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Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities - Thread 6

999 replies

Treaclepie19 · 16/03/2020 10:15

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

@Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
@Linspins – Franklin 22/01/10
@Shangrila – baby boy 01/02/10
@Cantdothisagain – Babycan't 12/04/10
@Katerina100 – baby boy 06/10
@NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
@Allstarsprincess – Frank 30/07/10
@Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
@GinaFB – Alexander 03/01/11
@LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
@Coffeeandchocolate – Coffeebean 22/02/11
@Rushingrachel – Oliver 02/03/11
@Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
@Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
@VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
@LisbethSalander - baby boy 7/11
@Stormbird – George 24/07/11
@Sarahmia – baby girl 25/07/11
@Eavers – Jacob 11/08/11
@Grandj – Eliot 01/09/11
@Babylily – Miles 05/09/11
@NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
@Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
@Cherrybug – Kade 02/11/11
@Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
@Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
@MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
@Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12
@Katerina100 – baby girl 19/04/2012
@flower11 – Hannah 18/10/2012
@Bluecat83 – Noah est 24/10/2012
@katiecubs – Seth 05/02/2013
@Havingkittens – Alfred 14/04/2013
@ghislane – Frederick 22/10/2013
@lostlove – baby boy est 10/04/14
@AliBingo – baby boy est 06/05/14
@LuckyAugust –baby boy 26/01/2015

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12
HungryPanda92 · 31/03/2020 11:57

@BooMamaBear thinking of you today. I hated the cvs and have a massive phobia of needles. My mum had to hold my hand the whole way through. We're all with you in spirit!

@otterbaby so glad you got good news. Even though everything looks good on my scan I'm still worrying about the blood results. Hopefully they'll come through sooner rather than later. Yours seemed pretty quick.

otterbaby · 31/03/2020 12:11

@HungryPanda92 I was still worried too. It was about 4 working days so hopefully yours won't be too long.

@BooMamaBear hope all goes well today and you have plenty of snacks in for recovery x

Mangoandbroccoli · 31/03/2020 12:14

Such fantastic news @otterbaby and everything crossed for you @BooMamaBear 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

Felt really down yesterday as found out my test results are delayed with everything 😔 Had it done last Monday and unlikely to get results before Friday this week - 11 long and painful days of waiting 😬

Mini12 · 31/03/2020 16:19

Hi I just thought I'd pop on keep up with the thread, I've tried not to be online as much lately but so happy to hear @ShootingStar2020 that your pregnant!! Massive congratulations!!! So happy for you! I'm almost 18 weeks now and feel it's gone quite quickly since my first scan! Hope all goes well!

BooMamaBear · 31/03/2020 16:54

Thanks for your kind words everyone -I'm sure it hurts more everytime -they would have allowed my DH in coz they prefer you to have someone with you when you have CVS but he had to look after DD!
The NT measurement is 1.3mm so she doesn't think there will be any trisomy issues but I get those results on Friday they think- the main result for MD is due Tuesday!
The head midwife and consultant were really good but I'm still in pain and felt sick after!
The little bean had a strong heartbeat and was really wriggly I just really hope he/she is ok!
My last TFMR went really bad I nearly bled out and didn't see the anaesthetist until he was putting a cannula in for a GA some of which I can't have but he didn't know what I could have! So I have to see an anaesthetist early this time for either full term pregnancy or TFMR! Xx

Treaclepie19 · 31/03/2020 18:15

Lovely to hear from you @Mini12 :)

I'm glad it's all done @BooMamaBear and well done you ❤ So glad the NT looked good, I'll have everything crossed for you!

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BooMamaBear · 31/03/2020 19:05

Thanks ladies also she said I'm measuring 12+2 which is further along than I thought as I thought I'd be 11+5! Xx

welshmercury · 31/03/2020 22:52

Hi. So today I got the dreaded phonecall after CVS and it was positive for what they were looking for so we will have to TMFR. I’m devastated and not stopped crying all day.

Hospital wanted to see me Thursday but I said no as my son will turn 11 on that day and he’s already got a crappy day due to lockdown. Then it is Easter week.

Will be 16 weeks. Can anyone talk me through what actually happens in a medical termination? I have read everything but would like real knowledge of what to expect. I know you take a tablet and wait. Is it quick, long, varies???

Can you see your baby after? Can you get fingerprints? I just want to know. Can you tell what gender baby is? Thanks

Treaclepie19 · 01/04/2020 07:02

I'm so very sorry @welshmercury Flowers

With our termination I was 22 weeks. I had a tablet to stop my hormones and the plan was to go be induced 48 hours after.
I had a reaction to the tablet though so started earlier.
They inserted a pessary then every 4 hours (I believe it was) I had a tablet. After 3 tablets I was in labour and he was born. It can be very quick or not so. Just depends how your body responds.
We did see him and they did hand and footprints for us. We could spend as long as we wanted with him. They also took photos for us.
We knew the gender by the NIPT and amnio. I'd imagine they could tell you from the CVS.

