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Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities - Thread 5

984 replies

Conorgog · 07/08/2019 10:28

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

@Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
@Linspins – Franklin 22/01/10
@Shangrila – baby boy 01/02/10
@Cantdothisagain – Babycan't 12/04/10
@Katerina100 – baby boy 06/10
@NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
@Allstarsprincess – Frank 30/07/10
@Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
@GinaFB – Alexander 03/01/11
@LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
@Coffeeandchocolate – Coffeebean 22/02/11
@Rushingrachel – Oliver 02/03/11
@Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
@Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
@VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
@LisbethSalander - baby boy 7/11
@Stormbird – George 24/07/11
@Sarahmia – baby girl 25/07/11
@Eavers – Jacob 11/08/11
@Grandj – Eliot 01/09/11
@Babylily – Miles 05/09/11
@NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
@Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
@Cherrybug – Kade 02/11/11
@Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
@Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
@MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
@Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12
@Katerina100 – baby girl 19/04/2012
@flower11 – Hannah 18/10/2012
@Bluecat83 – Noah est 24/10/2012
@katiecubs – Seth 05/02/2013
@Havingkittens – Alfred 14/04/2013
@ghislane – Frederick 22/10/2013
@lostlove – baby boy est 10/04/14
@AliBingo – baby boy est 06/05/14
@LuckyAugust –baby boy 26/01/2015

OP posts:
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fretnot · 29/02/2020 15:55

Hi @UrsulaSings, welcome to the thread, and sorry for all the heartache that brought you here. I don’t think anything will stop the sadness of remembering our little ones we lost apart from time, perhaps. I’m also pregnant and keep thinking that maybe the hormones make all these feelings even more acute? My little boy was due July 2019. I’ve definitely found that all the milestones I expected to ease the pain have not been very meaningful, but then again the moments where it has power to really suck the air away seem to have disappeared without me noticing. Congrats on your new pregnancy, and wishing you all the best with it!

@Kate544 I don’t really have a good answer to your question as it was months before we started trying again (husband wasn’t keen). I do remember my lovely GP saying that I shouldn’t be in too much of a hurry to conceive again as it wasn’t just a question of getting pregnant but also staying pregnant. I took this positively to mean that each month that goes by allows you to build your strength, take vitamins, rest (as much as you can with a toddler!) and puts you in a better position for when it does happen again for you. I think it took me about a month just to stop bleeding (mine was a medical termination).

Your TFMR was so recent, and perhaps you deserve a month off the fertility testing - I hope that doesn’t come across the wrong way as I know the time pressures that are there, as well!

fretnot · 29/02/2020 16:04

I came on the thread to say that my 20 week scan was fine, and I’ve been released to general antenatal care (apart from all the extra testing/appointments that come from being 40 Confused).

I think I had about 3 days of relief and feeling positive before all the anxiety came back - I’m currently weighing up going in to check as I haven’t felt baby move today - and I’m so angry with myself as I promised I would enjoy this pregnancy if I got through the scan ok.

Kate544 · 29/02/2020 16:33

Congratulations @fretnot - am so pleased your scan went well. Thank you for your response. I appreciate your kind words. I completely appreciate I am being impatient- it’s a usual character trait of move already before this and I just feel so frustrated I am back to square one. Even though I only conceived in October. So much has happened it seems a lifetime ago. I know I need to chill out, but I’m so scared and anxious I think this is my way of channelling it. Xx

Mangoandbroccoli · 29/02/2020 19:49

@fretnot That's such good news!! I can completely understand the additional stress throughout this pregnancy but what a great result for this stage - try to hang on to that!

@UrsulaSings Welcome, but of course so sorry you find yourself here.

@Kate544 Your body might just need a bit of time to heal and recover before settling back down again. I had medical management back in June but had complications for three months afterwards. I was desperate to try again and felt so frustrated but do actually feel, with hindsight, that giving my body a (forced!) rest was a positive thing. If it helps, I've never had a truly positive OPK but managed to get pregnant three times, so they're definitely not an exact science!

