support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities

[katiecubs]

Hi girls - i hope this becomes a useful area

Hi all, hope all's as well as can be expected this morning.

I've been a bit quiet for the last couple of days - having a crappy time of things at work. Completely lost it yesterday and had to confess all to my office mate (she already knew all about the last one). It's nothing in particular, just that my job goes through really stressful patches and this is one of them. And I really resent them making me feel stressed when I've got more important things to be stressed think about. I'm wondering whether to tell someone a bit higher up and make them delegate some of my stuff to someone who gives a toss has more capacity at the moment. But I just don't really want to tell anyone else here until I've got some positive news.

Sorry - I was going to catch up with everyone else's news but am just whinging instead.

Mimsy - I really felt for you having to deal with all of that on your own. I hope things went ok at the hospital and that you're on the road to recovery.

Kittens - hope you're ok today? Its a crappy time and I hope you're managing to find your way through. I don't think your posts are at all cold by the way - or yours Can't. I think they're just very honest and pragmatic, and the honest pragmatic situation is harsh. But the honesty is what makes this thread the valuable place it is.

Mishtabel - so happy there's some more positive news for you again with Bella! It must be such a worry for you, and I'm shocked that medical professionals can be so insensitive! Fingers crossed that her sleep study helps clarify things too (did I understand that right?).

And Katie, I hope you're ok too. I don't know if it helps, but I ended up coming clean to a lot more people than I was intending to with the last one, and I was overwhelmed by the amount of support I got. A couple of people didn't quite get it, but were still 'nice'. But a surprising number really did seem to understand, and still now understand and expect me to be occasionally delicate. Strange though, because this time I've barely told anyone (I'm not great for keeping things to myself!) and so I don't know how I'll feel if I get positive news. That's all still a few weeks off for me so I'll wait and see. Midwife on Saturday and dating scan on Tuesday. Then the real fun begins.

Sorry - mammoth post! Will go back to work.... xx

I'm ok. Snot seems to have subsided and I'm just trying to get on and get some work. If I don't get some soon I'm going to go nuts! At least, when I do get some work, my day rate is very good so I can hopefully make up for lost time reasonably quickly but it's been too quiet for too long. Everything that's been going on over the last couple of months hasn't helped my focus or motivation either, as well as the fact that Christmas and New Year take out a big chunk of potential working time. My mum had a heart attack because of the chemo treatment she was having a few weeks before Christmas so my mind wasn't on phoning around for work. Luckily, she's fine now. She has one more chemo treatment on this course and then will have a scan at the end of next month to see if it's done what we hope.

I will be starting to do make up trials for some of the weddings I'm booked for over the summer soon so that will be good. So far, my first shoot booked isn't until 22 Feb though, and then possibly one or two others at the end of the month but I need to get something in between now and then before I forget how to do my job!

I'm feeling up and down about last week but haven't plunged into any serious misery luckily. I'm still on the Folic Acid and will probably start trying again in a few weeks. It's good that I didn't have too many symptoms. I tried again and got pregnant fairly quickly after my first miscarriage and I felt like I'd been pregnant forever (even if it did come to an abrupt and untimely end again at 13 weeks). If it doesn't work out again next time I think I may just get a kitten, buy myself a motorcycle and regress back into my carefree youth.

I agree, Numpty, ERPC, what a horrible, cold term. "Products" ? Evacuation of lost hopes and dreams more like!

How is everyone else today?

Glad you're doing ok and I think a kitten and a motorcycle sound like very sensible ambitions.

Seriously though (although perhaps a bit off topic), what is snot even for?! Pointless waste of energy if you ask me. Glad you're rid of it.

x

Oh crap - I'm bleeding. What do I do?? It's not much but it is red. And I've been kinda crampy all day. Is this serious enough to ring the hospital or am I just being silly?

Littlepoot i would ring the EPU or Emergency gyno ward at your hospital. Usually they will have a nurse you can speak to and she will let you know whether or not you should go in for a check up or scan.

Try not to worry though bleeding is really common in early pregnancy. Let us know how you get on? xxx

Thanks Katie. I phoned the EPU. Who said exactly the same as you (wise lady!) that its quite common at 8-9 weeks and to just keep an eye on it. If it gets heavy overnight then A&E and if it gets heavy tomorrow then ring them back. Except that actually I'd just wander down to the UCH walk-in clinic as I work nearby. But the general message was not to worry. So I wont. It is only very light.

