support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities

[katiecubs]

Hi girls - i hope this becomes a useful area

Oh kittens, you have been braver than brave. The procedure sounds excruciating. What a thing to have to go through.

With regard to telling, parents sometimes just want to protect us from hurt. But in the process they can get it so very wrong. It's the reason why my mother knows nothing of one ERPC and is only aware of my last because it just became too difficult to keep it from her. At a time when we're emotionally stretched, the often misguided, often well intentioned but plain unwelcome opinions of others can just help to pile on the misery. So do what you have to do. Tell who you feel you want to tell. You'll go on for as long as going on works for you. And in this, the thoughts and pronouncements of others are meaningless.

I hope you managed some sleep last night and you are feeling more comfortable. Stop by when you can. We are all thinking of you.

Thinking of you too, LittlePoot and wishing you only the best of outcomes.

Kittens here you are thinking of us all even when you are going through hell yourself, it's obvious you have so much love to give and like some of the others have said there are so many stories of hope out there. I'm so sorry you had to go through yesterday - please rest up and take good care of yourself this weekend. Big hugs xx

LP i'm crossing everything i can and hoping and praying for good news at your scan today.

All is fine with me, I'm due to move around 2 weeks from now but waiting for a date as the place we are moving to is still being finished off, still waiting to exchange contracts on our London place too so am a bit in limbo right now!

Numpty just two weeks to go, amazing. I'm due 16th August so just over 8 weeks left - have lots to do before then!

Hoping all has gone well for LP... xx

Little blob with a strong heartbeat! My first ever non-disastrous scan. I can hardly believe it. They've put me at 6 and a bit weeks - I put me at 7, so that's close enough I suppose. They're giving me another scan in 2 weeks as well to check progress. Huge sigh of relief for us here, but tinged with such sadness for kittens - I'm so sorry our weeks have been so different. I hope you're ok sweetie and are closer to getting that first foot on the road to recovery. Love to all, and thank-you so much for being there once agian. xxx

Oh wow super news LP congratulations! Very happy for you

Wonderful news LittlePoot! I'm so pleased.

I am doing ok at the moment. Maybe it will creep up next week. I seem to remember that's how it was last time too. Physically I also feel fine. Just the odd twinge.

Got a few things to keep me busy next week thankfully.

Have a good weekend ladies x

Hi Everyone, hope you are okay today. Unfortunately I forgot I was a lightweight when it came to alcohol and am now suffering the hangover from hell - that was my first and last alcoholic drink!!!!

Kittens, I am so sorry to hear what you have been through and hope you are resting and being well looked after. I echo what the others are saying - keep faith that you will have your chance one day.
I haven't phoned ARC but had a wee look on website. I am going to my GP on Thursday. I am now 99.9% sure I am having a period - as I stopped bleeding (brown blood)for 8-9 days and am now have red blood as opposed to brown which suggests it's new. I'm actually just baffled by it all now and will just allow nature to take it's course - hopefully she isn't so cruel next time. If doc confirms this is a period on Thursday I can start thinking clearly about trying again.

Littlepoot - Wonderful news - i am delighted for you.

Hope you all have a peaceful weekend

Poot! Wonderful news. A big milestone to get through. So glad it was good news.

Kittens I've been thinking about you a lot these last few days, so sorry it was a horrible experience in the hospital but you sound like you are recovering well. I know what you mean about the emotions coming later. We're here of course to be of much support as we can.

Lyn - hello and welcome to the thread - hangover, ouch! Sometimes it just has to be done though doesn't it?

Hello to everyone else - hope we're all doing ok this weekend. When are we going to get some proper summer weather hey?! Tried to get out in the garden just now to repot my giant courgette plants but it's a bit chilly... cuppa on the sofa and MN won instead.

Still haven't POAS. No sign of AF and DH's coffee smells bleurgh... now on day 32 of 26/27 day cycle...but totally in denial and scared of getting a positive then being totally paranoid about it sticking . DH keeps telling me to go and buy a test but I just feel like this would be completely tempting fate...

Not been doing my usual lurking on this thread as couldn't bear it but Cant said something on the other thread and I wondered what had happened,

Kittens I am so so sorry, that is so crappy. Thinking of you. This conception game is like bloody russian roulette, we'll get there in the end though. And don't listen to what other people say re TTC again - esp family - the first thing my mum said when I rang from the hospital to say I was miscarrying was, "well it's time to stop now". They don't like seeing our pain. On the other hand if a medical person told me to stop I might consider it but none has and if they haven't for me they certainly won't for you. Hugs. I'll have a big glass of wine for you if you have one for me - the best anesthetic there is - though not for an ERPC maybe....xxxxx

LP, I am really happy it went well for you. You can release some of the breath you've been holding...

but still thinking of you Kittens. Hope you are coping.

