support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities

[katiecubs]

Hi girls - i hope this becomes a useful area

Hi Everyone
Well am off the ttc and pg thread and not sure where to go now....

We lost the baby on sat night. I had a show on thurs night and ignored it as didn't realise that's what it was; same again on fri morn so off I popped on the tube to the hospital. In rush hour. Then waited 2 hours for my appointment - by the time they got the speculum up there my sac was bulging down through my open cervix. They hoped it might go back up again and then they could do a stitch and put me on hospital bedrest but my waters went. Cervix then closed up nice and tight and took another 24 hours of induction to bring the baby out.

It was another boy. So they think I have an incompetent cervix and also had a uti which triggered early labour.

I can't believe I'm back here in the same raw grief stage. The whole experience was moreorless identical - baby arrived at the same time as Ben (the last heart baby) after an hour of labour, didn't need them to tell me about the funeral etc as I'm an expert.

Both babies will even be in the same shared grave.

I'm just beside myself now. Don't know what to do, don't know if I can hold another pregnancy. The success rates with my frozen donor embryos are terrible. Can't face losing more time with morning sickness. And the stress if I do manage again will be horrific. And can't face another 3 months of raw grief - esp as if DD (god forbid) is to be my only child I'm losing yet more precious time with her by being distraught. Again.

Don't even know where to post - not here anymore, not on the termination thread now as this one wasn't. Not even on the infertilty threads now as it's so much more than that now.

Sorry to bring such pain to this thread as it's supposed to be the more positive one, will move back to the other I think.

Oh Peanut. I don't know what to say at all. Of course you belong here and the other thread.. wherever you can find support.

I can't believe you have had to go through this again and have lost another little boy. My heart goes out to you. I wish I could say something that would help but nothing can take this away. It's totally crap and unfair and horrible.

All I can say is: try not to make big decisions about what happens next yet - try to deal with the here and now and getting through the days.

And we are here, whichever of the threads.

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry Peanut. How utterly heartbreaking for you. Please do feel at home here. We have all held each other's hands through all sorts of highs and lows and we will hold yours too. You may find it helpful to be on the other thread too as, although the circumstances are not exactly the same there is a sense of empathy amongst others going through similar pain that can be helpful.

Like you say, give yourself some time. To grieve, and in time, to be you, not pregnant, not anxious, not nauseous, mum to your DD and come back to your decision when you feel the time is right. I don't know much about egg donation but I suspect, as you have frozen embryos, your age is not a massive issue when it comes to having to take action quickly so hopefully this will give you the time you need to decide your next step.

Sending you a big hug. I wish things had worked out differently for you.

Peanut - please stay wherever you feel you would want to stay; only leave here if you feel more pain by staying and hearing other news. You have been through so much and I just cannot believe you are having yet more to deal with - as Can't says, it is totally crap, unfair and horrible. Given we 'know' you here (and on the other thread) you may feel you get more support from people who know your recent history, for whom you don't have to explain everything; even if your current loss does not fit the 'thread title', it is part of your story.

I am without the words to express how sorry I am that this has happened. Life is so bloody unfair sometimes.

Thinking of you, your DH, DD and your lost boys . xx

Oh Peanuthead. I am so sorry about your baby. This is just not right, it is not supposed to happen like this - you have been through so much and it is just not fair.

How many weeks were you? Are you going back to see anyone for follow up and maybe counselling? If they are right about the incompetent cervix, and if you tried again one day if you feel ready, you could have a stitch early - I know this can work. But with the donor situation I can see why it would be hard to face again.

Please keep posting here if you want to, if it helps you. Whenever you are ready. Do you have a lot of support where you are? Friends and family? I know you mentioned back awhile that you were having a hard time with your DH. I want to give you a big hug. I am so sorry. x x

Oh peanut. There's nothing I can say. I'm so sorry. Please don't feel you don't 'belong' - you always belong with us, whether here, on the other thread, or just lurking - if there's anything at all we can do to help then just ask. Even if it is just to listen. Sweetie, I'm so sorry. This is not how it is meant to be. Can't is right - just take one step at a time. Take it easy on yourself. Much love. xxx

Peanut, I am so very sorry for your loss.

Be gentle with yourself and know we are here, if it helps. x

Peanut i am so so sorry, life is just so terribly unfair. I'm not quite sure quite what i can say but i am thinking of you and your family and sending you all the love and strength i can at such a difficult time.

As the others have said never feel you don't belong here, you are very much part of this thread and we are always here for you. Please come and talk with us whenever you need. God bless both your precious little boys.

