support thread for women who have chosen to terminate II

[brightonbaby]

Erm, trying to create a new thread for us, ladies. Not sure if I've succeeded...

I am hungry, for some reason! Have been ODing on flapjack. How are you Bezzy, and is your DD napping?

Hi Karya,

Just noticed your message. I am very sorry indeed about your missed miscarriage. Good good luck with trying again. Do you have other DCs?

Please come back and talk whenever you feel like it.

Hello Karya and Cantdo

How did you guess it DD's nap time Cantdo!? Well, she's not actually sleeping, I can hear much protesting coming down the stairs, but she'll go off eventually. I'm very lucky in that aspect, it's a new thing, I used to have to hold her until she dropped off, which often used to take hours (literally).

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage Karya, good luck with the trying again. If you've read any of my earlier messages, I'm desperate to try again but DH is stalling. I suppose in one aspect while I'm not 'trying' I can at least relax and enjoy a glass of wine / cocktail. Also means I'm not at the point of stressing about testing just yet. All inevitable I suppose.

What you all up to?

BK x

Ginga, you made the decision that you had to at the time (incidentally, so did you becaroo). It was the right decision for you then and it has helped put you in the position in life where you are now. I know that you will suffer guilt (we are women, I am sure we are programmed to constantly feel guilt) but you did the right thing at the time. For the right reasons. No one, even yourself, should ask more than that.

I've calmed down a bit after yesterday's ordeal. I'd copied my GP into the letter I wrote to the hospital and he rang today to tell me he would organise the blood tests I need so that I don't need to go back to the maternity unit. Needless to say, I have heard nothing from them : although maybe it takes longer to get post round a bigger medical unit (see, I am getting back into charitable mode already!)

Anyway, the sun is shining here and I hope to go snooze in the garden whilst my wonderful mum looks after the kids. Again. Don't always see eye to eye with mum but she has truly being a star since I came out of hospital (after having to fly home in a state after hearing I'd been rushed into surgery, bless).

Talking of stars, have you prepared everything you need to for tomorrow, cantdo?

Love to you all

Hello Karya. I am so sorry to hear of your MC. If there is anything we can do to help you only have to ask. How recent was it, if you don't mind me asking? I'm wondering when you could try agan. Have ou support at home on that front or is your husband like BK's?

Whilst I was in (induced) labour with Joseph last year (25 wks)I can remember clutching DH's hand and saying 'we will do this again, won't we'. He, diplomatically, said 'if that's what you want'.

But then I was scared about trying again in case something else went wrong or (dare I confess this, even here?) that the PG went ok but then I had a v poorly child to look after and ended up compromising the lifestyle of my existing DC.

As it was, I planned to try whilst I took my DH away for a surprise birthday break but by then I was already PG....

Things didn't work out but I do not regret trying. Not one bit.

I wish you luck and love xx

Hello, dashing through as been out all day on Playgroup summer trip... lots of 2 and 3 year olds, bumps and babies and weirdly I didn't feel a thing... in fact if I see a pregnant woman I just get a tired feeling, not envious. Maybe I am cured!

Welcome to us Karya and Ginga.

daftbat - I was and still am 43 when I fell pregnant last November. Very surprised as didn't think I was fertile. We'd not been taking precautions since my last child was born just before I turned 40 but had no periods for 15 months (lactational amenorrhea)as I am a v committed breast feeder. Anyway was back to regular periods about 18 months but nothing happened and wasn't too bothered about having any more kids but kind of happy to let it happen if it did. But when I did get pregnant was quite negative about it and then of course the amnio showed Downs and the rest is history.... so perhaps not a good example of someone getting pregnant at 43! It may not be too late for you and the odds were only 2% so I think I was just unlucky.

Thanks for your story growing up, sad but as you say has a positive side to it too.

All the best for tomorrow Cantdo

Hi BB, lindo, linspins, bezzy, becaroo, JJF, Marj, ilove. Hope I remembered everyone, must get tea sorted. x

cantdo Erm...no! Was fine, am just whacked now and got a buffet for 12 on sunday for my PIL 40th wedding anniversary! phew! You are very much in my thoughts at the moment...I have no words that adequately express my deep sadness for what you have endured and will endure....please remember we are ALL thinking of you xxxxx

Hi all

Eulalia, think you are cured! You sound very well adjusted.

GU, interesting story. I struggle to imagine how/why someone would stop a child from seeing his/her father unless the father was violent or mad, but it's pretty common, apparently.

Daftbat, glad your GP is efficient at least...

Bezzy my DD naps then too. Though not in her cot - she used to, but she just dances around it and faffs about, so I take her out in the buggy and get her to sleep and then push her back into the house. Or if it's raining I push her up and down the lounge (!). At nursery they push her to sleep in a buggy too. She likes to be asleep next to me, and she knows I'm not sat next to the cot, so the buggy works better.

Can't really believe tomorrow is going to happen. I think I'm in denial mode. I've started to bleed again though - I have a theory about this postnatal bleeding - this time and last it has been heaviest when I've been thinking about the baby, and when I've been in denial it's stopped. V odd.

Anyway tonight DD has eaten a fish pasta dish I got from here - smoked trout and pasta, pretty healthy. She can be a pain about food so I am happy she went for it - have you all checked out the food section here? There are some yummy looking recipes.

daftbat Thank you for your kind words....I am afriad that when I read some of your stories I feel very fraudulent even being on this thread I feel I made my decisions for very selfish reasons and though I do not regret it and have learned to live with it, I know I will always wonder.......boy or girl? Blonde like dh or dark like me? Its stupid, I know.

There is such support here that even though I feel like a fraud, none have you have ever made me feel so x

Hi Becaroo, you aren't a fraud! Your reasons for ending the pregnancies are as valid as mine.