Hooray, LittlePoot! First obstacle sailed over! Lovely news for you. Try to relax for the next fortnight, if you can.

Continued love and strength to kittens. You are hanging on in there.

Good to see you too peanut.

Glorious day here. Hope the sun shines down on everyone here today. x

Hi everyone, hope you ok today. Kittens - still thinking of you and hoping you are doing ok. I'm back at work tomorrow full-time eek!!! Been off for so long although have popped in to see colleagues. Not sure how I feel at moment as I work with pregnant women (in the child protection arena-why I have been off so long). I love my job though so i'm hoping it doesn't turn out to be disaster.

How about all of you? Did you take time off and how did you feel going back? (Sorry if you have previously discussed this and I'm repeating questions)

xxx

Hello everyone. Hello Peanut, thanks for popping in. I hope you are doing ok.

I had a nice day wandering around town yesterday and went for a nice dinner last night, consoling myself with oysters and Sauvignon Blanc. Off to see MIL today. I'm hoping that my boyfriend's niece will be there too. MIL has a tendency to be quite emotional so if there are others there hopefully that won't be the case. I am v. lucky in that my MIL (or MOL -mother-out-law as we call her) is very sweet but she can get a bit tearful in these kind of situations and as I have been quite together I don't really want to cope with others being over emotional on my behalf. I know it sounds selfish but what can you do!

Lyn, I am self employed so I can choose whether to work or not. It's tricky if I don't work though as it means I have no income (not so good), but then most of my jobs are just the odd day here and there and rarely with the same people more than twice in a month so I can generally cope with a day or two booking at a time. Shoots are generally not a problem but when I work with brides that can be tricky because there can often be pregnant bridesmaids or brides who have v young babies or even ones who came off the pill shortly before the wedding with the intention of trying for a baby after the wedding but erm "peaking too early". The worst situation for me, which I mentioned earlier on this thread was a wedding where the bride had a 12 wk scan shortly after the wedding and the hairdresser and the bride's mum ended up having a rather long and in depth conversation about nuchal scans, CVSs and "what would you do if it happened to you...?" etc. I had to politely ask them to change the subject before I had an emotional meltdown. Not fun!

I am worried that I will get work bookings on the date of my next scan or possible ERPC as loosing a day's work means loosing a good few hundred quid - which makes it sound like I'm raking it in but it's a very feast and famine type of job that I have so you have to make hay whilst the sun shines!

Good luck going back to work. I hope you get good support.

Catlady, sounds like a given to me

LittlePoot, I'm so relieved for you - saw your news yesterday but was too tired to reply, having been out all day. How good to have passed the first stepping stone; I hope the next two weeks pass swiftly.

Kittens - can totally relate to what you say re trying to hold it together but it only being possible if those around you are doing the same. I think it's one of the reasons for different reactions from friends/family as they obviously don't always know which we would prefer - stiff upper lip or emotional melt down. And I don't think it's something you can tell people to do either... Hope you had a nice day with your MOL anyway.

Lynn - I had time off between diagnosis, birth and Iola's funeral (around 3wks, I think) but was back at work 2 days after the funeral, mainly because I wanted to distract myself and get some sense of normality back. Most of my work is office-based, so I only had to see 3 or 4 colleagues (who all knew what had happened and were very sympathetic/supportive); everything else could be done by phone/email which was easier. Very different to what you do. However it might be different in that your relationship to the women you work with is more 'professional' ie rather than being work colleagues whom you could compare yourself to on a more personal level. I hope you find it is OK - and as Kittens says, get good support from your colleagues.

Katie - hope the 2-week limbo is not too stressful and that everything re selling and renting goes smoothly.

Catlady... how long will you resist?!

Love to everyone mentioned and unmentioned, xx.

Kittens, you were quite right to ask them to change the subject! I understand being self employed there is limited options with regards to time off. I hope everything went ok at the MIL's/MOL's?

When I initially lost my baby I was very angry that the women I work with were having beautiful perfect babies whilst taking heroin, alcohol etc throughout their pregnancies! 'Normal me' is fully aware that the majority of these women do not want the lifestyles and want to 'good mothers'.

