Support for Women who are TTC or Pregnant Following a Termination for Abnormalities- Thread 8

[Alittlexmasmagic]

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities (tmfr). Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope.

Date for my second tfmr is Friday. A little girl. Exactly the same diagnosis as DS2, probably slightly more serious as its so visible so early. Devastated.

@HeyFloof

I'm so sorry, it is so cruel and unfair that it is happening to you again.

Did they tell you anything about why it might have happened again? Xxxx

@HeyFloof

I’m so sorry that you are going through this again. There are no words 😭

Sending you so much love and strength ❤️

@HeyFloof I can't imagine how it must feel to be facing it all again. I am thinking of you and sending love and strength. I am so very very sorry.

@HeyFloof I'm gutted you have to go through all this again. Sending you all the love & strength.xx

@HeyFloof thinking of you today. Huge hugs from me xx

[quote Kiki275]@HeyFloof thinking of you today. Huge hugs from me xx[/quote]
Thank you Kiki ❤️ It feels so surreal to be here again, just as I thought I'd left it behind.

@HeyFloof I can only imagine how you feel right now. It must be awful knowing the score already but I hope you get to spend some precious time with your beautiful baby girl x

@HeyFloof been thinking of you so much today. So much love to you and your precious baby girl xx

@HeyFloof thinking of you and yours today. Sending so much love x

Thank you my lovelies. We're OK today. Just getting through it. I always forget how intense the bleeding is. It was a weird experience yesterday. One HCP who had the bedside skills of a mince pie, and one who was phenomenal. I asked a few times about hand and footprints and they clearly weren't used to it and basically ignored the question. I was on gynae rather than maternity, which probably explains it, but it doesn't make it any easier. I wish I had her hand and footprints. The awful HCP kept calling her "it" and I'd say "she" or use her name. Was clearly uncomfortable when I wouldn't cram the baby into a wooden lidded box that was too small for her to fit in, and didn't want to be left with her. I wouldn't have left her with her anyway. We gave her a final kiss and left her wrapped up in a blanket I made, with the kind nurse, who said she'd look after her.

@HeyFloof I'm so glad you are holding up, but I'm so sorry your experience wasn't what it should have been. Thank goodness for the kind nurse looking after her. May your little girl rest peacefully ❤ Again, I'm sending so much love to you and your family. Look after yourself and each other. Xxxxx

@HeyFloof - so sorry to hear about your loss and experience. I hope you are healing as well as can be expected and that the hospital can support you from here.

I'm having quite a confusing time. We had our TFMR in July and my periods started again exactly when the doctor said. Theyve been regular anf I've have had three cycles of trying with no pregnancies. I did the clearblue ovulation sticks last month and got a peak but nothing leading up to it so I wonder if my oestrogen is low. I've bought a blood test kit that I'll do in my next cycle.

Another of my friends just got pregnant and it's a reminder of feeling a bit tragic/defective/left behind. I feel like I'll always be 'the one who lost a baby half way through a pregnancy'.

I've been interested in what people have been saying about IVF. The geneticist we saw said opinion was very split on how effective pre-implantation testing is, but I've never heard of the thing you describe @Aimz40 where the embryos are watched. We said we'd see what happens naturally but given that there's been nothing on that front, we agreed we'd go for some tests in the new year to look at egg reserve (I'm 39) and all of that. I guess one step at a time is all we can do.

@HeyFloof

I'm sorry too that you didn't have a great experience, I also would have liked hand and foot prints. Reading your post reminded me of my experience, although I had some lovely nurses, I also had the consultant that kept referring to the baby as "the product" once I had the surgery he said to me " I'm sorry, I know you wanted to see the baby but unfortunately it's unrecognisable, I mean I could show you the pieces, but you won't be able to tell the difference between the product and clots. So that was fantastic.
I hope that you are doing OK xx

@CornflowerBlue100

I'm sorry to hear about your Tfmr, if you don't mind me asking what was the reason for it?

I decided to try naturally this month, I can't see it working but there's no point wasting eggs at my age. I have given up on ovulation tests, they are too stressful. Having sex every two days worked for me. I think temperature testing is the best way to track ovulation, I've never done it myself.

I think it's definitely worth having tests for ovarian reserve and everything, I have got low amh 😭 I was devastated when I found out. I still got a good number of eggs with ivf, the retrieved 10 the first round, 11 the second. I'm hoping they will get a similar number this next round.

I think the embroscope is fantastic, they can watch it at every stage and will know if it's divided too many times etc, they didn't put one of mine back the last round because of it. I also now have answers to why I've struggled to get pregnant, although I feel like it's totally unfair and that I must've done something bad in a past life to deserve it, it gave me answers.

@Aimz40 it was digeorge syndrome. The geneticist said it's just random bad luck, and not likely to reoccur but it's hard not to feel like it will inevitably happen again, or another anomaly.

Hope everyone is okay.

