support thread for women who have chosen to terminate

[busierbee]

Hello
Busier Bee here - I felt that before I went to bed I wanted to open up officially a new place for weary travellers of those on the road that we have chosen to rest our heads, muse, sob, moan and support each other.
Also the kind, compassionate souls who have not been there but who offer their support and lend an ear and pass a gentle word.
We have chosen to be here and we are here and we are not alone.
Thank you so much all of you -for I personally do not know where I would have been in the last few weeks without you all.
Night - sleep well
kisses and thoughts
BB xx

her motives were definitely good. She's the kindest person I know, one of the nicest things she did, was order me a dvd off amazon that she'd seen that she thought was a great 'feel good' movie as she knew I was so down. It just arrived one day by complete surprise (causing me to wail cause she was so nice).

I shouldn't be cross or angry, I just don't want to feel alienated.

Oh bezzyk - you are a star to be able to see that. But it's shit you have the need to. You should be angry and cross - it's very very very rubbish.

Poor poor you. It is awful to feel alienated and left out. I really do feel for you 100%

She sounds lovely. Maybe you could email her saying you want to see her and hear about everything, and though you might go quite now and again, or need 5 mins alone [to rush here and post for strength ] you wouldn't miss out on her or her pregnancy for the world.
Once she knows it's ok she'll know how to act and be back for tea and cake.

Thanks for the advice Tree, I'll try my best. It's kind of how I've been acting with my other friend that's expecting.

She's pretty tuned in to how people are feeling, she waits for me to talk about her pregnancy before she tells me anything. The unspoken arrangement kind of works between us!

Unlike my 3rd friend (there's 5 of them!) who complains non stop to me about being pregnant......

God it's hard isn't it? It just impacts on everything.

Do feel free to ignore my advice/tell me to leave you alone

Am terrible at trying to fix peoples problems for them, sometimes a bit of understanding is all thats needed.

It's tough for you there are pregnancies on the go in your group.

Hi Tree, I really appreciate your advice! I should say ignore me for being irrational! If she had told me, I'd be complaining that she was being insensitve. Never happy...

Your;re very kind bezzyk. Big huggs to you - I hope your foggy/grey/stormy day passes and there is no fog for you this weekend.

P.S. to our newcomers or lurkers - foggy days are the desperately sad ones, grey days are hard 'down' days and stormy days are angry days. There are also sunny days of course. I have all the windy days as my dd2 has colic

Good call Tree, I think today was 'grey', but comes after a week of sunny days, which I thought I was never going to see again.

To all the newbies, I terminated on 6 April, and the last week or so, has been good, feeling SO much better, probably why you haven't seen me around much. I'm a terrible 'user' I only seem to appear on MN when it's a bad day!

Hope everyone has a fabby weekend xx

Just a quickie to say hugs to Bezzy. I know how you feel about people not wanting to tell you they are pregnant. No-one ever liked to tell me, when we had lost one baby and were trying so hard and so long for another. Then it was 'ok' once we'd got Dd. But now we've lost 2 babies it is even worse! They tend to slip it in to conversation and move on. I really hate it, but get better about dealing with the whole issue once I've know for a few days. Today, my neighbour gleefully announced that his sister had just found out she was expecting twins! And he cheerfully said, 'oh, she's already got two!' I smiled and made all the appropriate comments but afterwards thought...' sigh '. Wistful? envious? sad? resigned? cross? I can't pin point the emotion.
Anyway, I think you are very sweet to say how nice she is etc and don't worry if you want to stamp your foot and growl.

Tree, glad egg meeting was good. Will check out your thread at some point.

Here's to a restful weekend for all and a bit of sunshine. xxxx

Hello, how is everybody? Am I detecting a tension in the air?

B x

I suspect sunny weather = sunny moods?!

Hi all, had a really busy day and therefore not a minute for thread. (no boycotting going on here!) Have sorted out lots of junk and am doing a bootfair tomorrow, to hopefully get rid of it all....be there by 7a.m. on a bank hol, yikes, had better set alarm.
Anyway, hope you are all doing ok.
Justa, how is your little bean? And I see you have been busy on other threads near here too. xxxxxx

Love to you all.
Lins xxx

Hi all, not been on in ages. Definitely sunny mood for me , I get a bit of SAD in the winter but kind of works the opposite way in Spring/Summer so tend to feel really upbeat. Plus up here probably 500? miles north of most of you we get more daylight hours which helps. Completely disrupts ds1's sleeping though which is iffy at the best of times.

Well I guess the thread will be quiet just now as most of you will be off on holiday/days out. Just a normal day for us as our school term ends on 3rd July.