Being very petite, I 'popped out' at 11 weeks (due to the enormous appetite I developed) and my boobs got very large so most of them were asking if I was pregnant or 'just getting fat' lol. I'm very ok about work tomorrow (now i've spent the day coming to terms with it) as i have a new caseload so don't have to deal with the awkwardness of questions etc.

Hope you all have a peaceful evening x

Littlepoot - Excellent news. Really nice to hear this. Another step closer.

Numpty - How are you doing? I am getting really tired! I hope the weather is not affecting you too much. Is DS getting excited? My DD asks each time I go to the toilet 'Is Tiger coming?' Tiger being the name she has given her brother. I hope he does not come when I am on the toilet though.

Kittens - Being self employed and coping is hard. You are right in the feast or famine viewpoint. It is all too easy to throw yourself in and distract but another day it is better to sit and reflect. I hope your hormones are not causing too many problems.

Catlady - Any closer to POAS?

Katiecubs - I hope the moving limbo is not causing you too much stress. Does this mean you are moving hospitals as well?

With regards to me, I am here just lurking mostly. I have found my anxiety getting higher of late and even found myself wishing that the baby would come early so as at least I could have some control over the situation. Then I feel racked with guilt that I am contemplating him being premature. I know my issues are so far diagnosed as genetic malformations but because we have never had a clear this is definitely 'it' diagnosis I am starting to panic. I have a doctors appointment tonight and will mention my concerns then.

Hello to everyone else. Have a lovely week. Xx.

I know what you mean kittens about being self-employed. It's hard to give yourself a break isn't it? I took just a week off after my termination in Feb and then didn't take a day off at all during or after my early miscarriage last month. Probably should have emotionally, but financially (and reputationally with my clients) it seemed like too much of a sacrifice to make.

allstars how many weeks are you now? The anxiety is totally understandable, horrid for you to have to cope with though. Hope the GP is able to reassure you this evening.

Lyn I hope today at work is manageable and ok for you.

It's a beautiful sunny morning here in London. Perfect for the summer solstice. I bet it was a stunning sunrise at Stonehenge this morning. The hippy in me has always wanted to go...

Anyway, I'm blathering on, when what I really came to say was that I tested this morning with a Clearblue digital and it said PG 2-3 weeks... oh my gawwwwwd. I'm very confused. Cautiously hopeful. but with a 1 in 3 success rate to date I'm far from optimistic.

Wow - you finally gave in crazycat - well done for holding out so long! And many congratulations for reaching the first milestone. I'm no good on advice on how not to worry - having a success rate of zero so far, I'm definitely struggling to imagine everything working out. I'll leave the other wise ladies to help with the advice, and I'll stick to cheering you on along the way.

Hope you're doing ok kittens. Any sign of not needing that ERPC? I really hope everything settles down for you soon. Definitely the last thing you need to be worrying about.

Lovely to hear from you Allways, and sorry that you're anxious. Another friend of mine has been given antenatal counselling (mainly to ward off the post-natal depression she suffered with last time) and she did say that's really helping with anxiety management - could you ask your doctor if that's a possibility?

Love to everyone else. And thinking of you numpty as you battle through these last days... xxxx

Well done Catlady for braving the stick! And hooray for the result! Really hope things go well for you - even with the odds you've had previously, they can't predict the outcome this time, it's still chance. So hopefully it will be a good chance. Will you get an early scan?

Lyn - hope your day goes well today.

Allstars - how funny your DD asking about Tiger coming while you go to the loo! I don't think DS grasps the concept enough to get excited, though I'm sure it's affecting his behaviour (negatively...). Hopefully all will be well. I hope.

I'm getting more anxious about how things will go as the date gets closer, mainly because with DS I had low amniotic fluid (probably because he was very late and about to be born, but it made for a very stressful time...). So now of course I'm worried I might have low amniotic fluid again, even though I'm not late yet. Also I think this baby moves less than DS, though it could also be that having DS around I'm much more distracted and don't pay attention to movements. Anyway I've a mw appt on Weds morning this week, then hospital one Weds next week on my due date. Not sure whether to voice my concerns at hosp though because although I'm worried about amniotic fluid, I'm also worried I'll have to be induced again and would so much prefer things to go naturally this time! Think I might book myself a reflexology session for next Monday or Tuesday, just to prod things along...

It's cloudy in Glasgow today, though every day of the last 5 I think it's started cloudy then warmed up to hot and sunny later in the day. It's not too hot though, so its nice to sit out in the garden. DS is in nursery today so I get a little peace to get on with jobs around the house - if I get my act together and get them done this morning I'll skive off in the afternoon . So better go and get started!

