support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities

[katiecubs]

Hi girls - i hope this becomes a useful area

Thinking of you both, Kittens and CrazyCat - hoping your busy days are bearable and that your bleeding/discharge eases. Horrid to have to try and 'carry on as normal', but perhaps keeping busy will help distract you between loo visits...

Mimsy - my brain is a bit awry so I'm truly hoping I remember to meet you tomorrow! Will set myself a reminder in my mobile phone. I drove from work to my maternity appointment today, parked the car, then by the time I'd collected DS from nursery I completely forgot I'd had the car and walked home with him. Doh! So now have to retrieve car sometime over the next couple of days. Just as well I'm finishing work soon, will be no use to anyone at this rate!

Hi Numpty, don't worry if you forget or can't make it, I will be going there regardless! If you can't get the car we can make it another day, no worries.

Thanks for all your support!

Fingers crossed for you too catlady.

Hi Mimsy - I don't need the car, luckily - just couldn't believe I'd abandoned it in Partick . Will see you tomorrow. Hopefully!

Fingers crossed for you Kittens and Catlady (or Catwoman as Cant once called you ) xxx

And Numpty, my turn to lol at you forgetting your car (remember I forgot to book in at the hospital until my due week ). Ahh, hormones....Enjoy your meet-up girls xxx

Soothing vibes to kittens and catlady. Hope it's just an early pregnancy settling in blip. I'll be back later and hope to hear that it's settled down, fingers crossed.

Also big love to Mishtabel and Cant and a squeeze and a cwtch to their lovely (probably not so little, if my DS is anything to go by - 22lbs eek!) babies.

And calm, serene thoughts to katie and numpty as they face the home straight.

And of course the best of the best to everyone else. Must dash - packed lunch to argue over prepare for DD. No, I am not going to give in to nutella sarnies and cheese strings! Happy days!

Proper blood this morning. Just popped to the loo between meetings..feeling really tearful and have to pull myself together for another meeting and sound all impressive talking about sustainability and clean fuel blah blah blah...

Hope you're ok this morning kittens? Think it's all over for me, just want to get through it and move on .

I quite like Catwoman btw !

Oh catlady (or would you prefer catwoman? - 'tis allowed) I had hoped things would improve. So hard to put on a professional hat when the emotions and 'what if's' are driving us crazy. Still hoping for you. x

Have just stood in Tavistock Square bawling my eyes out for ten minutes. Bleeding now red but light.

Am off to the EPU at St Thomas's as soon as I can get out of here this evening. I rang them just now and they said I'll probably see a nurse and have some blood taken then perhaps back for a scan tomorrow.

Does anyone have any experience with EPU's? Anything I should be prepared for/ask?

Catlady, I am embarrassed about calling you Catwoman by mistake! sorry!

But mostly I am sending you sticky vibes - it's so hard and so unfair and I really hope the bleeding is nothing. No experience of EPUs - the earliest scan I've had is at 8 weeks when they can do an abdominal scan anyway, as my bleeding was always a bit later than yours is - also not sure if we even have an EPU here.

Presume they'll do a transvaginal scan and see what they can see, but it may be too early to say, definitively.

Still got fingers and toes crossed for good luck for you.

Catlady - far too much experience of EPU's here. They are generally extremely sympathetic and, in my experience, are sited away from where the big bumps dwell. Don't be surprised if they ask you to do a wee pregnancy test first of all. Then, as can't says, they'll take blood and possibly scan which would be transvaginal at an early stage. They also might suggest serial HCGs (bloods every other day) to rule out ectopic, if the pregnancy is (hopefully) progressing. Don't let this freak you out. In the absence of seeing anything on scan because it's just too early, it can provide useful information about what's going on.

It's a bewildering time. There can be lots of reasons for this but going to the EPU is a good start in finding some answers. Good luck.

It's definitely all over. EPU did a test as soon as I arrived (thank you for the warning shangrila) and it was negative. Not a surprise really as I've been bleeding all day.

I'm having a glass of wine before ploughing back into my work for another few hours - a welcome distraction.

thank you for the messages of support. If you don't mind, I'll pop into this thread every now and then. I feel like I've lost my place on MN a bit since the termination and don't really know where I belong.

I think we're going to give it a month off, and then think about trying again. I'm aching so badly to give DD a brother or sister.

hope you're ok kittens?

Oh Catlady, I'm sorry.