Sending you lots of strength and feel free to message me whenever Flowers

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otterbaby · 01/04/2020 11:05

@welshmercury I'm so sorry to hear this 😞 absolutely horrendous. I was 16 weeks at my TFMR as well. Like treacle said, you get the pill at the hospital to begin with. I went on a Monday morning and then was admitted back in for labour on the Wednesday morning. We brought an overnight bag with a blanket from home, snacks, cosy socks, etc. Also bring pajamas as I ended up having to stay in overnight due to a fever. We also brought a baby muslin and a letter I had wrapped into a scroll shape. Afterwards, they wrapped our daughter in this blanket for when we saw her. They also tucked the scroll in with her afterwards so it went with her when she was cremated.

It took me 2 goes worth of the pessaries before I went into labour. The medication can have some scary side effects - I couldn't stop trembling and shivering the entire time. I had pretty severe contractions and was given gas and air. I was about to ask for morphine when I finally felt my waters go (felt like a big bubble bursting inside me) and not long after, she was born. I think the whole process lasted about 8am-2pm. Afterwards, they brought her in wrapped in her blanket and she was in a little crocheted cot thing. We got to spend time with her. We were given a memory box that had her hand and footprints in it, a birth certificate card, a few other little bits and 2 mini teddies (one for us to keep and one to go with her).

We couldn't tell what gender she was (they're all wrapped up) but we knew from the CVS results. One thing to remember at this stage, our babies have skin but it is very very thin and translucent. But you can see a nose, ears, fingernails, etc - it's so amazing.

Good luck to you ❤️

BooMamaBear · 01/04/2020 12:08

@welshmercury -I'm so sorry you have to go thru this - this has happened to me twice and I've had 2 medical TFNRs it's devastating but I promise it does get easier it may not seem like it yet!!
You have 1 tablet, usually in a hospital if you're after 12 weeks then 2 days later you have the other tablet ( you have two tiny tablets that melt under your tongue) this kind of induces labour and you get some cramping I think you're usually out the same day once it's over ( I don't really know this bit coz I've had complications both times though this is really rare it's just my muscle condition which is why I have CVS that caused my problems)! I hope it goes ok for you xx

BooMamaBear · 01/04/2020 12:09

My call is due on Tuesday xx

Treaclepie19 · 01/04/2020 15:08

Hi all,
Good news here! The nuchal measurement was 1.7mm. My little boy with the chromosomal issue had a nuchal of 5.3mm.
I was at the hospital 4 hours though 😩 They're completely understaffed and overworked. I felt for them.

So the plan is still just to see how things go. Unless I get too nervous and opt for the amnio.

Due date moved 3 days back to 7th September.

Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities - Thread 6
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Treaclepie19 · 01/04/2020 15:11

7th october even!

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BooMamaBear · 01/04/2020 15:37

Great new @Treaclepie19 xx

BooMamaBear · 01/04/2020 15:38
  • news not new
otterbaby · 01/04/2020 15:47

Fab news @Treaclepie19 that's one big hurdle done with 😊

1stbabs · 01/04/2020 16:31

@otterbaby and @Treaclepie19 glad you've both had such good news! Xx @BooMamaBear my fingers are crossed for you, hope the next few days go quickly for you xx

@welshmercury I'm so very sorry Thanks

My TFMR was at 19 weeks. I had the tablet then went back into hospital 48 hours later. I had pessaries inserted every 4 hours, but unfortunately for me they didn't work. I had 3 courses of pessaries over 6 days before my daughter was born. The labour was about 6 hours and was very painful, but I had morphine and gas and air.

I asked my midwife to dress my baby before I saw her (I got her a little gown from a website that makes clothes for stillborn babies), and she was small but perfect. Little tiny hands and feet. The hospital made me a memory box with her hand prints and took photos for me. You can spend as much time as you want with your baby. The midwife suggested writing a letter or note to be put in the coffin with her, which we did and you might like to do to. We also put a little teddy with her so she wasn't alone. I'm so sorry again and I hope it's all over quickly for you ❤️

Treaclepie19 · 01/04/2020 18:26

Thank you all. I'm having a bit of a wobble about not having the amnio now but its still an open door if we want it.
Like my husband says, if it weren't for Jesse we would just be carrying on as normal with a good nuchal.
I'm so worn out now. The stress of the scan, the virus, germs and just being out so long has really got to me.

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welshmercury · 01/04/2020 18:45

Thanks to all that have thought of me today. I rang hospital and we are booked in to see consultant next Thursday. Then it’s Easter weekend then go from there. I feel a bit calmer now I have some real experiences as official guidance makes it sound so straight forward.

It’s good to know about the handprints and footprints as just want some evidence they were here.

I asked for gender and it is a boy. We have given a name as it makes it feel like a little person rather than a bunch of cells.

