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Support for Women who are TTC or Pregnant Following a Termination for Abnormalities- Thread 8

721 replies

Alittlexmasmagic · 21/03/2021 06:56

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities (tmfr). Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
17
NoCallerID · 07/04/2021 22:02

@Kiki275 absolutely fantastic news!! So relieved for you! 🥰

BloodyHellAudrey · 07/04/2021 22:23

@Kiki275

All is fine with my camera shy little flea 🥰 So relieved!!xx
Congratulations, how completely lovely 😍❤️ I'm so pleased for you xx
No1worrier · 09/04/2021 21:37

Evening ladies, I have taken a break away from mumsnet for the last week or so. It was our daughters funeral service yesterday and went as well as expected. Kept it just to my partner and I with a couple of songs we picked 💗. We also recieved the hospitals professional photos in the post today which to begin with was hard but now I'm looking at the with a smile. My little angel 💗.

Hope everyone is doing well, kiki so happy your 20 week scan went well! You will be able to relax a bit.

As I said in previous posts, I have been temping since my loss 3 weeks ago and it looks like I ovulated yesterday (yes same day as my daughters funeral). Not expecting anything this month pregnancy wise as we haven't dtd since Monday, but we weren't trying anyway, I thought at the start I wanted to straight away but now I'm glad we didn't. I will hopefully see my AF within the next couple weeks for a clean slate to ttc.

Hope everyone is having a nice Friday night ❤ x

Kiki275 · 09/04/2021 22:16

@No1worrier it must have been such a hard week for you. I'm glad you got the photos, I treasure mine. I'm so pleased you made the right decision for yourself regarding TTC and I'm keeping everything crossed for your next cycle xx

No1worrier · 09/04/2021 22:38

[quote Kiki275]@No1worrier it must have been such a hard week for you. I'm glad you got the photos, I treasure mine. I'm so pleased you made the right decision for yourself regarding TTC and I'm keeping everything crossed for your next cycle xx[/quote]
Thank you. Yes we have already framed the ones of her little feet, they are so cute and perfect 💗. Just need to find somewhere in the house to hang it. The ones of her face we are keeping private for just my partner and I...

Usually I would of wanted to avoid a January baby, we didn't actively ttc last year until August so we could hopefully have a summer baby, which was the case as our daughter was due in July, but now I don't care. I just want a healthy baby in my arms no matter what month of the year it is. Weird how your perspective changes so much after something so tragic like this eh?x

CorkViaDublin · 10/04/2021 04:58

Hey guys! I lost you on the last thread but managed to find this one and I’m so happy I did.
I got a bfp confirmed by bloods yesterday. Undeniable.
I’m so excited and terrified it will go the same was as last time but I guess I have to keep faith and hope by my side. I haven’t even missed a period yet but I think I ovulated v early at CD10 this month. I am only on DC 25 now.
Is a v strong positive line very early a bad sign?

No1worrier · 10/04/2021 10:06

@CorkViaDublin

Hey guys! I lost you on the last thread but managed to find this one and I’m so happy I did. I got a bfp confirmed by bloods yesterday. Undeniable. I’m so excited and terrified it will go the same was as last time but I guess I have to keep faith and hope by my side. I haven’t even missed a period yet but I think I ovulated v early at CD10 this month. I am only on DC 25 now. Is a v strong positive line very early a bad sign?
Gentle congratulations ❤🌈. If you ovulated cd10 then that makes you 15dpo so it would be a strong positive about now anyway, that's not too early at all. Try not stress about the lines and enjoy the excitement x
Mummabear40 · 10/04/2021 10:54

@No1worrier welcome and sorry you find yourself here. Yes going through what we’ve all been through puts everything in perspective for sure.

@CorkViaDublin I’ve been wondering how you are. Congratulations on your BFP, a strong line at this point is a great sign. I know it’s impossible but try and stay positive. xx

BloodyHellAudrey · 10/04/2021 11:03

No1worrier it does put things into perspective hugely. Glad your baby girls funeral was as OK as it can have been. Forever your baby ❤️

corkviadublin I'd say at 15dpo a strong positive is a very good sign indeed, gentle congratulations to you. How are you feeling?

