Support for Women who are TTC or Pregnant Following a Termination for Abnormalities- Thread 8

[Alittlexmasmagic]

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities (tmfr). Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope.

@MamaOh used to the sickness as I had bad HG with DS.
@Dowisetrepla Have you decided to go back to the same hospital you had your TFMR at? I'm really scared at the thought of going back there as I can just remember leaving without my baby after giving birth 😭 feel like it would be so difficult to walk through those doors again!

Hi everyone.

Things are moving along here - I'm at 17 weeks, now, starting to feel movements and little kicks. I've told my boss and my closest friend but that's it. I'm obsessed with how to keep it quiet at work and have been buying massive smock dresses, which are thankfully in fashion! Realistically, I don't think I'll make it to the 20 week scan, which is actually right at the end of that week, so I've got a massive 3.5 weeks to go. It's already pretty obvious I'm pregnant TBH! I guess, given everyone knows I had a loss last year, people will be respectful and not mention anything until I'm ready. But I still hate the thought that people might be speculating.

Fantastic news @HoneyPea and fingers crossed for @MamaOh . How are you feeling @Dowisetrepla .

@MamaOh I had it all the way through with my DS as well but the doctor wouldn't give me anything he was very old school. The midwife signed me off work though. It wasn't as bad with my TFMR DD, I was offered some when I had my Amnio at 16weeks but didn't bother. I haven't actually been sick yet just feel it constantly and I don't think they really do anything to help that do they?
I don't think I really have another hospital I could go to. They were lovely and so kind in the bereavement suite, I just feel nervous about the idea of going back!

@HoneyPea wow - congratulations! That’s such lovely news! How are you feeling? The first few weeks were mentally very difficult for me but I understand it’s going to be different for everyone. Partly difficult because I was scared of another ten weeks of feeling very unwell and partly because I was scared of another pregnancy problem. To answer your question yes I am staying with the same hospital however my tfmr took place at 14 weeks so was done on a gynaecology ward not on the labour ward. So I won’t have to walk down the same corridors etc.

@MamaOh I have everything crossed for you in your tww! Are you a symptom spotter/early tester or do you always wait until you’re late?

@CornflowerBlue100 how exciting to feel kicks and flutters! Like you I would love to keep it under wraps until after 20 weeks but think I will struggle with the social side of things (not drinking) and all the appointments as well!

I’ve started feeling a little nauseous the last few days which is a bit reassuring. It’s a very different pregnancy to my others symptom wise and it’s hard not to read too much into what that means so for now I’ll just enjoy that I’m not feeling really horrific 24/7! Got my booking in appointment tomorrow too which is another thing ticked off and that means I’ll get my scan date soon.

@Dowisetrepla I'm feeling terrified, just want to get to the 12 week and 20week anomaly scan but also don't if you know what I mean! I think having your booking in appointment will help at least you will know what pathway they will put you on. Id presume high risk after a TFMR but 🤷‍♀️ I think feeling sick can be a big reassurance. Last time I only had slight nausea and I kept telling them that something didn't feel right (apparently I told my DH the day we found out!) but everyone kept telling me it was probably because I was a different gender, it was but I was also right. I think we probably do have an intuition.
@MamaOh Im a 36 year old SAHM with a just turned 3yo DS.
I found it ridiculous and laughed at the consultant when they offered me meds this last time as I said it was nothing compared to DS where I was throwing up multiple times a day everyday for 9months. She said she would write me a prescription anyway which I never took. Thanks for the link to the thread I was on there back in 2019 and it was good apart from seeing other ppls doctors actually doing something to help. Because I was never hospitalised my Dr said to drink flat 7up, eat ginger biscuits and he prescribed me Gaviscon (As in his option it's the only safe medicine he could give me in pregancy) 😡

I'm a late tester and this was the first time I had tested on the day AF was due. As such I've only ever done 4 tests in my life and never got a BFN. I think in your case it would be good to monitor just incase you need the medical intervention. Have the fertility clinic taken you back?

