Support for Women who are TTC or Pregnant Following a Termination for Abnormalities- Thread 8

[Alittlexmasmagic]

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities (tmfr). Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope.

@BloodyHellAudrey your TFMR was for SB right? I don't know much about, so not sure if that would've indicated anything. It's just that the high bHCG can be related to chromosomal abnormalities. With my TFMR baby I was 6x the 'normal' and the screening midwife said the first sign could've been testing so strong so early so I'm freaking myself out for hopefully no reason.

@Kiki275 I literally cannot believe your 20 weeks scan is coming up already! The only thing I've started doing again in the last def weeks is put lots of lavender oil on my pillow at night. I find the smell very calming. (And it smells like my parents bedroom which has always been my safe place since my child hood.) maybe essential oils or something like progressive muscle relaxation would help?

@Kiki275 yes, these anxieties before scans are awful! I find walking helps calm my nerves and so does a bit of mindfulness. 🤞for your scan.

It was for SB NoCallerID which is a NTD, so I'm not sure if it's specifically chromosome related or also environmental /genetic too. I'll have to look it up! I know what you mean, I'd be freaking out too. It's one of the most awful hangovers of TFMR I think, the anxiety and knowledge. I'm absolutely sure it is a good sign though. A strong, healthy sticky bean!

kiki I quite like using asmr mindfulness videos on YouTube for when I'm struggling. I quite often put then on to fall asleep to. Lavender would be a go to for me too.

I tjivr actu3got a positive Opk since I posted this morning, I'm not 100 % but any ovulating will do, I went so long without that i stress every month I'm not going to.

Not sure if I should post on here ?
Iv just found out I'm pregnant. I have 3 children already all under the ages of 5
Iv never ever considered a termination but me and my husband have faulty genes. Consequently 2 are terminally ill, possibly the baby but havnt tested him yet
If we wasn't in this situation I'd never even consider termination but I just feel guilt whatever angle I look at it

What if all 3 are ill now and this 1 too I'm carrying is?
I don't want to replace my babies I have now if the new one would be healthy and okay as theirs only a 25% chance the kids get it passed on?? Just unfortunate "" I have 2 with it and maybe the baby (just can't bare him been tested yet)
Also I'm pretty much caring for the kids on my own as my partner works and I get no support from families. It's so god damn hard to leave the door some days or even walk to the shop across the road, I barely sleep as that comes with the disease and the kids can't sleep, im just beaten but I'd feel guilty if I got rid of a child knowing it could be the only healthy one I have and so many people are desperate to have a child
But then feel awful thinking that as I have 3 amazing baby's that are perfect in their own way and I don't ever want to replace them? And I have way to much on my plate to bring another baby into it right now.

Also I was on the injection so not sure how it's happened! Sure we've had sex once maybe twice in 2021, isn't worth the time to pull my undies down...
sorry for the long winded post ladies I jsut havnt told anybody my heads a mess

@spidermomma I'm very sorry you're going through this, I can't even imagine. I think the best thing for you would be to speak with ARC (antenatal results and choices) they will able to support you and might have some information on your specific diagnosis.

@spidermomma that's a lot of worry you're carrying there and I can completely see the dilemma. Is it something that a test like amniocentesis could pick up?
I second that ARC might be a good call. Also, with your known genetic issues, can you get a quick referral to an FMU who'll be able to advise on the next steps and/or arrange any necessary counselling/support?
I'm a big advocate of knowing all options and making a decision from there but I appreciate others prefer to not know. Personally, I would get baby tested at this point and see where your pregnancy might then fit. That's just me though and it is entirely a personal thing xx

@Kiki275 I agree but this could take a few weeks to happen getting the baby tested then I'd be further into the pregnancy to make that choice 😔 j
But then I think it's happened for a reason? Head is so far up my backside ! X

You've so much to think about @spidermomma I'm not surprised. Make some calls and see what doctors etc say. Waiting is horrendous but maybe better than rushing a decision (either way) and regretting it? Huge hand hold xx

Morning ladies. Today would have been the due date of my TFMR (at 16 weeks)

Also 9DPO in cycle#3 and tested BFN this morning. Losing the positivity to keep trying. Think my body is broken tbh.
Sorry for random post, just a bit down today.

@sickofthisyear I remember due date feelings, they're horrendous. Take some time out to Mark the day in whatever way you feel most comfortable. I "celebrated" ours with a steak dinner & good wine. Others may go for a walk and plant bulbs etc.
TTC post tmfr is also horrendous. Have your cycles regulated yet? Are you doing OPKs?x

@sickofthisyear yes, due dates and anniversaries are very tough! Could you perhaps do something to mark the occasion?

@sickofthisyear

Morning ladies. Today would have been the due date of my TFMR (at 16 weeks)

Also 9DPO in cycle#3 and tested BFN this morning. Losing the positivity to keep trying. Think my body is broken tbh.
Sorry for random post, just a bit down today.

Thinking of you today big hug, be gentle with yourself.

9DPO is so early, please don't count yourself out yet. Its shit though, and due dates are so hard. Mine was last month and I came on AF actually on the day, that was shit.

[quote spidermomma]@Kiki275 I agree but this could take a few weeks to happen getting the baby tested then I'd be further into the pregnancy to make that choice 😔 j
But then I think it's happened for a reason? Head is so far up my backside ! X[/quote]
I'm sorry you find yourself here spidermomma it must be an incredibly stressful and upsetting thought process for you, I can't even imagine. Arc is definitely a good start. Xx

@Kiki275 thinking of you today, hope your scan goes well today !

@Alice40p thank you. I'm so nervous and it's not until 5.30. Fortunately my gorgeous colleague is keeping me distracted with her Tinder adventures 😂 xx

@Kiki275 thinking of you today, hope your scan goes well today !

@Kiki275 sorry, got posted twice ! That’s a long time to wait! I have a good feeling it will all go well. I also find the short wait in the waiting room nerve racking ! I listened to some music to calm my nerves down! Tinder adventures sounds like a lovely distraction! xx

@Kiki275 thinking of you, hope all goes well xx

@Kiki275 I'll be thinking of you. Only a few more hours.... I hope you managed some sleep last night and your colleague keeps distracting you x

All is fine with my camera shy little flea 🥰
So relieved!!xx

@Kiki275 absolutely brilliant news. How are you feeling now? xx

So extremely relieved! Feel like I can breath now and dare I say it... tell people x

@Kiki275 I felt exactly the same! It was like a huge weight lifted and I could finally exhale and dare to believe x

Exactly that xx

Great news @Kiki275! You must be so relieved!