support thread for women who have chosen to terminate

[busierbee]

Hello
Busier Bee here - I felt that before I went to bed I wanted to open up officially a new place for weary travellers of those on the road that we have chosen to rest our heads, muse, sob, moan and support each other.
Also the kind, compassionate souls who have not been there but who offer their support and lend an ear and pass a gentle word.
We have chosen to be here and we are here and we are not alone.
Thank you so much all of you -for I personally do not know where I would have been in the last few weeks without you all.
Night - sleep well
kisses and thoughts
BB xx

Hello to Bezzy and Needachat also. xxxxx

(just noticed all my messages are now on the previous page, -look back for lots of hello's!)

Hi Linspins

Just checking in on my way out the door and couldn't resist a wave as you seem to have been thread champion this weekend!

It seems that the (meteorologically) fantastic weekend we were all looking for really happened. We were in the North East with rellies and it hit 24c! Back to gloom here now, so it's business as usual. (Mind you, it is only just gone 5am, so I think I should give it a bit more of a chance.)

Also hi to everyone else and here's to a peaceful week. I have half term, so there's not much peace going on in our household.

Talking of peace, I have to commend you Justa on your enviable way to steer a path through debate and your ability to post frankly but not in an inflammatory way. It's quite a skill. I'll be following you for tips!

And JJF, I so feel for you. I had exactly the same positioning problem with my second CVS. Lots of shaking of heads in my local hospital, mutterings of 'impossible' 'hold out for an amnio in 4 weeks' etc. On advice from a friend, I made an appointment at the FMC in London (quite a jaunt for me) and Prof Nic did it abdominally with no hesitation or drama. The receptionist told me that she'd never known him fail to get a result. It is expensive, but worth it. Let me know if you need any more info.

Having said that this was a flying visit, I've ended up writing another essay! I've been trying to set up my CAT since 4.30 am in anticipation of BB's return. And failing. Any tips will be gratefully received!

Best to all. xxx

Shangrilla, what were you doing up at 4.30 am??!!!

Thank you so much ladies for your support. Feeling very wobbly today. Just want to have this all over and behind us. Went to visit a friend's beautiful newborn (her third) and felt an immense sense of, well, grief I guess, that I am unable to have uncomplicated, straightforward and innocent pregnancies. I hate wallowing in self pity as I know it doesn't help anything but just couldn't shake that last night.

Anyhow you wonderful ladies have offered me some hope that the CVS could be successful, and soon- I had emailed the FMC yesterday in fact and will chase that should things not work out on Friday. I do feel that the consultant here is quite cautious- rightly so I'm sure- but he admits the hospital policy with regards CVS is very "conservative" with regards to risk and in his previous hospital he probably would have taken more chances.

We decided to keep this all quiet from my MIL as she herself lost 3 babies in the second trimester before having my DH, due to other issues, and I think she would find it very hard dealing with what we may have to go through should the results come back with bad news- I just don't want to put her through all that. Over here tx is very taboo for many, and so we have had to be careful with who we have told, so can't really involve too many... But a friend can drive me on Friday thankfully as she is working in Belfast that day and DH is minding the DCs then, and if we need to travel next week DH will just try to work the weekend to free up a couple of days and I'll go on my own. I'm ok with having it done alone as sometimes find peace in a way in solitude...if that makes sense...

Justa- how are you today? Hope you're not suffering from ms too badly.

Hi Jellyfish. Sorry you are feeling so wobbly. I wish there was a magic wand that would sort all this out for you and fast forward to the good bit where you are holding a lovely little healthy baby.
Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you. Love Lins xxx

Hello people!

Just a quick wave.

DS has been back and forth to Children's Hospital yet again. Latest was he swallowed a 5p piece. Off to A & E where they used one of those airport metal detectors to locate it. Am in a slight panic as that was last Thursday.

GP said it should come through today, but if not, to take him back....

Oh, and have applied for my dream job

Hi everyone

Glad to hear that most people were able to enjoy the weekend sunshine ? poor JJF though to have all this still hanging over you, it really is too much?

