support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities

[katiecubs]

Hi girls - i hope this becomes a useful area

LittlePoot, those lemon meringue fairy cakes sound lovely. I bet they look very cute too.

Katie, the results of my work are often a lot more glamorous than my actual job! Of course, it can be glamorous and exciting. Alternatively it can be hours of standing around in cold car parks, fields or disused buildings in the cold/rain/snow. Those are the times when, through gritted teeth I find myself laughing at the fact that so many people think my job is glamorous. I do love it though, even though it is such a feast and famine life in this business. I also get to work with quite famous people from time to time which, even after all the years, still tickles me. (I do brides too BTW lol)

Nik, if you read back to the first few pages of this thread you will see that we've all had very mixed feelings about being pregnant after the losses we've suffered before. Sadly, our innocence is lost and it has affected our reactions to being pregnant profoundly. Throughout the short time I was pregnant I only really let myself go so far as to think "I might be pregnant" - the only acknowledgement to actually being pregnant was the abstinence from alcohol, the forbidden foods and medicines.

Cant, yes, now that my 2 weeks after the ERPC has passed we are going to TTC again. Probably in a fairly laid back way for now as I don't really know what my cycle is up to yet. Will probably pay more attention once my periods come back. They say it's quite easy to get pregnant during this in between time so maybe it will happen quickly. I'm a bit scared about not knowing my dates though as they did promise to do my scan as early as possible next time which will be 7 weeks so if my last period is still 25 November that will make it very tricky to know when that is. Well, we'll see what happens I guess.

Yes, there does seem to be a bit of a black cloud passing over these threads. Sad times .

Afternoon all.

How are you doing today Nik? If you're anything like me, this is feeling like the slowest time the world has ever known. I hope you manage to find lots of distractions to speed up the days to come...

As for lemon meringue cupcakes, I'm afraid they're not a very good pregnancy food. What with having to taste-test the cake batter (raw eggs a plenty) and then the only-lightly-cooked egg white/meringue topping, they're a salmonella death trap! Am making the most of it while I can.... And I got my hair dyed today. And I'm eating blue cheese like it's going out of fashion. Sorry Katie, Numpty, Can't, Allstars and Nik (and bumps I may have temporarily forgotten) - forbidden fruits for you.

The recipe, for those who can, is just normal cooked vanilla cupcakes with the middle scooped out and filled with sweet lemon goo (condensed milk and lemon juice). Then pipe a blob of meringue mix on the top and blast them in the oven for about 3 mins. Yum indeed. Am getting rather into my cake making and decorating at the moment. That would be a much better job than mine (ok Kittens - granted yours isn't always as glamorous as it sounds, but there is not even a hint of glamour in mine - essentially glorified admin you need to PhD to understand). I'm thinking of jacking it all in and making cakes instead. Need a wedding cake Katie?!

So, I'm back to work and 'normal life' on Monday. I think it'll be ok. I'm fine as long as no-one asks me about it - head firmly in buried in the sand. I'm finding it easier that way. If I start to open the floodgates by thinking through everything and all of the (im)possibilities then I just don't know where it will stop. So I'll take things a day at a time and hope that our luck starts to improve. Good luck with the TTC Kittens! I'm going to wait for a period (not least because after having so many people messing about with me at the hospital, I can't think about having sex for a while...) but then try from there. It had better be a good one next time.... xx

Afternoon lovelies.

I'm sort of ok today thanks for asking LittlePoot. I am actaully in the process of moving house today and tomorrow so not sure how long I have this internet connection for....will be back up in a few days.

Anyway the moving is a big distraction as you say but then this morning I did have some spotting but then DP and I had just had some morning 'fun'! TMI!!. Anyway that may have been the reason as I know your cervix is quite soft at this time. However its still worried me and had me scouring blinkin' Google!! I'm really trying to carry on as normal and not think about being pg but like you say HavingKittens the only give away is not being able to have a big old glass of red wine with a blue cheese chaser! But I don't care. I'd give it all up forever just to be able to have a healthy pregnancy and I want every awful pregnancy symptom going, sickness, constipation, spots, the lot. I need to 'feel' this.