How are you mummabear?

Mummabear40 · 10/04/2021 11:52

@BloodyHellAudrey I’m doing good that you, 22+4 today with a very active baby! Other than tiredness I feel fine and it does feel real now. How are you doing?

No1worrier · 10/04/2021 17:09

I'm now getting alot of creamy slightly sticky cm after having ewcm last weekend/start of the week, looks like my body is getting on track thankfully. I usually get this on the run up to AF, I also had it when I got my BFP but I'm ruling that out for now. It will be 4 weeks this Thursday since my loss at nearly 23 weeks so I'm quite surprised at how quick my body is fixing itself. Maybe I'm not "broken" after all 🤞🏼 x

No1worrier · 10/04/2021 17:12

Should of added sorry for tmi

ShootingStar94 · 11/04/2021 09:05

Hello ladies, you all seem like a lovely bunch and I hope it's ok if I join too.

I had a D&E at 20 weeks at the end of January. It was a planned and very much loved and wanted baby and I was completely devastated to lose him. I asked about 5 different midwives/nurses at BPAS how soon I could start trying again and they all said just wait for your first period, which they told me to expect four weeks after the surgery.

I had 3 weeks of pp bleeding and then my first period two weeks later, so 1 week later than anticipated. After the initial shock and recovery I found I was so desperate to be pregnant again my husband and I started trying. I'm surrounded by babies and three friends have just announced due dates that are within a month of what mine would have been, and trying again has really helped me cope. I felt extremely lucky to find out a couple of weeks ago that we conceived first time, but I've just had my first doctor appointment and am feeling quite spooked.

The doctor practically freaked out, saying it's too soon, no I can't be pregnant it must be left over HCG, it wasn't a period, he doesn't believe my history. I did initially tell him that it was a 'loss' at 20weeks, not a TFMR because although I'm a Brit I am an expat living in a country that frowns upon TFMR but I did elaborate when he said he didn't believe me.

Now I feel so frightened that I've done it too soon and that I'm going to lose this baby from damage caused by the surgery or not having good lining or from damage from the forceps/dilapan, and that's on top of the normal miscarriage worry and worrying that there will be another chromosome issue.

Those of you who had second trimester TFMRs, were you given the same advice? Did you have any related issues when conceiving again soon after?

Sorry this was such a long post!

BloodyHellAudrey · 11/04/2021 11:19

[quote Mummabear40]@BloodyHellAudrey I’m doing good that you, 22+4 today with a very active baby! Other than tiredness I feel fine and it does feel real now. How are you doing?[/quote]
I'm ok, definitely feel lighter and less intense emotionally about TTC now his due date has passed. Just sort of, plodding on with that but now thankfully able to make plans to fill the time, gyms opening and being able to go out with friends and stuff.

I'm glad you're doing well and little one is a wriggler Grin are you planning on finding out what you are having?

BloodyHellAudrey · 11/04/2021 11:32

ShootingStar94 firstly, I'm so sorry you find yourself here, it's the worst club to be part of Flowers and gentle congratulations on your bfp. Its a really normal response to want to be pregnant again quickly after a loss I think. And if you're body has got pregnant, and is sustaining the pregnancy then it must be ready, if that makes sense?

I started TTC again once I'd stopped bleeding from having him. Didn't wait for first period. Mine was for spina bifida so I had to start taking 5mg of folic acid for a minimum of a month post loss in order for it to build up in my system. I do have an increased risk of a reoccurrence but that's specific to a spina bifida diagnosis (because i had an unknown genetic predisposition and my weight didn't help as far as I can tell).

I think most chromasonal issues are spontaneous and one off though "one of those things" like we frequently hear.

I had a chemical pregnancy in January and nothing since (TFMR was in November) so I've got my fingers crossed for this cycle.

Have you been on the SANDS forum or Facebook page? ARC also may be able to help you although I find their forum a bit clunky and don't really go on it much now. Do you have any real life support? SANDS are doing online zoom meetings which have been a huge help to me.

