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Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities - Thread 5

984 replies

Conorgog · 07/08/2019 10:28

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

@Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
@Linspins – Franklin 22/01/10
@Shangrila – baby boy 01/02/10
@Cantdothisagain – Babycan't 12/04/10
@Katerina100 – baby boy 06/10
@NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
@Allstarsprincess – Frank 30/07/10
@Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
@GinaFB – Alexander 03/01/11
@LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
@Coffeeandchocolate – Coffeebean 22/02/11
@Rushingrachel – Oliver 02/03/11
@Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
@Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
@VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
@LisbethSalander - baby boy 7/11
@Stormbird – George 24/07/11
@Sarahmia – baby girl 25/07/11
@Eavers – Jacob 11/08/11
@Grandj – Eliot 01/09/11
@Babylily – Miles 05/09/11
@NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
@Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
@Cherrybug – Kade 02/11/11
@Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
@Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
@MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
@Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12
@Katerina100 – baby girl 19/04/2012
@flower11 – Hannah 18/10/2012
@Bluecat83 – Noah est 24/10/2012
@katiecubs – Seth 05/02/2013
@Havingkittens – Alfred 14/04/2013
@ghislane – Frederick 22/10/2013
@lostlove – baby boy est 10/04/14
@AliBingo – baby boy est 06/05/14
@LuckyAugust –baby boy 26/01/2015

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JO138 · 04/10/2019 20:08

Oh @Conorgog that's amazing!! Huge congratulations. You guys must be over the moon!

Take care of yourself. X.

Mini12 · 04/10/2019 21:19

@JO138 @Conorgog Thanks for your replies. I do feel in limbo at the moment, my Lo is keeping me busy luckily, but I find the nights quite hard. It helps knowing others have gone through the same and come out the other side x

@Conorgog congratulations, I've been reading your posts all the way through! Must feel like such a relief if not a bit scary too!! I expect you'll be on pins this pregnancy like any of us would but hope you can find enjoyment also x

Conorgog · 05/10/2019 11:41

Thanks all

I felt like a bit of a dolt when the second line was up on the doctors pregnancy tests. The look of disbelief on my face would have been v amusing. - Initially very very excited that I actually got pregnant, but now all I can think of is how to manage it. I have to go and get an early scan to date it, then I’ve been told I ‘should’ be offered consultant led scans and a harmony test - then cvs if anything odd showed up...

Here we go again. Confused

@Mini12 have you got a date for your Tfmr yet? Sending a big hand hold

@JO138 hope TWW is going well. - I had zero ‘symptoms’ - which was so unlike the last pregnancy- where I was already sick before I knew.

@DinoGreen hope your doing okay, have been thinking of you.

@QforCucumber how are you getting on?

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DinoGreen · 05/10/2019 12:15

Oh wow @Conorgog huge congratulations! That’s amazing news for you. How are you feeling? I was lucky in both pregnancies to have no morning sickness or anything really other than tiredness. I imagine if we do try again I’ll feel quite anxious though until we’ve had a clear harmony test.

@Mini12 I’m so sorry you’re going through this too. The waiting for the TFMR was the worst bit for me, the awful feeling of being pregnant still but not wanting to be anymore, just wanting it to be over and done with. I hope you don’t have to wait long to get a date.

Mini12 · 05/10/2019 17:18

Hi yes it's on the 10th next week. I had a date of over 2 more weeks away but I've gone with a clinic quite far away so I can have it done sooner. I know this is for the best and the baby most probably wouldn't even live 10 days never mind a yr, but starting to feel very guilty about ending this life and soul...I just want the baby to know it is loved it's so hard...

Treaclepie19 · 05/10/2019 19:22

@Mini12 sweetheart, all your baby has ever known is your body. Warmth, love and comfort.
You have done that ❤ and now you're taking this difficult step and all the hurt and pain so your little one doesn't have to.
You're showing all the love in the world Flowers

JO138 · 05/10/2019 19:35

@Mini12 I'm so sorry. I can't say I know how you feel, but I think I know how you feel. I had really horrible guilt having a termination. I just keep thinking it's my job to keep the baby safe and that's the exact opposite of what I'm doing. 6 weeks on I'm still pretty f*ed up about it at times but I just have to remind myself about the reality of the baby's condition and that termination was really not the only option for the baby, for me, and for my other ds.

I still have really horrible moments but I have tried to accept that I will never "get over this" it will just be a part of my life and it moves to the back of my mind most days.