I typed that last message and suddenly I feel bereft - think it's hit me again. I don't know how to describe it - it's as though I've had something ripped away from me and I'm still staring dazed at what has been lost. It hardly seems real that I have lost my little girl (another little girl)...

Oh cantdo....what can I say? Your loss has been great and so your grief will be also....perhaps tomorrow will enable you to say goodbye to Stella properly and feel a bit less bereft? I wish I knew what to say or could say something really clever that would soothe you, but I am rubbish

I am sorry to hear about the bleeding...I bled lots after both my terminations too.

........"and feel a bit less bereft?"....God, what a stupid thing to say! See? Told you I was rubbish!!

I am sure someone will be along soon who can help soothe you cantdo xxxxxxx

Hi Cantdo, I wonder if there's some logical explanation about the bleeding?.....maybe when you think of baby your womb contracts? So sorry you're having to deal with it again though. I terminated beginning of April and my period is still all over the place.

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow, I'm not sure I have any kind words to say, I'm not very good at the 'comforting' thing. I'll leave that up to BB & GU

Funny how all these toddlers are so different. DD will NOT sleep in her buggy and hasn't since she was about 6 months old. Think she's too nosey! Sleeping in the cot is pretty good, but can be a bit of a bind at times, if I'm out and then need to race home for nap time. I'm just happy she still sleeps during the day, friend of mine, her little girl hasn't had a daytime nap since before she turned 2. EEK!

BB - how you doing today?

Bezzy waves to everybody else and holds up her wine glass for a 'chink chink' (excl Linspins, Lindso and GU of course, she holds up an Appletiser for them)

Thank you for your lovely messages Bec and Bezzy (find myself wondering if you're both called Rebecca... - don't tell me; I like to imagine!).

I also lied about my DD's age when I first joined the thread (see I am certifiable) - she isn't 2 yet. So fingers crossed she doesn't give up the nap at 2! She gets up very early so I need a bit of rest at lunchtime.

Sitting here after a bath drinking red wine and contemplating the chocolate profiteroles my mum brought round earlier...

Can'tdo, enjoy your profiteroles and wine. (hmmm, yummy).

Sending you lots of love for tomorrow. xxxxxxxxxxxx

All our little angel girls are up there together.
I know what you mean about suddenly feeling bereft, it hits right out the blue doesn't it.

My dd is two and three quarters and still naps in the day...just. But I have to take her out in pram and walk about until she falls asleep and then I park her at home, and nap too! And it's always the days I am most tired (or have stuff to do) when she decides not to nap or to take AGES to go to sleep or only sleeps for half an hour....phew. I'm hoping she will nap during the day until she is at least 3.

Completely off topic, does anyone get a really horrible perfume-taste in their mouths when pregnant? It's revolting and I've had it for two days, like I've eaten perfume. Yurg.

ok, off to bed.

Big hello's to absolutely everyone. Glad this little thread is thriving, although sad we about the reasons are all here. xxx

Lins xx

Bez, thanks for the appletise! xxx [Lins chinks glasses back]

Do you not just hate it when you write long meaningful message and laptop crashes.
What i wanted to say Cantdo was; My heart and thoughts are with you for tomorrow. Stella is your girl, yet her path is a different one. She has touched our lives on this thread - as have you.
I feel and hear your acute loss and bereftness - how could it be otherwise? It is a long long process.
I do remember Lins and Marj recounting their day - it sounded heartbreaking and beautiful and right. I know yours will be too
hugs and kisses
BB xxxx

Hi everyone. The kids have been manic today and I'm on my second gin so please bear with me if I ramble!

cantdo don't waste time contemplating the profiteroles: eat them!!! My friend sent me a box from Hotel Chocolat when she heard my news (I do have some lovely friends in RL, too) and, whilst I told my hubby about them, he has not had the guts to touch them: they are ALL MINE. Positively Medicinal, in fact! I am thinking of you for tomorrow. 9am, you say? I'll be with you in spirit, with my arms around you and sharing whatever strength I have.

becs you are no fraud. You seem to be dealing with far more than me. At least my health is generally ok on the whole and my decisions have been made for me, thank God. It seems to me you are managing a family and a long term Health condition (I don't mean that to sound so lame) Hats off to you: I can do kids or home, not both and I have health on my side.

Hope everyone else is doing ok, Lins and GU hope you are not too knackered, sick and sore and can start to enjoy your pregnancies and love the little people growing inside.

With love

Hi all

Daftbat, I know what you are saying about decisions being made for you. I mean: you still decided to induce Joseph early - as I did with Stella - but we knew the outcome would be the same whenever our babies were born. I find that an immense comfort because it's less of a decision to come to terms with. Of course there is still so much to come to terms with...

Bleeding is quite bad today. We're dropping DD with her grandparents at 8.15 and going on to the crematorium. It's a grey day thus far outside so doubt it will be a park/beach sort of day, probably an Early Learning Centre one (DD's fave place). Still numb, mostly, but bereft too. Feels as though I am in an alien place - I suppose I am.

Lins, I had that odd taste thing but not for very long - just a few days - mine was like a cross between perfume and metal, if that makes sense.

Hope Marj is okay - thinking of you.

PS I ate the profiteroles...

Hi Cantdo, dragged myself out of bd so I could see how you are doing! Sorry it is not a glorious day for you, but perhaps grey is more appropriate? We had a graveside service in December and it waited until after we'd finished before it tipped it down.

Hope it goes as well as it can do. I'm sure we'll all be with you in spirit.

With love and hugs to you DH, DD and, of course, Stella

Am thinking of you Canto and your family.
Special kiss for Stella.
Busier Bee
x

Cantdo, sorry I missed you this morning. Hope today went as well as can be expected.

BK x