Glad to hear it! When i went for my midwife booking in appoitment she actually pre warned me that i might get some bleeding at around 8-10 weeks and i should worry unless it was sustained or heavy, just like they told you.

Kittens glad you have some work coming up now, gets a bit boring this being at home every day lark doesn't it! It's my second week of being jobless and am having no luck freelancing or finding a school i can volunteer in. Have taken up swimming though, nice and relaxing in the day when everyone is at work

Also i'm sorry to hear about your mum, she really sounds like she has been through the mill. Hoping the scan next month brings positive news xxx

Littlepoot - I had bleeding early on in this pregnancy, must admit I thought all was over (as has happened before for me). Although it seemed quite heavy, and went on for 1 or 2 nights it stopped sooner than I thought it would if it was m/c. Rang the fetal medicine unit with whom I'd already got an 8wk scan booked, they got me in as soon as they could, and bean was still there! I wonder to myself if the bleeding was related to previous pregnancy as I'd not been 'comfortable' around that area of my body since induction/delivery of Iola - physically it felt better after the bleeding.

So keep an eye on it, and it might be possible to get a scan if you ring again.

Fingers crossed for you - hardly what you need when you're having a crap time at work as well .

Must go put pizza in the oven or toddler will rebel...

LP i also meant to say i think it would be worth trying to speak to someone higher up at work to try and get them to shift some of your work load. You don't need any added stress right now it's just not worth it!

Is there someone understanding who you can tell in confidence? Also perhaps you could just say you have health concerns or such if you didn't want to come completely clean xxx

Littlepoot - How are you today? Bleeding is awful in pregnancy. As much as people tell you it is normal you still worry. I also bled for a few days at the beginning of this pregnancy. Try to rest as much as possible, I know the guidelines say it makes no difference but it will make you feel better.

I think Katiecubs has made an excellent suggestion about work, is there any chance you can speak to HR or a sympathetic manager? At least removing that one element of stress should make life a little bit easier.

All - today I feel really down. Someone reminded me yesterday that this time last year I was pregnant (as if I had forgotten.) I had awful dreams last night and woke up this morning feeling dreadful. My DD came in, as she does in the mornings, to our bed and started talking to her brother through my bellybutton. I got really upset and pushed her away. I am suddenly really scared that something is not right. I felt so guilty for not allowing her to speak with him but at the same time felt that I should protect her from any future loss.

I know it is just a bad day. I am going to call my midwife though as my mind seems so dark to this all at the moment. I thought I was keeping it together but apparently I am not.

Thinking of everyone else.

Thanks very much all for your wise and calming words. I'm fine I think. Bleeding hasn't got any worse and might even have stopped completely. I'm seeing the midwife tomorrow anyway and only have a few days left before the scan, so hopefully it will come to nothing.

Allstars - I'm sorry you're having a down day. Hardly surprising really, given what's been going on. Clearly, I'm not great for calming words and reassurance at the moment - every tweak is setting me off and I'm symptom checking about 12 times a day.... Call your midwife for sure - hopefully she can give you a bit of reassurance. And did you say you had the option of another scan in a week or so? Sounds like that would be a good idea too. But don't be too hard on yourself - you don't always have to be a superhero and I think you've been amazing to stay as strong as you have been doing. xx

LittlePoot, try not to worry. Hopefully your scan will put your mind at rest but if you really are worried and don't think you'll be able to relax in the meantime pop down to the EPU. I also agree that it may be a good idea to see if you can be relieved of some of the stress at work.

Allstars, I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so frightened. You are bound to be anxious after what you've been through. These things do creep up on us just when we thing we've got a handle on it all. A chat with your midwife may be helpful and if you do have the option of another scan I'm sure that will help too.

Thinking of you both with fingers crossed.

Mishtabel, I hope you're coping ok, getting some sleep and feeling calmer. Great news that Bella has put on a little weight.

Mimsy, you ok?

I'm doing ok, but climbing the walls wishing I had some work sooner than 22nd . I think I may have to go and rummage in the garage and list some of my old clothes etc on ebay. This will serve to make some money and please my boyfriend at the same time.

Littlepoot I?m very glad to hear the bleeding is easing off, it?s good you are seeing your midwife tomorrow as hopefully she will be able to reassure you some more. What day is your scan next week?