Katie xxx

Oh Peanut, I'm so sorry and sad that this has happened. You must be utterly devastated. I can't add anything to what the others have said, but just want to repeat that you will always have a place here; to rant, to rave, whatever or, as has been said, just to lurk. A few of us don't strictly fit the thread title, but we all know each others stories and genuinely care for each other, which is what matters most. Sending you love and hugs. Wish I could do more xxxx

Peanut, I am so so sorry, there are no words really. You do belong to these threads, so keep on posting if you feel it helps. Cantdo is do right about not thinking about the future for the moment, I'm afraid I don't know what to say, but I just wanted to send you a big hug and say I'm thinking of you and your precious babies.

I also remember you saying you were off antidepressants, so it must be even harder - can you have any sort of counselling to get you through these days?

Much love xxxx

Dearest dearest Peanuthead
I am sending you all the comfort and love and hand-holding that I can find in the middle of me. This is all so very wrong and devastating for you.
Darling girl- post here, post wherever your friends are and do not worry about the names of the threads. The names of the women here are what matter.
Seek comfort where you can find it
Gentlest of hugs for you
Bee xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Peanut,

There is nothing I can say that has not already been said. Take it one step at a time and do whatever feels right for you.

Thinking of you.

xxx

Katie, just popping on quickly to say that if you're looking for somewhere temporary whilst you look for a place a friend of mine is advertising a 2 bed garden flat in Brighton available early August. Just thought I'd mention it in case it was helpful. x

Hi Kittens - how are you doing? Hope all symptoms are present and correct. I've been really up and down (and round and round). One minute I'm feeling very pregnant and chuffed that I'm getting symptoms and the next I'm convinced I'm imagining them and I'm going to miscarry again any minute. Then there's been a few times where I've forgotten altogether until someone says something and I suddenly remember I'm pregnant. Maybe. At least for now.

If anyone has any tips on how to stop myself becoming a complete nutcase over this then I'd be very grateful to hear them. I was going to wait another week before going to the GP because really, I'm only a few days late just now and that's barely pregnant at all. They weren't planning on giving me any early scans this time but I think I might need them for reassurance. Except that they're only reassuring if they go well aren't they? If they're going to go badly then I think I'd rather not know. Sorry - I'm driving myself a bit crazy and will probably happily drive you all mad too. x

Hi all, i hope you dont mind me posting on your thread. I was on the sister thread and im now back on the ttc journey.
A brief history. I have a 14yrs ds. I have pcos and have had difficulty conceiveing. We had fertility treatent 9yrs ago for a year or so and eventually decided to stay as we were as it was taking over our life. Oct 2008 i found out i was pg (after the shock, we were thrilled) in February 2009 i went into early labour at 19wks following an amnio and gave birth to our beautiful baby boy, i completely fell apart, a roller coaster of emotions that i am sure you are familiar with.
We decided to ttc again and received fertilty treatment again. In Jan this year we had a BFP. We were soooo happy. However at our 12 wk scan the sonographer uttered those hideous words "im sorry to tell you.....". My baby boy had pateau syndrome with his organs growing outside his body amongst other problems. We decided to end the pg.

That was March. We have now just finished our first month of fertility treatment and AF has arrived I know i was expecting too much to be lucky first time. Its really knocked for six. I am on another thread for fertility whom are all lovely, but they havent suffered a loss of a baby so i feel i cant really off load.

I hope its ok to post. Sorry for not replying to any posts. So sorry for you loss peanuthead i havent read all your posts but yes it is so unfair, completely and utterly unfair!

Hi Popsy. I think we 'spoke' on the other board earlier in the year and of course you're more than welcome to join us and offload here. Its very much an open shop and there is always lots of cross-over between the two threads. The main idea was to set up an area here for talk about trying to get pregnant again and the 'joys' of being pregnant again away from the distressingly frequent influx of new visitors to the other thread - when the last thing you might want to hear about when you've just had to decide on a termination is how excited someone else is about getting pregnant.

I'm so sorry to hear about everything that's been happening with you over the past couple of years. You've had such a lot to cope with. I've been lucky (so far) not to need any fertility treatment, although not lucky enough (so far) for any of my three pregnancies to end in a positive way. But I certainly identify with the sinking feelings when AF arrives unwanted. It must be even harder given the rollercoaster of emotions and hormones you add in with the treatment. We'll do all we can between us to hold your hand and take some of the load off. xx

Thanks Kittens thats very sweet of you - we are actually just looking for somewhere to rent but need to move by the end of June so the pressure is on! How are you feeling lovey?

