support thread for women who have chosen to terminate II

[brightonbaby]

Erm, trying to create a new thread for us, ladies. Not sure if I've succeeded...

I am sorry to hear about your dad, Growing - but glad he is okay at the moment.

My grandmother is in her nineties and has led a good life. She is ready to go now. We just want her to die peacefully in her sleep, although it appears she is most likely to die choking, which is a horrible, horrible thought.

Hi Ladies, I just wanted to let you know I'm watching as I felt a bit voyeuristic not joining a thread I was watching. Cantdo pointed me in the direction. I hope you don't mind?

Feel a bit of a fraud since I am blessed with 3 DDs. But have had 2 pregnancies since which were not to be. Baby Joseph was stillborn at 25 weeks after being diagnosed with no renal system. And I have just had a corneal ectopic which pretty much wipes out hope of future pregnancies since I have ben told recovery is 2 years. Feel pretty sh** after the surgery (2hrs) and v sore.

Not looking for tea and sympathy (I am finding codeine and gin a worthwhile mix, though!). I just need a place to 'be' if you know what I mean and I didn't like watching your trials and tribulations without at least telling you that I was doing so. It didn't seem right.

Cantdo, you really can just take one day at a time. I found the funeral a turning point: I had a few days wafterwards where I just wanted to sleep but then I started to feel far more positive and be able to think of him without all the hurt billowing up and spoiling everything. I hope that you can, too. I'll be thinking of you.

daftbat Welcome. I am sorry for your losses. I too have 2 wonderful dc so I know wat you mean abut feeling a "fraud" but you will find only love and support on this thread

Off to get ready for my ds1 birthday party....wish me luck!!!! 20 kids under 6...aarrgg!!!!

Hi daftbat and Becaroo,

Daftbat, I am sorry about your second pregnancy going wrong - hadn't heard of a corneal ectopic before. Joseph had the same problem as Stella and as I said on the other thread I am very sorry about that. I agree alcohol helps - personally I find wine better than gin; gin seems to plunge me into the depths of despair, like some kind of ageing drama queen. Anyway welcome, and we're all in different positions here, and you can post or not post whenever you want - you will always be welcome and thought of.

Becaroo, you are certifiable with this party idea, but I hope it doesn't go too badly. You'll need the gin and codeine afterwards I bet!

Weather looks nice today - things always seem better in the sunshine, so I'm glad. Not sure what to do yet- DD has been a nightmare at night, so DH is having a lie in to rest up. Guess we'll go to the park, the beach or some such place. Have a good day in the sun everyone!

Thanks for teh warm welcome.

Just sending compassionate thoughts to Becaroo.... 20 kids under 6??? And I thought I had worries!!!!!

Hope the sun is shining where you are and they can let off steam in the garden instead of wrecking the house!!

I do wonder sometimes whether we try so hard to prove to the world that life goes on and our other children don't suffer that we end up doing stuff a more rational woman would never consider putting herself through?

I don't drink till after 6pm, but you can join me in a G&T (or a white wine, like cantdo) and we'll toast the end of another day....

In between 2 events, just about to dash out again to a BBQ. Quick HAPPY 6TH BIRTHDAY to your ds1 Becaroo! Hope the party goes well.

And hi to daftbat (good to have another 'fraud' around (I too have 3 kids). Sounds like you've had a tough time, and sorry you are here but welcome anyway.

catch you all later...xxxx

Hello Cantdo, daftbat and Eulalia...well, I survived - am off to lie down and bathe my temples with eau de cologne!!!!!

Thank you for the birthday wishes for ds1.....there were times when he was tiny I didnt think either of us would make it, so feeling very proud and happy today

(I would lvoe a drink, but gin makes me cry and tell everyone I love them so I'll have a prosecco thanks!!! I am such a 70's throwback...I love hock and liebfraumilch!!!!)

Well done Bec! though I confess to not being a fan of Hock, I was when I was 17.

Having a bit of a bad day. I mean, having a nice family day, but there just seem to be so many newborn babies around and I find myself cross and jealous, and then I don't like myself for that. It's still such an open wound.

Oh well, glass of vino once DD is in bed, and I bought some comfort novels in Borders to help me through this...

Hug from me Canto do. I love curling up with a book at bedtime.

I couldn't believe it last night, let ds1 stay up (he's autistic) and he went to bed at 11.40pm and got up at 8.35 on his own. How can a child of nearly 10 survive on under 9 hours sleep. Arggh! Still at least he doesn't wake in the night like many other kids like him.

Best go and try to get him bedded now. Night all. xxx

ugh - sweet wine (no offense GrowingUp as isn't this the Mass wine?). DP and I went out for the first time since DS was born (15 months ago ) Went to a fab vegetarian restaurant, but quite chi chi. DP likes his meat, but was quite impressed.

It was so nice walking home and just talking. About the kids, about our plans, him playing competitive cricket, me and my career.

I forgot what it's like to be a couple rather than individuals who somehow reproduced

Mmm, night out. Haven't had one of those since before DD was born - does that make me very very odd?

Sympathise with the sleep - my DD still wakes up a minimum of three times a night, usually five or six, and doesn't seem very keen on staying in bed either...

Oh Growing up- I could so love to have a cleaner!more than a babysitter really.

I don't know how you all manage with DC. You're amazing!