Allstars I?m sorry to hear you are feeling down today, have you ever had any counselling? I haven?t myself but I know Lins found it very beneficial throughout her pregnancy with Franklin. I think it?s only natural that you are hesitant to let your DD get so excited, I guess it?s like a protection mechanism. I think that?s part of the reason I have not told my friends yet too, I?m not sure I can deal with the happy faces and fuss. How many weeks are you now?

I must admit I had a bit of a down day yesterday myself, with the due date of my first pregnancy being only a couple of weeks away it suddenly hit me that I started my redundancy the exact same day I would have started my maternity leave. It?s made sitting at home doing nothing harder to deal with as I?m aware I should have been getting everything ready for the baby. But then I feel bad about this baby, because he/she wouldn?t be here if that was the case.

Kittens I may have to join you on the flogging stuff on eBay idea as am bored too and the extra money would deffo come in handy. Are you feeling much better now?

Hi to everyone else too - Mimsy hope you are ok, Mishtabel very glad to hear Bella is putting on weight! Can?t how are you doing and when is your next scan? xxx

Didn't get very far with the ebaying. I realised that my cat had a bladder infection so ended up spending half the day at the RSPCA vets.

I'm feeling better but am in a bit of a sad mood today. It's a bit of an accumulation of what's been going on. I was really worried about the cat because it can be dangerous if they can't pee - see, I'm just made to be a mother! As well as a few other bits and pieces that have all added to me feeling a bit low. I'm sure I'll be ok later when my boyfriend comes home. He can be a bit of a clown and makes me laugh a lot. I've been left to my own devices today, seeing people crying coming out of the vets (which I really hate to see), reading the tragic news stories about Alexander McQueen which is just dreadfully sad and a huge loss to the industry I work in. Just lots of stuff this week. You know how it is, everything else gets on top of you.

Katie, I understand how hard it is for you at the moment thinking you should've been busy being a new mum when you're bored at home out of work. I turned down lots of work last September and October thinking the same thing and then had no work to keep me busy. I hope you find something soon.

LittlePoot - how are you doing today? Have things settled down?

Hi Allstars, hope you're having a better day. I don't have any wise advice, except that the pregnancy does get slightly easier as it goes along, and it seems more real.

Kittens, you're bound to feel low - hormonal crash post mc? Hope the cat is okay.

LittlePoot, I hope the bleeding is nothing. I've had bleeding in a couple of pregnancies and it has turned out to be nothing but very scary.

Katie, try to focus on the positive stage of pregnancy you are at. What helped me the twice I've been where you are was thinking thank God I knew what was going to happen early enough to not have to go through a late miscarriage/stillbirth. I've been meaning to ask - when are you planning the wedding for?

Hi Numpty, and anyone else. All fine here I think... just got a cold...

Hi all,
Must be quick as have a house full of 6 girls (7 including me) as dd has a few friends sleeping over. Poor DH is always left out (only male), besides having to be the girls taxi for the night.

Just wanted to say thanks Numpty for the link to sling making. What a great site! My daughter just loves it.
As for the ERPC thing (not ERCP as I thought), agree it is a pretty bad phrase. Medical terms can be severly lacking in sensitivity hey? I'm actually classified as an 'habitual aborter' having had 3 mc's - how lovely.

Kittens and Katie and Allstars, I hope you all have a better day today. So many mixed emotions and all so understandable xx

Littlepoot, so glad the bleeding has eased off. Very scary, yet apparently very common. Did you say your scan was Tuesday?

Hi Cant, hope you get over your cold and it doesn't get chesty. No fun having a bad cough with tummy muscles that are already stressed. Although would probably be better now than after the birth, esp if c-section - ouch!

That's me trying to be quick

have a good day all xx

Can?t you are so right. It?s so easy to think of scans as evil things that bring bad news but really they are a godsend for preventing us from more heartache further down the line. It would be horrible to be pregnant now, so excited about the new baby only for it all to be shattered by a stillbirth or baby that was too sick to live. Looking at it like that I see I really am very fortunate indeed. Re. the wedding we don?t have a date yet but are thinking of December 2011 ? always wanted a cosy Christmas wedding!

Kittens I?m so sorry to hear about your cat, not what you need right now is it. I am a fellow cat lover and have to admit to treating her like a child at times, OH is always shouting ?It?s a CAT!!!? I hope the Boyfriend came home and made you laugh, how is he coping with everything generally?

Mishtabel I hope the sleepover went well and the girls didn?t keep you up all night with their gossiping!

