support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities

[katiecubs]

Hi girls - i hope this becomes a useful area

Oh Kittens, I'm so sorry. I saw your post during the night when I was awake, but couldn't think of any soothing words in reply. Come morning and I still can't. It is just crap. Hopefully your upcoming visit to the recurrent mc clinic will result in plan of action, as it did with Bezz (for when she tries again), and will lessen feelings of helplessness that is commonly felt with repeated mc's. For now though, take care, I'm sending you hugs and love across the miles xxx

Oh Kittens, I'm so sorry. I saw your post during the night when I was awake, but couldn't think of any soothing words in reply. Come morning and I still can't. It is just crap. Hopefully your upcoming visit to the recurrent mc clinic will result in plan of action, as it did with Bezz (for when she tries again), and will lessen feelings of helplessness that is commonly felt with repeated mc's. For now though, take care, I'm sending you hugs and love across the miles xxx

Kittens, with regards to the genetic testing. We only found out by chance at our first PCT that they have a preference to look at results in isolation. I.e. they looked at mine and found nothing, they looked at DHs and found nothing, they looked at DDs and found nothing and therefore gave us the OK. It was not until we had our second termination (I really HATE that word) at a different PCT did we discover that they can collectively review the results. This time round they looked at mine, DHs, Loss1, Loss2 and DDs We still did not get an answer as to why this happened to us but it did make us feel better knowing that a more fuller picture was gained.

Hope today goes smoothly for you. Xx.

Morning Kittens ? how are you doing today? I guess that?s somewhat of a silly question but to be honest I can?t stop thinking of you.

Good luck for today?s appointment, I hope you get lots of support and good advice. Likewise for the appointment coming up at the recurrent miscarriage clinic ? I hope it provides you with some answers which enable you to move forwards. I?m heartened to see you are not giving up hope, I?m not entirely sure it?s something I should say right now but I just have an overwhelming feeling that there will he a happy ending for you and your DP.

Finally please don?t worry or apologise for seemingly self absorbed posts, that?s just not the case at all, hijack the thread as much as you need that?s what we are all here for.

Sending lots of love and hugs Katie xxx

Thank you so much for all your lovely messages. I have decided to brave an ERPC tomorrow under local anesthetic as I've just had so many bloody generals over the last 3 years and they make you feel so crappy. Keep you fingers crossed for me that it isn't too uncomfortable!

I don't want to give up hope just yet but it is feeling a bit bleak right now. I know some people have several miscarriages before they successfully have a baby, I just wonder how many times I can go through it! I'm so fed up of living my life in this limbo.

There is something else that's been on my mind over the past few years, I wonder if any of you have any opinions on this. It's about checking your breasts. Having been pregnant 5 times in 3 years I just don't even know what's what with regards to lumps anymore. They say to check for any changes but mine have changed texture so many times it's pretty hard to know what to look for anymore. Not that there's anything particularly concerning me it's just that they do advise to check regularly .

Oh sweetie. I just feel so awful for you that you're having to deal with this again. I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling. I totally understand what you said about not knowing how many times you can go through this - I'm only on try number 3 and I've been having the exact same thought already. But I can't imagine giving up.

I hope the op isn't too unpleasant tomorrow - glad there's an option that doesn't involve a general as I remember how that caused you so many problems last time. And then its just time isn't it - time to process everything and start seeing daylight again the other side. It sounds as though its good that you have some milestones to aim at with the genetic counselling and the miscarriage clinic. It might help to break up the routine and give you some new information to focus on. It might actually be worth bringing the breast checking question up at the miscarriage clinic - they must be used to women in a similar situation as you so are likely to have come across this already. Ashamed to say I'm a bit neglectful in that area and probably should know more about how to do it properly myself.

Wishing you strength and hope and please let us help you any way we can. xxxxx

Hi Kittens, like most people here I have been thinking of you all day and I hope you are coping ok. As i've been trying to catch up reading through threads, I am overwhelmed at the courage you all have. I have recently experienced the loss of my first pregnancy but am aware from reading that a number of you have experienced this on several occassions and hope beyond hope we can all go on to experience a 'healthy normal pregnancy'. I am at the start of thinking about trying again and I wish I had came accross this forum months ago a it is so helpful as everyone can understand the loss, sadness and anger we experience.

Thinking of you all xxx

Kittens, I've been thinking of you too all day. I can see why you would hesitate to try again and yet urgently need to. It's hard enough and much harder if it's your first child you are trying for, I am sure.