I was discharged from epu yesterday after a final scan and am now awaiting my dating scan in fetal medicine which is where everything went to shit in Florence’s pregnancy.
Yesterday was so emotional, with Florence I had a “normal” scan at 9 weeks then the cystic hygroma was picked up at her dating scan and it went downhill from there. Because I knew I was further than the last known point I had thought Florence was normal, I was expecting bad news yesterday and was a wreck before they even started scanning me. I stupidly agreed for a junior doctor to scan me and she took forever without saying anything showing me the screen with her face screwed up so I ended up in tears again 😳
The consultant took over and did a really detailed scan for me, everything looks okay but little one was too small to do NT measurement so I’ll have my screening next week at my fetal med scan. I’m so nervous as I feel like she’s given me a little bit of hope for the first time in this pregnancy and it feels dangerous. 😭
I also feel really bad for Florence and am struggling with feelings around that! 😭

We did get some lovely 3D scan photos yesterday, which made me cry even more because I keep thinking if this doesn’t go well I’ve got a really clear photo of this baby 😫

When does the fear go and hope feel acceptable?

Hi ladies,

I've not really been active on here anymore in recent months as I just needed to try and focus on my pregnancy.
I just wanted to update that we've had a little healthy baby girl last week. We still can't believe she's actually here. 💕

Congratulations @NoCallerID 💖 enjoy every moment with your sweet baby girl x

Gives me hope for the new year x

@NoCallerID congratulations lovely ☺️

We’ve had our dating scan and our screening results are low risk, still in shock that they are back and are low risk, obviously still feeling apprehensive but I have a fetal med scan at 16 weeks 🤞

@NoCallerID amazing news, huge congratulations to you and your family.

I hit 32 weeks tomorrow and I’m starting to feel more anxious as time goes by, eek.

I hope all are getting on ok, this journey is such a rollercoaster of emotions and feelings.

@NoCallerID congratulations on your daughter!
I'm 31 weeks and have received the date for my section at 39 weeks so not long to go!
Enjoy your baby bubble 💕

@NoCallerID Congratulations!

@Brooklily How on earth are you 31 weeks already? I remember when you had your positive test and now you only have a couple of weeks to go. I hope you're feeling ok and hope the section goes well.

I've not read this thread that much recently as our plans to TTC were kind of delayed because life went pretty wrong for us for a bit. It's been stressful. Also I always get the fear when I visit this section because it makes me feel a bit nervous about potentially getting pregnant and having to go through the tests and the long waits etc again. But I guess it's the same for us all and we just have to roll the dice and go through it all if we want to try to have kids.

Anyway, life seems to be settling a little but there's still a lot to sort out and to stress about, however, I find myself thinking about TTC a bit more now. DH is probably not fully ready yet and we said we'd just take it easy and de-stress for a bit, but I'm very cautiously getting a wee bit excited about potentially trying soon. I had my coil out in August and I was worried that my cycle would be all over the place, but I was delighted to find that I'm like clockwork now and can pinpoint ovulation too. This is all new to me because I have never had regular cycles in my life due to eating disorders and hormonal contraception, and I'm fascinated by how it all seems to work as it should. So even if we're not quite TTC yet, I'm just enjoying these brand new normal periods for a bit.

I hope you are all well and I wish you all a happy Christmas.

Hi Everyone,

We've been trying again for 4 months now with no luck, which I know isn't a long time but we fell really quickly with our TFMR baby so I had hoped it would be open again.

Last month my period was 4 late but came eventually, this month I'm on day 32 (normally have a 26 day cycle, or less). Two negative tests. Yesterday had a total meltdown, worried about early menopause - I'm 39 and also have medical conditions which can be associated.

The doctor has referred me for some hormone tests but she also suggested I keep testing for pregnancy if my period still doesn't come. Today I think I had a very, very weak line. It was more a ghost of a line .

Could this be something? Maybe a chemical pregnancy?

Hey, I hope everyone's OK and had a good Christmas and New year.

@CornflowerBlue100 how did you get on with everything? Was It something?

Hi everyone

I havent posted in ages due to getting stuck in my own head and some other non pregnancy related life drama (garage caught on fire thanks to idiot neighbour growing weed). Just wanted to update that I have had a healthy baby boy who is now 11 days old, he is a bit of a chunk weighing 8lb 15oz and was born with a full head of beautiful golden blonde hair. He was delivered by elective c-sec at 39 weeks. I had a big bleed during the surgery losing 33% of my total blood volume but they fixed that really quickly just made me feel very unwell for a day and made a longer hospital stay. I'd post a pic but I don't want to trigger anyone who struggles seeing photos of babies or has recently received bad news in their pregnancy. I love my baby boy and he is healing me to a degree but I am severely missing my tfmr son right now. Thank you everyone who supported me when I had convinced myself that my rainbow was going to be sick and need a tfmr decision too x