Littlepoot ? how are you doing? Has the bleeding eased off and did your midwife help at all?

Allstars hope you are ok too? And Numpty, have you found yourself able to relax much more now after your last scan? Love to everyone xxx

Littlepoot - how are you? Scan on Tuesday, not much longer now. I will be thinking of you.

Cant - Still feeling full of cold? It is lousy when you are pregnant and run-down. Still at least it is another bug that baby doesn't have to deal with when out. Hope you are feeling better soon.

Kittens - How is your cat? They are like family. I love when mine instinctively knows to come purr on my lap.

Mishtabel - 6 Girls and a newborn, you are brave! Glad to hear that Bella is doing well. She is obviously a fighter like her mum.

Katiecubs - I did have a couple of counselling sessions after my first loss. TBH, I did not find the woman very helpful or understanding. She kept saying really trite stuff that I wanted to scream at her for. Also, she seemed disappointed with the amount I was crying. At the time I remember thinking that it was 'one of those things' and there is not point dwelling on it as I never had a choice. My baby had no functioning brain matter and was not really alive. Although it was terribly hard losing her I felt that when we learnt of the condition she had never really been with us here anyway. Our condition is something that occurs in the NT at 4-5 weeks which is only picked up much later. As such I was mourning the loss of a family and a future. Your post prompted me to reconsider my thoughts on counselling as I was offered it last year but turned it down flat thinking it would not help. I guess at the time I was so emotional that I was not making the right choice. I now realise that my initial thoughts of it being one of those things is wrong based on our re-occurance but I had never actually come back to that dismissive point. I am going to my doctor tomorrow to speak with him about finding another counsellor who is experienced in such matters. ARC are incredible but they are not there to counsel rather support. Also, in RL I have friends who are supportive but I guess I feel that they have heard this enough now. Thanks for giving me the prompt, it was much needed.

Everyone else - I am still feeling a bit down. I have had really awful headaches and know they are probably caused by stress etc. I am hoping that as time goes on it will get easier. I know it will and that this is just one of those down moments. It is lovely to have you all here to speak with. Hoping you are all well.

Hi all

Mishtabel, a sling was great for DD as a baby, and for me. And you can carry baby in a sling before you can push a pram after a C-section. Bonus.

Allstars, I think you will come out of the down phase soon, but it comes and goes, the anxiety and low feelings. You probably need to just go with it. I agree counselling might help (or make it worse - it depends). Restful gentle activities might help too.

Katie, a Christmas wedding sounds lovely.

All okay here. Half asleep so off to bed!

Hi everyone,

Hope you all had peaceful weekends.

Allstars, I hope your feeling a bit better. Maybe your headaches are to do with pregnancy hormones as well as stress. I always suffered from headaches in the first half of pregnancy

Kittens, good luck with your mums scan next month. Can I ask what sort of cancer it is/was? You sure have had a lot to deal with recently

Hello to everyone else. Just letting you know I survived the weekend sleepover. Actually, as they're all teeneagers, it's no work at all - just more people to want to hold Bella really, so probably makes things even easier

wishing you all a good day xxx

Morning all. Hope everyone had a good weekend. The midwife came Saturday morning but she didn't really have much to add actually. It's too early to be able to 'listen in' (she said the earliest she'd ever found a heartbeat was her own pregnancy at 9 weeks) so we just have to wait for tomorrow afternoon's scan. The bleeding has stopped though I think, although I'm still a bit crampy. Midwife told me (and I've now seen the same in one of my books) that it's actually quite common to have some bleeding around the time you would have been due for a period - that's why some women don't realise they're pregnant. This would have been exactly when I would have been due on, so I guess that's what it was. All my symptoms are getting stronger so I'm concentrating on that as a good sign instead.

Mishtabel - so many teenagers! See - that's the really scary part; teenage girls! I'm getting all worked up about these first few weeks, but there are way scarier things to come (hopefully).

I hope everyone else is well? Seems like there's a lot of colds and bugs around at the moment. And more snow on the way.... x

Allstars, I hope you're feeling a little better today. You are bound to have spells of anxiety and doom after what you've been through. And don't forget your hormones are probably making everything seem magnified as well. I agree with Mishtabel about the headaches too. I've had really bad headaches everytime I've been pregnant - and everytime I've been anxious as well, come to think of it! So, double whammy

LittlePoot, symptoms getting stronger sound like a good sign. Your scan tomorrow will hopefully put your mind and ease.

