as we've experienced. The innocence of just thinking you get pregnant and have a baby has gone. But the reality is that what has happened to us is pretty rare - not completely uncommon, no, but the odds of something happening the same again are very small. However you will probably not believe in this pregnancy until you've gone past the point at which you had problems with Silvia - I know for me I dreaded the 14wk scan I had as that's around the time we found out about Iola's problems, and then learned she had died. After that the 18wk scan was more manageable; and when that was OK we could believe that we might actually have a baby.

I think the only thing you can do is set your sights short, look only to the next scan, the next appointment, and deal with that and that alone. Hopefully each should reassure you - though having said that the reassurance often wears off before the next scan! Hence me refusing to have a scan on my own when I was booking in at 17wks as I hadn't been warned it was coming and I didn't have DH with me. Don't feel bad that you feel pessimistic, it doesn't mean you will love this baby any the less; you are just trying to manage the feelings you have for this pregnancy and your loss of Silvia as they all get mixed up together.

Distraction really is the best solution, where possible... that and sharing how you feel on here so that you know you're not alone. Big hugs to you. xxx

Thank you Numpty. You are right, the only way through this is not to look too far ahead.

I hope it's not so hot in Scotland - it's quite uncomfortable here and I've been dizzy today, so it must be so much worse for you with the big bump. When exactly next week are you due?

To everyone else, I hope you all had a nice week-end, xxxx

No it's not too hot in this part of Scotland - although it has been monsoon-like (heavy showers, drying out quickly afterwards). I think I remember some dizziness as being a pg symptom, though with the heat it must be worse - I hope you are feeling OK now.

I'm due Weds 30 June, though each scan I had changed the date by a day, so when I booked in I just plumped for the latest date they gave me to give me more time! However I've had some encouraging signs - I'm feeling fairly energetic, which is good as I might need that energy soon. Plus more importantly I've actually had a show this time, so perhaps my body WILL do this naturally

Now my only worry is timing, there's no-one to cover for DH this week, so I'll have to keep legs crossed that things don't start til AFTER due date, otherwise it will be me and him and the laptop in the delivery room...

A show, Numpty! v exciting. You realize when you go quiet we will all be imagining you in labour...? if that laptop does come with you please give us your news!

I have no time but wanted just to say - Allstars, Numpty, IME the older sibling immediately loves the baby, but can be in turns affectionate, loving, jealous or silly in relation to the baby. And it's all okay. But what struck me most was how HUGE my toddler DD seemed when her sister was born. Yet she too was still my baby and still is. To give you an example of infuriating loving behaviour - when Babycant feeds on my bf pillow at home, DD1 often wants to climb on it too to stroke her sister and cuddle in, and says 'Mummy I'm a baby too'...

Coffee/Crazycat, etc - the worry is normal. The chances are everything will be okay. But I struggled to believe that. I echo Numpty: one day at a time is the only way.

Kittens, if you're reading, I am thinking of you.

Hi Ladies,

Can I please ask for a bit of advise. I have been lurking for a little while as after terminating at the end of Jan for T21, I am (or should I now say was) pregnant. My lmp was the 30th April, and I was quietly thrilled and excited, but naturally much more wary because I last time. So kept saying to myself, wait until after the scan/cvs. I am due to go for my booking in appointment tomorrow, and an early dating scan on friday, but today I woke up with slight period pains. Before going out for the day, I noticed also some brownish discharged, and even though I was trying to fool myself all would be ok, I knew that it wasn't. We were out all day, and the pains came and went, and the discharge changed to slight reddish clotting.
This must mean that am having a miscarriage.
What do I do? Should I still go to the booking in appointment, or try to get through to them tomorrow (nightmare system though, you have to call in the morning, and they will call you back the next morning!).
I really don't want to go along with all the expectant mothers, and go through all that information again, when in my heart I know that I have lost this little one. What could they do anyway? Or should I call and cancel and wait until Friday for the scan?