We?ve had a good but exhausting weekend. It was the first time I?ve really had to cope with real life and seeing people since everything happened. It was mostly fine, though there were a few times it all got a bit much. Coped ok at dinner on Friday until quite late on, when I got a bit weepy ? one couple (the pregnant ones) already knew most of what had happened, but we hadn?t told the other ones ? think they?ve guessed now though?. Similarly, was great to see ever-so-sweet niece and nephews at family christening on Sunday, but had to hide out a few times during the lunch as there were so many people and tiny children to negotiate. I totally hogged my four month old newly-christened nephew ? so lovely to cuddle and I didn?t want to share him...

I?m a bit like Bezzy ? everyone seems to be pregnant at the moment. Was a bit apprehensive that the other couple we saw on Friday might have been too, but nothing was said. There were lots of pregnant women at the christening, one due about a fortnight before I would have been, so found myself staring at her tummy lots? Am torn between wanting people to be able to tell me ?normally? if they?re pregnant rather than feeling awkward, but at the same time wanting advance notice rather than having it sprung on me and then struggling to say the right things. Glad to hear from Bezzy and Lins that this isn?t just me.

Lindso and Becaroo, thanks for sharing what you did about testing/future scans. Lots of scans sounds great! Think I?m leaning towards only going ahead with a CVS if there appear to be major abnormalities in any future pregnancies. But as I seem to change my mind on almost everything right now, who knows!

Off on hols tomorrow, so hope everyone has a good few weeks and that those with morning sickness start feeling better and those waiting for news receive the good results they so desperately want. And good luck with next stages of the egg journey, Tree. I will be reading as your thread progresses.

Kate xx

[Lins waves back]

Oooh no, swallowing money! Have you had to fish through his poo? Hope it appears soon!!

Dream job? That would be ace wouldn't it. Are we allowed to ask what it is?

Kate, Glad you managed 'ok' with all the social events. It's really hard isn't it.
Have a good hols. Hope you can relax and enjoy it. A little break from real life again!
xxx

Lindso - I didn't find out the sex of the baby straight away, found out by accident at the follow up appointment about 7 weeks later. The consultant blurted it out but I didn't actually mind. I too had felt awful pretty much all of the pregnancy, nothing like the others - I just felt bad the whole time, mentally and physically. Weird. Maybe in time you will want to know but no hurry, its there on your notes so you can take your time.

I need to read through to catch up on everyone else.....

Been doing a bit of reviewing though recently, thinking did we do the right thing? Stupid really as it's too late now but I have to come to some sort of peace with myself. I feel that we may have coped in a couple of years with a disabled baby but at this point in time it would have been unbearable with 4 kids under 10, one of whom already has a disability. Even towards the future, ds is getting more able but does seems to be going through a bad patch just now, very physical with others and always getting reports from the school of him kicking, punching and pinching other kids. So I feel I did the right thing at that moment in time for the sake of my existing children. The people who are in the here and now have to be the most important, and the sanity of the mother!
Sorry if I am waffling. I even went over to the other thread to push myself, as I don't want to hide from my feelings. It is hurtful to me but I feel that I've gone through the process and happier (if that's the right word) for having done it. I do think that a certain person starting those threads seems to have an axe to grind and not really sure what they want to achieve by it. Too much bad stuff floating around.

Anyway hopefully things may settle down for a bit now. Back later when caught up. xxx

Eulalia, I absolutely agree! Some threads seem to be started with the express purpose of attacking people in an unfriendly and confrontational way. I find it really weird, especially when this ante natal area was set up away from everyone else (so as not to 'upset' them), to discuss issues that are so emotive. It's not that debate is a bad thing, quite the opposite, but there are better ways to do it (and other places too.) I'd better stop now before I say something rude!

xxx

Hey everyone, I have some news. I really hope this doesn't upset anyone, I know this is always hard to hear when you have been through so much...

I am pregnant! Only 5 weeks and 3 days...and terrified and excited and nervous and (weirdly- sad?) and I want to tell everyone, but I want to tell no-one! phew.