Anyway lovely ladies I must continue to pack and keep myself 'occupied'. Thinking of you all and those fairy cakes! YUM.

Be in touch soon
xxxxxxx

Brilliant I have my wedding cake and make-up sorted then! Anyone else got any other wedding related talents?

Have also had a day of baking today, just made Jamie Olivers cottage pie and sticky toffee pudding, all ready to go in the oven in a bit (love my Sunday comfort food). On the bump front I think it?s finally starting to appear, nothing anyone else would notice but my tummy is definitely a bit rounder! Actually I was reading in one of my pregnancy books today that I should have put on around 9 lbs by now but I have only put on around 4-5. Does anyone know if I should be concerned about that at all and should I be trying to increase my calorie intake as a result? I feel like I?m eating quite a lot already!

Hope everyone else has had a nice weekend? Littlepoot I hope tomorrow goes ok and everyone is understanding. Tomorrow is my little girl?s due date so it will also be a little odd for me too but sure we will be fine.

Kittens good luck with the TTC and Nik I hope the move went well. I have also heard of spotting happening after having ?fun? for the same reason so try not to worry about that xxx

Brief visit to say I hope tomorrow goes okay Katie. I have been through 2 due dates for lost little girls and actually the days themselves have turned out fine. It's just the anticipation that is hard. I hope you can commemorate your little girl in some way.

No wedding talents here, though I did make my own cakes....

Hi all - sorry not been about much, nipped a nerve in my back on Friday and been either resting or not wanting to sit (yowchey) for very long. Still, it's better toward the end of the day and the first part of the week I'm at work, so will get a bit more rest then (well, more rest than a toddler will allow).

LittlePoot - I hope your return to work is OK tomorrow. I know what you mean about opening floodgates; 'just a day at a time' is a great mantra for now.

Katie - I hope you have a peaceful day tomorrow, xx.

Nik - hope the spotting has stopped and the house move has gone OK (really don't envy anyone that, amazing how many folk are on the move here either now or recently).

Kittens - hope you are feeling in a better place, and good luck with the TTC...

Mimsy - enjoy the pilates, I always aspired to do this but just don't have the willpower! I've recently started gentle yoga and and am appalled by how inflexible bits of me are...

Cant - hope you are feeling well and settled (and not too stretched/tired/sore). Not sure I remember the tape measure method for dates (got 1st mw appointment on Weds so will find out then) but surely all women and babies are different??? I'm sure I didn't have much of a bump first time around and this time I think I'm growing not just a house but a whole tenement.

Allstars - are you still feeling more secure after that scan; do you have another to come? Hope your DH's birthday is a gentle time and that the anniversary also passes gently. Good luck with the Tuesday appointment.

Night all, xxx

Sadly ladies the spotting got heavier and I miscarried on Saturday. Did a pregnancy test to check and came up 'not pregnant'. Just seems like I'm having a heavy period and that's it, not much cramping at all. I think it's because it was so early. I am not going to use those bloody early pregnancy tests anymore! Not been to the hospital but have a doctors appointment tomorrow which I had booked anyway to say I was pregnant. Will wait until then to find out if I should go to the hospital or not.

Sometimes life really sucks!!!!!
xxxxx

Oh Nik - I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm glad at least that it wasn't (physically) too traumatic. I think if the bleeding follows what the doctor considers a 'normal' pattern then they won't make you go to the hospital - in my (limited) experience, that's only if they think there is anything left behind. I'm so sorry though - it really is crap.

Well, I'm back at work and its pretty much ok. I'm avoiding answering direct questions and trying to keep my head down a bit so hopefully will be back in the old boring routine soon enough. Had a crappy kind of a weekend. Went for a nice day trip on Saturday to Saffron Waldon (very lovely by the way) but freaked out at the huge numbers of babies and toddlers everywhere and ended up sobbing my heart out in a quiet little backstreet while poor hubby wondered what on earth he could do to 'fix' me. Guess I'm not quite as tough as I thought, so I've planted my head firmly back in the sand and won't be looking up again for a little while.

