support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities

[katiecubs]

Hi girls - i hope this becomes a useful area

Catlady - If you've got the cheapie wee sticks, well, let's just say you have more resolve than me if you wait 'til next week. Mind you, I do sometimes wish I hadn't known quite so long!

I don't have any in the house at all. If I had you can guarantee I would have POAS at least a week ago!

I hovered outside Boots on the way home from the gym today then marched straight on. I'm actually a little scared to find out.

I think sometimes early POAS is less reassuring and actually raises more worries. I did it early this time and got a really faint line - which left me knowing I was pregnant but wondering whether it would stick. If you can leave it a few days you'll hopefully get a stronger, convincing line - fingers crossed for you! Would be great if Mimsy is able to POAS while in Italy and get good result too...

Ooh fingers crossed for you Crazycat - afraid i'm on the other side of the camp though and would literally leave it as late as possible to test, i have a big fear of seeing a negative result you see....so disappointing. Very much hoping you get a positive though, signs are sounding good! xxx

Hi there, I'm not too sure if anyone can help/or if i'm in the right forum!!! I had a termination in April (at 14 weeks) due to a number of abnormalities that the consultant advised were fatal. I have been bleeding on and off since this time and no one really gave any advise on when we could start trying again or when the bleeding would stop. I'm not sure if I can try once the bleeding stops completely or if I have to wait for my next cycle. Does anyone know when the cycle returns after the bleeding - would this be around 4 weeks?

x

Hi Lyn, firstly let me say I'm so sorry for your loss of your baby. You've definately come to the right place for advice about this - or indeed if you ever need support and just want to chat with those who understand. I think you will find everyones experience different regarding how long they bled and how long their cycle took to return. Your bleeding does seem to be going a bit long though, so it's probably worth a trip to your doctor just in case. Also, although people are often advised to wait a full cycle before ttc, I remember someone on here saying that their doctor said there was no real medical reason for this. I'm sure the others will be along to share their experience regarding this. The very best of luck to you xx

Kittens, if I'm awake at 2am (5pm there), I will make a point of thinking of you and wishing you positive vibes. Otherwise, will eagerly be checking in tomorrow. Also to Littlepoot for Saturday. Fingers firmly crossed for you both girls xx

Katie, i'm so glad you found a place, and it sounds lovely. I was worried that I appeared a bit flippant a while ago when I said 'something will turn up' but it seems I was just seeing into the future ;) So good that now you have somewhere to set up your nest xx

Mimsy (if you get a chance to read before you head off), how lovely to have your mum and dad there. And yes, we Aussies are a bit wussy when it comes to cold weather aren't we. Sounds like you've climatised well though. Hope you have a wonderful time in Italy, I'm so envious. And good luck with the POAS while you're there xx

Good luck to you too Crazycat. While I agree entirely with what Numpty and Katie said about waiting re: poas, I know I wouldn't be able to wait. Just too tempting...xx

Hello and love to everyone else (Popsy, you still there?) xxxx

Hi Lyn, not much time here but just wanted to say I am very sorry for your loss and I hope you are coping. Also, to answer one of your questions - after one termination, I bled for three weeks and then my first period came only a few days later. So I dont think you have to wait 4 weeks after the bleeding ends, at least I didn't. But you sound as though you've been bleeding quite a long time - would be worth getting that checked out. Don't think you do have to wait one cycle before TTC again, although I did because I wanted to make sure everything was out of my system (not a medically supported idea though - just me). Good luck anyway and again I am so sorry for your loss.

Kittens, fingers crossed here too. The hb three weeks ago was surely a good sign.

Catlady - if I read you correctly, your AF is already late - although am an advocate of late testing, I think I wouldn't be able to resist by now either.

Numpty, just wanted to say about your DS. My DD did the same sort of thing before Babycant was born. She definitely knew that her life was going to change - maybe cos we kept telling her and reading the Mummy's tummy-house book. Even though sometimes she didn't seem to be listening, like your DS. Anyway, when DD2 [dont like calling her that as she's really DD4 but will do anyway for speed] came along she was initially utterly subdued, for the first hour or so, silent in fact. Then she got over it. There has been jealousy ('put baby sister back in her basket' (Moses basket)), and over-exuberant shows of affection that are potentially lethal (hugs that are like clumsy smothers, strokes that are too heavyhanded, etc) but there is above all the desire to see and be with her sister all the time - she can't leave her alone, wants to play with her, etc. It works out.

Hi Mishta. Is Bella rolling around now? when are you going to introduce solids? Shangrila, if your DS reached that size on breastmilk alone then you deserve some sort of medal.