Please do pop in to visit the thread if you want to, you would be very welcome here. I know what you mean re not quite knowing where you belong on MN after experiences like we've gone through; I know I feel that these threads are more 'real' than some of the others I come across (though sometimes it's nice to be lighthearted about things, and fret about stuff that doesn't actually matter).

Better go, DS bedtime... xx

Oh no, I'm so sorry catlady. Please do stay on the thread. I started off at the beginning of the thread pregnant. LittlePoot and I went through a miscarriage at the same time and it was so helpful, certainly to me and I think for her as well to have this thread to come for moral support. This is my second pregnancy on this thread in 5 months now. Fingers crossed we'll all come out on top in the end!

I think things have settled with me. No pinkness today so far. Been feeling very pregnant. Lots of going for a wee, bloody ravenous, woke up v thirsty, had to have a 20 min nap (luxury on a shoot) at lunchtime, 2 giant spots on my back and 3 on my face. Please let these all be good signs!

Just come home to a whole heap of appointment letters for recurrent miscarriage clinic and Nuchal scan (although will probably opt for the early CVS instead/as well). Would've been nice to see the miscarriage clinic before 10 weeks. Let's hope I even get that far. I suppose if I don't then it will be even more valid! Somehow my Doctor didn't see the request for referral letter when I dropped it off as his referral letter was only dated the day that I went in to chase it up . Still, I will forgive him because he is usually extremely conscientious.

Hope everyone else is doing ok. I'm a bit cross eyed from tiredness after my 13 hour day so will write better tomorrow.

Thinking of you catlady

Oh Catlady I am so, so sorry. Please do stay - it's a TTC thread as well as a pregnant thread as Mimsy, LittleP and until recently Kittens have testified. You deserve a BFP again soon and better luck. Well done though for being so strong through this and sounding so un-bitter.

Kittens, I am glad your discharge has settled down and you're feeling pregnant still.

Hi all so sorry for my lack of posts I'm on holiday now and forgot to say bye before I left. On my phone so difficult to fully catch up but just wanted to say I'm so sorry to catlady, such sad news. Kittens I hope you are doing ok too and you get your appointments sorted soon. Will write more when I get back in a week,love to you all xxx

Catlady, I am so, so sorry to hear your news. You sound as if you are being very brave, very together. It's ok to crumble, to rage when (and if) it suits you. That's why it's important to stay, dip in and out and lurk and post when it is helpful. This thread has a membership of all sorts of women. It saw me through my pregnancy and having given birth in February, there's nowhere else I could think of going. So stick around if you can. Take good care.

Kittens, you sound relaxed! Well done you. Have a worry free weekend and hopefully the next few weeks will bring good news.

All good here. Love to all.

Oh Catlady - I'm really sorry to hear that. I hope things settle back down again for you soon so that you can begin to get your head round things and try again. And let me echo what everyone else has been saying about you staying on the thread - I haven't been pregnant since February and I'm definitely still here. The thread was originally set up as a separate space from the termination support thread so that people who wanted to talk about babies and getting pregnant could do so here, away from the much more raw grief on the other board. And now that we've been through all ends of the spectrum from new births to successful and unsuccessful scans and miscarriages, its been a great source of support for me and hopefully us all. We've even swapped gardening tips. So please stay as long as you want to and we can try and help you along the road to recovery when you're ready. xxx

Catlady, how are you coping at work today? Must be so hard to keep it all together and be at meetings etc. Although, maybe a welcome distraction. I hope you have a gentle weekend ahead to get your head around things.

LittlePoot, the slugs have had most of my veggies . I think I'm going to have to go and buy some more seedlings, and some slug pellets. I didn't want to use slug pellets, especially because of the cat. I tried putting hair clippings around them from some of the old extensions I had left in my kit but that didn't seem to work. How are yours doing?

thank you all so much for your kind messages. I'm having a bit of a low moment today - I've been kind to myself and cancelled all meetings to work from home for the day but this has also given me the space to think about what's happening and I've cried several times already today as a result. Probably a good thing.

I just knew I couldn't handle pitching to a bunch of venture capitalists today . Not sure they'd have been too impressed with a deathly pale, hunched over, tired looking woman in high heels and a slightly too tight dress! Have sent a far more convincing looking colleague in my place.

