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support thread for women who have chosen to terminate

1000 replies

busierbee · 16/04/2009 22:53

Hello
Busier Bee here - I felt that before I went to bed I wanted to open up officially a new place for weary travellers of those on the road that we have chosen to rest our heads, muse, sob, moan and support each other.
Also the kind, compassionate souls who have not been there but who offer their support and lend an ear and pass a gentle word.
We have chosen to be here and we are here and we are not alone.
Thank you so much all of you -for I personally do not know where I would have been in the last few weeks without you all.
Night - sleep well
kisses and thoughts
BB xx

OP posts:
treedelivery · 07/05/2009 12:05

Morning!! - Oh afternoon.

Blimey. I have so much to do! Where did the morning go!?

Eulalia · 07/05/2009 12:53

Afternoon tree - how are things with you?

Hope everyone is feeling better today.

I have lots to do as well, email is broken so will have to make phone calls. It's my mums 80th birthday tomorrow so been ordering flowers, need to get dd to make a card for her, then clean the house in 2 1/2 days as my entire extended family is coming here on Sunday for a party. That's the 5 of us, parents, my sisters and all their children and one g/grandchild, so that makes 22 I think!

Am panicking about the work but am cheered up by it as well, its so nice to have family get togethers

Talk later xx

linspins · 07/05/2009 13:01

So, the hospital chaplain phoned and they have daisy's ashes ready. And i am there saying 'oh, good, that's great news'. What a surreal world.
Can't write any more now.

busierbee · 07/05/2009 13:44

xxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxx
and hugs and more hugs
Nothing more to say.
Am thinking of you as I busy away.
Bee x

OP posts:
Eulalia · 07/05/2009 14:21

Oh Lins poor you. HUGS xxxx

bezzyk · 07/05/2009 14:32

thinking of you Lins.

B x

lindso · 07/05/2009 14:56

lins - sorry sorry sorry. she'll always be your girl.

treedelivery · 07/05/2009 18:26

Lins - yet another bolt to take you right back into it all. Bam.

Huge hugs.

marj1 · 07/05/2009 18:52

Lins, ditto everything already said. Hope you are bearing up, not a great day for you honey

busierbee · 07/05/2009 20:38

Still thinking of you Linsy Pins and have been all day really.
A quiet moment for us all to reflect and show respect and love for you and Amy and Daisy.
Biggest of cuddles
BB xxxxxxxxx

OP posts:
linspins · 07/05/2009 21:26

Thanks girls. (big sigh).
I am ok I guess, but my brain is worn out. I am really having to try hard not to think too much about stuff. Actually, all of me is worn out, not just brain! (And who designed backs? they are just not made for all the bending, lifting and slumping we do...blimey, mine hurts.)
So, I am off for an early night. It was going to be even earlier, but thought it important to spend at least 5 minutes conversing with Dh, poor guy doesn't dare speak to me in the evening at the moment (apparently I am scary. ) That'll be the tiredness then hon.
So night night to all of you and wishing you (and me) deep and restful and undisturbed sleep. xxxx

busierbee · 07/05/2009 21:32

Good night Lins and you are right to spend 5 minutes with him. Am going to do the same - if he turns the football off. Maybe I will run naked around the sitting room. That usually works. (hardly - would scare the poor man to death).
Sleep well darlin' and all of you in fact.
xxxxxxxx
Bee

OP posts:
treedelivery · 07/05/2009 22:23

Hi all - and bye as all off to bed. Sensible people. Have been thinking of you all day Llin but didn't want to disturb the peace here, so to speak.

Sleep deeply all of you, especially Llins after a tough day and BB who sometimes has bad nights. None of that tonight, Tree has spoken and waved a magic branch spell. x

treedelivery · 08/05/2009 12:05

Hello everyone!

marj1 · 08/05/2009 14:49

Hi Tree and everyone!

Just a quick message as I'm dashing off to Liverpool in an hour or so to see my Dad - he's 70 today.

Hope you are all bearing up and have a nice weekend. Catch you all next week.

When's Justa back??

Marjxxx

Eulalia · 08/05/2009 15:48

Oh what a coincidence marj. My mum is 80 today! Have a lovely weekend. As I mentioned earlier we are having a big party here for mum and the whole family.

Hi tree - sorry you were left alone for awhile.

Hello everyone else. Must go and put pile of shopping away before ds2 gets 'inaboot' it all.
xxx

bezzyk · 08/05/2009 17:11

Anybody want to give me a virtual kick up the bum? Have spent the entire day (in fact most of the week, thinking about it) sitting on sofa with laptop, while watching tv. No housework has been done. Not to mention the 2 year old....Shocking.

I'm hoping your magic potion is going to give me the energy and thus the motivation I need BB!

Bezzy xx

linspins · 08/05/2009 17:22

KICK up the bottom for Bezzy!
Do some house work you lazy thing! Only joking, cos if you do some then I will feel guilty that I haven't!!
xx

busierbee · 08/05/2009 18:10

Think of it as part of your convalescence - you are entitled to a week of slobbing I feel.
I have worked two days but as for the rest? Not sure what I have done.
Must confess though, I have a cleaner!!!
Aren't husbands supposed to do the cleaning at the weekends? (echoing laughter fills the hall)
How is The Tired Tree and Hattie today?
Lins with the great pins -how are you doing hunny?
My big girl finished school today and only has to go in for exams - not quite sure how she got to be so big.
Am glad the mumsnet homepage no longer has a beautiful baby attached to a giant bosom aren't you?!!!!

