support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities

[katiecubs]

Hi girls - i hope this becomes a useful area

Hi NumptyMum yes I did mention it on the other thread! Thanks for the advice re FMU. I guess I just assumed that the departments would talk to each other (how sensible would that be!!)!! I will give them a call. Wow you had lots of scans, I really hope that I get that kind of reassurance although Princess Ann is normally a pretty busy FMU as it coves a huge area!

Today I am not doing so well. I am finding it much harder than I thought. I do think that Olivia, like your DD, is willing on her brother or sister but I don't think the hormones are helping today.

I am going to have a fairly quiet day today and have managed to get into work but have decided to go home with my DP at lunch so apologies for a totally self absorbed post but will catch up with everyone and post properly tomorrow.

G xxxx

Hi Gina

so sorry you're having a tough day. I think you just have to ride it out - the pain comes in waves, and it'll pass, but you can't dictate when it does come. Thinking of you.

FWIW, I didn't have to contact the hospital directly - they wrote to me after my booking-in apptment with the midwife (she sent them the paperwork) and gave me a first appointment with the consultant I would have throughout. He arranged for the nuchal/bloods, for a 14 week scan to check kidneys (my baby had had none - which means couldnt have lived - they can see this at 14 weeks but no sooner) and the anomaly scan to be a bit early (19 weeks) with a follow-up at 23 weeks. I should add that I had had 2 babies with fatal conditions which is different from you. I also had reassurance scans throughout the pregnancy because I was anxious, I think. No early scans because I didnt want one (though in any case wasnt offered one!) - basically because in the 2 pregnancies that went wrong, I DID have early scans and they showed nothing of the later horrors and just got my hopes up.

Ramble ramble... thinking of you...

Sorry, meant to say I was automatically assigned to a consultant in the FMU rather than in the normal part of the antenatal unit because of my past history... but all hospitals are different...

Hi ladies,

Can I officially join you too? I have posted here occasionally before, but I hope to be able to stick around this time. Well, it?s my due date today and I am actually pregnant. I can?t believe it and it actually feels weird writing about it. I am so afraid and so hopeful at the same time. I am getting very teary even writing this. Very mixed feelings.

I am at work today but not able to do much, I just feel overwhelmed. It?s such early days, I?m only 4 weeks today by my calculations, so I refuse to get my hopes up. We were told that the FMU can offer us an additional scan at 17 weeks, but they didn?t mention any early scan. The professor under whose care we?ve been said I can self refer to him next time and that after 20 weeks, if I am getting very anxious, he can scan me again for reassurance. Silvia?s problems might have been picked up at 17 weeks, but not necessarily and we were told that even if the 17 week scan is normal, he can?t confirm there is nothing wrong until 21 weeks.

Anyway, this seems incredibly far away at the moment and I am trying not to think about it too much. Speaking of distractions, if anyone can recommend gripping books, I?d be grateful. Something you can?t put down, to keep my mind off my worries for as long as possible. xxxx

Hello coffee, welcome to the thread!

I didn't ever post on the other thread I don't think, but I did read it, and I think our losses were at about the same time - Feb? Mine was much earlier, 13 weeks, but I remember your story.

I've also just found out I'm pregnant again, I think about 5 1/2 weeks. Had an early miscarriage last month so not getting hopes up.

I can highly recommend anything by Haruki Murakami if you are looking for gripping books to help the time pass more easily. Norwegian Wood and Wind Up Bird Chronicle are particularly good

Did you just find out this morning? xx

Coffee!!!! I've just logged on at home with my phone and seen your news! Im so so pleased for you.

Will post again tomorrow on a proper pc but wanted to say I have been thinking of you and Sylvia and now little bean too xxx

Hi Crazycatlady, yes I lost Silvia in February as well, on the 16th. I was 22 weeks.

I actually had some early symptoms so started testing on Monday, when I had a very very faint positive, almost invisible. It didn?t hit home until yesterday, and I had a teary evening, but in general I?m still a bit in denial about it all. I won?t even call my mw for about another week, I just want to wait and see if it?s not a chemical pregnancy first. At the moment I am quite scared I will miscarry, I?ve read so much about it and every woman seems to go through it at least once.