Katie - hope you have a nice day today - lovely that the sun is shining at least, so hope you find somewhere peaceful to spend the day. I agree with Can't that the anticipation for me was worse than the day itself, so I hope you find the same. And so pleased for your bump! I have one too, but mine is definitely full of cake. That's the downside of me staying at home.... I made a very rich chocolate cake yesterday and had mixture left over for some cupcakes. Yum.

Love to Numpty, Can't, Allstars (where's Big Momma?), Mimsy and Kittens (you ok?) and anyone else I've forgotten. xxx

Was just popping in to say I'm thinking of you today Katie. Hope you find as everyone has said, that the lead up I'd often worse than the actual day. As for wedding talents, I could sing for you. Not saying I CAN sing mind you, not a bit actually. But if I practice hard from now, I might be able to warble out a half decent rendition of Queen's 'Your my best friend' (kids bought me Singstar of Queens greatest hits for Christmas). On second thoughts, perhaps not.
As for your weight, I wouldn't worry too much. We're all different. You might catch up, or you might not. I put on 12kg up to 23 weeks, then only 2kg the rest of the pregnancy (sorry can't convert that off the top if my head), and baby's weight was fine. As long as you're eating well and getting some rest, that's the main thing.

Nik, I'm so sorry to hear it hasn't turned out for you this time. I hope you get a chance to rest properly, with the house moving and all. You're dead right, life really does suck sometimes. Take care of yourself xx

Littlepoot, glad your first day back at work wasn't too traumatic for you. As for your weekend, you probably really needed that cry. Yes, men do tend to want to 'fix' us, and feel helpless when they can't. I have found I actually have to remind DH on occassion, I don't need you to 'fix' this for me, just listen/cuddle me/be patient etc. I think he appreciates getting the instructions!
Your cupcakes sound yum - going to try them myself.

I really should be sleeping, so better go. BTW Numpty, I have the monitor(s) all sorted - listening to the reassuring tick of one as I write.

Hello to everyone else. Thinking of you all xxx

Oh no, Nik, I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope you're bearing up. Gosh, it's scary to see how many of us have suffered the same fate in the past few weeks isn't it?

LittlePoot, you sound a bit like how I was. The first week or so seems very calm and pragmatic. Lots of justification to yourself and "I'll be fine" and then the second week it sinks in a bit more and the hormones are realising what's happened. I hope you'll be ok. Don't let them pile the work on, you probably still need a bit of breathing space. My meltdown was hearing from old friends that that they all have babies on the way or new babies. Especially when I tell them I don't have any kids yet. People seem to assume that if you're 40 and don't have kids it's because you've chosen not to.

Katie, thinking of you today. I will echo what a lot of others here have said, the anticipation was worse than the actual day for me too. I hope the day passes peacefully for you and that the sunshine helps to give you a nice feeling of optimism for the futures.

Can't, do you have an anniversary coming up? I think I must've missed that. I'm sorry. I've not been around my computer so much this weeks so there's always a lot of reading to do when I come back! I hope yours is peaceful too. The anniversary of my last termination was at the beginning of last month but I was so preoccupied with the miscarriage that it kind of got lost in there. Probably not a bad thing.

Allstars, how are you doing? And Numpty? (btw, Numpty, I can't even touch my toes so you're not alone in being inflexible - I dread to think what I'll be like as an old lady!)

Mimsy, are you doing ok?

Hope all the new mums are doing well. Probably far to busy to post but if you're looking in... Hello! Mishtabel, lovely to see you popping in from time to time and so glad you're all set up with the monitors, you must feel a lot calmer. Hope little one is doing well and putting on weight now.

Oh Nik, I'm sorry to hear your news. I had this once early on - made the doctor appointment the week before then miscarried on the Monday of that week (saw doc on the Thurs or Fri). However because it was early on (ie only around 5-6wks) I only remember talking to him about it, certainly wasn't sent anywhere else. In fact I don't know if it was noted down as a loss at all, so I felt I needed to mention it when I became pregnant again.

I'm so sorry - as you say, sometimes life sucks.