Dear Waffy - I had bleeding early on in this pregnancy, around 6.5wks I think, and assumed all was lost but it's not always the case so do get it checked a.s.a.p. I think you can book in later if you want (I actually only booked in after my 14wk scan) so I'd suggest FIRST calling the fetal medicine/scan unit and talking to them, before you decide whether or not to go to the booking in appointment. They may want you in sooner than Friday, so that they can see what the score is. Otherwise if you can't get through to the Scan/FMU it might be worth going to the booking appointment as they may get you in for a scan there and then instead.

Really really hope that all IS well with you. xx

Dear Numpty

Thank you for replying, I really do feel though that its over, I was going for the booking appointment as early as possible, as wanted to have the cvs asap. I had to have a medical termination last time as it was past the 12 weeks, and didn't want to go through that again, if the results were bad.

Sorry to hear that your gut feeling is that it's over . I think you'd still be advised to contact the early pregnancy/scan unit though. I only had one 'normal' miscarriage and it was so early on at 5 or 6wks that my GP didn't advise any action but I think at a later stage they may want to scan you to check what's what.

I will try speaking to a midwife on the phone tomorrow (at the place where they do the booking in appointments), thank you for your advice.

Hi everyone

Waffy, I remember you from earlier on in the year. I'm sorry if, as you suspect, this pregnancy isn't to be. Numpty's advice sounds good, as always. Where I'm from, we don't book in until about 20-25 weeks, but then we don't have midwife-led care either (it's GP or OB). I really do hope it all turns out for you, if not this time, then in the very near future xx

Numpty, you'll be fine with two. It can be hard in ways, but there are so many things that make up for that. You sound like you are the kind of person that takes everything in your stride, which is a good start. How exciting that you've had a show! I generally have a baby in my arms a few hours after the show (funny word that), but hoping yours holds out until a convenient time for you and dh. Although, on the bright side, as Cant said, having a laptop in hospital will be handy for keeping us up to date

Can't, I know what you mean about your toddler seeming huge once you have a newborn. I tandem-breastfed Michaela and Tanika for a few months (which my baby-nurse assured me was fine). Michaela was 21 months but looked massive. DH would say 'Now that just looks weird' . I never did it in public, as I'm sure it would have drawn a few comments Hugs to your girls xx

A big hello to you too Shangrila. Doesn't time fly? Bella started on solids a coulpe of weeks ago. There was no way she was going to wait until 6 months. So far it's been rice cereal and mashed potato. So far so good. I had never heard of BLW til Numpty mentioned it, so I googled it - sounds great (and messy) and I'm going to try that at 6 months. I've been meaning to do a profile here for ages do I can put some pics up, but in case I don't get around to it, there's a couple of pics, and a video, on my blog (I really hate to think I actually have a blog - it's supposed to be about us building our home) [email protected]
Bella was born with thick dark hair, but now it's kinda worn off around the sides and is long on top. On a good day she looks like she has a bad toupe. On a bad day - do you remember the lead singer in the band Flock of Seagulls? Yes, not good at all. Kiss to your little man xx

Kittens, hope your okay. Was in fruit and veg section yesterday, and when I got to the mangoes, I said to my girls, I know someone that has a cat the shape of a mango. The look on their face can only be described as 'What the?' xx

Well, I have spent way too long on net today. Nearly time to pick the girls up Love to everyone else xxx

Just re-read my post as I didn't preview it before. I hope my ramblings didn't come over as insensitive, to either Waffy or Kittens. I know this is a hard time for you both xxx

Oh it's not bloody fair. I really thought labour had started overnight and it's going just the same way as with DS, bar my having low amniotic fluid beforehand. I felt a slight pop and I'm pretty sure my waters have been leaking but the contractions I was having fizzled out. Perhaps they were just Braxton Hicks. But now what really pisses me off is that if mw decides my waters HAVE broken, I've got 24hrs to avoid the pressure of going on the bloody drip again (won't be allowed prostin pesseries) or fighting off the heavy 'your baby might be in danger' brigade. And this is because NICE guidelines say that 24hrs after waters have broken there is an increased risk of 0.5% of infection for baby. And me and baby would have to get iv antibiotics. I am just SO SO SO cut up about this, it is pretty much the scenario I was dreading.