Gina, thank you so much. As I said, thinking of you too today. Despite being scared, I so hope it will work out for all of us. xxxx

Dearest Coffee - congratulations! It IS a scary time, I think it is a protective mechanism to not truly believe you are pregnant for a while. As you say, distraction is a good way to get through the early weeks...

I'm a terrible one for trashy light-reading books, but did enjoy CJ Sanson's Matthew Shardlake books (if you like detective fiction and historical fiction, the books combine both nicely).

I saw your posts on the other thread and would like to repeat what I wrote to Gina earlier; it is a strange mixture of emotions to be pregnant on the due date of the baby you lost. It does not mean you love Silvia any the less, she is still your first and has already shaped your life so much in the brief time you had. Her life will make the life of your next child all the more precious.

xx

Totally understand the not quite believing in it yet... what books do you usually like?

Oh Coffee congratulations!! I am very glad to see you here and will be rooting for you all the way

Not sure exactly what you are into books wise but I did read The Forgotton Garden by Kate Morton on holiday recently which i found quite non put downable.

Gina i hope the rest of your day was ok and you had a nice lunch with DP.

Katie xx

Gosh lots of congratulations and welcomes due! How exciting. There must be something in the water!

I am thrilled for you all and hope the weeks go by quickly for you all. It's a nerve wracking time and I hope to read of your continued good news.

I hope you understand if I retreat a little. I may not, I just don't know at the moment but it's difficult to read of what I would like to be experiencing myself at the moment. I am feeling generally pragmatic, as ever, and am grateful that I have a busy week of work to keep my head together at the moment. But I suspect I will be on a little bit of a rollercoaster for a few weeks yet, especially when work gets less busy again.

I will be looking in, or course. I want to keep up to date with how you are all getting on, I especially want to be here to share in news of Numpty's happy arrival. But I may be a less frequent visitor for a bit. I just don't know..... .

Either way, you are all in my thoughts on a regular basis. x

or course.... I meant of course, of course!

That's so understandable Kittens. I'll be thinking of you either way xxx

Kittens i had been thinking of you for that very reason - retreat as much as you need but know that we are always here for you lovely xxx

Oh kittens - it must be tough for you just now, but I do hope you don't need to retreat too far. We'll all be thinking of you anyway for next week and for July 9th and I really hope you get a break and don't need any more intervention. xxx

And a big welcome to Gina and Coffee - lovely to see you guys over here. I'm afraid I'm also no use at all for calming advice at the moment, being somewhere between 7 and 8 weeks now and terrified about the whole thing. In case its of any use to you (or crazycat), for the pregnancy I had after the termination last year, I was offered an early dating scan at 9 weeks to ensure that I could have nuchal/cvs as early as possible. That didn't exactly go so well, so for this pregnancy, I've had a scan at 6/7 weeks and will have another at 8/9 weeks, then nuchal (and probably cvs) at 11 and a bit. The two early ones are basically for reassurance, although it does again allow for early dating to get the CVS in as early as possible. Here, the cut off for surgical termination (because obviously I'm not thinking the worst!) is about 12 weeks, so an early CVS is the only way to avoid having to give birth if things don't work out.

Katie - only a week to go to your move? How exciting! And Numpty - potentially not even a week to go?! I hope you're bearing up. Its hot down south - how is it up there with you? Hope you're able to rest and I'm here dusting off the pom-poms in readiness....xx

Kittens I've been thinking about you a lot these past few days. It's lovely to hear from you of course, but I can see how it may feel difficult to talk on here when you are going through this.

I think what's lovely about this thread is there is no expectation to post continually, and because we are a small group it's easier to slot back into the conversation when you are ready.

I hope work proves a welcome distraction for the next little while.

Poot how are you? That's really useful information on the scans. I think if I get into next week and am still pregnant I will visit the GP and get the wheels in motion for an early scan.

Coffee, hope you are ok?