Will be thinking of you. Be kind to yourself. X

JO138 · 05/10/2019 19:36

Sorry typo. Termination was the only option. Sad

Mini12 · 05/10/2019 20:14

@Treaclepie19 @JO138 Thank you for your kind words. I know your right and it helps hearing it from others so thank you x I can imagine I will think about it in weeks, months years to come.. but also hopefully will make me stronger in a sense and more grateful for my healthy child and hopefully try again in a few months. I know his thread is meant to be TTC after terminations... Like I said I hope to be in a better place to try again and feel joy about the next pregnancy x ♥️

JO138 · 06/10/2019 16:00

I think I've become slightly obsessed about getting pregnant. This TWW is hell!

Warning- about to overshare! But I've been tracking my ovulation and we DTD on ovulation -3 & -2 then on the day I ovulated. Well I am pretty sure it was the day I ovulated because it was the day of my lh surge after 5 high fertility days.
I'm now 5 DPO and I've been crampy for a day or two, I'm insanely moody, and I'm shattered!

With both of my previous pregnancies I knew I was pregnant before I missed a period but it's too early to tell.

Has anyone else felt like this in their TWW?

Both of my previous pregnancies were not so "eagerly anticipated " Smile so I was not so focused on every twinge!

Conorgog · 07/10/2019 09:24

@JO138

My previous pregnancy I felt like I knew when it implanted, I was very crampy, also weirdly I felt like the ligaments at the top of my legs were achy in both pregnancy’s - like I had attempted to do the splits - before I knew I was pregnant.

Fingers and toes crossed for you. What day do you think you will test - my (doctors positive came up 12 days past my missed period Confused.... starting to think it may have been the tests I used/when I tested.

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Conorgog · 07/10/2019 09:28

Good luck for this week @Mini12 - this thread isn’t specifically for ttc, id like to think it’s just a big bubble of handholding - we’ve been there, we know how to relate 🙂. Let us know how you get on x

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JO138 · 07/10/2019 10:21

@conorgog it's really funny that you say that. After I had my first was born I got pains kind if in my bum cheeks, right where my legs meet my hip joints. I had it again in my last pregnancy and I had it all day yesterday. Could hardly walk. But i was also out gardening so I might just be stupid and reading in to nothing and I just old and stiff!

But I am definitely crampy and moody. I'm going to try a test on Friday. AF is due Wednesday. I definitely never in a million years thought I would be desperate to be pregnant on my 40th birthday!! Confused 18 mths ago I would not even have considered having a second!

Fingers and toes firmly crossed!!!

Treaclepie19 · 07/10/2019 11:45

I feel like crap today!
Reckon its ovulation day since I got a static smiley yesterday but I'm so crampy and achey. Feels like my period is coming.

This tww is going to take forever 🙈

Mangoandbroccoli · 07/10/2019 21:44

Hi ladies, would you mind if I joined you? I had a tfmr in June, followed by 13 weeks of non stop bleeding so, sadly, despite a seemingly straight forward natural delivery, eventually ended up having a d&e for 'retained products' 😔 Just had my first normal cycle since and decided to try again. Am feeling excited but also incredibly nervous. It's such a mixed bag of emotions, isn't it? I think trying again is in some way helping me to cope with the impending initial due date, which I'm also dreading. Hoping this thread might help with a little handholding and of course I will do my best to support everyone else going through this too x

Treaclepie19 · 08/10/2019 07:19

@Mangoandbroccoli I'm so sorry to hear that, what a rough time for you Flowers Sorry for your loss ❤
Welcome though, we're all here for support x

Conorgog · 08/10/2019 08:00

Welcome @Mangoandbroccoli as always sorry you find yourself here. Sounds like you have had an especially hard time of it. Glad to hear it seems to be on the right track now. Fingers crossed for you!

@treaclepie19

Fingers crossed for you too beginning your two week wait!

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Mangoandbroccoli · 08/10/2019 11:05

Thank you so much all ❤️

@Conorgog Congratualtions on your bfp! I can only imagine how nerve wracking this stage is. Fingers crossed you're well supported and can soon have all the tests and scans you need.

