support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities

[katiecubs]

Hi girls - i hope this becomes a useful area

Hi, I've been keeping my head down a bit. After my initial "I'm fine with it all" stance, I'm not sure if that's strictly true. I've been in such a dreadful mood for the last few weeks and feel like I'm constantly on the edge of tears. I've had some occasional dull pain this week so I'm thinking, maybe my period is going to come soon and perhaps that's why I also fee like I haven't got much control over my emotions.

I'm a bit overwhelmed right now and feel like it's just been one thing after another lately, like I'm on a rather stressful fairground ride and I can't get off. I had a horrible falling out with someone I thought was a close friend at the beginning of December (we're still not talking and even 3 months on I'm still really upset about it), then the same week my mum had a heart attack, then the pregnancy roller coaster and now I'm waiting for my mum to have her scan in a couple of weeks. I'm also worried about my very precious grandma who keeps having bad falls in the house as her legs don't work very well anymore. In the meantime, I'm also back on the TTC mission. I have fallen pregnant pretty quickly the previous 4 times so it may not be long before I'm back fretting about my next pregnancy too. If I were younger I may be inclined to give myself a break but I don't think I can really afford to do that.

Work is picking up a bit which is good, although yesterday I was doing a trail make up for a bride and she was talking about trying for a baby and saying that she couldn't bear the idea of going through life not having had a child. You can't really say to a clients "Yeah, I know what you mean. I've been pregnant 4 times now and I'm beginning to wonder if I'll have to come to terms with that idea myself before long."

Well, that was a jolly little post! lol.

Anway, the good news is my best friend is coming up to London on Sunday and we're going to do some afternoon drinking. I feel the need to let loose a little bit and I always have a giggle with her. We've not been out and got drunk together for over 5 years since she was pregnant with her first baby so it's well overdue and well needed.

I hope everyone else is ok. Katie, I hope your due date passed without too much sadness.

Hi everyone. Briefly, as am exhausted, just wanted to say good luck to Kittens - can see why you would be feeling v low, and why the insensitive bride comment would rankle. Hope the alcohol helps. LP, glad you seem to be getting through - flat is normal, I think. And Katie, good luck with the selling - I found that stressful.
Numpty - interesting job you have! - must feel you are doing something worthwhile.

Sadness across our threads at the moment. Shangrila, your cheery post brings with it the possibility of renewal - thank you.

Morning all. Just checking in.

God, Kittens, its hardly surprising you're not yourself at the moment - that's a lot of tough things to juggle all at once. I know what you mean about that bride's comment. I had someone at work the other day explaining to me all about this special scan called a nuchal scan and what it's for and how worried she was before she had it as she was 42 and that's quite old to be having a baby, although it turned out to be fine. I nodded and smiled and bit my tongue.... I am happy for her somewhere deep down, I'm just struggling to feel that at the moment.

Anyway, I hope you have a brilliant afternoon with your mate today in the sunshine. Just what you need.

Hope everyone else is doing ok. xxx

Kittens, It?s not surprising you are struggling with so much on your plate, you are so brave to have come through everything you have faced over the last few months. Did you have a fun days yesterday with your best friend? Sounded like it was just what you needed so I hoped it helped.

Littlepoot, really glad you are feeling ok and that being back at work has helped. It must have been hard to listen to that lady at work, and the same for you Kittens with the brides comments ? It?s a shame people just don?t think. Re. moving we are actually hoping to live in Hove as that?s where most of our friends are and the commute time is actually the same as from Brighton. I know what you mean with the buying/selling and for that reason we are going to rent for a while first ? don?t think I could handle the stress of doing both at once!

I hope everyone had a nice weekend and enjoyed the sun (even though it?s still freezing!). I went to one of my best friends baby shower and again felt like a total fraud for not having told people I was pregnant, I didn?t seem the right time though as I thought it was a bit rude to turn up and make that kind of announcement when the day was meant to be about her. I have a hen do in two weeks though so I will have to come clean then because 1, I won?t get away with not drinking and 2, I?m not sure I like the idea that people may think I?m letting myself (the waistline) go!

Evening, I have been reading your messages but I have not really had the strength to post this week.

This time last year we were nil by mouth waiting for the morning to have our termination. I feel as though so much has happened (I guess it has with all that has gone on) but on the other hand it feels a bit Deja Vu. I am really excited to be expecting another baby but so scared and upset that perhaps the baby we lost feels marginalised as if it is replaceable.

I am getting upset again so will go. Thinking of you all. X x.

Oh Allstars, such a big 'anniversary' for you. I hope it passes peacefully for you.

I understand the mix of emotions that being pregnant at this time will bring and empathize with your need to feel that your other baby isn't forgotten in all this. The very fact that you are telling us all about this is very much evidence to the contrary! We'll be thinking of you tomorrow...

