support thread for women who have chosen to terminate

[busierbee]

Hello
Busier Bee here - I felt that before I went to bed I wanted to open up officially a new place for weary travellers of those on the road that we have chosen to rest our heads, muse, sob, moan and support each other.
Also the kind, compassionate souls who have not been there but who offer their support and lend an ear and pass a gentle word.
We have chosen to be here and we are here and we are not alone.
Thank you so much all of you -for I personally do not know where I would have been in the last few weeks without you all.
Night - sleep well
kisses and thoughts
BB xx

Hello everyone. Just dropping in to see how you all are, especially BB who I imagine has had a tough 24 hours. x

Hi
Am crap. Yesterday reflective. Today depressed and tearful- really fed up with my lot. Teenager refusing to be the glowing high achieving aspiring individual I wish - more Lily Allen than Keira Knightley, period pain, big sob this morning, no sleep, kept calling out in night. Am agitated.
Sorry dear Tree - but you did ask! And I feel need to be honest.
Will shift I know - am an up and downy sort of woman anyway. We have booked a week in Spain for three weeks time - finding it hard to be enthusiastic now but sure will be lovely - like you Marj - I feel holidays too soon after are a trial. Should be okay by then.
Bad day.
Yesterday sad day.
Today bad day
xx

Oh busierbee. Am sorry you are having a bad day.

Daft question but have you had some painkillers?
Do you have any calming tea's or a homeopathic remedy, or rescue remedy for your unsettled agitation?
Can you face a walk?

Get through the day, it's already afternoon. Be great if you could nap to pass the time and get some fuel for fighting.

Am here if you need to talk/vent/rant.

Maybe arc/text linspins??

BB - hope ok ish?

HI love
bit better - less flattened.
Watched a film in bed with LM, sorted out some savings accounts for boys - roast chicken in oven - you know.
Life goes on.
How you tree?
Did i tell you -was in bookshop on Friday and had a book on the reduced table called ... wait for it;
Do Ants have Arseholes?
Would you believe it?!!
Am hoping you are not going to send photo of that one.
x

I Promise not to google....

Hello Ladies

I am resigned to being merely an occasional contributer as someone in work 'outed' me today . Actually, that's a little dramatic, they made it crystal clear they knew who I was and were aware of my 'story'.

So, I'll be here, reading and adding advice whenever it might be useful - but I can't use this board as freely as I'd like to. If anyone needs me, just shout. I'd like to think that my unenviable experience might be of some use to someone, somewhere.

You are now too many to name individually but BB, who brought me here, I'm always particularly looking out for you. And 'just about' the very best of the best to you for this pregnancy, and to you all....

Bee sorry you've had an awful day, hoping tomorrow will be brighter for you. I think maybe a holiday is just what the doctor ordered. We went to Cornwall 2 weeks after I lost Joseph and that was far too soon and very traumatic but we go to Turkey at half term and I have to say I am really looking forward to that. Feel ready for it.

Had a pretty traumatic day myself today, had a christening to attend with 3 little boys who were all born the month before Joseph. I couldn't look at the little boys and was dreadfully sad. The parents of the little boy who got christened know what's happened with me but the other parents don't so they must have thought I was a right moody cow. Kept getting the nicesties, how are you and I'd just say "not too bad" when in fact I wanted to shout out, I'm awful, feel like balling my eyes out and I'm so jealous of you all, I should have my little boy growing in my tummy and he's not there anymore and I miss him so much. But, I had to stay strong and not have a meltdown, after all it was a celebration. To top things off I sat on a table with a mum who has 3 older children thinking I wouldn't have to come into much contact with the little ones and sods law one mum sat to the left of me and the other to the right, aarrgh. I don't know how I held it together. Felt awful when I left, headache, sore throat and aching muscles so I'm now convinced I've got swine flu!!

bee so sorry you are having such a bad day today. Hope tomorrow is brighter for you x

marj1 goodness, that sounds so distressing....you are very brave x
(PS: am also convinced I have swine flu - no one cares )

Hi friends
Do you know i think that part of the post trauma of what we have been through contributes to the 'oh my god I've got swine flu' thing. Ie, random bad stuff happens and here's more of it on its way and its bound to hit us.
Marj - what a day for you. Is so hard to contain the jealousy and pain and emptiness when surrounded by joyful newborns. You poor thing. You are safe here with this bunch of old misery guts!
Becaroo - nice to see you here - hope today is a 'good one'.
And dear Shangrila - hello. When you say someone outed you, I hope they were compassionate to you - is most strange that someone would feel comfortable bringing up such a very private strand of your life - we use 'codenames' for a reason.
It is strange to think that one would find comfort from someone else's misery - sounds so mean - and i do not mean too. What I mean is .. I feel less alone and 'picked out; by fate knowing you have been there, survived and have found some peace. It must have been such a lonely time for you.
Tree - thanks for always saying the right thing and having excellent 'feelers' for mood.
Where is our Lins I wonder?
tomorrow - a day of hockey tournament mummying, trying to get teenager to feel as enthusiastic about GCSEs as I do ( is fascinating now aged 41) and trying to calm myself down , have this racing heart, panicky ness that needs to shift today to ensure sleep.
byee all
kisses
BB

Oh marj1. Well, it was very brave of you to go really I think. You did well to get through the day. Small steps I guess, it is asking an awful lot of yourself to go, never mind to feel relaxed. Take some painkillers and get an early night.