BooMamaBear · 29/02/2020 20:00

I got pregnant in April 2019 then Jan 2020 (now) these were the only times I used OPKs and both the months I got pregnant I'd written off coz I didn't get a positive OPK glad I used them tho as I used the darkest line and this seemed to work!! Xx

Ruthsoph · 29/02/2020 20:36

@fretnot that’s great news about now going under normal care - I think you will always be anxious it’s natural
I am 6 weeks pregnant but very anxious that something may be up with baby regarding abnormalities - I just can’t help it - got my letter today for my NT 12 weeks scan but that not until 14th April - so another long anxious wait xx

fretnot · 29/02/2020 22:10

@Kate544 I really feel for you, it makes complete sense you are focusing on “what next” as a way to deal with it all. I was also impatient at my body being so slow to heal - felt like it was trying to remind me of what had happened when all I wanted to do was feel better on all fronts.

Solidarity to everyone waiting on the first scan. It’s so hard to find the energy for any distractions when you’re feeling first trimester exhausted. I liked listening to page-turner type audio books to switch off my worrying brain but obv didn’t always work!

ShootingStar2020 · 01/03/2020 08:09

Morning ladies and happy Sunday.

@fretnot - really good news about your scan. That’s such a big milestone. The anxiety is tough. Are you into yoga? I have heard that pregnancy yoga is really good help with emotions too. If not, you need some time to relax which I know is easier said than done. Some sunshine today at least.

@Mangoandbroccoli - how are you feeling? Hope you had a good week and work not too mad.

@Ruthsoph - congratulations on your pregnancy. We will try to help get you through the anxiety but we all know it is so real and lingers. I remember @JO138 saying about little treats to keep her going. @JO138 - hope all is going well with you. Xxx

@Kate544 - hello there. I think feelings vary so much. After our TFMR in October last year, the main thing that helped me was the thought of trying again. It was the same when I had 2 miscarriages before DD. However, my hubby has been suffering with anxiety and October really exacerbated it so he wanted to wait. We have been trying for 3 cycles now and I have found each cycle to be a rollercoaster particularly with due date coming up in April. However, I count myself lucky that (and it sounds like you did) I recovered physically quite quickly but the emotional part is still the hardest. It is normal to want to rush so take each day as it comes. I knew I was ready when I felt I could cope with the fear of another loss. You will know deep down.

Xxx

JO138 · 01/03/2020 09:19

Sorry I have missed so much. Welcome to everyone that's joined but as always sad to see so many of us in this position. 😥

@shootingstar2020 I'm doing ok considering we are in the midst of an international move, selling our house and I won't be having the baby in the uk. STRESS! 😬 We actually fly out Wednesday to house hunt for 2 weeks. I'm going for a private scan tomorrow just to give myself a bit of peace of mind before we fly. My husband will miss the 20 week scan because he'll still be overseas so I just want to get a bit of an indication before we go. Is that stupid? I don't really know what they can tell me at 16 weeks. We fly one way first week of June and I'll be 30 weeks. Need to find doctor, hospital and then I'll be on mat leave from June. Still can't believe we are doing this but we didn't want to put everything on hold and I found out I was pregnant 3 weeks after we were committed!

How are you feeling? I'm still indulging in treats btw....I'm now a pregnancy massage addict! 😋

BooMamaBear · 01/03/2020 09:50

I always waited til after my due date had passed before trying again but this time my due date was 10th Jan and we got pregnant the same month so I still feel a bit unprepared! Though physically, due to excessive bleeding and extended stays in hospital and blood transfusions both TFMRs took my body a while to heal, - emotionally I did find the second one slightly easier to deal with than the first!! I know7+3 and pretty terrified my 50/50 odds are pretty bad! Xx!

