support thread for women who have chosen to terminate IV

[bezzyk]

Hello ladies old and new.

Here's hoping this thread brings better luck and much happiness.

Lots of love

BK xx

Mrs Tree
We have a spare room in our basement where the lodger from hell used to live. It is not all glamour, but the kitchen ain't bad.
You and little dotty would be welcome with open arms to come and visit.
If you are thinking of half term however, I am away.
So in which case, borrow the blooming house woman.Life too short not to.
Bee xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Mrs Tree
We have a spare room in our basement where the lodger from hell used to live. It is not all glamour, but the kitchen ain't bad.
You and little dotty would be welcome with open arms to come and visit.
If you are thinking of half term however, I am away.
So in which case, borrow the blooming house woman.Life too short not to.
Bee xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Alternatively and even better, come when I am here- bunk off school for a Friday. I would come and meet you at station.

You are a darling Bee.

I wrote a post and it got eaten by mn gremlins [beatches] and now my dinner is here.

Oh I hope you are ok Bee.

Got to go......back asap

Peanuthead - good to hear you are more comfortable here, I regularly fall behind in the posts too, so no worries there.

Wave to me Numpty when you get there - we are only 45 miles north of Dundee.

Can't - you know you are right, maybe some day I could help others in some capacity. It was sad for me to have the T21 pregnancy as my last. However because I'd had the 'weight' of 3 sucessful pregnancies behind me, emotionally it tipped the balance for me. So I don't feel so devastated ,in fact I just feel sad and regretful but I don't have any emotions of loss of expectation, anger, frustration etc, it was just bad luck.... I think it may not be so draining for....so yeah I will think about that. Want to do some kind of voluntary work when ds2 starts school (eek!) later this year.

Bee - can I come too? Only joking!

tree - am going to place near Glasgow with my twin, it's a little cottage, very secluded, I am friends with the owner and has a spa including jacuzzi and pool. Its outside so wont be using the pool, but plan to sit in tub with the kids sipping Irish coffees and just staring into the sky. Was supposed to go just before Christmas but had to cancel due to the snow. Re your trip, have you tried youth hostels? some of them have their own family rooms, very cheap.

Morning ladies ? hope you are well.

Sorry if this is the wrong threa to post on (and off topic) but as I have been on this thread longer and you know my background better I was wondering if anyone could help. I have just been called into a meeting with my MD and was told I was being made redundant. I have a good job which had a good maternity package and now I am being left high and dry with nothing. It?s the worst timing possible and I?m really scared about what I?m going to do about money ? I?m not exactly in a good position to get another job being 9.5 weeks pregnant.

I was just wondering if anyone has any experience of being made redundant? I have no idea what my rights are, going to try and look it all up but am a bit of a mess right now

Morning all

First of all, thank you Mishta for sharing Sheridan's story. As someone else said, it is testament to you all that you and your family are where you are now. I particularly love how you have created your username, in celebration of your three girls. And I am not in the least surprised about your meltdown of the other day. Goodness, I have similar episodes on a regular basis about things which are so very trivial in comparison. I'm sure that total peace of mind (or whatever comes close) is absolutely essential as you welcome Sheridan's, Michaela's and Tanika's sibling into the world. You surely deserve it.

Eulalia, your trip to your cottage sounds idyllic. It's nice to see you still here, dipping in and out. However, (and I think I've banged on about this before, possibly even to you) only stay if it's good for you and helps in some way. I say this because in the dim and distant days of my earliest pregnancy loss, my only support system was the EPT forum for ectopics. It kept me going and I thank my lucky stars that it was there when I was in a bad way. However, somewhere around two years post ectopic, I was still posting there and it hit me one day that I was beginning to define myself purely by my loss and this was hindering any real closure. All I am saying is that, much as we love you being here, much as we value your thoughts and insight - you need to work out what works best for you. I personally love Tree's support group idea. I just think that my experiences are so extreme that I would do more harm than good to anyone in need.

