support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities

[katiecubs]

Hi girls - i hope this becomes a useful area

Crazycat - congratulations - I have everything crossed for you x

Hope everyone else is ok today. I survived my first day back - Had a few crazy questions thrown my way but I'm now able to seperate my emotions (I just keep all my moaning for here heehee).

Numptymum - It is finally sunny in Glasgow - we got there in the end!

I can only imagine how anxious you all are about your current pregnancies/trying again. I'm so anxious at the thought of being pregnant again but i'm also mixed with being so desperate for a baby at times I feel it consumes me - it's the majority of husband and my conversation.

I defo agree that it's good to share the anxiety - we all feel it and this is probably the most understanding place to confide.

Take care all x

Glad to hear your first day back was ok Lyn. Sometimes the anticipation is harder than the actual hurdle isn't it?

Mishtabel, I tried to weigh the cat today and he doesn't seem to weigh any less. A bit of an anticlimax as he does look more streamlined. Less like a rugby ball and more like a mango in shape . He's not massive, but was getting a bit chunky. One vet once said to me, "He's not really fat. He's just got a bit of a cuddle on him" which was sweet. Although that was before he got as chunky as he was in the winter. The interesting thing is that he put the weight on from eating mainstream catfood like Whiskas/Felix (I don't know if you have those in Australia) and I was told by one vet that the quality of that food was like giving your cat McDonalds everyday and we've noticed that since not feeding him that he has not only lost weight but also become a lot less aggressive. He is a really sweet and friendly cat but used to randomly bite me quite hard out of the blue which he hasn't done for months now (phew!). I wonder if it was something in the food. A bit like giving E numbers to kids!

Hi again

Another biting day for DS today (and I've not even been feeding him Whiskas, unless he's been at the cat food without me knowing about it). I'm getting so depressed going to nursery to collect him only to hear that he's bitten yet another child. And no provocation involved, he just does it. No idea what to do to solve it, we've tried reasoning ('it's not nice to bite, look they are sad now - say sorry and be friends'), consequences ('if you do x then y happens'), I've tried time out too. I'm just hoping against hope that it's related to baby coming and that once he sees things are OK he'll settle down. I guess he won't be biting by the age of 5, but I do hate collecting him from nursery just now...

Anyway, was cheered by Kitten's post about the mango-shaped cat. Ours is slightly like unstuffed pyjama case but other than a flappy tum he's quite petite. Hope your day was OK, Kittens.

Lyn - glad to hear work was fine, are you in Glasgow too?

Hi Numptymum - I am in Sunny Glasgow. Do you mind me asking what age DS is? Have you spoke to nursery re: what happens prior to biting? Is it a certain child (or group of children) that he is biting? How are nursery staff responding (is it what you are also doing). Under age 3 it is totally normal - Over age 3 it can generally be that they are frightened or anxious about something - I think all your responses so far have been spot on. It can also help to liase with nursery to make sure they are using same response as you and that there is not another child within the nursery that may be intimidating him. You are also quite right that the thought of another baby joining him can unsettle him and will soon find out that all is ok.

Good luck x

DS will be 3 at end Aug, and I know nursery owners have said in the past that sometimes children just randomly bite, just get the urge. I think that's what happened today - normally (there is a 'normal', sadly) it is either that DS is rough playing and gets carried away, or someone has/wants a toy that he wants, or someone is slightly bullying (eg he bit an older child who was blocking him on the steps up the slide last week). We've got parent's evening at nursery on Weds so I'm asking DH to have a chat to them about it then. But the last few days have been more random - biting stuff/things, as well as people. He just bit DH so went to bed pronto without usual milk and biscuit, although DH is great with him and managed to get DS to apologise before reading him a bedtime book. DS's speech is less well developed than other children his age so it could be related to that... but I'm just really hoping it is a phase. He's been through phases of biting before, but not as bad as this - I just assumed he'd grown out of it by now. Sometimes I think the problem is that he doesn't know how to express his anger about things - or accept that he can't always get his way. It's going to be great having a newborn around... yikes. Muzzle?

Odd how many people here come from Glasgow...? is there something in the water up there??

About the biting, Numpty. DD hasnt ever bitten, but I know lots of other kids in her nursery have - it really is common, as Lyn said. And DD was unsettled before her baby sister came along too - in some ways I think it's good that he is a bit unsettled, as it shows he's aware that life is going to change so it won't hit him as hard, and really a stationary newborn ISNT much of a threat in reality. But you said that he wasnt saying much about the new baby - I'd guess this is part of him working through the threat without words.

When DD2 came along, DD1 suddenly seemed enormous and clumsy, threatening even as she looms over her baby sister. But she now does things like ask to be carried in the sling like baby sister, and she gets in the babygym and plays with those toys, and she even wants to come and lie on the feeding pillow as though to feed (she gave up bf a year ago). She is still a baby really and so is your DS, and all these phases pass.

