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Original poster

support thread for women who have chosen to terminate

1000 replies

busierbee · 16/04/2009 22:53

Hello
Busier Bee here - I felt that before I went to bed I wanted to open up officially a new place for weary travellers of those on the road that we have chosen to rest our heads, muse, sob, moan and support each other.
Also the kind, compassionate souls who have not been there but who offer their support and lend an ear and pass a gentle word.
We have chosen to be here and we are here and we are not alone.
Thank you so much all of you -for I personally do not know where I would have been in the last few weeks without you all.
Night - sleep well
kisses and thoughts
BB xx

OP posts:
linspins · 02/06/2009 21:18

Can'tdothis, i hope you have gone to bed, but I just wanted to say, I mentioned ARC earlier, and in case you haven't heard of them, it's Antenatal Results and Choices, a charity especially to support women going through all this horribleness. There is a helpline you can ring, to ask questions, talk through decisions or just cry to a friendly person. There is also a (moderated) parents forum where all sorts of stories are shared.
ARC is a fab charity and has helped me so much over the years. You can find them..
click on here for even more support
xxx

Original poster
busierbee · 02/06/2009 21:29

Hello kind souls
Cantdo - you are in such a painful spot and as Tree says we are all here to listen to all the thoughts and feelings - I too read everything I could find on my particular condtion - DS. It is not the same at all but somehow the pain is familiar to me.
I too felt okay when my children were around to distract me - and the tears really hit when they were in bed.
We have never had an anti termination comment on this thread in fact and if there are any when you are in the midst of such rawness they will have me to answer to.
Hold on tight and cling to your hubbie.
How are you Tree?
And Lins -you are so rarely grumpy or cross patchy - I think you are allowed now and again.

OP posts:
Original poster
busierbee · 02/06/2009 21:30

Tree - are you okay? Have emailed you?
kisses

OP posts:
treedelivery · 02/06/2009 21:41

Just replied Bee.

Am Ok. Y'know. Real Life.

Cantdo - this thread is free from questioning others action or stance. It is, I suppose, the room people come to when the questioning is over and the decision is made. Whatever stage that may be at. Hope you resting, you will need fuel for the time you may be facing.

If, when you are ready, you want to tell us more about your DH or to how he is coping we are all here to try help.

ilovemydogandmrobama · 02/06/2009 21:42

Lins, it's OK to be grumpy.

Thought DD had avoided the terrible twos, but this past week she has been dreadful.

She's still funny. This evening she said, 'I'm still grumpy...' So, I suggested watching Peppa Pig for a bit and then she reported, 'I'm happy now!'

Original poster
busierbee · 02/06/2009 21:43

Hello Ilovemydog - what a sad part of your life you have shared - and your sister too - your poor Mum and poor you..
Good to see you here still - my daughter is 16 and has just been in tears about her dad rejecting her - upset that yet again she not invited to dinner although her brothers are there. Nothing in comparison.
Hope you are okay and that you are too Cantdo - that at least you are being gentle on self.
good luck for tomorrow and can we have a little bit of hope that may be okay or is that not helpful?
BB x

OP posts:
treedelivery · 02/06/2009 21:46

Gosh yead ilove - I have thought it but not typed it. Sad story of your Father.

BB - for your dd.

Original poster
busierbee · 02/06/2009 22:00

Grrr - I keep posting and then it gets lost on the way- and then i rewrite it.
Wanted to say thank you Tree - she sad sad girl - worn out from GCSEs and emotional and in need of loving care and he is a total TOOL.
Will tell you about him one day.
Marjie Marjie Marjie Marjie
Are you reading honey - do seek comfort from us - you deserve it and need it - and we are always here.

OP posts:
Original poster
busierbee · 03/06/2009 07:52

Another day... Cantdo, am thinking of you and knowing that somehow you will get through the day.
Hold on tight - will be a rocky road.
Hugs and more hugs
BusierBeexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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treedelivery · 03/06/2009 11:39

Will check in as much as poss in case of news.

Packing for camping......not.

JumpingJellyfish · 03/06/2009 12:45

Thinking of you today Cantdo, sending you all the strength to find a way through this horrible time. Keep writing when you can.

Bee- your poor daughter we had difficult times as children (still do really) with our father after our parents divorce, and it can be so hard to deal with, especially as a teen with everything else going on.

No more news here yet, but it's a bit early. Hopeful I might hear tomorrow but know Friday is most likely. Will be badgering my poor consultant's secretary from about 11 on Friday as don't think I can survive an additional weekend of waiting mentally intact. At least I can now assume that they collected an adequate amount of tissue- the CVS consultant had said the genetics lab would have contacted me by the end of yesterday had they not got enough. One thing less to worry about anyhow.