I think a trip to A&E is on the cards for us - DD swallowed a hairband yesterday and has been avoiding food and sick several times since. A hairband came back up yesterday, but I suspect there may be more and that one is causing a blockage of some kind. Being a worrier, I am now convinced she's going to need surgery

Love to everyone of course xx

Hi Kittens, I totally understand what you mean. I have been thinking about you and hope you are well - dip in and out as much as you feel able to just now x

Gina I hope you are doing okay today x

Coffee, congratulations on your news, I hope it all goes very well x ( I am also blaming you for putting coffee and chocolate in my head as I now have a large mug full and a Kit Kat chunky .

Numpty - thank you for the jelly baby idea - I have an addiction to these sweets and your comment made me chuckle - another excuse to eat them regularly

Ahh Crazy - keep us posted on trip to A&E. Nightmare!

To everyone else - hope your day has been pleasant x

I'm wondering if anyone can give advice? I went to doc's today as I have been bleeding since I lost baby in April. Having discussed bleeding etc - Doc said it was most likely a period and i should wait til next month to see if I have another period (as bleeding has now stopped completely HURRAY)! We have had our interim report from hospital consultant which said that our chromosome make up was entirely normal and we would have to wait on final report for further info - Doc said I should not TTC until Final report. I'm not actually sure what advice I am looking for here but I am wondering if anyone has come accross this before and although our chromosome make up is normal - does this mean we could have other things going on that could prevent a successful pregnancy?

Sorry for the very long rant - sometmes just typing everything out helps
xxx

Hi everyone hope you are all ok?

Poot we must be due about the same time, I am 7+5 today.

Crazycat how are you doing? I hope your DD is ok? Can they X ray to find it?

coffee I hope you are ok? I share your fears, I haven't even thought about Spina Bifida yet, there are too many other worries in the first 12 weeks!

I also love the Matthew Shardlake books, and I am Reading the Millenium series at the moment.

Feeling ok today, spent yesterday in a bit of a haze and woke feeling rotten so stayed at home today as I needed the sleep.

Ironically my Midwife called yesterday to say she had already referred me to FMU and that I should hear from them very soon with a scan date, also that I will prob be scanned before I meet her which is in 2 weeks. I feel moderately reassured by this.

Hello everyone, finally back online at home!

Crazycat, how is your dd? And Lyn, I don?t think I ever said hello to you directly, though I?ve seen your posts. I?m afraid I don?t know the answer to your question, as our situation was different, we didn?t have an interim report.

Kittens, it is understandable if you don?t feel up to posting for a while. Just take as much time as you need and we?ll be here when you come back.

Thank you for the book suggestions ? maybe we can start a new thread, book club for women who are pregnant after a termination for abnormalities. I am into fiction, mostly. Gina, I am also reading the Millennium trilogy and it is difficult to put down, just what I need at the moment. Whatever keeps me distracted is good. Speaking of which, I am still in denial, and find myself forgetting that I am pregnant. I was waiting for the train today and there were 3 pregnant women on the platform (quite visible bumps) and I found myself feeling the same longing as before, and suddenly realised ?hold on, I am pregnant too!?. If my last (first) pregnancy is anything to go by, I still have until about 6-7 weeks until sickness kicks in? if I make it that far. I?m quite cautious. The worrying thought is that I am at the stage when Silvia?s problems started, we were told it all went wrong very early, but it wasn?t visible until the anomaly scan.

Anyway, there will always be reasons to worry, so I?ll stick to distraction for as long as I can.

Morning everyone!

Good news that you'll get a scan date soon Gina.

Coffee I'm totally in denial too. Stood up on the tube today for a lady with a lovely big bump (I always seem to notice them first ) and suddenly felt very tearful. PG hormones to blame I think.

I got the second Clearblue Digital out of the box this morning (just to check, you know...) and it said 3+ weeks, so all moving in the right direction. And that woozy seasickness is beginning to kick in. But am TOTALLY paranoid about something (anything) going wrong and I'm thinking a lot about John, the boy we lost in Feb. That's the first time I've said his name . It feels just so wrong that he's not here.

DD had a raging fever last night but has perked up a bit this morning so I'm wondering if the weird vomiting and temp are a reaction to the MMR she had last week and that the hairband incident was a bit of a red herring. She's at home with DH today.

Lyn I don't know the answer to your question I'm afraid. We've had no follow up at all yet from St Thomas's but weren't told to wait either. Could you call and speak to your consultant for clarification?