I can't really get my head round it, I had expected it to take me AGES to get pregnant, so this is something of a shock.

And odd thing with the dates too: We gave birth to Daisy on 15th March, we had her funeral on 15th April and I found out I am expecting on the 15th May.

I am a bit freaked out by the thought that everything is already set in stone...that if this baby has a chromosomal problem like Amy or Daisy, then it is already there. I know that this is the case for every baby, but I feel so aware of it this time. And all I can do is wait.

Not feeling too bad physically yet, just very tired. Mentally, I feel all over the place. Part of me is in denial, - I haven't been to the docs yet. Part of me can think of nothing else. I am very worried I'll feel so ill - last pregnancy the symptoms were dire, so much so that I could barely look after my dd.

And I know that the geneticist and consultants have said there are no known reasons for problems this time, but I am so scared.

So hope it was ok to share this with you all.

Love Lins xxx

congrats to you Linspins! so happy to read your news!

Bx

Lins!

Am soooo excited for you!

Think this thread is a very broad church. There are people who have had the grief of having to make some difficult decisions, people like Justa/Tree, who are very supportive and a cast of people making cameo appearances....

(Will let people know if I get my dream job...)

Take care and think you deserve some happiness.

Go Lins!

Hi everyone!

Have been away ages and have had a big read, bvut will need to make notes to answer the posts properly!!

Congratulations Linspins!! Oh My!! Life's rollercoaster rolls on! Pheweeeeee!

ilovemydog....and the dream job is....? Can we know or is it a bit too likely to 'out' you?

To JJF - well that's a whole load of crap isn't it? The hosital I was at has some amazing consultants, and flights land from Belfast to the airposr 30 mins a way. CAT me if you want me to suss out if they can offer you this service. I feel for you very much.

Eulalia - you are a strong soul you know. It was brave of you to confront the hard side of your choices, and brave of you to go 'there'. I sometimes almost want the deep thinking, rational women from this thread to go forth and scream 'we DID look at the options, we HAVE educated ourselves, this IS our informed choice, the best WE could make today'.

But then I think actually no, this is your private soul - you are not obliged to sell it to score points - which is all the 'going forth' would descend into. I'm afraid. Maybe not, but it's probably not going to be worth the risk to peace of mind.

Justa - now wanting sweeties. You must be getting near-ish to hopefully seeing an end to sickness?

Wonder how BB is on holiday?

Thanks Bezzy and Ilovemydog. Scary stuff...

I 'spoke' to Bee last night, (we texted a long series of messages.) She is having an ok time but the area she is in isn't nice and she said the beaches were filthy. So not the greatest hol. Poor honey really deserves a few weeks on a lovely tropical island.

Tree, cross posted. Thank you too.

Yeah, i wanted to go 'there' and tell things as they are, but I know I would have ended up getting (more) cross or upset, so I didn't. But glad that quite a few posters have put their side of things though. Occasionally, it was almost a polite debate!

Hi Linspins! Great you are in touch with BB - even if the place is a bit yak it is a change and that is usually good. Even if it means coming home is good, what better feeling than 'yay I'm home'

No crossness or upset for you just peacefull karma and fluffy things. How you feeling??

Big big woo-hoo to Lins!

So pleased for you and with you every step of the way!

And my theory is that Ilovemydog's dream job is pooch walker extraordinaire to the lovely Mr Obama himself. Or something like that.

Off to bed...

at dream job.

morning all

how are we? I'm still smiling at Linspins' news!

Believe it or not, I'm ill...again....since termination on 6 April, I haven't been healthy, REALLY frustrating, as I'm normally as strong as a horse!

I'm now back on the antibiotics for a sinus infection. Which is v strange, as I've never had sinus trouble in my life.

I'm also getting concerned that people are going to be afraid to post here, for fear of attack? I hope it doesn't get like that as I don't feel that I can relate to the ARC forum. Not sure why, maybe cause there's no instant response?

We're meant to have paving start on our driveway today, but it's hammering down with rain...gggrrrr....

B x