Back to editing a thesis chaper...it's incredibly dull but keeping me occupied in a way. Looking forward to a day of entertaining the DCs tomorrow as will definitely keep me well occupied...

growingup · 03/06/2009 13:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lindso · 03/06/2009 13:09

Hello ladies

Haven't been on for a while - but reading and feeling the warmth and support that everyone has for each other on this thread. Gives me faith in humanity.

Cantdo - I too am sending good thoughts and strength to you. And to JJF too - positive vibes for good news on Friday.

I've been thinking so much of the parents who jumped from Beachy Head with their little boy who'd died. They'd also packed his teddies and tractor - its just heartbreaking. Held my dd yesterday when I heard the news with the fierceness I feel for her - she's nearly 2 and can't sit still for a minute so needless to say didn't allow herself to be held for long... Its just so sad..

Eulalia · 03/06/2009 14:45

Hi Lindso, I missed that story so went and found it just now, very very sad. How are you, I am forgetting how far on you are and your due date?

Will check in later for news, but feeling very sad for you Cantdo...

xxx

treedelivery · 03/06/2009 16:44

Hi Lindso!

JJF - you're nearly there.

Heart broken for the Beachy Head couple.

ilovemydogandmrobama · 03/06/2009 16:57

so sad about Beachy Head couple. Does anyone know when they were at Children's Hospital in Bristol as am fairly sure I saw them.

treedelivery · 03/06/2009 17:00

I know nothing at all. What a story. Bless them all.

Have updated MMR thread ilove - and it's ok for you to look as I think advice I got would apply to you too , and it's reassuring.

Original poster
busierbee · 03/06/2009 17:31

I agree about the Beachy Head family - their poor hearts - Growing Up - you may need to say a prayer to them all from us.

OP posts:
Original poster
busierbee · 03/06/2009 17:33

JJF - hanging in there still -well done to you. Is astonishing how one carries on in spite of.
Cantdo - hope you home now. xxxxxxxxxx

OP posts:
ilovemydogandmrobama · 03/06/2009 17:39

Thanks Tree

Any news from CantDo?

Cantdothisagain · 03/06/2009 18:12

Hello everyone. I am touched by your support in remembering me.

Today went as expected. I had three scans and one internal scan. Verdict: no kidneys, which is what my hospital had thought. So the prognosis is/would be that the baby would survive to term but could not survive outside the womb at all because he/she would have no lungs. This condition is always fatal and it isn't a question even of the baby living a day or several, it's a matter of minutes. So for me there was no decision to make.

In a way knowing there is no chance makes the decision easier. I can't feel guilty, although probably I will. At the moment I feel exhausted and sad. Utterly lacking energy and I keep forgetting words when I speak. Ironically the baby has started wriggling around again.

So: I took the first tablet today and am being admitted to my own hospital on Friday. It may seem fast but I have had five days to think about it as I already knew what the prognosis would be.

Anyway thank you for thinking of me. Lins, in particular, would you mind telling me a bit about what it means to terminate at 20 weeks? Don't if you can't face it.

Hugs to all of you especially JJF. xx

bezzyk · 03/06/2009 18:20

So, so sorry to hear this cantdothisagain. You're being remarkably strong.

Thinking of you lots over the next few days.

Take good care of yourself

B xx

Original poster
busierbee · 03/06/2009 18:30

OH Golly Cantdo.
That is such sad sad news for you and your family.
Take one minute at a time.
Dearest Lins will, I know, share her experience with you as she cares deeply about women in this situation - as we all do.
Keep close to those that love you.
I am thinking of you and knowing this must be devastating
Bee xxxxxxx

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treedelivery · 03/06/2009 19:01

Oh Cantdo - as you expected then. Am so so sorry.

I hope you get to Friday ok. Your poor DH too.

You are very strong to feel that you have had 5 days to prepare for this. Your coping mechanisms have obviously worked very well.

I know Lins will have lots of advice on how to make the memory of Friday one that you can be comfortable with in the long term - in so much as memory building and marking the event. If this is what you feel comfortable with.

If it is not upsetting to the thread posters I can give you an insight into what to expect. Or I can CAT you and email you with it personally.

Strong vibes to you, to get you through this.

Eulalia · 03/06/2009 19:11

Cantdo Has the hospital told you what to expect? As far as I know everything should be the same as earlier on, but Lins can tell you what to expect. All my best wishes. xxx

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