I really need to try to catch up on the news before I can make any further comments. Have a good holiday break and enjoy the sun. xxx

Hello all, I am sorry I haven't caught up properly but wanted to quickly post (have snuck into work briefly)- Bad news here- on Thurs the CVS consultant found my placenta to be completely inaccessible- it is to my back so he'd have to go through my womb, i.e. possibly baby, to get to it . It was worse than it had been on Monday, so he was kind of frustrated they hadn't "risked it" and gone ahead then. They don't do transvaginal CVS over here (which would be the only safe way to access it), and he himself hasn't done one that way for years so wouldn't be happy even if done privately. So he wants to wait another week and I'm to go back this coming Friday. But he's not overly optimistic that the placenta will have moved and has warned me to be prepared that it'll probably not go ahead then. If the placenta hasn't moved my only option is to find a hospital in England where they'll do it transvaginally and try that early next week (probably will end up paying privately). The only kind of good news is that he dated me as just over 11 weeks, not 12 weeks, on Thurs, so we still have a couple of weeks to get this done. The rollercoaster is killing me, which is an understatement- especially as I had thought by now I'd have the results and the crazy limbo we're in would be over. I'm now trying to forget all about it, but it's so hard, and the thought of having to try to juggle childcare without letting my MIL know what's going on if I have to go to England next week is really getting to me- I've weaved such a web of lies so far with all these apts I'm running out of excuses.

Sorry to be all doom and gloom- you ladies have gone through so much worse but I am just finding this wait so unbearable.

Love to you all

Justa- how is DS2 now? Croup is soooo scary. What a horrid experience. Hugs to you x

JJF - how dreadful for you and yes its the having to carry on normal life as well that is so exhausting. How frustrating to have to travel so far. Keep us posted and keep strong.

Justa- sorry I didn't your son was ill (well guess I would if I'd read the posts!), hope he is getting better.

We live in Aberdeenshire, so yes still a long way from you and even further than most here.

Blimey this thread moves fast.

Just popped onto say:

Bezzyk: I know its hell when life goes on around you and you're dealing with your own private pain. I saw a nurse specialist after my cvs who basically checked through my and partners history to check if there had been any history on either side, and then, as with you, told me it was regular trisomy 21.

I don't know if you know this - but they did tell me I could find out the sex from the cvs results if I wanted to know. I had no idea this was possible and obviously got upset. I immediately thought 'that way madness lies' and haven't found out - although i was told i could find out whenever i wanted - whether this is in 10 days or 10 years. to be really honest, once i knew the outcome of the test, and after i had the termination, i just felt relief. However, partly this is because the pregnancy had been awful and I'd had such horrendous nausea I almost couldn't stand it. I don't know if that makes me emotionally cold or human.

I'm sorry if this is a shock for you - that you can find out the gender - but can decide whenever.

kat100 - I had a scan at 8 weeks then 12 - they said i could have had the cvs done automatically but we chose to have the combined test to decide on risk first. The result is good so we're not having a cvs (i don't think theres any point in going through more worry unless you are concerned - if that makes sense)

What would we have done if we'd had the cvs and it came back as positive for downs? We hadn't even discussed it - not because we were convinced we had just experienced bad luck before but because we're both very good at burying our heads in the sand. Wouldn't recommend this as a coping mechanism or useful strategy to anyone!

jjf - sorry to hear you're having a shitty time, I can imagine how hard this must be for you - hope things get sorted for you soon.

Jelly fish, you poor poor love. What a horrible tough time for you. The waiting is so awful isn't it. It is a roller coaster, and mostly not a nice one until good results come in. I am thinking of you, and stamping my foot on your behalf that your CVS hasn't gone ahead yet.
Could you wait for an amnio? Or would that not be an option?
Don't worry about bringing doom and gloom here, that's what we are here for. You tell us anything you want.
Childcare is such a problem...have you got friends you can call upon for emergencies? Would it just be too difficult and awful if MIL knew?
Really hope it goes better this fri.
love Lins xxxxx

And a big hello to Eulalia and Lindso. xxx How are you both?
I'm enjoying the sunshine too Eulalia, think I get 'almost' SAD, so glad its sunnier now! Mind you, I did a bootfair this morning with my Mum and it rained at half past nine, and we had to pack up. We had sold the big stuff, so car was a bit emptier on way home. Jolly annoying though.

Hello to to Marj, if you are still out there.

And obviously enormous waves to Justa and Tree. xx
(Justabout....summer? think you need a new name! Justaboutsuckingwinegums? )

What happened to Ilovemydogandmrobama?

Hello to Shangrilla and Sam and Katerina and Karya too!

Just been reading back through our thread. So much going on in all our lives....
Good support here though. xxx