Better go, busy day at work... but hoping Katie is finding today peaceful and warm. xx

Oh Nik, I am so sorry. There seems to have been so much loss round here recently...

Kittens and LittlePoot, good luck with moving forward. I personally don't think head in sand is such a bad thing. My mantra is to get through things the best we can. And not thinking too much is probably a help.

Katie, hope today allowed you to remember.

I am not approaching any anniversary - sorry for misleading people! My next anniversary will be early June - the second termination.

I'm OK. 33 weeks and getting heavier, but it's all good....

Sorry to hear what happened Nik. It does suck completely and truly. I hope at least that the house move is helping to distract you somewhat. Make sure you get lots of rest.

It seems there is enough of us now to start our own TTC bus almost.

I am doing well - been busy with family visiting from far far away. Plus DS being sick. Lots of distractions preventing me from Mumsnetting! (and now Glee is starting ... )

Hello all

I've spent a very tranquil and sunny day here and wanted to post for Katie, hoping that the day passed peacefully for you. It must have been a real mixture of sadness, tinged with hope for tomorrow. I was thinking of you today. As I mentioned on the other thread, it's St David's Day here today (waves flag fervently) which to me is always a lovely hopeful day. It is usually sunny, sometimes warm and small children are seen waddling off to school dressed in hilarious national dress. It's a day to smile here and despite having had some terrible, terrible Februarys in my time, I always found a wistful smile on March 1st. So here's to you today, your anniversaries and your future.

Gosh, I am getting quite lyrical in my old age. Kittens, you asked how things are going. They are fine with me. I do read and follow all your stories but find scarce time to get anything down in writing. Please be sure that I am reading and thinking about both you and Little Poot. Getting over the two week/first cycle hormonal crash is quite a wall but you are both getting there, aren't you? I always think that you can write your own rule books at a time like this. Talk to or ignore whoever you choose. Go party or hide away. Totally your rules. The hardest part for me is when the ho hum/life is mundane/is this it? sets in. But you both seem to have great coping strategies to deal with that. Massive hugs. And to Nik too. Early days, but take great care of yourself and so sorry for your loss.

To Cant and Numpty is time hurtling or is it still a slow grind? Cant, are you 33 weeks? Funny how other people's pregnancies career ahead at a rate of knots, but never your own! The tapemeasure thing is bizarre isn't it? We obsess over scans, CVS, blood tests and all that science can throw at us. Oh yes, and a grotty old piece of tape that has probably seen better days. My understanding is that they are simply looking for sustained growth within parameters but that you don't have to match exactly the week of the gestation. I never did. But then DS did turn out to be enormous! Numpty - you mentioned the being spooked by occasional dips in movement. It's the one reason why my fridge was permanently stocked with ice cold fizzy drinks. Never failed me. Not sure if it would have counted in a kick count test way, but I found it tremendously reassuring. And I will never ever drink lemon fanta again.

Brilliant result to allstars and hi to Mimsy - we've not 'met' before but this is just the best thread which has helped me enormously and held my hand in the past. Good luck to you on your path.

And to mishtabel - great to see you around, lovely. Kisses to your girl.

Apologies to anyone I have inadvertently missed. Off to munch far too many Welshcakes for a girl in need of dropping the pounds. And I am a shocking cook - but any excuse for the diet to wait another day!

Love to all x

Nik I?m so, so sorry to hear that, really hope you are doing ok and getting well looked after. Can?t is right there has been too much loss here recently, it?s just so sad.

Thanks for all of your thoughts today, you were right (as always!) - the anticipation was much worse than the event. I?ve felt almost quite nothingy which is a bit srange, I suppose in a way it?s just acceptance.

LP sorry you had a hard weekend, it does just tend to hit you hard sometimes and it?s not nice at all. Glad your day back at work was ok; it can be really good to get back to normality I think.

Mishtabel I?m going to book you for the singing anyway you sound good fun! ? I guess you might be pricey though as I?ve had to fly you and the crew in from OZ!