Lyn, I am glad your work went okay today, as well as can be expected. I confess I got cross a lot about women smoking, drinking etc and having healthy pregnancies while mine went wrong.

Catlady, congratulations! Can imagine the excitement/stress/terror you feel. One day at a time...

Kittens, still thinking of you. Hope the cramps are doing something. Big hugs.

Hi to everyone else...

Hi Numpty, crossposted. Your DS is just a couple of months older than my DD. I think they get frustrated over their own limitations, including language. DD doesnt bite but she does hit out and kicks when in a temper... thankfully she's a mouse at nursery so doesnt do it there, but she has certainly kicked me.
It will pass.

Thanks Lyn and Can't for the reassurance! DH's business partner is a veteran dad of 3 DCs, his youngest is a few months younger than DS and is also being troublesome just now. However because he's been through it all before he knows that with age, most things pass.

DS is mostly a sunny, happy child - I love him to bits, just get sad when he does this because it's the only thing he does to make me sad (hmm, other than occasional pushing over...)

Hope your cramps aren't too bad today Kittens, but then again, hopefully nature is taking it's course so you can avoid any further intervention (and the accompaning GA). On a lighter note, cats shaped like mangoes and unstuffed pyjama bags - too funny! I guess our cat would be leaning toward the pj bag. No matter how hard I try to fatten her up, she is just skinny/sleek (and no, she hasn't got worms).. Kittens, maybe your puss has replaced fat with muscle - has he been working out? We do have Whiskas but not Felix here. And as for E numbers - I had to google that one. Thought it was some numbered-shaped treat or something

Numpty, no real advice re: the biting as I can't remember back that far. I just remember a couple of incidents of biting during breadtfeeding - not easily forgotten - ouch! The main thing I remember just before Tanika was born, was a sense of sadness for Michaela that she would no longer have my undivided attention. When Tanika was born, I felt bad for Tanika because she would never have my undivided attention - at least Michaela had it for a couple of years. Oh, there is always something to worry about. Last week, for me, it was a 16yr old threatening to 'bash' Tanika (who is 13) because apparently Tanika was trying to steal her boyfriend All sorted now, thankfully

Must go pop in and say hello next door
Love to you all xxx

OCramps not too bad today but I have just encountered a rather large clot so hopefully that will negate the need for any further surgical business. As I feared it just happened at work but I think in a way that was a good thing as I had to keep it together rather than let myself get upset.

I'd better get back to work. Hope everyone has a good day and is enjoying the sunshine.

Oh Kittens, sorry this did happen while you were working but really hope it means you avoid anything further surgically. Will you get a scan to check later in the week? xx

I have a scan on the 30th so hopefully by then all will be resolved naturally.

Kittens glad the cramping has eased off a bit but sorry you had to deal with that at work - like you say though it will hopefully negate the need for further surgery. keeping everything crossed for that. Take care xxx

Numpty sorry to hear DS is stressing you out with his biting, i can't offer any advice as i have all that to look forward to but my sister used to be a terrible biter at nursery school - she bit me and anyone else who got in her way (i still remember the horror as at times she even drew blood!). I guess she grew out of it soon as she realised it's generally a socially unacceptable form of communication

Lyn glad you got through your first day back at work ok and hope the rest of the week treats you kindly too! xxx

Kittens, so sorry for what your going through right now - Hope your ok x

Numpty - Had another thought about the biting, maybe DS has right idea cos there are a few people at work i'd quite like to bite

I had a lovely day today - spent the majority with a gorgeous 7 month old - made me want one really badly (not in the soap opera - stealing baby way tho - promise)

Hope everyone is okay and enjoying the sunshine x

Hi May I join you ladies, I have joust found this thread and have recognised a few names

I am 7+3 weeks pregnant due 5th Feb 2011. We sadly found out on 5th Feb this year that our DD had a severe case of Spina Bifida and we decided to medically terminate.

I have tried to be very relaxed but am finding that increasingly more difficult as the question "will it happen again" or "what if its something else this time" keep creeping into my head..

Hi Gina - welcome of course you can join us! Big congratulations on your pregnancy by the way

I'm so sorry for the loss of your DD, it is a scary time being pregnant again but you have found the right place here. I am currently 32 weeks along after losing my first baby girl to a terminal diagnosis - it's hard to offer advice as i have been pretty neurotic the whole way through but it does get easier day by day and this thread has been a real lifeline. I hope you find it helps you too.

Katie xxx

Hi Gina - Welcome to the thread. Congrats on the pregnancy. I lost my first baby to 'fatal abnormalities' 20th April this year and fingers crossed I can start trying again very soon. I can only imagine how anxious you are at the mo. Are doc's offering an early scan or any advice? x

Hi katie & lyn

I have had nothing extra at the moment, although I paid for a viability scan at 6+3 as I had a moment and needed to see the heartbeat! I don't get to see the
midwife until 10/11 weeks and no extra scans as they can't detect spina bifida until about 18 weeks. I would have liked some reassurance with an earlier booking in appt but all the midwife teams seem to run their own way!! I was promised that fetal medcine dept would do my scans so fingers crossed that happens.