FWIW, I recall your last mc was not a result of chromosomal abnormalities - which means this one may well be the same - it could be a case of them giving you progesterone or something (not up on this so ignore me!) to prevent mc, which would be better, I guess, than genetic problems. Though then there is that pre-implantation diagnosis of the eggs, which I know people on the other thread have debated and are debating... I don't know much about it though.

I will be thinking of you tomorrow.

And Lyn, did you ever get hold of that consultant? I am glad you found us.

I am one of the people this has happened twice to, in fact it was 12 months ago today exactly that we buried my second lost girl, but I now have a gorgeous baby girl a year on, so things can change round altogether.

Sad times here. LP, hope you can keep some faith.

Kittens, I'll be thinking of you tomorrow, I hope it will all go as well as it can really.I hope you and your dp can hold onto each other at this horrible time. Take care of yourself this week-end xxxx

And Cantdo, sorry for not saying it earlier, but I hope today has been gentle. Thinking of you too and your two precious lost girls, and also little miss Cantdo, whose arrival shifted the pain, as you were saying a while ago. xxxx

Kittens - not much to add to what has already been said, other that I'm thinking of you and will be thinking of you tomorrow. I'm glad that you don't have to wait too long for your appointment on 9 July, being in limbo is so hard when all you want is answers, and hope.

Sorry not feeling on the ball enough for individual posts, but wishing everyone else strength and peace. xxx

I got hold of Consultant's receptionist who has become my new best friend. Apparently my 'file' is on her desk and she will phone me ASAP - I do understand that she is busy but all I really want to know is the sex of my baby to allow me to name him/her. I have made an appointment with my own doctor for next Thursday so hopefully she will shed some light on bleeding! I don't know about everyone else's experiences but I just feel as though we were sent home after the delivery with no real understanding of what will happen next. Perhaps that is my own fault for not asking the questions at the time although I was completely incapable!!!! I had had a nosey on internet to try and get some answers but everything is about miscarriage and doesn't seem to fit to our experiences - that's why I am so glad to have come accross this forum.

Hope everyone is 'getting there'

xxx

Hi all,

Kittens regarding breast changes, I agree, it is quite hard to differentiate normal hormonal changes due to pregnancy and anything sinister. I always say it's better to be safe than sorry and if you do happen to feel anything, just have it checked out. A few months after my termination (add me to those who hate that word), I found a largish lump, was sent for a mammogram which showed I had several cysts (gross) of varying sizes in both breasts as a result of the pregnancy. I will say though that as well as feelings for lumps, looking in a mirror, raise your arms and check for any dimpling of the skin/redness. Also nipple discharge/retraction. They say to check regularly (monthly) so that you know what is normal for you, but as you say, when you've been pregnant so many times it's hard to know what's normal. But if in doubt, get it checked out!

Also, although we don't have an recurrent mc clinic here (that I know of anyway), my consultant did formulate a plan for me - which just may have resulted in Bella. It involved weekly HCG injections from the moment I found out I was pregnant until 12 weeks. I think the theory is the same as progesterone but HCG is from the urine of pregnant women (or pregnant horses - I can't remember!) He also encouraged the mega-dose folic acid. As I have said before, it may or may not have made a difference, but it really did give me confidence, feeling that things were actively being done as a prevention and I wasn't just a sitting duck, waiting for the inevitable. Not many doc's offer the HCG though, as there have been limited studies (and the only study I could find was done on pregnant women that had already started bleeding), and I read many places that it was contraindicated in pregnancy. But my ob had a lot of experience and confidence with it, and he also assured me that it would not make me hold on to a pregnancy that 'should' miscarry. I hope it doesn't feel too soon for me to prattle on about this. I'll be thinking of you tonight (your today) xx

And Littlepoot, your wait is almost over; I'll be thinking of you tomorrow (night) xx

Cant, all I can say is - what a difference a year makes. I hope yesterday was ok for you. Big kisses to LittleMiss and BabyCant xx

Lyn, hopefully by next Thursday your bleeding might have sorted itself out. I understand your urgent need to know your babys sex - it will probably hit you all over again when you do find out - you know where we are if you need us xx

Love to everyone else xxx

Hi Lyn I just wanted to say that my hospital sent me home with loads of info on miscarriage both times. It was totally irrelevant - well it wasn't, but it felt so different from miscarriage to me, and a lot of what was said didn't work in my case in quite the same way. I think Bee has said that termination is very much unsaid, a taboo, still, for abnormalities at least. More needs to be said. Bee - have you got anywhere with that book?