Love to the rest of the gang. Back soon. x

Also thinking of you today Allstars - hope you get through it peacefully as Shangrila says.

I fully understand your conflict of emotions about the new baby as i feel them too, i'm sure our lost babies know that they were much loved and missed though xxx

Dear Allstars, thinking of you today. As others have said, being pregnant again is strange at such times but our lost babies are still missed and loved, they are still a part of our families even if not present with us. xx

Kittens - hope the weekend with friend helped to lift your spirits a little. xx to you too.

Hi everyone. A big hug for you Allstars.

Kittens I hope you are feeling a bit better now? Maybe it is AF on the way? Mine came on Friday, much to my surprise. I thought I would have to wait ages. Now I have to try to muster some enthusiasm for TTC.

Like you LittlePoot I am feeling a bit'flat' and 'blah' now. I've had a lot on lately and the distraction was welcome but now I have a quiet week and have hit a flat spot.

I think I need to join a TTC bus so some of the rampant enthusiasm rubs off on me!!

The EPU have referred me to one of their clinics for some investigations. Not really sure what they plan to do, but I think they want to see me in a couple of weeks so that might spur me into the TTC mood.

Anyway that is all my news. I haven't been on for a while but I have been thinking of your all. Allstars I hope you are feeling OK again soon.

Allstars, I hope the day has not been too upsetting for you. It is a big milestone and must feel very confusing whilst looking forward to meeting your growing 'bean'.

Well, it looks like I was right. AF appeared just before bedtime last night. That was some pretty evil PMT! I suppose combined with real life sadness it was bound to be. Work is picking up slowly so there are a few things to keep me occupied and I had a really nice time with my best friend on Sunday. We managed to keep it reasonably civilized too, not too messy, just jolly. Jolly was just what I needed. It's when it goes quiet that I start getting a bit self indulgent with the miseries but I'm hoping that once my AF is done and dusted I'll be a bit more cheery. I have just ordered a bunch of ovulation predictor sticks to start using this month. I have a Persona monitor but you need to wait a couple of cycles to determine the length before being able to use them accurately so in the meantime I'm on cheapie OPKs. I wonder how my cycle will be this time, after the last PG it was 24 days, after the one before it was 31. Hopefully it will be closer to the 24 which makes the wait a little bit easier and increases the chances of hitting the" jackpot" a bit quicker (I think?)

I hope everyone here is doing ok. So much sadness going on in the 'other room' :-(

Fingers crossed for us TTC people. Do we think there should be a new fork in the thread when we reach capacity here? I quite like it all together here but what do the rest of you think? The thing with having a separate TTC thread is it can get a bit obsessional if that's the only topic of conversation.

Hi Kittens, glad you had a nice time with your friend! Will be keeping everything crossed that your TTC journey is a short one.

From a selfish perspective i would love it if the you and the other TTC'ers stayed on this thread - i would miss you guys if not!! xxx

I think TTC'ers should stay, if you want to; the thread would be pretty quiet without you all! xx

Allstars, I hope today passed peacefully. I share your conflicted feelings about our lost babies and the ones we are carrying. I think it's inevitable.

Katie, how many weeks are you now? That bump must be coming soon! and when are you due?

Kittens/Mimsy, good luck with TTC. Hormonal crashes are to be expected I am sure...

Numpty, when are you due? I keep forgetting...

I'm due at end June (ie probably mid July, just when in-laws are off on a cruise...).

How about you?

April! Suddenly seems very soon!

It IS very soon!! How exciting .

My DS still hasn't grasped the concept. We looked at the House in Mummy's Tummy book (which is great) and all he sees are cars, trains, toys... never mind. Hopefully he'll get the idea at some point. Maybe.

Wow, Cantdo, that IS soon isn't it?! Your on the home strait now girl! Not so long behind Numpty. Did either of you see the post I put on the other thread? I possible shouldn't have put it in at the time as a couple of the girls are really struggling at the moment but I only had good intentions by it for all the new mums on there.

In case you missed it, it was a mention that Asda are selling newborn nappies for £1 a pack. Might be worth stocking up at that price.

I meant home straight! lol.

Am 17 weeks now and due mid August - Can't, April wow! Time seems to have flown by - probably not for you though?!

Bump news is that there is deffo something there and getting more noticeable (to me) by the day. Still in normal jeans though and i don't think anyone else would notice unless i stood sideways, stuck my tummy out and carried a big sign saying i'm pregnant!

I have joined the December TTC bus, but I am definitely going to hang around on this thread - it's going to be very exciting ... all these babies due!

Hi Mimsy good luck with TTC! Def stick around too xxx

Hello
So am finally coming to join you all as what I want to say isn't really suitable for the other thread any more esp with so many recent painful losses - can't quite believe I've joined the pg thread. I've had such a painful day when should have been joyful which is I guess why we're all still on the loss threads rather than the normal antenatal ones....

