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Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities - Thread 5

984 replies

Conorgog · 07/08/2019 10:28

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

@Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
@Linspins – Franklin 22/01/10
@Shangrila – baby boy 01/02/10
@Cantdothisagain – Babycan't 12/04/10
@Katerina100 – baby boy 06/10
@NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
@Allstarsprincess – Frank 30/07/10
@Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
@GinaFB – Alexander 03/01/11
@LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
@Coffeeandchocolate – Coffeebean 22/02/11
@Rushingrachel – Oliver 02/03/11
@Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
@Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
@VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
@LisbethSalander - baby boy 7/11
@Stormbird – George 24/07/11
@Sarahmia – baby girl 25/07/11
@Eavers – Jacob 11/08/11
@Grandj – Eliot 01/09/11
@Babylily – Miles 05/09/11
@NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
@Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
@Cherrybug – Kade 02/11/11
@Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
@Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
@MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
@Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12
@Katerina100 – baby girl 19/04/2012
@flower11 – Hannah 18/10/2012
@Bluecat83 – Noah est 24/10/2012
@katiecubs – Seth 05/02/2013
@Havingkittens – Alfred 14/04/2013
@ghislane – Frederick 22/10/2013
@lostlove – baby boy est 10/04/14
@AliBingo – baby boy est 06/05/14
@LuckyAugust –baby boy 26/01/2015

OP posts:
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9
Treaclepie19 · 24/02/2020 21:37

Will keep everything crossed for you @Shootingstar2020!
I'm feeling rubbish 😕 Nausea has pretty much completely gone and I have an awful cold now. I'm worried about baby and feeling rotten 😔 Just keeping my fingers crossed.

BooMamaBear · 25/02/2020 09:59

Morning gg girls been feeling tibbisj recently but now I'm worried coz want as sick yesterday and my boobs don't hurt as much -o can't win got my scan a week today so I'll probably have to wait for them -I still felt a bit sick yesterday and my boobs are a bit tender but. Or as bad as they weee'n

BooMamaBear · 25/02/2020 10:03

Sent way too early - meant good morning girls been feeling rubbish! And that my boobs aren't as painful as they were!
Good luck to all those TTC and @gratisdictum -welcome and sorry for your loss I lost my first the week before Christmas 2017 and my second 6 months ago -it might not seem like it yet but time is a healer and it does get easier especially when you have people to talk to and you can always talk to us!! Xx

gratisdictum · 25/02/2020 10:51

Thanks for the welcome @fretnot. Wishing you all the best for your 20 week scan. You've made it this far, so that's a positive sign. Hopefully you get some reassurance and some great pics!

@1stbabs Sorry for your loss also. At least Christmas is over and 2020 will be our year. xx

Thanks @ShootingStar2020 and @BooMamaBear - going through this experience twice is so incredibly tough, I really hope this time is smooth sailing for you.

How is/did everyone deal with TTC in the early days after your TFMR? I really don't like how much it's taking over my brain and we're only on the first cycle of trying after taking a conscious break from TTC over the holidays. I want to be grateful for what I already have but I feel like my I've lost all interest in creative pursuits and reading. I used to like gardening but on the weekends I can't be bothered. All my professional ambition has evaporated, I'm just getting through the work day. I don't feel much like socialising beyond going for dog walks and getting coffee with one friend at a time. I dread feeling like this month after month.

BooMamaBear · 25/02/2020 11:20

I used the gym as my switch off from TTC after my first TFMR I was overweight and made weight loss my focus when it wasn't my fertile window, so I had another focus! It took me 3 months then I had a chemical then a further two months then I got Pregnant but in that time I'd managed to lose 2 stone! The gym was my 'me time' you need to find a focus that's not TTC- something that you do just for you!
Once I lost the weight i got pregnant guess that helped me conceive as I was back in normal range BMI!
This time i got pregnant first try I was waiting for my due date to pass which was 10 Jan but I was still going to the gym to keep fit and to help me deal with the heartbreak of losing two little boys. I've not felt up to going tho since I got pregnant this time so the days are dragging and I'm not trying to lose weight anymore I'm trying to make sure I'm eating enough the times that I don't feel sick!!
I'm 6+5 got my dating scan is next week then a further scan and CVS at 11 weeks to see of I can proceed with this pregnancy only a 1/2 chance!! Xx

Mangoandbroccoli · 25/02/2020 12:34

@ShootingStar2020 Get that royal jelly down you and an 'early night'!! Work's definitely less crazy this week, thanks, although I've got a deadline to meet for another project so still feeling the pressure.