So please all of you think of me today, shake those labour pom poms and tell my bloody body to get its act together otherwise I'll be having another GREAT birth. And I was SO hoping to have a natural birth this time, given I'd had a show. So I'm a bit teary just now - dreading going on drip, having them say I'll have to lie down because otherwise baby's cord is being compressed and not being able to move about. Last time they even insisted on putting my feet in stirrups for ages while they got prick-tests of blood from baby's scalp and for some reason they kept deciding they'd done it wrong and doing it again... not great while in labour.

Not a happy bunny this morning .

Shaking my pom-poms for you now. I too hate the "24 hours til xxx" brigade.

Will be thinking of you today. Xx

NumptyMum I'm also shaking those pom poms like crazy for you and will be keeping my fingers crossed that things move along for you today. Much love xxx

Ooo Numpty, I hope you get to have a good labour this time. I'm pom pom shaking too. Are you walking around and stuff? Trying to think of what else you can do to get it going again. If your waters have broken, that narrows it down a bit I suppose. We need our resident midwife. Tree, where are you??? Good luck Numpty. I'll be checking in later. Keep moving xxxx

Numpty, fingers crossed here too. Pom-poms and cheering. Much love xxxx

And Waffy, I am so sorry you are going through this. I really hope your instincts are wrong. Numpty gave you such good advice, please let us know how you get on.

I've been lurking and sort of skimming the posts on my phone as I've been working and away. Thank you as always for thinking of me. I am mostly doing ok, although having the odd bad day. Friday's job was really stressful and it brought out a lot of angry feelings and although I had to keep a lid on it at work I felt close to tears for most of the day. It's such a weird feeling having to come to terms with the idea of being pregnant in the first place and all the anxieties that come with it and now to think that I'm not anymore. I'm also really annoyed with my mum, who is going through her own thing at the moment too with her cancer scans but she really has been less than supportive this time. Unfortunately, as much as I love her, she is very self absorbed. I should be used to it by now.

Waffy, I just read your post. The consultants at the FMU always say to me that if I get any bleeding and cramps I should go either to the EPU or A&E for a scan as soon as possible. You shouldn't have to wait 24 hours for a call back and then to book and appointment in your situation. If they don't have an EPU at your hospital just go to A&E. Best to go in the day if you can because the sonographers usually go home after 5 so all they would be able to do would be to refer you for an appointment the following morning.

Numpty, I am shaking my pom poms vigorously for you!

Everyone else, have a lovely week. To all the newly pregnant, I wish I had some words of wisdom on how to get through the time without becoming hysterical but I don't think I managed it either! The only time I managed to get through the first 10 weeks without any worries was my first pregnancy. Oh for those days of innocence.

Mishtabel, not insensitive at all. You made me smile - although I wonder how my poor Charlie would feel if he knew we were discussing his erm, curvaciousness on a forum.

Kittens, lovely to hear from you. Sorry you're not getting the support you need from your mum. It's so natural to want to turn to your mum at a time like this and a shock when they don't respond how you need them too. My mum is a bit the same.

Numpty - cheering you on from my desk! Really hope things get moving for you. I'm sure you're trying everything to get labour going but have you thought of reflexology? I am convinced that is what got my labour going with DD, when she was already 14 days late...

Waffy - so sorry you're going through this. I really hope it proves to be nothing to worry about. I can only echo what kittens said and suggest you get yourself to an EPU or A&E today for a scan.

Coffee - how are you doing? I saw your post on Sat and have been feeling the same about this pregnancy - that if it is not to be, I'd rather lose it early. Not sure I'm emotionally equipped to deal with another awful 12 week scan.

It was blinking boiling in London this weekend. DD has barely slept and when she was awake she was mostly screaming. I'm exhausted and tearful today as a result. I just want work to GO AWAY. Is it wrong that I'm praying for winter and cold, dark nights .