Stupid coronavirus has highlighted the midwife crisis as whilst you can mothball other units, you can’t stop babies coming. Imagine how busy it will be in 9 months from now! I’m a teacher with numbers on roll going down so job security for me!!!

I’m thinking of everyone waiting on results and pleased to see some good news.
@BooMamaBear
@otterbaby

Grassisgreener99 · 01/04/2020 20:34

Hello,

I’m new to Mumsnet but found this thread amongst hours of endless googling. Sorry I’m not too familiar with the abbreviations etc.

My story so far... we fell pregnant when our son was 18 months after trying once. We paid for a private scan at 8 weeks and all seemed fine. Went to the 12 week scan, all seemed fine but my screening test was high risk for DS. We paid for the harmony test which come back as low risk for everything (less than 1 in a million) and confirmed a little girl. We were over the moon! It seemed like the worst week in the world waiting for those results- little did we know.
We got to the 20 weeks scan and our world fell apart when we were told we were being referred to the Fetal medicine unit for another scan but she basically confirmed HPE and flat face. Luckily they got us in to see the specialist the next day and again he confirmed the most severe form of HPE. We made the hard decision to terminate and went back the next day for the first tablet. 2 days later I gave birth to our little girl.
Our consultant stressed the importance of finding the cause of this as we had low risk from the additional screening and a healthy son, so we opted for a post-mortem to confirm the likelihood of it happening again. He also said we should wait to try again for these results that will take around 3 months (this was 2 and a half weeks ago).
To say our hearts are broken is an understatement. We have felt broken but so so thankful for our son who has kept us smiling throughout. Having a healthy, now 22 month old we stupidly assumed we would never have a problem and I still don’t fully understand how this has happened. Some days I wake still thinking I’m pregnant and still cry myself to sleep wishing she was still in my tummy kicking away. I was 21+3 weeks. I don’t know why but I feel silly and am dreading facing people at work and family - the lock down has helped with that but when we return to work and reality hits I’m not sure how I will cope.

We had some time with her after she was born, took a teddy and blanket for her and read her a story goodnight. We both wrote letters to her and have a memory box given by the hospital too. We have her cremation next Weds and have dedicated daffodils to her so have arranged some flowers for her and some music. Fully expecting to just cry the whole day and it feels me with anxiety at the thought of next week but have tried to make it as special for her as possible. We are also going to get a memorial tree for her so we can visit her.

We want to try again as soon as possible but it’s now all riding on the post-mortem results and my body now. It seems everywhere I look someone has a baby or is pregnant at the moment.

Just wondering if anyone else has experience of the post-mortem results consultation etc.
Sending much love to you all 😘

ShootingStar2020 · 01/04/2020 22:01

Just logged on and my heart is bursting and breaking at the same time with all the new messages.

@Treaclepie19 - so very glad all is good with the measurements and scan ❤️ You Hang in there

@BooMamaBear - you did it!! What a strong and inspirational women you are. It all sounds positive ❤️

@welshmercury and @Grassisgreener99 - I am so so sorry to hear your stories. My heart breaks for you. The sense of loss is so palpable. We are here to support you and show you that life goes on.

Thank you @Mini12 - 18 weeks. That’s awesome xx

It’s such a strange time at present. I hope we can all find a way through this together. Xxxx

BooMamaBear · 01/04/2020 22:39

How absolutely heartbreaking @Grassisgreener99 -I'm so sorry you experienced that -we really are all supportive of each other on here and are here when you need us!!
Thanks @ShootingStar2020 that means a lot
Thought it was quite funny that all the 3 midwives at fetal medicine know me as soon as I walk in they call me by my first name without me having to say anything- I was last there June 2019 but my condition is quite rare and I've been there for 4 pregnancies now (so far only 1 successful one but hopefully this one makes it two) plus my stack of notes is huge due to all the complications from the 2 TFMRs I've had almost a week in hospital and emergency blood transfusions both times!! xxx

welshmercury · 02/04/2020 10:34

@Grassisgreener99
Welcome even though this is the worst time for you.

I’m a little bit behind you but I can already feel the same sort of pain.

Telling people is hard but I hadn’t told that many as I’m only 15 weeks and we have had problems throughout. I had to ring my Nan and we only recently lost my grandad but luckily we had the funeral just before this lockdown. But he can’t be interred until this is over so he is a pot on the shelf somewhere.

I’m sending you lots of virtual hugs and there is always a lot of love here and understanding so just type away without judgement xxx

HungryPanda92 · 02/04/2020 10:59

@welshmercury and @Grassisgreener99 So sorry to hear you've both had a tough time. For me it felt like the end of the world at the time and I thought I'd never get over the trauma of it all but it does get better with time.

@BooMamaBear Keeping everything crossed for your results next week. The waiting part is awful but I hope it doesn't drag too much for you