I was reunited with 'dildo cam' this morning 😂🙈 Luckily, after our many less pleasant meetings last year, today it detected a heartbeat 😊. Another hurdle ticked and the SAFE test booked in for when I'm 10 weeks. As thrilled as I am, I found it all more traumatic that I expected, particularly as it was the same room and sonographer as before. As many others have expressed, it's incredibly difficult to separate the events and to not feel some level of detachment as a coping mechanism.

BooMamaBear · 25/02/2020 13:01

@Mangoandbroccoli -i know what you mean with my DD I had one consultant and she was fine with my two boys which were both affected I had a different consultant and I've got this consultant again-don't get me wrong they're both really good and lovely but I'm wandering if she is bad omen!! I know it's totally irrational but like you said it's hard not to link certain things!!! Xx

ShootingStar2020 · 25/02/2020 20:28

@Mangoandbroccoli - dildo cam - that made me hoot!! So glad it was positive. Big milestone ticked off. It sounds tough though and understandable that it was difficult being in the same room. Brings back all the horrible memories but this is a new pregnancy and a new road towards your rainbow. I think it is totally normal to have the detachment coping mechanism and if that is the only way to cope with the next days/weeks/months then your body will do the rest of the work. 😘

@BooMamaBear - your focus on exercise is so positive. Brilliant work. No doubt your boobs will feel sore again tomorrow.

@gratisdictum - I hear you about the TtC journey. I feel I have got really obsessed by it but that is largely also due to my ripe old age of 40! Just trying to focus on the positives. Have booked a holiday and organising stuff to do as a family but do feel de motivated at work. Trying to stay strong I suppose!

@fretnot - hope today went ok. X

BooMamaBear · 25/02/2020 22:30

Yep boobs sore and felt sick all afternoon! Xx

BooMamaBear · 25/02/2020 22:34

@ShootingStar2020 -l love your positivity holiday sounds like a great idea don't think we'll be going anywhere this year we overspent on our Kitchen Reno, saving for an extension and to take the DD to Disneyland once the Arendelle bit opens!!

Ruthsoph · 26/02/2020 10:26

I was getting paranoid as I am 5.3 weeks pregnant but have no symptoms so just did another test so I wasn’t imaging it - I have appointment on Friday with a consultant to see if I need additional test etc so hopefully that might put my mind at rest
This should be an exciting time but I am paranoid and worried all the time

Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities - Thread 5
gratisdictum · 26/02/2020 11:13

@BooMamaBear That's great you found going to the gym healing. My GP talks enthusiastic about exercise and endorphins but unfortunately our water rower at home is yet to "spark joy" Smile

@Mangoandbroccoli That's great news about the heartbeat! I'm not sure I'd be brave enough to go back to the same place for a scan. Going back to the obstetrician's consulting room for final follow up after my TFMR, and being in the room where I had CVS, was so triggering. I'm going to use another obstetrician and clinic next time, if we get the chance, I can't face going back.

@ShootingStar2020 Holidays are always a good idea! After we came back from our last one, I used some frequent flyer points to get a Japanese phrasebook and started planning next year's holiday after reading about the Kumano Kodo Smile Peeing on a stick doesn't seem so important when you're surrounded by sacred mountains haha.