LP, thinking of you on Sat.

Katie, great news on the house. You're in the final trimester now, surely? Wow, has gone fast.

And Mimsy, hello again and good luck with the TTC.

Anyone know if Katerina has had her baby...?

Ah yes, Mimsy, I forgot to wish you good luck with POAS.

Lyn, I agree with those who have said to go and see your doctor. I had bleeding for quite a while after my last termination as well as some mild cramps. I went to the doctor, she did a pregnancy test which came out positive which was a bit of a surprise. She sent me to the EPU and it turned out that the reason for the positive test was that they hadn't quite got everything out at the termination and what was remaining was receiving a blood supply. Hence the prolonged bleeding. They started off with giving me very strong antibiotics to see if that would help me pass the 'tissue' which it did to a point but not enough so they ended up doing an ERPC to avoid an infection occuring. Hopefully things won't be as complicated for you but it's definitely a good idea to get checked out asap. Having an ERPC meant I had to delay TTC again for a further 6 weeks until my period came back. So, sorry for your loss Lyn. I hope things settle soon for you boilogically. I know emotionally it takes a bit longer and this is probably not helping. Sending hugs. x

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. Hunger, thirst and weeing are the only things keeping me sane this morning. Having lunch with a couple of girlfriends too which I'm hoping will keep my mind off worrying. I've hardly had any symptoms and am absolutely crapping myself as a result . Can't wait for today to be over, one way or another.

Really quick post:

Lyn, I am sorry for your loss. Agree with others when they say worth a quick visit to doctors as there are a couple of things that could cause prolonged bleeding. Best to be seen and put your mind at ease. Doctors tend to not agree on the waiting a month or heading straight into ttc again. For me the first time we waited (quite some time), the second time we headed straight in. I think it depends on your circumstances.

Kittens, thinking of you today. Xx

Hi Lyn and welcome - although I am very sorry to hear that you have a need to join us here. I'd echo what the others have said really. After my termination last year, I bled on and off for about 8 weeks and was sent for a scan. It wasn't as complicated as kittens' case, but they gave me antibiotics and the bleeding stopped completely. 3 weeks later I had a proper period. I think I actually waited 2 cycles before trying again, but it actually took me another 4 months to get pregnant (don't ask - it didn't go well!). After that one the bleeding stopped very quickly, my periods came back straight away and I didn't try very hard on the first cycle then got pregnant on the second. I'd recommend going to your GP, in case something's not quite back to normal (very common - don't worry).

My consultant after the medical termination was keen to persuade me to wait a couple of months before trying again- there's some evidence that if you get pregnant very quickly after giving birth at full-term then there's a slightly higher risk of premature birth for the second. But that doesn't necessarily carry into our situation. I just needed a month or so really to get my head back in order so I did as I was told. But this time after a surgical procedure I wasn't given the same advice at all and was just told it would be better to wait for one period to be sure of dates etc. Test sticks still said I was pregnant nearly a month after the operation, so it would have seemed like I was pregnant again even though actually all that was happening was that my hormones hadn't settled down. Ideally its best to clear the decks as it were from the last pregnancy before launching into another. Either way, its a very anxious time for you, as we are all too well aware, and so do join us if some support and gentle hand holding might help you along the way.

Kittens - I can't stop thinking about you today; I dread to think how you must be feeling. Hope the day passes quickly and am so hoping for some good news again. xxx

Hi everyone, Thanks so much for your replies. It is a big comfort to know that there are people in our position. It's not something I talk about outwith my own family as I don't think people would understand - or may judge us for our decision.

The doctor tested my husband and I after I had delivered our baby and results came back that our chromosome make up was fine and there were a number of abnormalities, however, 9 weeks on I am still awaiting information on what the abnormalities were and the sex of our baby. I have tried to phone hospital but no one ever returns our phonecalls. As it was my first pregnancy (trying for one year) - I didn't know what to expect or what to do now. I was already a nervous wreck the first time round and can only imagine what it will be like next time! I wish you all the luck in the world and I will let you know how I get on at doctors (or if consultant ever phones me back)!

Thanks again

x

Hi Lyn and welcome - so sorry to hear of the loss of your baby, it must be frustrating to still have many questions unaswered. You have found the right place to join us here though.

I also lost my first baby at 14 weeks but am now happily 31 weeks pregnant with my second and all is going well. There are lots of stories of hope here that were an incredible inspiration to me when i was where you are now.