Kittens, still thinking of you lots. I hope today is as smooth as possible. You are being braver than you should have to be.

Hi Kittens, Will be thinking of you today and hope all goes ok. I can't really comment on breast changes as it was my first pregnancy - although I now have a decent cleavage whereas before I relied on a good padded bra! The body just seems to go through a lot with all of this and almost becomes a stranger like there is no control over it! Like everyone has said - it's best to ask!

Can't, I totally agree. I have told everyone that I had a miscarriage and that is all as I don't think anyone (probably including me until I experienced it) would understand. It's the most heartbreaking decision - especially as we are all wanting a baby so much. I suppose sharing our experiences and keeping each other up to date is the best that we can do and probably the most valuable information we can have. When I looked up info on terminations it only explained how NOT to get yourself pregnant again!!!! Very little info indeed. I'm sure however that many men and women have had to make this horrendous decision and feel they can't share it for fear of being judged.

First big night out for me tonight. I haven't touched a drink since well before I fell pregant and hope to god I don't turn into an enotional eejit after a few! Although my friends have been great so i'm sure they'll cope with me .

Hope everyone is okay

xxx

Kittens - thinking of you. I hope today day is no more crappy than it needs to be. I've taken a bit of hope from Mishtabel's email - that there are 'things' that can be actively tried if miscarriages don't seem to have genetic or chromosomal causes. I'm being referred to the miscarriage experts if this one doesn't work as well, so it is heartening to hear that there might be some valid interventions to try. Probably too soon for you to process though kittens - one step at a time, and please lean on us as much as you need.

My head's back in the sand about tomorrow. I can't imagine not having a crappy answer from a scan, but then I can't imagine what I'll do if it is bad. So my brain's stopped imagining it at all. Probably for the best. 23 hours to go. xxx

Kittens very much thinking of you today my love - i hope it goes as smoothly as possible and you are well looked after by kind and caring nurses.

Can't i hope yesterday's anniversary passed ok without too many sad thoughts.

LP, i know the countdown will be hard but you are nearly there and we are all there with you hoping and praying.

Lyn enjoy your night out tonight, i know what you mean about turning all emotional when pissed (v. big offender myself) but your friends sound great so hopefully they can keep you on the up.

Katie xxx

Kittens, I couldn't get on to wish you well last night but I really hope that the procedure went smoothly and that you are home, or will be soon. So much of your story echoes mine, I just want to scoop you up, raise a big glass of something and talk and talk and listen and listen. I'm sure Bee would say the same. I'll say it again, I am so sorry that this pregnancy didn't work, that things couldn't have been so different.

As to the ERPC, it was always a route I took when I could. Like you, I've had many - six. But it seemed to do me no lasting damage and had no implications this last time around. Also, it helps with further investigations, if that's a route you want to go down.

With regards to testing above and beyond the standard karyotype for you both, my obstetrician suggested that a geneticist might want to 'take things further' as I might have had an mosacism within my ovaries, or DH with his sperm. But the geneticist pretty swiftly poo-pooed it. So no, we never went further than blood karyotyping. And actually I'm glad. Half the time, I think they just don't know.

But here's to you, Kittens. I hope your physical recovery is swift. You mention the future. That's what always got me through some dreadful losses, the possibility that things might be different next time. But for today, look after yourself and your man. Take care. xxxx

School run calls, so hasty love to Cant for yesterday, good luck to Poot for tomorrow and a warm welcome to Lyn.

And a hello to everyone else. Really must dash...

Ladies, if you are ever in the unfortunate position to need and ERPC and you are offered a choice of having it under general or local, don't, under any circumstances choose the second option! Brave? Hmmmm, stupid more like!

Today was miserable I'm afraid. Traumatic and excruciating. It hurt so much I screamed, and cried and had to ask her to stop before she could complete the procedure. It wasn't just the pain, it was the consciousness of what was being removed from me too. I wish I had just gone for the knock out option. I don't know what I was thinking. I just felt so shit after my last general anesthetic that I though this might be a better option. So, now there is a very small amount of 'tissue' left that they are hoping will pass naturally. I have an appointment to go back in 10 days and if it hasn't then I will have another ERPC under general.