Bee - you ok? Do you have any idea of timescales for your appointment with hormone doc? For what it's worth, if we had lived anywhere close to civilization we would have gone down the exact same road, full investigations leading to possible PGD. But it's not available here and would have involved massive, massive commute, overnighters etc and that just wouldn't have been fair to DD. But it is so much the right thing that you're doing. A tough thing, but I 'm sure it will give you an outcome that allows you to forge whatever your next path is.

Katie - what shocking news. Does anyone in work know about your pregnancy? Very different footing if they do. You may not be keen to venture outside of these safe waters, but the employment talk section of mumsnet has some very wise solicitors who post regularly. I used to work with one of them - she is a rottweiler star and knows her stuff. If you feel up to it, post there. I am sure you will get a speedy response. Given that this post has taken me over an hour to compose, the thread has probably moved on and on and this advice has possibly been addressed. If so, do ignore. Hope you get some meaningful help, anyway.

Love to everyone else. Speak soon. x

Oh Katie, I'm sorry. What a shock. I have no experience, but I echo Shangrila - the employment section here will have good advice. DID they know you were pregnant? I assume not. What a stress to add to the pregnancy stress; it isnt fair.

Shangrila, my story is less extreme than yours but even so I feel it's hard for me to offer comfort. Women who've had Turners syndrome babies like me - well I cant just say, next time will be okay, because for me the next time wasnt, although it was something entirely different (that isnt particularly reassuring).

Bee, when do you see the consultant? Interesting story from Peanuthead might help... shows there are several sides to it.

Peanut, this might be a silly question - what has Turkey got to do with your IVF? I have my fingers firmly crossed that the process works for you as it has for Tree's lovely recipient.

Hi to Viv, Mrs BG, Bez, anyone else around.

Thankyou Shangrila and Can't - i didn't know there was an employment section on mumsnet so i shall have a look now.

They didn't know i was pg no but they do now - i promptly burst into tears in a state of shock you see. There is another meeting tomorrow where i will find out what i am entitles to finacially - hopefully they will be kind.

Sorry again for interupting conversations with this post - i have not told anyone about being pg in real life so didn't know where to turn for advice really.

Hope everyone is ok especially Bee and Justa xxx

Can I just make a comment about the two threads issue? I hope this isn't too off-topic and apologies if I interrupt anything. And just in case I need to introduce myself, I think I might be the lurker Bee referred to yesterday who has been counselled by your advice while hiding on the thread for the last few months. Thank-you for all of the wise (and witty) words by the way - I don't think I'd have got through without them.

My understanding is that these sister threads can now just provide a slightly different environment - in that I, as an over-excited but terrified very newly pregnant person who suffered a termination last summer can be over-excited and terrified on the parallel thread, but still supported/supportive here as and when. For me, it seems to sit really nicely as it means people don't have to listen to endless bump-talk if they don't want to, but we all have both threads to roam. It was getting hard for me as more and more pregnancies were announced here - not that I wasn't happy for everyone, but it seemed that everyone in real life was getting pregnant and there was no respite here either. That part can now concentrate in the other room perhaps but people who want to can walk from room to room and mingle (god - sorry - I'm just a giant cliche this lunchtime).

Am I reading all this right? Just want to check that now I have come out of the proverbial woodwork I am doing so appropriately....

Oh KAtie - not what you need at all.... seems like there's always someone somewhere on MN with the answer though, so good luck..

So Bee it was for PGD, that does complicate matters somewhat...

Can't do -I went to Turkey for IVF because it was cheap and we got to have a holiday when otherwise we couldn't have afforded one!

I'm in the doldrums - was so lovely over Xmas not having to think about babies but have realied how soon my due date is and had to deal with 5 pg friends today at music group - 2 due around when I was and it hit me in the face again. AS it will for the rest of my - our- lives I suppose.

Somehow since the burial I'd sort of been thinking that I'd had my second baby and he's in the ground in Rotherhithe and had convinced myself that was sort of OK. But of course it isn't.....

Thanks Peanuthead - so sorry you are having a hard time right now. It's incredibly difficult to see people who are at the same stage in pg as you would have been - you are always thinking that should have been me too (i am in that position with a very close friend too, i so wish we would have had our babies together it would have been perfect).