OP posts:
treedelivery · 08/05/2009 18:38

Hello folks.

Have come through a week of tiredness and about 2 weeks of stress at home. Have new car up and running, and a night at the alton Towers water park and hotel to look forward too. Leaving at 7am which is less great but hey ho!

I do feel a bit as I haven't had as much head space to give you all this week. Had my own fog that fell [much less cold and damp as yours however] and haven't been the sturdy tree you all neeed. I am sorry about it one and all.

Have great plans for next week however.

I'll give you a kick up bottom Bezzy, as long as you give me one back . My house is beyond filthy. Yak.

Marj1 and Eulaia, have great birthday weekends.
llins - hope early night helpe and your back is better. And that you yourself are feeling calmer.
BB - congrats on being the mummy of a scool leaver. What are her plans? Has she a big idea of where she is heading or a flexible plan for the next few years?

A levels I wouldn't go back to the pressure of those for all the tea in china.

bezzyk · 08/05/2009 19:27

Many thanks for the kicks ladies. Posterior is now suitably bruised!

Am deciding to try and live by the theory of the 'more you do, the more you want to do' starting on Monday.....ha ha ha. Seriously, things will change next week. Sitting around isn't good for the mind.

Tree - how do you manage to be a pillar of sensible / sympathetic strength to us, when you have teeny babes at home? I don't know how you do it, but thank you so much anyway for sticking around. I can't imagine we're a a very uplifting bunch! Am v jealous of trip to Alton towers have a fabulous time, and I hope the weather holds for you.

Marj and Eulalia, have fun at your parties this weekend.

And enjoy your big girl BB. Can't imagine what it must be like having a teenager, it scares me, but am looking forward to it too.

Amazing how we're all from such different backgrounds and circumstances, yet all share something so tragic in common. Just goes to show how nobody is immune from this kind of tragedy.

How you doing Lins? How's the back?

Enough waffling, off to pour a glass

Bezzy xx

treedelivery · 08/05/2009 19:35

Bezzyk - by being an idle grumpy mare when dh gets home!

Doesn't matter about weather - we are in 26 degree swimming complex. Hurrah! You'll find me on a recliner with the papers.

Eulalia · 08/05/2009 19:37

BOING!!!! There that's my kick bezzy, but I need one too.... I've been avoiding housework and slobbing with kids for nearly 10 years!!

BB - oh what a momentous time for your daughter - what happens next? Hope all goes well with the exams.

Tree - hey you do so much for us already.

Hi Lins again and marj.

Am on the wine now (hic) it's Friday.
Cheers Bezzy as you are too....

xxx

linspins · 08/05/2009 19:50

Ooo, a glass of wine, now there's a thought. Ought to have just the one though..
Back still aches, it's an ongoing thing.
Dd is in bed, vague mewls coming from that direction but if I type loud enough, can't hear her. She has some bedtime songs playing in her room, desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dh is cooking dinner, and outside the sky is a clear blue. Evenings like this ought to bring a calm peace that summer is around the corner.
Just caught dh sneaking round outside the window reading what I'm typing, hee-hee, he thinks he's so funny. But glass of wine has materialised. Good for something then!!

I was writing an email to him today (I know, you're thinking, don't you speak to your Dh? But helps to get thoughts out.)
I wrote in part of it "I thought a month or so ago I was coping ok, but actually it is a very fragile coping, and doesn't take much for me to feel quite overwhelmed. It feels quite a shock that normal life goes on - how can this be when something so sad has happened? Surely there should be a huge monument erected in Town to mark this sadness, where everyone has to have a minutes silence everyday? Well, that's how it feels. I have to keep writing on Mumsnet to feel that the important thing that happened hasn't been forgotten or finished.
And then things keep springing out at me to stir it all up - a letter from the geneticist or a phone call from the chaplain. It is all very surreal - they are there saying your ashes are ready to collect, and I am merrily saying 'oh good, thank you, that's great'. How can a person take a call like that? Surely such cruelness shouldn't be allowed in life? "
And that just about sums it up.

I am so glad all of you are here, sharing life and thoughts. Yesterday when you all posted little messages in a row to me, it did feel like a little minutes silence from everyone, and was very special.

Tree, have a great weekend. You have been here for us even though your life is so hectic. thanks.

Marj and Eulalia, happy returns to your parents.

Hello To Justabout if you return anytime soon. Hope you are feeling well.

Bezzy, You are still a little poorly. wait for the magic potion to kick in. If not, get a cleaner in to do a one off spring clean.

Bee, can't think of anything relevant to say so just hello. [waves and raises glass]

Have a good evening all. xxx

treedelivery · 08/05/2009 19:54

llins - what an amazing post. If and when we havea thred meet up we will have a silence for all your babies. Life hasn't just gone on for me, this thread has had an impact on me. I am a kinder better person for being here, more able to love my blessings [have always counted them].

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