Both of my parents have mentioned that maybe my body/nature is telling me to give up. I actually haven't told my dad about this last pregnancy because of him saying this last time. Thing is, with the way it works with the tests on the NHS, of course I want to try again (obviously depending on the information gleaned from my upcoming tests) as next time there is more chance I will be monitored closely and maybe given hcg or progesterone injections or asprin or whatever extra care or help needed so I think it would be worth giving a go if there were helpful things they could do. We'll see in time what will be the best plan of action.

Thank you all for being such a support and checking up on me. It means a lot to me, and the fact that we can all relate in one way or another to each other's stories is so valuable even though it is so sad for all of us that we have had to endure such horrible misfortune.

Even though this week has seen me stuck in my own head pretty much I am still thinking about all of you.

LittlePoot, I'm rooting for you tomorrow. I really hope you get some good news.

Can't, I hope yesterday was not too sad a day for you. I know you will never forget so I hope that sorrow is gradually replaced with poignancy.

Numpty, less than 2 weeks now. Really looking forward to reading your announcement and sharing your joy.

Katie, when are you moving in? Are you there yet? Enjoy making it your home and feathering your nest.

Waiting with baited breath (but no pressure!) for news from our two POAS contenders!

Coffee, thank you for your kind words. I know you've not had an easy time yourself recently.

Lyn, I was wondering if you've called the support line at ARC. They are very knowledgeable and supportive of our situation so if you find yourself a bit lost for 'official' support or some facts that would be a good route to take.

Allstars, nice to 'hear your voice' (as it were). Not seen much of you lately. I hope you are doing well.

All you lovely new mums that give us hope, Shangrilla, Mishta, Cant, thank you for your continuing presence and support even whilst you have your hands full.

Bee - thank you, as always, for your continued kindness and thoughts.

Like LittlePoot said, what a great place this is and what a lovely bunch. We've all had a rough time and still we have this great little community to look out for one another.

Thank you xxx

Oh Kittens, poor you, this is horrendous, I am so sorry. You sound so remarkably composed and so strong. I hope your dp will spoil you rotten this week-end, you so deserve a few days of just being pampered and cuddled. The way you are keeping hope alive is inspiring. Take care of yourself, big hugs xxxx

Kittens, it sounds absolutely terrible. I can't believe you had to go through that as well.

You're right to have faith in the future though. I don't believe your body is telling you to give up.

My parents tried for 10 years before having me.... one mc in that time. When I came along - crash section, ambulance blood-bath style -one midwife said I was the most wanted baby in the hospital. So will yours be. And we will help you get there. Big hugs, and you ARE brave, you know.

LP, good luck for tomorrow. Will be thinking of you.

Kittens - as Cant says with regard to 'nature telling you to give up', I've already told the story of my colleague whose parents tried (and probably gave up) for 17yrs to have another child following their first. At 43 (I think) her mum went to the doctor with suspected appendicitis and discovered she was pregnant. Before that completely unexpected pregnancy they probably also thought that nature was against them. But it does make it harder if the opinions of those close to you are not supportive, even if they mean well and are saying it out of concern for you. Last year I was surprised that my mum was supportive of our trying again - but then she has a neighbour whose only DD was born when she was 45+ I think...

So I think it depends on your own feelings, your own desire to continue or not. And as you say, perhaps continuing now would be easier as you will hopefully get some kind of help from the NHS... I really hope so; and I really hope that you recover well from what sounds a horrendous day today, and don't have to have anything further done. Curl up and retreat this weekend, or distract yourself as much as you can - whichever works best.

And LittlePoot - really hoping things go OK for you tomorrow... and also as Kittens says, for those TTC who are hoping/fearing to POAS this month.

Lynn - sorry I think I forgot to welcome you; hope your night out is a release and a distraction and good fun, and that you get some answers soon re bleeding and from your consultant re your baby.

Allstars - good to hear from you; I hope you are feeling OK at this stage of pregnancy? You're due a month after me, aren't you, so I hope the 30wk hurdle passed OK. I've worked out that Katerina must have had her baby now, unless she has set a new record for babies born late... I hope all went well for her. Katie - when in August are you due?

Feeling a bit hot and bothered today, been warm here in Scotland (!) and a tiring day, so am off for bath and bed. It's likely to be more than a 2-wk wait for any news from me, given DS was 12 days late. I'm hoping not to be waiting so long this time though... Funny to think that I'm now 38wks, same as Shangrila was at the start of this thread.

Love to all, esp Kittens who needs extra comfort tonight... xx

Littlepoot, thinking of you today. Xx

Keeping my fingers crossed Little Poot xxxx