LittlePoot - that's exactly my take on the two threads too, they are open for all to roam between but have slightly differant purposes.

Hi Katie,

I'm sorry I can't offer you much advice on the redundancy issue, but just wanted to say that I'm gutted for you and hope it all gets sorted.

Hello to everyone else too. Especially to Mishta for sharing Sheridan's story - I'm sure she'd be incredibly proud of you, you know.

xx

Littlepoot - you've summed it up perfectly - was feeling as daunting here as RL for me too. Although bizarrely have had a good old nose on the pg thread too! Like the idea of wandering from room to room. COngrats o your pg by the way.

Hi all, gotta say Littlepoot I like that idea of roaming. So I am just roaming about on here for a minute to say big hugs to Bee generally, and love to Tree and Justa.
Mishta, I read your lovely post about Sheridan, so so sad. I do hope you get the monitor you want soon. I bought an Angelcare monitor with a pad that they lie on to detect breathing..funny thing was I never used it, - just having to call upon was enough for me. But then I didn't have any reason, unlike you, to feel more cautious than anyone else.

Hi too to Bezzy, MrsBrighton, Viv, Peanuthead, Shangrila, Can'tdo, Katie, Eulalia, and anyone I have in my brain addled state missed.
Lins xxxxx

LittlePoot - I love the idea of mingling and am arming myself with 2 bite canapes to help it along. Our cottage goes sophisticated! If the two threads are sisters it will indeed be a huge success story.

Katie - Oh crap crap crap just what you didn't need. My DH was made redundant [he is the main earner] when I was 30 weks so I know the panic and sick to your stomach feeling you have. You could name change if you wanted to keep this little bit of mn private, and go forth and ask advice on the employment boards.

PeanutHead - oh crap love. The doldrums are awful grey places. You are not alone there, thread is with you. It is painful and sad that your little baby is gone and I'm so sorry it is so. I hope you feel you can come and pour out. You don't have to keep up or be here all the time. You can drop in and out as you need to.

I think seeing other pregnant women, and especially those on a shared timeline must be heartbreaking. It's a shared distress amongst women who loose a pregnancy for whatever reason at all. A thread of sadness amongst so many, yet no one reaslises it in the group, or the supermarket checkout. Intensly private yet shared.

Helloooooo Lins, it is really really grand to see you.
Eulalia - loving the cottage. Sounds bliss!

I'm sorry to everyone I have missed out and have not really addressed or acknowledged.

All love to Justa. x

Peanut, just wanted to say sorry you're in the doldrums (but what a great expression that is!). When do you start the IVF? It would be good to hand-hold along the way.

What I have found is I am more jealous of pregnant friends than friends who have had their babies. When the baby arrives, it's as though I remember that this isn't my baby, can't bring my baby back, doesnt make any difference. Before then, I have bump-envy. Even now that I am pregnant myself because I am awash with anxiety.

Justa, thinking of you.

Hello cottagers
Back from crazy work meeting, and from visiting poorly dad.
Katie - that is unfortunate timing, and not what you need now honey; you need security and a sense of being okay. In these credit crunchy times it seems many suffer the same.
You can apply for jobs when pregnant and you are not obliged to tell them, as far as I know.
I must dash into mum mode and make dinner (late I know) and collect middle one from swimming.
Will return
Big hug to Justa who is having a surreal day I think.
And all of you
Budge up on that sofa, my big bottom coming soon.
Bee xxxxx

Hello All, sorry, not had chance to read thread properly for a couple of days, as had visitor from SA using visiting us. Justa would sympathise if she was around. Anyway, she's gone now, so Bez household back to normal until next weekend when the next guests check in.

So sorry to hear your bad news Katie. NOT what you need now. I echo what everyone else says though that you can still apply, but understand that it's not ideal circumstances.

Justa - not much to say other than and wishing you strength, and sending cuddles and kisses to Baby Justa.

Hello Bee - have been meaning to text / email, but RL been a bit manic over the past few days. How are you? Been thinking of you lots.