Bb, I hope you sleep beter. x

Sorry bee, I hadn't refreshed and read your post. Good luck fro tommorrow, maybe a busy day of goals will help you lead out of this hard weekend. If you don;t sleep you don'e, so you will have to lie in and rest tomorrow. Don't put pressure on yourself my dear.
Shanngrila, how do you feel about that person and them saying they know you? You could name change, and never mention your story again I guess. If you wanted to be able to have a place to talk that is.

Hello.
Sorry I haven't been around, but I have been reading everything. I just feel very flat and very worn out emotionally and am finding it hard to write nice supportive stuff...
I can't find the words to comfort anyone, least of all myself. I feel so overwhelmed with everything and am trying to not think about stuff so much.
Big hugs to all who have had such tough times in the last few days. I am reading your posts and thinking about you. But I suddenly can't find words to help you that don't sound trite or silly.
I went to a boot fair this morning and I swear it was just baby girl clothes and toys. And then my brother in law and his girlfriend came for lunch and my Dd was so funny and entertaining, but she had the full attention of 4 adults and I kept thinking 'wouldn't it be nice if she had siblings to share this with...and play with...'
Think the geneticists report that arrived yesterday has had quite an impact on my feelings.
And now I am crying. Not lots but just those sad tears that sting and blur the screen.
Sorry to add to the 'bad days' here.
xxx

Llinspins - you have every right to have your bad day as often as the come. only the 'extras' [me and justa] don't get to do that. You do what you have to do, have your time.

It is so so so kind of you to post here when you feel like you do.

What a hard weekend some of you have had - the wave really seemed to hit this weekend.

Be sad llinspins - it's ok to be sad if you need to be. Maybe tomorrow will feel easier, or maybe not. Will be thinking of you lots. x

Thanks tree. That's made me cry again! (But that's ok). xxxxx

BTW Does anyone else read posts on the pregnancy board even though it makes them feel worse and want to hit someone?

Bless you llins, take it easy and slow. Hot water bottle and bed. Sleep passes time and it's dark now. Time for rest if you can.

ok, I'm off to bed. xx

Sleep tight. Me too. See you tomorrow if you can face it. Maybe ARC would be helpfull too.
Am praying all the mummies get some restorative sleep. It's much needed.

Dearest Linsy Pinsy
GOD - yes I do read them. What is that about? I know I shouldn't read the pregnancy ones but am drawn to them darling. Think if you and i are doing it,. there will be others. Guess is because really we belong there.
So sorry you have been wobbly dolly; you have every right to be. It is not your job to comfort us, it is our job to comfort each other. Makes me feel better to comfort you too you know?
Is all very very sad is all.
I just hold an image in my head of us meeting up with big pregnant bellies -and i hope it comes true.
All my love and hugs dear lady
HAve popped home inbetween matches to get daughter out of bed and check... you girls
xxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxx
Those are ALL for you

Bb- maybe a busier bee day wil help. I hope so, very much. Did you get a more restful night - or not really?

Llinspins - how are you today?

And all of you?

Hello all,

Think my swine flu has passed , took myself off to bed at 10am last night was freezing cold and then hot and sweaty, not sure what it was but feel a little better today.

Bee - hope your day at hockey has been good and you're feeling a bit brighter and the cloud is moving away slightly.

Lins - you poor thing, I know what you mean about not wanting to post as you don't think you have anything supportive to say but you just being there and reading is supportive enough for me. Hope you are feeling a bit brigher today. I know what you mean about the pregnancy section though, I'm constantly on there and I think I may have even posted on a couple. It's like we're drawn there in a weird sort of way.

Everyone else - hope you are having a good bank holiday monday.

Hi marj1. Glad no swine flu.

Am suspecting the clouds still hover, so am keeping an eye out for you all.

I don't know what to say though - unusual for me as am gob-o-matic.

Am here for chats though if anyone is lurking and needing a vent.

Dear Tree and ladies
We are a sad and wistful bunch this weekend -I can feel it in the air.
But who would expect otherwise?Is all so fresh still,; I think the shock and rawness have worn off for us all a bit. We all have a similar time scale and now the true true sad sad reality of no baby is hitting home. It really is. Marj and the christening, Lins and the visitors, me and the period coming - all just stark reminders.
We will have these times - we would be worried if we were all jolly and dancing.
Lovely ladies - am coming back later.

Plus it's a bank holiday. You should all have been doing something so different this long weekend.

I think times like these [holidays, festivals] take everyone back to a time of loss. There is time to think, and also time to compare what you are doing to what you would rather be doing.