I am doing ok. Wish the bleeding would stop now though. Sanitary towels are just the pits and only serve to remind me why periods used to be known as 'The Curse'.

I'm pleased to say my cat is also back to his old self. He was peeing blood on Friday (on my favorite coat, too!) which, although he's done that before, still freaks me out a bit. It was just cystitis but bladder issues can be dangerous so was a bit worried. Cat peeing normally and being spoilt with very posh cat food (to hide his medicine in) and cat wee cleaned off my coat with no lingering smell. Phew!

Thanks for asking about my mum. We've been on a bit of a parallel journey of crapness over the past 3 years. In 2007 she was booked for a colonoscopy thinking she had colitis but they found a small tumour in her bowel. Being the ultra efficient French health system, they whipped it out pronto and after some tests came to the conclusion that, because they'd caught it so early there was no need for any radiotherapy or further treatment. She then had a scan to monitor the situation about 6 months later and they found that the cancer had metastasised to her lungs so the gave her a 3 month course of chemo which seemed to help. The then gave her a 3 month break during which she was on a less aggressive medication called Avastin which is very good and not yet available in the UK. After the 3 month break the scan showed that the cancer had grown a little again so they have put her back on another 3 month course of a different cocktail. The first couple of treatments this time made her really unwell and caused her to have a small heart attack. Since then the have given her a different combination again and she has been getting on well with it, even managing to get on with most things shortly after treatment which is a huge improvement. So, this week she has her last treatment of this course and then a few weeks for it to work through her system before the scan. They have been fairly optimistic that she will get over this as it was all caught so early and she lives near the best oncology department in France so we're trying to focus on the positive.

At work, have had no time to post at home with combination of DS wanting to watch 'black babbit' on YouTube everytime I go to use the computer, and DH has been working the whole weekend on the laptop.

Katie - would it help to look into any other voluntary work, while you wait for opportunities to come up with schools? It can help you feel you're keeping your hand in, plus keeping busy. When is your next maternity appointment?

Kittens - sorry to hear about sick cat, we've got a mog too and sadly lost our last cat to FIV complications (severe breathing difficulties). It's really traumatic when you can't easily find out what is wrong with them, or sometimes even not help them to get better. Hope your mog is doing better now. Re Alexander McQueen and being sad/affected, I don't know why but I used to find myself reading all the bad news stories involving children/families on the BBC news website and crying loads afterwards, I think you just feel that more in tune with other people's distress and emotions - and in a way, perhaps it helps you release your own emotions...?

Allstars - keep speaking to us about it all if it helps; I think for so many people they think pregnancy should be a time of happiness, esp once you have got beyond a certain stage... but there's so much to think about, the ones that didn't make it, the one you have now but you're still scared for, the fact that in the past you've imagined your future family only to have those hopes dashed... lots to deal with, really. Hopefully as time goes on and you have more frequent mw appointments you can feel more settled.

Must go, time's run out! Hope everyone else OK - LittlePoot will be thinking of you tomorrow and hoping all is well, and Cant hope you are well too.

Will try to get onto a computer again later on...

X-post Kittens - what a difficult time for your Mum. My Dad had bowel cancer operated on about 8yrs ago (not long after I got married) and I don't think he had treatment afterwards for the cancer as the section with the tumour had been removed. However he got lots of follow up appointments, scans to check all clear - but probably only in the area in which the initial cancer was. So this might be the usual way of things, I don't know. But so stressful and sick-making to have to go through these courses of treatments and then find out another one is required. Really hope that your Mum's scan shows all clear this time; glad she lives near a good oncology department too, gives more confidence... does she have good RL support where she lives? (I don't know why but think you're in London - ?). Makes it so much harder when close family are sick and you are far away. My Dad's got prostate cancer now (so for a while went to same hosp for front AND back bits...) but at present his treatment is working OK, and he seems gently to be slipping into old age (fair enough as he's now over 80).

Hi Numpty, yes, I'm in London. Mum and Stepdad moved to France about 7 years ago. Stepdad is a great support and she has a great network of ex-pat friends who all fuss over her which is great. It's hard for me being far away and not being able to give more support but the health service in France is unmatchable, really amazing, so she's in the best place for recovery. Cancer is a funny old disease. Although the cancer is now in her lungs, it's still bowel cancer. I guess this is a good thing because, from what I understand, it's not quite as aggressive as lung cancer. Glad to hear your dad's treatment is working.