Haven't - rather selfishly - read back far but know most of you anyway but need to offload a little now and will hopefully bed down over the next while, although as most of you know am more of a rampant lurker than a poster...

So had my viability scan today - one healthy heartbeat, relief all round (esp that it wasn't three - was pretty sure there was something in there as feel sick as a dog as usual) but I just feel dead inside and depressed.

Due date for my lost baby was yesterday and I was doing so well - basically felt nothing as as far as I was concerned I'd had him, he's had his due date and that is when it will hurt. Plus ahve strolled though 3 friends havibng babies in the last 2 weeks without a wobble. But as I walked into the same hospital where I delivered him and got the lift to the same floor where we got the diagnosis, surrounded by very pg ladies it dawned on me that actually I should be going in for my sweep or because I'm in labour, or coming out with my lovely baby boy. Not going in for another 7 week scan - for an embryo that doesn't yet belong to me (egg donation - very grateful and overjoyed etc but the baby I lost was "mine" and have yet to make this one mine)(hmmm, just read that and suspect am storing up trouble for the future, am planning counselling as soon as I can find someone to look after DD)

We were there for hours, just me and DD - about 7 I think - and I spent alot of it secretly crying, trying not to get cross with her, trying to be positive. We had our sandwiches outside and I looked up at the window of the room where I gave birth to him, remembered looking down at everyone milling about outside having such a normal day. There was even the same bloody bagpiper busker playing shite music on Westminster Bridge.

I suppose it's just too soon, have done all this so recently with no result - but Katie, you got pg very quickly, were you so low pre nuchal scan? I suppose it must be normal but am worried about bonding problems, ever relaxing and enjoying being pg. Although actually I can't say I've ever enjoyed the first 16 weeks of either of my pregnancies. I just thought once I was pg again everything would be ok and it's a constant shock to discover it bloody isn't...

Am off to bed already, hoping will wake tomorrow and be joyful to be pg...

Hi Peanuthead, and congrats on the scan, even though I understand why you feel the way you do (and more so given the egg donation issue).

I got pregnant 3 months after first termination - that led to the second termination, but there was no indication of problems until 20 weeks. I have to say that although I didnt relax or enjoy it, I didnt feel as low as you describe. Then this time around I got pregnant after one period after the termination. My 14 week scan to check the kidneys (as second lost baby had no kidneys) happened more or less on the anniversary of the nuchal scan that showed the first baby's problems, and on the due date of the second baby. Cruel coincidence and it shook me up. I struggled, and still struggle, to celebrate being pregnant. I was so anxious. It did/does get easier, or it did for me.

I think you probably do need to address the egg donation issue as that complicates things or at least allows you to complicate things in your head. You will get there. It's tough though. Every scan is crap. I came out of my anomaly scan jubilant this time because all looked normal... and couldnt help myself from then getting out the photos of the baby I had given birth to, stillborn, at 20 weeks only months earlier. Every moment of joy comes with a strong reminder of what we lost to get to this stage - it needs navigating around, but in the end it's okay.

Try to cut yourself some slack - this ISNT easy; counselling is probably a good idea (Lins, if you remember, had conflicted feelings about her pregnancy following the loss of her previous baby - counselling really helped her); just taking it a day at a time and realizing every reaction is normal is also healthy.

You will get there.

Oh Cant, I knew you'd had two losses, didn't know how close together they were though. I suppose it's always likely that one meaningful date will fall across another one as 12 months isn't very long, I just wasn't expecting to feel so cold about my scan. My infertility has clouded things so much.

Thank you for replying so soon - I felt better the minute I'd posted, but then I guess that is what these sad threads are for, for saying things noone in RL wants to hear.

Hi Peanuthead, welcome to the thread. If I haven't congratulated you on the other thread let me do so here. I'm sure you are filled with conflicting emotions. As Cantdo has mentioned, I don't think it's uncommon after what we've all been through.

Isn't it strange how all these anniversaries seem to coinincide. Perhaps because of the innate need to get pregnant again after loss. I think I found out about my last pregnancy just a week before I had with my previous pregnancy and the anniversary of my termination coincided with my ERPC this year. Like you, I was pretty much ok about the anniversary but being back in the same hospital, same view etc was a bit of a rude reminder. It's so shit that we all have to go through these terrible experiences.

This place really is a blessing. It so helps to unload and for the people you're speaking to to 'get it'. Most people are so oblivious to the kind of difficulties we've all been through. Lucky them! I was with a photographer today who is my age and has a 10 year old and we were talking about family. I alluded to the fact that I would like to have a child but then it's all so taboo, especially with clients, even more so with new clients... and the rest of society for that matter, to let them know exactly how much you want that to happen and why it hasn't so far. We hold back from telling them this stuff so that they don't feel uncomfortable and then as a result we feel uncomfortable instead. Isn't life strange?!