@MamaOh I hope that it won't take too long for them to get everything sorted for you. I'm sorry I have no idea how long IVF tests take even though I have a good few friends who have had to go through it. That's terrible that you seem to know more than the GP just from your research. I unfortunately found my GP midwife to be the same and she didn't understand anything about the high risk result from my 12wk screening which was ridiculous. Our baby girl had heart issues, cystic hygroma, loose membranes and T21 so I'm hoping they may give me a NIPT and extra heart scan this time but I doubt they will. Although I was under a consultant anyway last time as DS had a low birth weight. I think I will try and push at my booking in appointment and see what they offer.

@MamaOh The sonographer at our 12week scan made my DH think that the high NT would be no problem so he couldn't understand why I burst into tears after leaving. I know a high NT isn't always a problem but I knew deep down from the beginning something wasn't quite right!
I'm so lucky to have my DS and my heart really does go out to you. I don't know how I would have found the strength to try again if I didn't already have him. You are very brave and I really hope you get your lucky month soon xx

I started having light pink bleeding last night, I haven't dared to get up and check yet this morning 🥺

@MamaOh we are on holiday, just got here yesterday. I have just had a lovely nap with my little boy. I'm still bleeding but it's fairly light, really don't know what to do! X

Hello ladies, @HoneyPea so sorry to hear you’ve got some bleeding going on. Hopefully it has tailed off and if not, hoping you have been able to seek reassurance or treatment. It’s such a scary and worrying time anyway, extra stress is the last thing you need. I read so many stories about bleeding being nothing to worry about so everything crossed that’s the case for you. But with our history I know that I would find it hard to believe in those stories of hope.

@MamaOh sorry to see your period came, any idea why it was so soon? So frustrating, perhaps it was a little bean that almost made it. Another mystery never to be quite unlocked.

@Dowisetrepla @MamaOh It's not heavy bleeding but way more than spotting, I've used about 3 small pads today (size up from panty liners) but haven't filled any of them and it seems to be pretty constant 🥺 I have had a look and the closest EPU/A&E is over an hour away. It's so hard as July was my TFMR baby's due month so it did feel a bit like fate that we got pregnant this month (first month trying) but it now just feels like a bit of a kicking while your down 😒 I kind of feel like it's best to believe that it's all over and not hold out for that slim chance of hope. Sorry just feeling a bit down at the moment

@HoneyPea thinking of you in this limbo. I also found my baby’s due date month very hard, and this must be adding a lot to that. When will you be home from your break?

@MamaOh I’m okay, having the odd hint of nausea but still paling in comparison to my other pregnancies. Boobs still sore though, peeing a lot and my jeans are getting tight! Six days until my NIPT booking where I’ll hopefully get a glimpse of baby.

I suppose the only good thing about getting your period early is it reduces the time to wait until your next fertile week - the countdown starts again 💛

@MamaOh sounds like there’s a lot going on then! I guess all you can do is keep testing for ovulation and do your best. Must be difficult if your partner has to work away sometimes, does that happen often?

We have booked the NIPT privately, we just wanted to get it done as early as possible as we are so worried about there being another issue. We’re hoping to get the results pre 12 week scan so we can go in there feeling a teeny bit more at ease. Currently the thought of going into that scan room with no idea what we might see is absolutely terrifying. And we were very lucky to be gifted a little bit of money at Christmas that covers the cost.

I’ve not posted on here for ages (previously mummabear40) but have randomly started getting notifications again so thought I’d pop on. I’m so sorry to see so many new names have joined.

im 2 years post my TFMR I have a wonderful rainbow baby that’s nearly 1 year old. I just wanted to share with you all that there is light after this, you can be happy again. The anniversary of our loss is still so hard and always will be but out rainbow is so loved and was so needed.

I hope you all get to experience light after the dark xx