@Treaclepie19 @JO138 - I'm joining you both in the tww. Pretty sure I missed the boat this cycle, though, as managed to get a couple of perfectly timed attempts in before going away with work for a week... only for a sickness bug whilst away to push back ovulation and throw everything out 🙈

@Mini12 So sorry you're going through this. It's such a rollercoaster. The thing I took comfort in is what a few others have suggested here - that your baby only ever knew the absolute love and warmth of you x

JO138 · 08/10/2019 16:14

@Mangoandbroccoli welcome! And welcome to the TWW! It does make me sad every time another one joins the club. I was so blissfully ignorant that this happens to so many women! Blush

I am completely in my own head obsessing over every twinge!! Feeling really tired and thinking about finding out I was pregnant previously and how fatigue was always a key symptom. We literally had stars align, ovulated on a Tuesday after my DH and I had a child free weekend away.....I will be so demoralised if/when AF arrives.. I can't wait to take a test Friday or on the weekend. The suspense is killing me!!!

@Mini12 thinking about you. I can only imagine the week you are having. I hope you are doing ok. X.

Treaclepie19 · 08/10/2019 16:39

Thank you Grin

I'm obsessing already and only 1dpo 😂😳
Its brought back a lot of memories though and I'm struggling a bit today.

Mini12 · 09/10/2019 20:32

Hi everyone, god I've had a crap day today, I think I've been trying so hard to be ok and get to tomorrow that at the final hurdle I've broken down, I had a really good cry with my mum and actually feel alot better...I thought I was copying by distracting myself alot but maybe I was surpressing my feelings a bit too much. Anyway feel a bit better and ready for tomorrow although I know it will be hard.
Did anyone do anything to remember the baby? We've decided not to have a funeral but I would like something to acknowledge the life and baby I loved?!

@treaclepie I would like to read your blog, of you cans end me a link, I think it would be helpful. Also sorry you've had a crap day, I'm sure they'll be alot of mixed emotions trying again, hand hold and fingers crossed for you Flowers

@JO138 Double fingers crossed for Friday for you!!! Really hope it's good news! x

@concorgog how many weeks are you now? Did they tell you when u can start having more tests? Again it must feel like a rollacoaster of emotions for you x

@mangoandbroccoli So sorry for everything you've been through x fingers crossed for you TTC x

Can I ask everyone what advice you were given about the time frame for trying again? I'll be 39 in the new yr, I feel the clock is ticking but also don't want to jump in again too quickly x

Treaclepie19 · 09/10/2019 20:38

@Mini12 of course lovely, I will message you.

They didn't give us any timeframe for trying again. For me it was about making sure my mental health was up to it.

Don't worry about shutting off. I think that's very normal in these circumstances.
We did have a funeral, only a very short ceremony. Followed by a trip to the pub for lunch with family.

Mangoandbroccoli · 09/10/2019 21:17

@Mini12 I'm so sorry it's been a tough one today. I think the road is full of ups and downs, sadly, and I've definitely felt fine one minute and really rubbish the next. On the whole I'm finding I have more good days than bad now, if that's help. 4 months on for me but of course everyone is different. I absolutely threw myself in to work so I totally understand that too. I probably took on a little too much but the distraction was often welcome too.

In terms of trying again, we were told we could try again immediately, but advised that waiting one cycle would be helpful for dating. As mentioned, my bleeding carried on due to a retained placenta, so this delayed things but it was definitely right to wait until I knew my body was back to normal - it would have been awful to try again and then to have realised there were still complications. So, I think try again when you feel physically ready and as mentally ready as is possible under the circumstances 💚

JO138 · 09/10/2019 21:32

@Mini12 I'm so sorry you've had a crap day. I got my final test results at 5pm and was told I had to be in hospital at 7am the next day so I had no time to dwell. I found the limbo waiting for rest results hell so I can only imagine how difficult it's been for you.

I'm 40 in 10 days and so I was very anxious to start trying right away. The only advice was to wait a month/cycle for dating.

Good luck tomorrow. Will be thinking of you. Flowers

Mini12 · 09/10/2019 21:39

Thanks for your responses, it's hard to know the best way to handle your feelings but I guess there isn't a "best way" I know I just have to be kind to myself & also concentrate on my LO.
I think the hard thing for me is I want to go back to work soon so I can feel "normal" and get back to a routine & keep busy but also that's one of the last places I was pregnant if you understand?! I don't want to get used to being at home and caccooned from the real world.

I only ask about the advice about timeframe as the support woman at hospital advised 3 months, whereas when I looked this up I read that's the advice they previously gave. Obviously I will wait and see how I feel and how my body recovers and also how I mentally recover but just wanted to know what timeframe is safe x