BooMamaBear · 26/02/2020 12:10

@Ruthsoph -why are you nervous the test line is darker than the control line? My symptoms started at week 6 this (my 4th) and my first time and week 5 my two previous pregnancies not everyone gets symptoms at all with my first I only found out coz my boobs went hard at 6 weeks I had no sickness!! Now I'm 6+6 and feeling pretty rotten! Xxx

Ruthsoph · 26/02/2020 19:09

@BooMamaBear poor you - i think i am just worried something bad will happen - i had 2 previous miscarriage at 7 weeks and a medical termination at 18 weeks in Nov so just super paranoid but yes it probably isnt until 6ish weeks that i should notice anything - although getting shocking headaches x

BooMamaBear · 27/02/2020 09:07

I'm worried now I'm 7 weeks today and my symptoms have pretty much stopped I didn't feel sick at all yesterday and my boobs are only a teeny bit tender! Xx

1stbabs · 27/02/2020 09:41

@BooMamaBear My symptoms came and went last time so try not too worry about that too much. Have they got you booked in for an early scan for reassurance? x

Treaclepie19 · 27/02/2020 09:52

@BooMamaBear I'm 8+4 and haven't felt properly sick for almost a week.

I'm hoping it's just normal hormone fluctuations.

BooMamaBear · 27/02/2020 12:57

Yes my scan is on Tuesday!! Xx

1stbabs · 27/02/2020 13:04

@BooMamaBear ah amazing, not too long to wait then x

BooMamaBear · 27/02/2020 13:06

I know but it still feels like an age how come when you have a baby time goes so fast and yet when you're pregnant the first 12 weeks drag so much!! How are you doing? When's your scan? Xx

Ruthsoph · 28/02/2020 16:17

i had the maternity department call me today who i delt with last year when we lost our daughter - they tested her imbilical cord and it came back that she did indeed have mosaic downs syndrome - anyway given the fact that i am now 5+6 weeks they want me and my partners to come in for blood tests to see if the Mosaic Downs Syndrome is genetic - or was just a one off - has anyone else gone through this and the results were ok?
we already have a 5 year old daughter so i assumed that this was a one off but now i am worrying

BooMamaBear · 28/02/2020 16:52

When my first little boy was diagnosed as having downs and the genetic condition I have they sent the sample of the placenta tissue they took out at the CVS (rather than the umbilical cord) away for testing. It came back that downs was a one off not genetic. That said though if you have had one baby with downs it increases your chances of having another baby with the condition to about 1 in 100 even when it's not genetic. Xx

UrsulaSings · 28/02/2020 22:33

Hi everyone. Someone just pointed me in the direction of this thread from the pregnancy forum. I just cried my eyes out reading all the names of those little babies at the start of this thread. I had a termination for medical reasons last year. I dont know whether it was a little girl or boy (although I do imagine him as a little boy for some reason), but they would have been due 9th Dec 2019.

I'm not gonna lie, it's been really really hard. I'm 12 weeks pregnant now with my scan on monday. I feel like I miss my little baby, even though I've got this one. I cant stop crying. When I had the termination last year I stupidly thought all the feelings would stop after that, but I think I'll be sad forever.

Hope I'm alright to join here.

Treaclepie19 · 28/02/2020 22:43

Welcome @UrsulaSings Flowers
Glad you came over here, they're a lovely bunch of ladies.

Kate544 · 29/02/2020 10:34

Hi @UrsulaSings - I’m a recent joiner too (TFMR six weeks ago) and found this forum very comforting - you feel so alone when this happens I think. Congrats on your pregnancy - I feel now that is what I want so desperately although taking the risk is so scary.

Can I ask a q about people’s fertility returning? So I had a surgical termination mid jan, physical recovery fine. Period came back about 3.5 weeks later. I then started ovulation testing about a week or so later. Digital tests showed low fertility then showed high fertility (flashy smiley face) and had continued to show for a week now, no peak fertility sign (static smiley), and then I’ve just had two days of bleeding. So confused, is it my period? Ovulation bleeding? Is my body still picking up on old hormones?

Can’t work it out and it’s really disheartened me - drs said as soon as I had a period we could try but ovulation teats that worked so well for me last two pregnancies now seem confused. I know another pregnancy won’t replace what I have lost or make me feel better but it is giving me something to focus on, and I also feel I need to try sooner rather than later because if increasing DS risk with age (I’m 36).

Sorry for the brain dump. X