Love to everyone else, and hi again Mimsy good to hear from you and glad you are doing well! xxxxxx

Hi Shangrila we cross posted - happy St. Davids day! It is lovely to hear from you

Thank you so much for your lovely post, it is funny though that today hasn't been too hard on me. Yesterday was so much harder but i guess i had all day to dwell on it and worry about today - being at work has meant my mind has been glady occupied. I have spared a few moments for some special thoughts and wishes though and all feels calm and well right now.

Lots of love to you and your lovely new son, enjoy your cakes xxx

Hi all

Katie - glad you found time yesterday for special thoughts/wishes and that all feels calm just now. Hope all goes well with the work, good that you are in a place you know.

Allstars - not sure when your DH's birthday is (or anniversary) but hope you have a nice quiet time together for them both.

Nik - thinking of you...xx

and Shangrila and Cant, I'm doing fine thanks and glad to hear that you are too (really pleased to read about your feeling of 'healing' on the other thread, Shangrila). Got my first actual midwife appointment tomorrow so will watch for the tape measure .

Better go get some sleep... night night all, xx

Eulalia, thinking of you and hoping the sun shines through the clouds for you today (hope I searched the right area). Take care xxx

Oops, wrong thread, will pop it over in the other one just in case. Hello to you all anyway xxxxx

So very quiet on here - i hope everybody is doing ok? xxx

Morning Katie - how are you, and how's work going?

I'm having a quiet morning at home, DS is happily playing with trains so I'm only called in when derailments cause tears. But I'm off to work this afternoon until Sunday afternoon at a residential weekend for young adults with arthritis: rewarding work, but does mean my DH doesn't get the usual restful weekend...

Hoping everyone else is just being distracted by work (or toddlers/family)... xx

Hi Numpty

Work is going well, it?s good to be doing something again as I was going a bit stir crazy at home. We have also just put our flat on the market so fingers crossed we get a decent offer in the not too distant future, we have had quite a few viewings this week which is good but who knows what is going to happen with the housing market?!

Your work this weekend sounds really interesting! What is it exactly that you do? Working in advertising I always envy people with rewarding jobs, part of the reason I would like to start teaching!

Littlepoot, Kittens, Nik, Mimsy, Can?t, Allstars ? hope you are all doing ok? I hope everyone has a lovely weekend, and the sun stay?s out!

Katie xxx

My DH works in advertising! But he and his business partner do 'ethical advertising' ie they only choose to work with charities/socially or environmentally beneficial companies. So they do find it rewarding (if probably just as frustrating sometimes as other ad agencies, re client demands/understanding of what they do etc...). Both are on the creative side - DH does the graphics, business partner is copywriter.

Technically I'm an administrator - fell into the role when I was made redundant from a previous business research job. But am project managing this new project, organising events, working with volunteers and the people who come on the weekends. Lots of variety, but also lots to learn. When I go off on mat leave they'll apply for funds for someone else to take on the role, so don't know if I'll have any involvement when I come back... if I do, I'll have to choose between insecurity of job reliant on funding applications or security of job paid by 'core funding' but less involved.

Better go, DH wanting to watch fire engines (on TV, not here!)...

Oops - not DH, DS!!

Oh - I quite like the idea of your DH wanting to watch the fire engines!

Good luck with the selling and buying Katie. It's Brighton you're heading towards isn't it? Have you decided where? I used to have to live in the cheap bit, but there are some really lovely places to be round there. I hope it goes smoothly for you. I've bought and sold three times now, and I have to say I've had one deal fall through each way each time. But the houses/flats I've ended up with have always been better options, so it does seem to all work out in the end.

Lovely to hear from Shangrila! I read your posts in the 'other room' too - I'm always astounded by how you've managed to come through such ordeals and so happy that you have your gorgeous boy at last now. It was you that suggested the high dose folic acid wasn't it? I'm going to ask my consultant about that when I go in next month.

Kittens - how are you doing? Hope all's well (enough) with you. And Nik - hope things haven't been too tough, what with the move as well. I'm ok - surprisingly so actually. I haven't been very productive at work, but it's been good to get back into the routine again. Everything feels a bit 'flat' and 'blah', but I'm confident enought that will pass eventually. Only occasional bouts of sadness and not many tears. Just hoping it'll be third time lucky..... xxx