Hi Popsy i remember you from the other thread too - you are most welcome here, it does help to be somewhere where we have all been through the same. There are quite a few TTCers and a few recently pregnant members (Kittens and Littlepoot!)so you are in good company. I remember very well the desperate need to be pregnant again, i will keep everything crossed that it happens for you soon!

Littlepoot - i'm not sure i can advise on how not to be a nutcase to be honest as i was a total nutcase too and still am at times! I still freak out if i haven't felt the baby move for a while. I remember i didn't get any real symptoms this time around until about 7.5 weeks though so try not to read too much into them early on -i know thats very easy to say!

Just a little thread highjack to reach out to a woman in need of love and support.
I am sending a little message to dear Peanuthead. I just cannot imagine what you are going through this week; the loss is so very enormous.
There is no justice, no explanation. You are a good person who deserved this little boy to stay with you. I am so sad for you.
Please do reach out if you feel we could help; if you felt strong enough, you could create a little thread title to call out to us.
Just keep breathing, keep hugging your child, and take tiny, tiny steps.
with love
Bee xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thanks Bee - wise words. Peanut - I really hope you're reading even if you're not up to posting just now. Hang in there sweetie. We're all thinking of you. xxx

Sorry, didn't mean to appear insensitive, just needed some support.

Hi Popsy, not insensitive at all - I'm sure if Peanut was up to posting she would wish you all the luck in the world for your TTC journey. As we all do. I hope you dont think I am being insensitive with what I am about to write. One of my closest friends was told she could not conceive without IVF, after 7 years and 3 failed IVF attempts, she tried these herbs that another friend was raving about. She intended to use them to increase her IVF chances, but fell pregnant naturally before the next round of IVF had started. Her boy is now 4. A year later, she decided to try again and within two months was pregnant with her next little boy. She is about to try again, so I'll keep you posted. She swears by them, and I am amazed every time I see her boys. I think it was only available in Australia then, but now it's available over there. They were on A Current Affair over here (and not for being a scam, but because if their results) and also apparently on Discovery (though I haven't seen that one). I will try to find links to them, if you're interested. If not, just ignore me. (The website in Australia is called Sharkeys Healing Centre, and there is a link on it for people overseas). Anyway, good luck to you Popsy xxx

Littlepoot, I wish I could offer some advice re: not worrying yourself silly. However I did it all the way through my pregnancy, so I'm not a very good example - although I can say that it is so normal, and I did end up with my little Bella despite being convinced something would go wrong somewhere along the line. Looking back now, I do wish I could have found a way to just relax and enjoy it, but I realise I would probably be the same even now. Hope someone else has some constructive suggestions for you xxx

And Peanut, you are in my thoughts xxx

Really must go but hello and love to everyone xxx

Popsy, and whoever else may be interested, this is the link (if it works)
video.au.msn.com/watch/video/making-babies-with-herbs/x41dffa . Otherwise just go to 'A Current Affair' and type Sharkey in the search tab. They have a few videos on it. As i said, ignore me if its of no interest to you

Now i really must go xxx

Ooh Popsy - I was by no means implying that you should not be posting when I posted to Peanut. I just did not know where else to wave to her from.
I feel like I can see her on a sinking, troubled ship on the horizon and I am on the beach waving to her. 'The rescue boat is on its' way P. It is coming. I can see it.' She cannot see it and feels in despair.
But I feel the same about all the women who are struggling on this thread and the other one too. Of course I do.
Peanut really struggled so very much to even be allowed on the boat in the first place, as did many of you, so I just wanted her to feel our voices.
Good luck with it all, I will sail off to the other thread now.
Bee xxx

I am lurking not up to posting yet but very glad for all the kind words - esp Bee as I know where you're stuck at the mo. And esp Popsy - wanted to post when I saw your message but am too done in right now - to say how nice to hear (IYSWIM) from a fellow IFer, and someonw who has had 2 losses too. Not insensitive at all - been thinking about you alot and knowing shit happens repeatedly to others too...

Re herbs - am a trainee herbalist, went intt prem labour the morning of my exam so will fail that one. So will have a look at your link when I feel able. Have already ordered myyself a prescription for infertility herbs and more DHEA so am well up for that. Thanks Mishta.

ANyway just a post to say not up to posting really but thank you all for being there...

A hug and a kiss and a bundle of herbs for you dearest Peanut.
There is a famous doctor in Harley St - Chinese lady -who has performed miracles with herbs. Not sure of her name.xx