Mummabear40 · 11/04/2021 13:32

@BloodyHellAudrey we found out the gender with the NIPT and are having another little boy 💙

@ShootingStar94 sorry you find yourself here and gentle congratulations on your bfp. My TFMR was in the second trimester but wasn’t surgical, I delivered our little boy. We we told to wait to have first period which we did do then started TTC immediately as I had an urge to be pregnant again. It took us 3 cycles to fall.

Kiki275 · 11/04/2021 13:37

@ShootingStar94 not surgical as I also delivered my boys. I was advised to wait 2-3 periods. I had had that pregnancy keyhole surgery, as well as the termination (injections to stop the hearts) so I was convinced I'd damaged myself when TTC took longer than previous attempts. I started TTC as soon as I had a clear smear result and it took 8-9 cycles.x

BloodyHellAudrey · 11/04/2021 14:05

ShootingStar94 sorry, yes, I should have clarified, mine was a delivery, not surgical also.

mummabear how lovely 🥰 another little boy.

ShootingStar94 · 11/04/2021 15:38

@BloodyHellAudrey @Kiki275 @Mummabear40 thank you all for your responses.

As far as I understand it the issue was to do with cell mitosis, rather than an issue with the egg or sperm, so it was just bad luck and I'm not at increased risk for it happening again, I think that because the chance of it happening in the first place was so unlikely, 1 in 15000, it's hard not to feel that something more common will happen next time.

I haven't come across the Arc forum, I will take a look at that now. I have been reading a Zoe Clark Coates book which has really helped. In terms of support in general I think it's unchartered territory and people don't tend to want to talk about it, or try to make light of it, but I have a couple of very good friends who have been wonderful and I am so thankful for them. My husband has been my rock too.

@Mummabear40 congratulations for your little boy

No1worrier · 11/04/2021 17:50

@ShootingStar94 gentle congratulations, I'm sure everything will be okay. You have had your first AF which means dating should be fine etc. And as the other girls have said, your body has enabled you to get pregnant so that's a positive that its ready. Do you have a reassurance scan booked?x

No1worrier · 11/04/2021 17:55

Me again, you girls will be fed up of me, I thought I had ovulated on Thursday (3 weeks after loss) after a temp shift and change in cm but I had a big temp dip this morning and pains, decided to check an opk even though I swore I wouldn't do that until after AF. It's peak!! We haven't dtd since Monday and I know I should really wait now until AF but the urge to try is so intense, knowing I will be ovulating tomorrow or Tuesday! My heads doing overtime. Wait or not to wait. Dtd or not dtd. Bad idea or good idea. Ahhh!

Support for Women who are TTC or Pregnant Following a Termination for Abnormalities- Thread 8
Mummabear40 · 11/04/2021 19:10

Thanks @ShootingStar94 and @BloodyHellAudrey x

BloodyHellAudrey · 11/04/2021 20:39

@No1worrier

Me again, you girls will be fed up of me, I thought I had ovulated on Thursday (3 weeks after loss) after a temp shift and change in cm but I had a big temp dip this morning and pains, decided to check an opk even though I swore I wouldn't do that until after AF. It's peak!! We haven't dtd since Monday and I know I should really wait now until AF but the urge to try is so intense, knowing I will be ovulating tomorrow or Tuesday! My heads doing overtime. Wait or not to wait. Dtd or not dtd. Bad idea or good idea. Ahhh!
If you feel able to emotionally , honestly, I'd go for it. (that is possibly one of the most positive OPKs I've seen ever! Don't feel like. You have to though. The thing to take away whatever you decide is that your body is working xx
No1worrier · 12/04/2021 10:34

@BloodyHellAudrey

Thank you for your reply, we have decided to wait. It's been torture but I weighed up the pros and cons. It's only another 3/4 weeks before my fertile week should come back around, means more time for me to exercise and lose a few pounds, eat healthily (my diets been atrocious since the loss) and get my vitamins in me. I also hope I will be in a better place mentally by then too.

I am going out a big walk today, and also collect our daughters ashes, so will keep busy and my ovulation should pass at some point today x

Balajake · 12/04/2021 19:29

Sorry I've been very quiet lately. Miscarrying on Xmas day of all days just really messed me up. I feel mentally more able to come back and post now

Hope you are all well ❤️