Has anyone here had any extra appts? If so were they standard or did you push for them??

Ps Huge congrats Katie!!! Hope everything has gone smoothly for you xx

Kittens ? sorry you had to deal with all this while at work. It?s so difficult not being able to take time alone at a time like this. I hope you?re home now and able to have a bit of a rest and a glass of wine. Good that you have a scan booked too.

Tee hee re mango shaped cat. We also have one of those .

Numpty ? how are you doing? Sounds a bit stressful with DS biting. It is very common though, and difficult to handle because of course he gets a reaction from the children he bites! Hope the parents evening is helpful and you find a way forward for dealing with it that works for you and the nursery and as others have said, it absolutely will pass.

Gina, hi and welcome! I?m just a little bit behind you ? I reckon about 5 1/2 weeks and have all the same questions swimming round in my mind. We can support each other through these early anxious days.

As for me, well I have a spotty chin, nips are on fire and I?m feeling quite grim and fat. I haven?t been to the doctor yet, may try to do that tomorrow and request an early scan. I?ve ?only? had one termination and one very early miscarriage, but they are pretty accommodating at St Thomas?s so I hope I?ll get a scan at 7 weeks ish and then the nuchal done as early as possible if I get that far ? is it 10 weeks it can be done from?

Lots of love to everyone xx

Thanks Gina - i didn't get any extra scans (i did pay for a private one at about 16 weeks though for extra peace of mind) but they did remember me at the hospital and spent a long time doing my 12 and 20 week ones and chatting me through them etc which i found very reassuring.

I guess they often say it was a one off and is unlikely to happen again and as such extra scans etc are not needed but like you i was not just worried about a reoccurrence but miscarriage and different problems being detected.

Luckily all was well this time and the odds are all will be for you too, that?s very reassuring to have seen a heartbeat already too

Evening Crazy Cat - glad to hear you are feeling suitably grim!

I think the NT scan is done between 11+0 - 13+6 x

Hi Gina, I'm not too sure about how things work to be honest but I had an 8 week scan with my first pregnancy as I was bleeding.

At my 12 week scan (I discovered I was 14 weeks) there was a doctor and sonographer present(not standard practice in that hospital). From the moment I prepared to be scanned I knew there were going to give me bad news. It has always made me think they noticed something at 8 weeks. That may be all in my head tho. Hoping everything goes well for you this time round xxx

Hi Katie! Yes you're right it's 11 weeks for earliest nuchal. Counting the weeks, I'm really keen to have it done then for obvious reasons but also because I'll be exactly 12 weeks on what would have been my due date for the boy we lost to trisomy 21 and heart failure in Jan this year.

Funny how these anniversaries always cross over isn't it?

Have just sent DH out for Maltesers

Welcome Gina... for some reason I already knew you were pregnant (congrats btw!) - did you mention it on the other thread? Good that you had an early scan showing the heartbeat, sometimes hb doesn't show until a bit later. I had an early scan due to bleeding this time so was warned that hb might not be seen.

I'd suggest contacting the fetal medicine department direct if they said they would do your scans; it may be that your mw isn't aware that you've been offered scans by them. I phoned my FMU as soon as I knew I was pregnant and had a scan booked for 8wks (then had the bleeding and earlier scan as well). I also got a nuchal scan this time around, no longer standard in our area; a scan at 14wks and a scan at 18wks. Not sure if some of these scans were because I'm older (40) or because the hospital I attended was closing and they had the time/capacity... Was both grateful for scans and petrified something would show up at the same time - never feared scans before and had to go to 1 on my own, but for the rest I dragged along DH for support. Actually, because I'd been directly in touch with FMU I only officially booked in at 17wks, so first mw appointment was at around 22wks.

Hope Olivia's due date passes peacefully for you. It is strange to be pregnant on the due date of the baby you lost, it can be a time of very mixed emotions. I felt that my lost DD was OK about it, and actually wishing her little brother or sister onward. Loved the poem you posted on the other thread.

Crazycat - hope you get your scan sorted out soon too. Enjoy the maltesers!

Mishtabel - thanks for words of support re DS. Hope your DD is OK and not under threat of being bashed again, I'd be very too but equally I guess she'd want to fight her own battles; difficult for you.

Lyn - glad you had a good day; I'd suggest buying jelly babies from M&S and biting those instead of colleagues, they will taste much nicer. Might suggest that to my DS too

Katie - I've heard that Brighton NHS is very supportive of home births, if you'd like to suitably christen the new flat...

Kittens, I hope your evening is OK and you get to rest and sort through the emotions of the day.

Love to everyone else. My feet are sore. Not much else to report though - no bites from DS, thank goodness! xx