I'm still bleeding and in some pain. DH is on his way home with treats from the Italian deli, and DD has gone to a city farm with her nanny for the day so I'm going to take it easy for the afternoon and just get some admin done.

Glad you managed to get through your mammoth day yesterday kittens. Hopefully everything is settled down now, your symptoms certainly sound reassuring.

Here's to a sunny weekend and enjoying our gardens. Glad to see some greenfingers among us. What are you growing kittens and poot? I've got some lettuces that are doing pretty spectacularly, some chillies and peppers that aren't, the usual selection of herbs, some courgette and an ambitious looking grape vine. My first year growing anything at all, it's quite exciting.

Sounds like a wise choice Catlady, you need to be self indulgent in all ways! I recommend eating and drinking all the forbidden delights of pregnancy over the weekend - hopefully it won't be long before you're not allowed them again so treat yourself.

Well, my herbs are doing ok. I have mint, rosemary, thyme, parsley, fennel and sorrel and kind of basil, but it's not doing very well. Too early for planting out basil apparently. I bought a chilli but will be keeping it indoors until the weather is more consistent as last year's one didn't do well as a result of early planting out. Apparently they are a bit fragile. I have abundant strawberry flowers, one tomato plant seems to be doing ok and the other one is eaten to a stump by snails/slugs, as are the sweet red pepper, another tomato and at least one of my courgette plants. Never found space for the onions so they are still seedlings in the plastic pot I bought them in and the carrots are seriously overcrowded in a teracotta pot for the same reason. Lots of nice new shrubs have gone in this year too but they will take a couple of years to settle in and amount to anything spectacular. I am excited to see 5 buds on my peonies though, last year I had only one and that was the first flower since I moved them 4 years ago.

Hiya CrazyCat. I'm not surprised you're having a low moment, and I think you're doing exactly the right thing by allowing yourself time to lie low. With my termination last year, I went straight back to work two days later and that did me no favours at all. With the miscarriage in Feb, I took a full week off to just laze on the sofa in front of the tv or potter in the garden and just generally gather some strength - with the result that I was much more focussed and able to cope once I did go back to work. I know its difficult in your work situation, but do try and allow yourself space to ache and cry or rant and rave - it's all going to have to come out eventually, so best in my experience to let it all out sooner rather than bottling things up for later. Take it easy honey. xx

Another sleepless night here. Partly the birds (how noisy can a dawn chorus be?!) and partly/mostly my brain, stressing about work. I'm supposed to finish up this Weds in the office, because with the amount of work I've done I should be taking TOIL. But I can't see how I'm going to do it! I've had to apply for funding for the role I've been doing the last 18months but we don't find out the results of that application until mid June - so I've no-one to hand over to, and don't even know if there WILL be anyone to hand over to! Luckily I've a great colleague in another region who hopefully can provide some cover, but that's just getting sorted out now. Plus I'm trying to organise the two events already in the diary for later this year (which includes having someone with a learning difficulty coming on one of the events who will need to meet my volunteers beforehand, arranging a hotel for one of the events, and organising/informing our volunteers) PLUS there's an ongoing fundraising idea which is turning into an insurance nightmare.

Aaaaargh.

So each night my brain remembers all this, and is writing the bloody emails I need to send. No wonder I've not even thought properly about a name for this baby! Poor thing isn't top of my thoughts at present...

Rant over, will try to distract brain by 1) writing down some of the things bothering it in order to leave them until I can actually DO something about them and 2) watching some trashy TV on iPlayer...

Sorry to have such a 'me me me' post but I'm so p'd off with my brain keeping me awake!

xx

Oh no, Numpty. That's not fair that you have nobody to hand over to. You shouldn't have to be under such a huge amount of pressure when you've got the impending arrival of the little one to focus on now. Surely, if it all hasn't been tied up before you have to go that's your employer's problem for not sorting out someone to cover your maternity leave rather than your problem?

I hope you manage to get some head space to yourself over the rest of the weekend and get some sleep.

Love to all. Especially Catlady. Hope you're bearing up ok.

Hey Numpty, this sort of stress is the very last thing that you need. In your shoes, it should all be about winding down into the very last stages of pregnancy, not getting worked up about work. Your employer is most remiss. You can tell them I said so!

Hi to kittens, Poot and everyone else who might be around at the moment. And thoughts with catlady. Hope life is gentle with you this weekend.

Off to try to get some sleep. Never my forte, at the best of times!