Had better dash. Wine calling.

Love to all, MrsBG, you ok? sooo quiet....(I now have Bjork going around my head)

BK xx

Littlepoot - you are more than welcome here -
it is a spot for sharing the thoughts and feelings that can overwhelm; it is also a spot for warmth and friendship and humour.
It is also a spot where we like to hear good news too - so do feel you can share it. It does not have to be 'good news on other thread, bad news on this one'!!
Dashing again
Bee xx

Waving to Bezzy as I decide which colour to drink this evening.
And yes where are you Mrs BG? We miss youuuuuu
Bee
Still dashing, but late.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Offtopic... has anyone here been to Center parcs (I know Bezzy has)? have been looking up off-peak prices and wondering if it would be a good thing for us with 2 year old (who would be nearer 3 by then).

Note: I am not sporty, and would not travel around on a bike. But I gather you can pay more to be in the centre...

Center Parcs - my fave topic!

We worked out that you can pay I think?? Around £30 to pick your lodge which is centrally located...HOWEVER...we paid an extra £50 to get a newly renovated executive style which are ONLY placed in good locations.

I have a really good friend that goes to the CP in Whinfell a lot so if you have any questions I'll pick her brain for you.

Red for me tonight Bee. Chink chink.

BK xx

Hi everyone, was about to pop online yesterday after an exhausting day of retail therapy with my girls, but they begged me to watch a DVD with them instead. Has anyone seen 'UP'. Quite sweet really, but it's the only animated movie I have ever seen where the lady miscarries.

Justa, hope you are going okay and getting some special time with your dad

Eulalia, your cottage does indeed sound divine. Very . Re: the thread, as with everything, do what is right for you. As long as you pop in to say hi. I figured out around New Year that you were from Scotland (after you spoke of that dance, and the term you used for New Year - which escapes me at present; started with H). Whenever I have heard Scottish accent since then, have thought of you. And I liked the

Peanuthead, I agree it's hard to keep up at times. I always manage to read everything, but am very slack at responding as I would like. As Tree said, you can drop in and out when you like. You don't want to create added pressure for yourself. Can I ask when your due date would fall?

Littlepoot, your description of two threads was spot on. Although I'm with can't, in that sometimes it's hard to know what to post where/to repeat or not. So if I get it wrong on occassion, I'm sorry, feel free to give me a reminder though

Katie, what a horrible time for you workwise. Hope you are getting good advice. I am if absolutely no use to you with that, as our laws are no doubt different.

Tree and Bee, how lovely if you both could catch up in RL. Wish we all could. You are both always so incredibly supportive, which for you Bee especially, with all you have been through is such a credit to you. And Tree I remember reading in Bee's original thread how you said you would go down to meet couples in the car park - that is so touching, and something I am sure no couple would ever forget.

And to each and everyone one on this thread, thank you for taking the time to share in my memories of Sheridan, and for your kind thoughts. It really was my pleasure to write of her. There was such lack of
support back then (which, as I mentioned, I will offload
here someday). I credit the books on grief that I obsessively borrowed from the library and the love and
support of dh for getting me through. A support thread like this would have been wonderful. And I may come
across as sorted and strong, and indeed it did show me the strength I had, the strength we all have, but you are right; wasn't always like that. The only demon I really still fight is the paranoia (?sp) of something happening to my girls or dh suddenly; of the rug being pulled out from under me when I least expect. So I imagine worst case scenarios all the time. I do try ( mainly at dh's insistence) to loosen up, trust in life and let the girls do more, but I still struggle with this.

Have appointment with paediatrician Tuesday re: monitor. Tree, I'm sure we got our last one from SIDS org (though dh insists it was from NSW Health), after we were shown how to resuscitate infant, however they don't loan them anymore. I'll just refuse to leave hospital without one, they'll need the bed soon enough I'm sure .

So many of you I want to respond to individually, but I'm sure this post is huge as it is. Just know I appreciate and am thinking of you all xxxxx

Katie - I hope your meeting with work goes as well as it can today, what bad timing for bad news. Thinking of you...