JO138 · 01/03/2020 12:51

@BooMamaBear I'm sorry you are having such a stressful time. I really hope that things work out for you this time. I can't imagine what it's like to have gone through this twice and be facing it again. And there is nothing they can do before 12 weeks to give you any comfort? Sorry remind me you have a LO at home don't you? Thinking of you x

BooMamaBear · 01/03/2020 13:10

@JO138 -thanks - I have a 4 year old daughter and she's a little star but she keeps saying she wants a baby brother and as the two I lost were both boys it breaks my heart a little bit more every time! They can't test til the placenta forms so the earliest they do the test is 11 weeks so although my body will already know as it depends on which chromosome 19 the fertilised egg has!! Xx

JO138 · 01/03/2020 13:35

@BooMamaBear I can only imagine your anxiety. I was on absolute pins and needles until week 11 when I got the NIPT results back. But now I am so aware of all the other things that can go wrong.

My little boy is almost 4 and they definitely have an understanding of babies and pregnancies. It gave me a tiny bit of comfort in the limbo of waiting to know that I was able to make a healthy baby. And now he wants a brother. I can't imagine how we would tell him if the 20 week scan goes wrong.

4 weeks to go. I hope you can stay sane and I will keep everything crossed! X

Treaclepie19 · 01/03/2020 14:59

My little boy is the opposite! He doesn't want a sibling. Hey ho!
Our initial scan with the consultant is the Wednesday. We were planning on booking the NIPT but now I'm thinking there's no point since it wouldn't rule out what our little boy had. For the cost as well it seems silly when it will only tell us part of the story.
I'm 9w today. Which feels like such an achievement but I'm nervous 😔

JO138 · 01/03/2020 17:44

@Treaclepie19 9 weeks already! I bet you are looking forward to that scan. I was pleasantly surprised at the 9w scan how much you could see. I had a 6w scan before and what an anti climax! If anything shows up on the 12 week scan then you'll likely have the option of NIPT or CVS on the NHS.

When is the scan? I hope it goes well and gives you a bit of relief. X

Treaclepie19 · 01/03/2020 18:38

@JO138 I know!! It feels ages since we found out at only 3w 4d!
I had a 9 week scan with my now 4yo and it was lovely 😍 I just hope this baby is growing okay. I'm worried itll be a MMC.

Our hospital doesn't do NIPT on the NHS :( Even though our baby had a very high nuchal we had to pay for the NIPT. The scan is wednesday so not long to wait now!! 🤞🤞🤞 So nervous.
I've kept so busy this weekend 😂 So busy that I had a nap at 3pm to recover 🙈

BooMamaBear · 01/03/2020 20:40

My CVS tests for the other known chromosomal abnormalities too
With my scan with my first I had an 8 weeks scan and her little heart beat was so strong with the next it was 9 weeks and he was a bit bigger than a bean but wasn't baby like yet, 3rd one was 9 weeks again and he was such a little wriggler we were convinced that he was going to be ok (he wasn't) this time my scan is Tuesday I'll be 7+5 by my calculations a week more by LMP so not sure what I'll see! Xx

Ruthsoph · 01/03/2020 21:33

@BooMamaBear ❤️❤️

BooMamaBear · 03/03/2020 17:14

Do girls had my dating scan today just as I thought I'm 7+5 I've requested not to be told my due date I don't want to know unless I know baby is ok after 11. week test results! My little bean is doing ok so far has a strong heartbeat and my CVS is booked for 31st March they're slightly concerned that placenta may grow on back wall which would make CVS more difficult and I may need to go back a week later! Xx

Treaclepie19 · 03/03/2020 18:03

I'm glad all is well so far @BooMamaBear.
My placenta was anterior last time and I did have an amnio instead because the cvs was awkward. Though I think I was just a pain because the amnio wasn't easy either.

Look after yourself!

My scan is tomorrow at 2. Nervous 😔

BooMamaBear · 03/03/2020 19:18

Hope l'll goes well for you tomorrow @Treaclepie19 xx

BooMamaBear · 03/03/2020 19:18

Meant all not I'll xx

Treaclepie19 · 03/03/2020 19:20

Thank you ❤

fretnot · 03/03/2020 20:47

Will be thinking of you tomorrow, @Treaclepie19 x

fretnot · 03/03/2020 21:06

...and that’s one hurdle down, @BooMamaBear! Hopefully this month will go quickly for you x