I'm feeling pretty happy today...we've just booked a holiday in France and leave tomorrow! Woohoo! We're going where we used to live, down in the south, and I'm hoping it's really hot. Although it's pretty nice here too.

I got 'back into normal life' so quickly after everything that I hadn't realised just how sad I am inside...seeing babies has a numbing effect on me, it's jealousy as Cantdo said, but also just makes me numb with sadness, maybe only momentarily, but there are many moments like that in a day...there are so many babies about. I think getting away will be really good for us both.

Bec, well done for surviving the party. Ilovemy, lovely to hear about your date with DP. GU, I love Subway, I think I might copy your weekly 'date' idea there.

Take care, everyone.
Hope you all have good sundays.

Hi Brightonbaby

It's so quiet around here - where is everyone? I'm missing you all. Hope it means you're all having lovely busy weekends with much fun.

I know exactly what you mean about the momentary sadness. It's how I was last time. It's like there's this sadness deep inside that is triggered by certain images or experiences - seeing pregnant bumps and tiny babies in particular.

France sounds lovely. Where did you live in the south (nosy emoticon time - not sure if there is one of them).

Everyone else, come back, I miss you!

I know. It is quiet. The weather's been lovely today, so I suppose everyone's out and about. Brighton's been full of barbecues and beach-goers....oh and the 700-strong naked cycle ride!

I lived in the countryside in France, one hour from Montpellier, which is sort of like the Brighton of France. A really lovely city. I just found out it's 30 degrees there at the moment and full sun...none of this cloudy with sunny spells or showers with sunny spells malarkey.

I love the heat, it keeps me occupied, i.e. always trying to keep cool, so I am less likely to feel down. Weird, I know...and it's just comforting to feel really warm, isn't it.

How are you feeling today, Cantdo?

Hi Brightonbaby

The sun helps me, too. Though it has rained all afternoon after a beautiful morning!

I am tired this evening, a combination of DD insomnia catching up on me after weeks of broken nights and utter fatigue from grief and numbness.

But am going to go to bed early and try to rest. Have a great holiday if I don't get back on here! I've spent a lot of time near Montpellier and I know it's a lovely place to be in June.

Hi Parvati, how are you doing? Things hit us all at different times and in different ways: there is nothing wrong with admitting that you feel like you've suddenly been knocked off your feet. In fact, I think the hardest thing is actually admitting how bad you feel.

We know. We've been there (or, indeed, are there) I'm newer to the thread than you are but I suspect there is no need for brave faces here.

Take care xx

Hello to you all
Am proud to see you all keeping each other going - bravo.
Cantdo - sweetie - it is early early days for you. So early. I have shifted so much - was on mumsnet almost every hour for first two months - desperate for someone to identify with and alleviate the loneliness and sorrow.I was OBSESSED with other people's lives; their bumps, their newborns, their little families. I wanted to shout at them - you just do not know how lucky you are.
I had a total and utter meltdown yesterday. Can not tell you. Thought I was losing my mind if i am honest. And is over two months since my second termination for DS. I sobbed unrelentingly from 1pm to about 5.30pm. I dragged up all sorts of sorrows from my childhood, I was overcome with anger and scared myself silly. I literally did not know what to do with myself. And neither did LM. It was so unexpected as I have been so fine for a week or so. We were due to have dinner with pregnant friends(ah. I hear you all nod sagely to yourselves), my period had ended (do we try or do we not?), my geneticist appointment is tomorrow. I did not recognise myself. I was a drama queen par extraordinaire- literally hit my LM on the chest with my fists in a Meg Ryan bad movie scene. Dreadful. I ranted and raved and could not settle or eat or concentrate. So troubled.
It subsided. I am still here. He still loves me. We finally distracted me by going for a curry, going to see 'Looking for Eric' (name we considered for first baby as homage to Eric Cantona - neither of us mentioned it- couldn't), walked home in the warm ploppy rain, had some tender bedroom action, cried again and slept.
(Note to Bee, this is a public forum honey - maybe they do not need to know everything).
But you know what? You need to know - the anarchic feelings, the anger, the self-pity, the guilt, the confusion - is all so normal
So - Brightonbabe - I too lived au sud de la France - in Toulouse. Had friend in Montpelier. So glad you having wee holiday lovey.
Daftbat - you have been through the wars too. I have three children and i do not think that makes your pain any less acute.
Glad you are there for Cantdo to share her sadness with.
Bezz - samedatemate - you okay?
And all of you - sometimes you can feel the sun and sometimes you cannot. I could not for ages.
So just reaching out to say that am glad you are all here and there and keeping the spirit of this thread alive.
Hugs BB xx

Hi Busier,

The geneticist, the dinner with pregnant friends, the end of the period - can totally see why meltdown would happen yesterday and I empathize completely. How are you feeling today? Good luck with the geneticist today, and with deciding about trying again (writing from outside, I have a gut feeling you need to try again - but I am reacting to the urgency in your posts rather than to knowing you). And thank goodness you have such an LM (does that mean lovely man? I've been meaning to ask).

I am still exhausted today as DD partied all night. At least one of us has some energy.

We are sorting out readings etc for the funeral on Weds. My parents are going to have DD, then we'll go get her and have a family day just the three of us. I know I will sob my heart out at the funeral - I did at the last one, and last time there wasn't this strong bond I've felt this time - maybe it will help.

Baby steps, that's what we're all taking... take care today, Busier, and good luck with the geneticist.