support thread for women who have chosen to terminate

[busierbee]

Hello
Busier Bee here - I felt that before I went to bed I wanted to open up officially a new place for weary travellers of those on the road that we have chosen to rest our heads, muse, sob, moan and support each other.
Also the kind, compassionate souls who have not been there but who offer their support and lend an ear and pass a gentle word.
We have chosen to be here and we are here and we are not alone.
Thank you so much all of you -for I personally do not know where I would have been in the last few weeks without you all.
Night - sleep well
kisses and thoughts
BB xx

Oh Katerina
You poor poor girl - everything you say rings so true with me. And most of all I think you are in shock on so many levels.
I do not know if you have read my thread, there is a link to it somewhere on this one, but know that you are having a normal understandable reaction to a deeply shocking, traumatising experience.
I have had two terminations for DS, each as exquisitely heart wrenching as the next. I too spent a long, nightmarish weekend the first time with my lovely man searching every corner of my soul for the right answer.
But there is no peaceful outcome from this experience.
I do not think you are abdicating responsibilty at all - you have been faced with information and decisions that NO WOMAN ashould ever have to face but you have done so with intelligence and self awareness. The anger my God. I feel so so angry at the moment - I only like my lovely man and my children and the mums here. I am not even joking about this.
I am furious furiousfurious and hurt and confused.
But know that it is so so very rare for this to happen twice and you have every chance of conceiving another healthy baby. YOu really do. It may feel healing to conceive or it may not. You may feel ready or you may not.
I so wish you were able to know that we know.
I usually find it relatively easy to talk about my feelings but I am shut down and tiny and only talk to him.
I cling to him and feel so much more loving than I ever did before to him. That is the only thing. The only thing that has been okay.
I wish you well, let the tears fall. Mine fell in a fountain for two weeks - I could barely breathe with pain. You are not alone though you may feel lonely.
Slowly slowly you will come back to life.
Write whenever you like - please do not feel you are taking over - we all slot into place, mesh together in a complicated web og agony, fury, guilt and laughter at times.
Welcome to our sad but necessary little place.
with much comforting hugs (if you want them)
Busier Bee

Hello Bee. x

Kat - well done for sharing, I hope you feel a bit better just getting your thoughts out. I had a termination for downs last Nov and went numb for a long time. Unlike you (probably cos I'm older and have one daughter) i knew all about measurements etc and when the sonographer said 'I'm concerned about that measurement' I felt a drop inside. When she told me it was 4.1mm I started crying and couldn't stop for a while. cvs same day - results a few days later etc - once i knew the measurement it all felt depressingly inevitable.

its so hard and i'm so sorry but the women on this thread are incredibly supportive and kind - when i came across the thread it was such a relief to be able to tell someone and to hear what i felt was normal.

Now 13 weeks pregnant and had the results of my combined test today - 1:1538. So, hopefully, miracles do happen. I'm not running up and down the street jumping for joy (which I probably should be). I just feel relieved i think - its the only word I can use. things have been hellish and horrible and now i can feel hope.

jumpingjellyfish - just to say the day after my cvs i went into work and fainted on the train on the way in! serves me right for trying to pretend i could cope - so take it easy. xxx

lidso - great news. I'm please you have a sense of relief. x

Justa - whats the condition? Or CAT me? I may know something about it, as there were loads of woman on asprin in the clinics I worked. If not or you'd rather wait no worries

BB - I am glad you are back, even if only for today. I have a new weather/mood for us, to join the foggy days. We have stormy days. Do you think you have had some? Or have I misread it?

Factor V Leiden. I'm your girl!!

I've just found this thread and though I haven't read all the way through, I've liked the thoughtful posting. Last December I terminated at 14 weeks due to Patau's syndrome. After a few months feeling out of control and depressed, to my surprise I got pregnant again, but two weeks ago I miscarried at 9 weeks. Back in the office yesterday where a colleague is about to go on maternity leave, she's due the same time as I would have been... then picking up DS at school, an acquaintance pointed at my tummy and said 'oh are you expecting?'...Tomorrow is my 43rd birthday and it all feels really, well, shitty.

Hello Tree
I am feeling more able to face the world today although have found out a sweet lovely friend is pregnant and I am so happy for her and so sad for me and my childless man.
Is a long and bumpy road and I do not want to be here but feel somehow it has become part of the fabric of my life here with you all and whilst would not choose to have gone through this, I do feel this is a positive place for me.
And the pain and sorrow and sadness that Katerina feels... is so how it was for me.
Has shifted and will shift for you too Katerina and do seek comfort here if it helps.
It was my lifeline. I am not exaggerating.
I logged on every few hours when I was coming back to life.
It helped me to feel connected and i so realise how vital it was to me now I hear the sorrow in the voice of Katerina.
Post whenever you like K - I do not speak for myself when I say that we could not bear for you to feel alone in this nightmare.
Tree - see how have shifted from yesterday?
Thank you Treetops for listening.
Lovely lady.
kisses

BB - I see how. You are strong Bee, you just might not feel it right now. Nor want to be. xxx

Quite likely, if you were investigated for 3 or more misccarriages. You would have an APC resistance blood test - here they look to see if the gene makes your clotting resistant to these proteins.
You are finding out tomorrow?

Gosh x post - sorry. My mumsnet page is being a PITA.

Alibag - welcome to our thread. x
Shitty it is. All here have had the same feelings and find the feelings come and go, swap for other feelings, but the thread can help you if you would like to stick around and post.

Lins my love - where are you?
How are you?
Are you stormy?
I think I am - thank you for the word though Tree.
Lindso - well done lovey and I shall peer at all preggers women in Springfield park and wonder if they are you.
Alibag - that is such shitty news for you love. It really is - am so sorry that your little ray of hope has been squashed. Talk more if you need to or just read if it helps.
I feel this thread is bursting to the seams with feelings of every mood. It will not burst with a few more.
Justa - let's keep fingers crossed for you - and remember you have had two babies so hopefully do not have the Five thing.
And again to Katerina - well done for telling your story.
BBEE

Let me know then justa. I used to be really into all the haematology stuff at old work. Do so miss it.

OH Justa - that is the nicest thing anyone has said to me for a long time. Not about the baby or the losses or anything else- you have brought tears to my heart because it is the only gentle and wonderful thing that I feel at the moment - that the words are mine, that they are in my control, that they express my feelings, that they connect to other people, in a time when in real life I am so very shut down and withdrawn from interaction.
So thank you.
Really.
It does bring me back to life.
It is real and immediate and helps to fill the unbearable hole in my soul.
love to you Justa - you have been here for the ride

Oh Justa - thank you. I have to confess I have had a few days of feeling unsure of what I was doing on our thread anymore. Dredging over the same old anger and confusion and sadness - worried was boring everyone and felt disconnected and distanced. But Katerina's honest and touching message today has made me realise how much I need you guys - which in itself can be confusing since you are here and you are there and not there and not here all at the same time.
But something has been created here - and if it invites in poor souls on the sorrowful path of recovery then I feel I can still belong and still contribute and still give and receive comfort.
So I truly thank you Justa for sharing those words with me as I needed to hear them.
Only email when you strong and not a sleepyheaded nauseous pregnant lady.

Oh Bee. I'm sorry you have felt this way. It has been hard for you as there has been a change in mood overall [alhough the fog decends sometimes] and if you have felt unable to stay in the mood you needed to, then that is a sad thing.

We must take good care of you Bee, our busiest bee.

It's ok to come here and demand sympathy/an ear/a rant/whatever you need.