Love to all, xxx

Hello LP - cross posted (I took so long to write my post...). Hope your day is going well.

And Kittens, I also hope things are OK with you today, and that you can avoid any further interventions. Do I recall that you are working today? I hope it proves to be a good distraction. xx

Catlady - lovely news. Congratulations! All I can say is just take things day by day as everyone else has told me over the past few weeks. Will you be able to have an early scan this time do you think? I can't remember, was it your first miscarriage? When I was pregnant for the second time my rather useless doctor (who is no longer my doctor luckily) said that I wouldn't get an early scan because I'd only had one miscarriage but when I went for my booking in appointment the midwife remembered me and asked if I wanted an early scan. Unfortunately, as my booking in appointment wasn't 'til 11 weeks it was too late but after that I referred myself straight to the midwife rather than the doctor. What I'm trying to say is that if your doctor tells you that they won't do an early scan for you and you want one it might be worth contacting your previous midwife.

Allstars, sadly anxiety is inevitable. If you read back over the threads you will see all the same feelings cropping from Lins, Shangrila, Can't, Mishta et al. All with happy results in the end. Hopefully you can take heart from their stories but I know we all feel, even more than most, that we will never stop worrying/panicking until we have a little one safely in our arms.

Sunday for me was not so good. I had really bad cramps all afternoon and spent most of the afternoon curled up with one of those hot wheat bags on my belly. That was when the tears came as I was feeling rather sorry for myself. Finally ended up going round to MOL's late afternoon/early evening. There were no tears there, lots of support and even more helpfully she sent me home with some Co-codamol. Because I'd not had the general anesthetic and so was not on a ward the hospital couldn't prescribe me any decent painkillers and yesterday neither the paracetemol nor the ibuprofen were helping much so the codeine was a very welcome donation! Especially when I woke up at 4.30 this morning with bad cramps again. I went to the loo and passed a couple of very small clots, hopefully at least some way to avoiding another ERPC. I do hope whatever is left makes an exit soon. The cramps, although rather unpleasant are not unwelcome for that reason.

Love to all xx

Hi all,
Not much time but just wanted to say Yay!! to you Littlepoot on your scan, and may the next two weeks fly by for you

Good luck at work Lyn. Must be a challenging job at the best of times, and no one would blame you for not exactly having warm and fuzzy feelings for some of those you deal with atm

Numpty, you know what they say - two weeks either way. I know you went over dates last time, but you never know. Are you all prepared with hospital bag etc?

Crazycat, you certainly have more patience than me. Fingers crossed firmly for you

Kittens, hope you're going okay. Last Friday sounded positively horrendous. Hopefully your scan will negate the need for an ERPC - time for things to start going your way. Btw: 6 kg cat! How did the diet go? I know it's not optimal, but I love a fat cat

Love to all xxxx

Oh sweetie - yes, unfortunately it does sound as though those cramps are a good thing. Glad you've at least got some codeine. I was advised by the hospital after the last one to keep the painkillers going rather than wait for the pain and then take them. Something about pain being easier to prevent than to stop mid-burst. Thinking of you. xxx

Oh, just saw your news Crazycat , congrats to you!! (Thats what I get for posting hours after I last read the thread).

And Allstars, Kittens was spot on about the anxiety. I remember at the time, I felt so scared something would go wrong that I could barely write about it here, thinking I would jinx myself. It wasn't until after Bella was born and Cant mentioned she was anxious that I admitted to how scared I had been. Shangrila then replied that she had felt exactly the same, and we both wished we had admitted to it earlier so that we could have supported one another. So, although we all had our fears right until the end, they were just that - fears, totally natural given the circumstances, but meant nothing in the end. Good to hear from you

Hopefully I'm up to date now. Love to all, again xxx

Crazycat congratulations - wonderful news! Like all the others it's hard to offer advice on how not to worry but we will be with you holding your hand through each step

Kittens sorry you had a tough day on Sunday but am glad your MOL was a support. I hope the pain is easing and like you say will hopefully mean another ERPC is not needed.

Allstars good to hear from you! I guess it's quite normal to get more anxious towards the end, almost a case of so near but yet so far. It will all be good though! I will be moving hospitals yes - i guess to brighton. Quite scary transferring care so late on but hopefully it won't be too hard.

Numpty will keep fingers crossed you don't have to wait too much longer and LO comes naturally.

LP hope you are doing ok and not feeling too crappy? look after yourself!

Lots of love to everyone else Katie xxx