Re. trying again i was told i could start right away after the bleeding had stopped but as some of the others have said there are differant opinions on this - i think often they advise to wait a while for emotional reasons, i guess it's just whenever you feel ready. Best of luck and feel free to drop by as often as you need as we are all here to hold each others hands.

Katie xxx

p.s Kittens very much thinking of you today - hope the wait passes quickly x

Thanks for all your support ladies. Sadly, my bad feelings were confirmed. Another one bites the dust.... part 5

I'm off to the pub for a stiff drink and Thai prawn curry.

F A*holes is pretty much all I can say for now.

Love to all xxxx

Oh dearest Kittens; there are no words adequate. I am so sorry to hear that the little one is lost.
You do not deserve this.
Stay safe in the arms of your man.
A big hug from me
Bee xxx

Oh kittens I'm so sorry darling. It's just not fair that you have to go through this heartbreak again. We are all here when you need us, lots of love xx

Kittens... I am so, so sorry. It is so unfair.

Take the stiff drink, the prawns, stinky cheese, hugs, whatever gets you through. I know nothing helps, but I am thinking of you. You always sound so strong - you have had to put up with too much, and I send hugs too.

Kittens, I am so sorry. All this will pass. We are here to support you when you are ready go talk.

Bee is correct when she says you do not deserve this. Nobody deserves this.

Fing Aholes just isn't enough. Have a "what a pile of s**y luck".

I am thinking of you. Xx

Kittens, I am so sorry. All this will pass. We are here to support you when you are ready go talk.

Bee is correct when she says you do not deserve this. Nobody deserves this.

Fing Aholes just isn't enough. Have a "what a pile of s**y luck".

I am thinking of you. Xx

Oh, our lovely kittens.

So sad and so very sorry here. Words are never sufficient.

Buckets of love and understanding. x

Kittens . Damn it, it is so unfair.

I am lost for words, I had so thought your news would be OK this time.

Lose yourself for a while in the arms of your man, in the comfort of trashy films and that very stiff drink.

Wishing I could be there to give you a hug.
xx

Oh Kittens i just can't even think of what to say other than that i am so so unbelievably sorry.

Thinking of you tonight honey, we are always here for you xxx

No!!! Kittens that is not right! That is not how it was meant to happen. Sweetie - I'm so sorry - I just can't believe it. I can't believe it at all. I wish I could do something for you but I know all too well that apart from letting you know I'm here, along with everyone else, there's nothing much that will make you feel any better for a while. Honey, its just not fair. Not right at all. I wish I could help. Or fix it. I'm so sorry. xxx

Kittens, I am so, so sorry. I wish I could find something better to say. xxxx

Kittens, I am so sorry to hear your news. I'm trying to catch up on everything being new to this forum but I am thinking of you xxx

Thanks all. I'm now back from the pub. V slightly pissed, bit of a headache. Not feeling much better, obviously. I don't know about brave, I seem to go through a bit of a numb, dazed phase. Inter-dispersed with tears that creep up and general feeling of misery and injustice. I just don't know at the moment how I can see any light at the end of the tunnel.

Tomorrow I will make a trip to the EPU for a chat. Again, they will give me the choice or waiting or having yet another ERPC, whether it be under general or local anaesthetic. I don't really know what to do at the moment. I have a couple of days work at the beginning of the week so don't want to incapacitate myself. I'm loathe to have another ERPC. I have had 4 of them and 2 terminations and I fear that all this invasion into my uterus cannot be a good thing but at the same time an ERPC will mean I can draw a line under the pregnancy and move on. I haven't had much in the way of pregnancy symptoms but it will be a bitch waking up several times in the night still for a drink or a wee. A bit of a cruel reminder whilst I wait for the inevitable.

I have an appointment with the recurrent miscarriage clinic on 9 July, which was a referral after the last one. I was hoping to be in a position to cancel it but at least it is coming up soon now. The midwife also said that the genetic counsellor that I saw after my Down's Syndrome pregnancies will arrange for my other half and I to have some blood tests to investigate further into whether there are any further chromosome concerns we should know about. It's remarkable, I thought that when we had the genetic counselling before that this had all been covered by the karotyping but apparently they only go so far with the investigations even after two pregnancies with trisomy issues. I didn't realise this. I'm guessing you lot possibly didn't either. We will wait until we are armed with as much information as possible before trying again, which hopefully won't be too long. I still feel compelled to do so, but that may change depending on what we find out.

Very self absorbed post I'm afraid! I will emerge from my own navel in good time to return your support ladies. Thinking of LittlePoot and wishing you all the luck in the world for Saturday. x