Ugh, I need distraction too... work just isn't cutting it... xx

Forget my last message ladies - Just had chat with emergency doc - they have put me on Tranexamic acid (bleeding is back with a vengence arghhhhh).

Hope everyone has a peaceful weekend and the sun shines for you all xxx

Morning all,

A big welcome to Gina and Coffee. It is nice to see more names added to our group.

Kittens dip in and out of the chat as you need. I do just that as sometimes it seems too much to be on here hearing about other peoples news. Other times the distraction works fine. I hope you are ok. I know how hard it can all be and I am thinking of you.

Crazy Good news about second test. FWIW the digital test I had put me at 3+ weeks and then when I went to the EPU the scan put me at 6+1. It was such a gift to be given an extra 3 weeks of not having to worry.

Lyn After the loss of our first DD we were told to wait until final post-mortem report. It did not show anything but we felt like we had given medicine its chance to help us. After the loss of our second child we were told to wait again. Looking back I think it is just something the doctors/consultants seem to say. Sometimes it feels like they just reel out statements such as 'wait until your periods settle before TTC again' and 'wait until the final report' It just strikes me that they have not experienced what we have and probably do not appreciate the desperate need to continue. I agree that you should probably try to call someone and find out exactly why you are being told to wait.

Numpty How is DSs biting going? Are you coping with the weather OK? I am sitting in my kitchen at the moment and the temp here is 27 degrees! I have 5 weeks to go and it is pretty uncomfortable. I hope you are managing better than I am.

With regards to me, I am just waiting out the last few weeks. A good book would be lovely but I am finding too many distractions to read anything at the moment. My DD is starting to get a little jealous of the bump attention and I have less patience than normal to deal with this. So I end up getting frustrated at her and then it makes it worse. I even bribed her to behave the other day with a Happy Meal. Then I broke down in tears in the car on the way home as I had become "that" parent. I seem to be crying a lot more lately and it probably is the hormones but it is just another added stress that I don't need right now. I spoke with my Doctor and Midwife separately who assure me that this is all normal and it will pass when the baby comes but that does not help the here and now.

Anyway, enough of a ramble from me.

Hello, to everyone not mentioned. Have a lovely weekend. I am hoping to take DD strawberry picking in the sunshine with a picnic to make up for my bad parenting this week.

Thinking of you all. Xx

allstars those last few weeks I remember when preg with DD I was an awful PITA to everyone and cried at the drop of a hat. If it takes the odd Happy Meal to keep DD happy over the next few weeks then that's what it takes . I have frequently been known to bribe DD with chips...

The digi tests measure from conception so I'd put myself at about 5 1/2 weeks. Definitely going to seek out an early scan though - if all is well next week I'll go to the doc and get it all in motion. Sort of dreading going to the GP and reporting I'm pregnant again. Is it weird to feel ashamed that I'm pregnant for the fourth time but only have one DD to show for it?

Lyn, sorry to hear about your bleeding, but at least they?re doing something about it and I hope it will stop soon.

Crazycat, glad to hear your dd is a bit better. I can totally relate to feeling paranoid, I am really struggling to keep paranoia at bay. I am worried because one day after I ovulated (as I know for sure when that was) I took a sleeping pill in the evening, as I had had a very bad day and was desperate for some sleep. And now I wonder if it could have already harmed the little bean (no that it is a bean yet), if something had already started forming so early and I compromised it, in a way. It sounds really silly, I know.

Also, something else I am getting really worried about is that we had new carpets fitted last week and it?s still a bit smelly, and we?ve been sleeping in the new carpeted bedroom for a week (not the first night though). I am worried that the smell is toxic and might have already affected my pregnancy. I?ve tried to look on the internet a bit, but only came across alarmist articles.

Do I sound like a complete loon?

Oh Coffee, you are not a loon. And hopefully nor am I

I think it's totally expected to be extra-cautious about things when PG again after losing a little one. It's easier for those who have had uncomplicated pregnancies to be blase about stuff but when you know just how fragile pregnancy and life can be, it's natural to worry I think.

Step away from Google. Unless you're actually sleeping face down on the carpet I think you're OK! It's hot at the moment so with the windows open too I'm sure its fine. xx